by Debra Holt
*
The sun rose on another cloudless day. Kaitlyn tried to keep her mind focused… put one foot in front of another as she came down the stairs to join the others. This was her last day in McKenna Springs. She was gaining the freedom she had wanted to cling to so badly only a few days before. She should be overjoyed.
She could feel the shrewd glances being cast her way by Angie and her grandmother across the breakfast table. Kaitlyn intently studied the food on her plate. She took a bite of the bacon and mechanically chewed but tasted nothing. It could have been a piece of cardboard for all she knew or cared. She cared more that the double layer of concealer hid the dark circles under her eyes that she had spied in the bedroom mirror earlier. A sleepless night will do that for a person.
“I can’t imagine finding food in New Mexico, or any other state for that matter, to replace all of the wonderful cooking we’ve had here, Edie. Sure you won’t stow away with us?” Angie asked, attempting to start a conversation.
“Now how could I leave here? The three men in this household would starve and run amok left with no adult supervision.”
“Yes, indeed, Edie.” Gran chimed in. “They certainly need you around here. Of course, one solution would be that you both stay here longer, or come back more often.” Her eyes lit on her granddaughter.
As luck would have it or maybe just bad timing, Clay stepped into the room at that moment. He moved directly to the coffee pot without speaking. From the cabinet in front of him, he retrieved a mug, and then poured the liquid in silence. Clay was in a dark mood if the scowl on his face and the stiff set to his shoulders was any indication. Edie even remained quiet when she caught her first glimpse of him.
“Looks like someone else had a hard night last night.” Angie smiled brightly before taking a sip of her orange juice.
Clay caught most of the sputtered coffee, but not all of it before it hit the front of his shirt. Grabbing a hand towel off the cabinet, he ran it under the sink tap, then dabbed the stains roughly, throwing a glare in Angie’s direction. Most people would have backed off at that point.
“I’m sorry I never got to take a ride on one of your horses while I was here like you two did the other day.” She tossed a look in Kaitlyn’s direction. “Yep, I’m sorry I missed it. But you probably didn’t miss me. Three is not a good number.”
It was obvious Clay was determined to end the conversation Angie had begun. “I know how you can’t wait to get on with your trip. I had Seth fill your tank and check out fluids and tires. He’ll park it out front when you’re ready to be on your way.”
All eyes were on him at that moment. However, he effectively managed to avoid looking at any of the women in the room. Finishing up with the stain, he tossed the towel down on the counter. He didn’t bother to pour another cup, but headed toward the back door instead. “I’ve got some things to do in town, but I should be back before you leave.” The backdoor slammed shut after him and silence filled the room.
“Oh, my.” Edie finally spoke up first, her voice full of sadness; she turned from the sink, wiping her hands on the apron at her waist. “It really is going to happen today, isn’t it? I’m sorry to see you go so soon. Perhaps you might stay a while longer—maybe see something of the surrounding area?”
Angie looked first at Edie, then at Kaitlyn. She was at a loss for words.
Kaitlyn was no help either. She had just been dealt a swift kick of reality. How silly of her to think that the girl she once was had grown into a smart woman. She had fallen hook, line, and sinker for the man… again. Nothing had changed in twelve years. She was no wiser… just older. Pushing her plate away, she managed to stand albeit on shaky legs. She made the attempt to sound happy, but her smile fell short of the mark.
“Well, Angie, we’d better get our bags ready so we can leave as soon as the car is ready to go. Sorry, Edie, but we’ve already intruded long enough on you good people. It’s time we get back to where we belong.”
*
Kaitlyn’s words and the look in her eyes forestalled whatever Angie might have said as she entered Kaitlyn’s bedroom several minutes later. Angie crossed to sit on the bed, her usual level of enthusiasm not in evidence.
Kaitlyn moved mechanically around the room, gathering the remainder of her clothing and placing it in her open suitcase. She glanced briefly at Angie’s face, noting the pity in her friend’s eyes.
“Look, for this once, I need you to just be my friend and say nothing. That’s what I need from you the most right now.”
“It hurts me to see you this way. I’d like to really give that ranger a piece of my mind. I certainly had him pegged all wrong. The coward. Men… who needs them? There aren’t any Prince Charmings out there. That’s what mothers should teach their daughters instead of reading them fairy tales.” Angie spoke the words with vehemence. “I’m done with my bags. Seth just took them downstairs. Let me help with yours.” Angie fell in to folding items and filling suitcases.
Kaitlyn didn’t say a word. She was just grateful.
Suitcases lined the hallway when the ladies came downstairs. Seth and Edie stood waiting beside them. Gran was in the living room in her big chair.
“I’ve got your car outside. And here are the keys.” Seth dropped them into Kaitlyn’s hand. “I guess I’ll get the bags out there while you say goodbye to your grandmother.” Seth bent to pick up the first two. Edie’s phone went off and she excused herself into the dining room to take the call. Angie followed Kaitlyn into the living room. She stepped ahead of Kaitlyn and bent to share a goodbye hug with the older woman.
“Please take care of yourself and come visit us in New York soon… okay? Thanks for everything.”
“You find yourself a nice young man.” Gran smiled at her. “Maybe you’ll come across someone in New Mexico.”
Angie shook her head with a large smile on her face, as she backed toward the doorway. “No time for such things and I don’t think such a person exists who could put up with me anyway. I’ll be outside,” she told Kaitlyn before they were left alone.
Kaitlyn took the hand offered to her and bent down next to her gran’s chair. She had dreaded this moment… having to say goodbye. So much could change in the blink of an eye and what if she never saw her gran again? Stop it! Smile and get on with it.
“I’ll let you know when we arrive in Santa Fe. I’ll be in touch each day and you can do the same you know. Please do what the doctors tell you, okay?”
“Don’t worry about me,” Gran said, a bright smile not quite meeting her eyes as there was moisture already in them. “I’ll be just fine. It’s you and Clay I worry about.”
“Well, stop it. We’re adults and we have our own lives that we’re satisfied with. Now give me a hug and I have to go.” She gave a tight squeeze, the pieces of her heart trying not to break in even tinier shards. “I’ll see you soon.” She didn’t look back as she left the room.
She would have busted if she had. Joshua stood at the front door. How would she say goodbye to such a sweet child? He looked so sad already.
“Okay, this sad face will never do.” She spoke up, summoning a smile to her own lips. “I have a piece of paper here.” She produced it from the pocket of her jacket and handed it to him. “That’s my e-mail. We can stay in touch… it’s really a small world when you think about it. I want to hear all about your grades and the summer and I expect you to let me know how Gran is doing… if she is behaving or not. Can I trust you to do that?”
He nodded in earnest. “I promise. I’ll keep an eye on her for you. Do you promise you’ll come back to visit soon? Maybe this summer?”
“I will do my best.” She had to leave soon or she would lose it. “You go sit with her a while okay? So she won’t be so lonely.”
He started off and then, before she knew it, he had wrapped his arms around her waist in a tight hug. It didn’t last long but it was long enough to reach into her heart and twist it. Then he disappeared into the living room.
“Well, I’ll just put these last bags in the car,” Seth said, a knot of emotion clogging his throat in the moment.
Kaitlyn nodded at him, not trusting her voice at the moment. Her eyes took in the wide porch with its rocking chairs and the geraniums in their pots and she felt a lead weight in the bottom of her stomach. Kaitlyn would miss this place… these people… more than they would ever know. More than she could have possibly imagined just days ago. She felt like she had when she had left home the first time, all those years ago. She hadn’t wanted to experience those feelings again but here they were.
The screen door creaked behind her and Edie emerged. “That was Clay on the phone,” she said, moving to stand next to Kaitlyn. There was regret in her voice and apology in her eyes as they fell on Kaitlyn. “He called to say he won’t be able to get back here any time soon. He said to tell you both he wished you well and sorry he couldn’t be here to say goodbye. He said you’d understand.”
I do understand. Kaitlyn lifted her chin. That was it then. The door had definitely been slammed in her face again. One more time, Clay was content with allowing her to leave. Only difference would be that this time, she wouldn’t be expecting him to show up and beg her to stay. Kaitlyn summoned every ounce of courage left, which wasn’t much. She was determined to leave with her head held high, just as she had come. What did it matter that her heart was breaking? It would be for the last time. She’d get through it. She did before and she would again.
“I hate long goodbyes,” Kaitlyn said, with a smile. “Let’s just get on with it.” She found herself wrapped up in Edie’s arms and she had to bite her lip to hold on to the last bit of willpower she had in order to keep tears at bay.
Kaitlyn didn’t look at the woman again but instead moved down the steps to where Seth was waiting beside the car. Angie had already shared an embrace with Edie and was waiting in the car.
“Seth, you take care of Edie and… everything.” She had almost spoken the name of the man who didn’t deserve another moment of her thoughts. But if she had voiced the name that would have been her undoing. She ignored the hand the man offered and instead went on tiptoe and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek… something else he could tell those grandkids about. Kaitlyn turned away and slipped behind the wheel of the car. Seth waited until she had her seatbelt fastened before he closed the door.
Angie threw the couple a wave through the open window beside her as the car’s engine purred to life. Kaitlyn headed the car away from the house and did not allow herself a glance in the rearview mirror. She vowed to not look back this time. She didn’t.
Chapter Twenty
At midafternoon in McKenna Springs, Texas, Lou’s Bar and Grill was almost empty. An old Willie Nelson song played from the jukebox located in the pool table area. Lou, the owner and bartender, stood behind the bar, wiping smudges off glasses and still keeping an eye on the sports channel on the television mounted in the corner of the room. Every once in awhile, he cast a glance over at the corner booth where Clay Morgan sat. The ranger had already been there a couple of hours. A half empty bottle of Jack Daniels sat on the table in front of him.
Lou kept his eye on him for two reasons. The first being that it was totally out of character for Clay Morgan to venture inside his establishment at all. Morgan had always been known as a straight-arrow kind of guy. The second reason was hard drinking was not something many people of the town associated with him. In fact, most would be hard-pressed to remember ever seeing the ranger take a drink of spirits. It appeared he was intending to make up for it today. There must be something mighty bad weighing on the man.
The outer door of the bar swung open, sunlight poured into the dimness of the room, outlining the tall figure of a man. Pausing for a moment, he allowed his eyes to adjust to the low light of the bar’s interior. His gaze slowly gravitated to the man in the far booth. The door closed behind him and he walked over to stand at the edge of the table, his eyes assessing the state of his friend.
“Can I get you something, stranger?” Lou’s voice carried over to the man.
Eyes the color of liquid mercury swung over to the man behind the bar. It was then Lou caught the flash of metal on his chest. The newcomer wore the badge of a U.S. Marshal.
*
“Coffee. Make it a full pot, two cups, and as strong as possible.” The man swung his gaze back to Clay, and then slowly slid his tall length into the booth opposite him without waiting for an invitation that might be slow in coming, if at all. He removed his Stetson and laid it on the table next to the ranger’s.
“You want some company? You know it’s never a good idea to drink alone.”
“So I’ve heard. How’d you find me here?” Clay’s words were clipped and not warm with welcome. His fingers were idly twirling his cell phone on the table in front of him. His eyes briefly looked over at his friend, Jace Blackhawke, before going back to the liquid in the glass before him.
“It wasn’t hard. I was leaving the courthouse and saw your truck parked outside this establishment. I thought it strange. Since when did you take up the hard stuff?”
“Since now.”
“I see. Mind me asking what drove you to the bottle today?”
Clay’s eyes narrowed. “She did.”
Lou appeared at that moment with the coffee and two cups. Jace set his aside and poured one for Clay. He pushed it over in front of the man. With his other hand, he withdrew the glass of liquor and handed it back to Lou, along with the bottle.
“Hey! I paid for that,” Clay spoke up.
“And you got your money’s worth. Now you need to chase it down with this hot coffee.” Jace looked at Lou. “Put his name on the bottle and keep it under the counter for him. He might empty it in another year or so.”
“Sure thing, marshal.” He left the men alone.
“I’m not drunk… yet. Stop acting like an old mother hen.”
“No matter. You’ll still have one heck of a headache in the morning, and I’ll stop acting like a mother hen when you stop behaving like a jackass. Now what female are we talking about? Kaitlyn Russell?”
“Bingo. Right on the first guess. That would be the one.” He took a sip of the coffee and made a face at the taste. “This tastes like sludge.”
“A bar isn’t exactly known for its coffee. You take it black or you want some cream or sugar?” He needed to keep Clay talking. He was glad to see the man finally took a couple more sips of the black liquid. “So, she dumped you?”
Clay’s mood darkened. The cup clattered onto the tabletop. “No. She’s not like that,” Clay responded. “I take my coffee black.”
“You dumped her then.”
“Don’t be ridiculous.” Clay ground back at him. His eyes gave a brief flash of fire, before a swift look of pain replaced the anger. “I let her go. Just like before. Because it was the right thing to do and I always do the right thing. Do you ever get tired of doing the right thing?”
“Can’t say that I do since it goes hand in hand with the job I’ve been sworn to uphold. But I guess it can have its drawbacks sometimes. Suppose you tell me about it. We’ve got time while you empty this pot of java.”
At first, Clay remained silent. When Jace was about to prompt him again, he finally began to open up. “A long time ago, I thought I did the right thing. It hurt like hell to do it. Then I did something else that seemed to be the honorable thing. And that went bad, too. I paid for it all for twelve long years. Now, Kaitlyn comes back here because her grandmother needed to see her. I thought I was beyond all the feelings, all the memories and the pain from a dozen years ago. But, turns out, I’m still the world’s biggest fool. I put my he
art out there once again. But I should have known it was too late.” Details followed and Jace sat still, taking it all in.
“Sounds like you escaped. You should consider yourself lucky.” Jace folded his arms across his chest and gave a considering look at the man across from him.
“What the hell do you mean by that?”
“Well, if you wanted her to stay, I can’t see you letting her drive off. In the back of your mind, you must be glad she was mad enough to leave your sorry butt behind.”
“I’m not glad she left. I screwed up big time. All I ever wanted was for her to stay. I wanted her to stay the first time and even more this time. I didn’t want to believe she fit in with Joshua and the ranch and our lives here, but she did. As much as I kept telling myself to stay away from her, not to let her in, to let her go away… I couldn’t do it.” Clay slowly made the admission. “I didn’t want her to leave.”
“Then what are you sitting here for? You blew it. So maybe you’ll need to do some groveling. I never knew you for a coward.”
“We may be friends but you’re treading on thin ice right now.” Clay warned. “What do you know about groveling or anything to do with relationships? Yours aren’t exactly in the long-term category.”
“That’s right. I don’t let it get serious. When you let it get serious, then you end up looking and acting like you. But, from experience, I know that women want words and their men on their knees begging for forgiveness and holding a big ring in one of those special blue boxes.”