I’d reached that level of familiarity with him. What was his was now mine. True, Blake and I held vastly opposite roles in his life, but the gist of it was the same. He trusted me. Considering that there were only two other people that I knew he bestowed that honor upon, I was impressed.
At Thanksgiving when he and Gracie had ridden over to Blake’s together, I’d noted with more than a little bit of pride that he hadn’t offered to let her drive. At that point I would have been jealous if she’d taken the wheel. Even though I’d considered playing matchmaker and pairing them together, I still would have been hurt if she’d gotten that privilege. But now, knowing where I stood in his world, I couldn’t care less.
“He’s going to regret this,” I mused, “I don’t think she’s ever driven a stick before.”
Dad chuckled as he contemplated that. I handed him another dripping dish and we fell into a comfortable silence as we each imagined what their outing would be like. I was certain that no matter what happened, neither one of them would forget it anytime soon.
“We visited mom today,” I said quietly after a few minutes. I unconsciously placed emphasis on the word “we” as though I wasn’t able to believe it myself.
“I know. He asked me about it a couple weeks ago. I think he was concerned that I would be upset if he went with you.”
That sounded like Matthew. It was rare that he went more than two seconds without reminding himself of his supposed failures. I had absolutely no idea what it would feel like to live with that kind of guilt. He hid it well most of the time, but I still cursed his parents for instilling that in him. The mistake had been his own, but family was supposed to stand beside you and help you through things, not throw you out on your ear.
“Does he talk to you a lot?” I attempted to make the question sound nonchalant even though it was anything but.
Dad shrugged. “I’m not sure that it would qualify as a lot, but sometimes. I’d say maybe two or three times since you started dating. Never during the period of time that we won’t mention.”
“Good. He needs someone like you in his life. He hasn’t exactly been lucky in the parental department. Thank you for filling in.”
“You’re welcome. And I beg to differ. He needs you in his life. I just come with the package.”
I bit the inside of my cheek to stop the tears that threatened to spring up again. I’d done enough crying today in all varieties: happy or sad. Since Matthew had come into my life I’d probably cried more than ever before. Gone was the person I used to be – callous and stoic even in the worst circumstances. Before, I’d been proud of my ability to hide my emotions. Sure, the random moment of anger would erupt, but never anything softer. It was something that Eric and I had learned to perfect.
Maybe I’d never had anything that mattered before.
“I think we both need each other.” My husky voice betrayed me. So much for staying calm and collected.
I made a big show of draining the water from the sink, focusing on the task as though it was the most important thing I could possibly be doing.
“I could have told you that a long time ago.” Dad said, then nothing more.
He dried the remaining dishes and together we put them away.
Moments later the front door opened, announcing Gracie and Matthew’s arrival. They hadn’t been gone for long. I reminded myself that there was an elementary school just around the corner and if they’d been thinking, they probably would have pulled into its ample parking lot to practice. It seemed like a summer rite of passage – in fact, I’d learned to drive a stick there myself.
“How’d it go?” I asked as I emerged from the kitchen.
“Dreadfully,” Matthew summed up succinctly.
His response garnered him the middle finger from Gracie. She crossed her arms under her breasts when she was done and plopped down on the couch in a huff.
I was almost afraid to ask for more details, but Matthew’s blue eyes sparkled with amusement and I knew that things couldn’t be that bad. My best friend had a flair for drama and upon second glance, I noticed she was trying to hide a smile.
“Is the car okay?”
“Barely. I think it could benefit from years of therapy.”
“I wasn’t that awful!” Gracie exclaimed in an attempt to save face.
I decided to throw her a bone. “It is tricky to get the hang of. I killed it the first time I drove it. You just have to get a feel for how touchy it is, and then you’ll be fine.”
I was sure that Matthew had explained this already. I couldn’t imagine him being anything less than patient with her, but I also understood his protectiveness over his vehicle. It wasn’t exactly a fifteen year old piece of rust. A little part of him had probably died each time she’d stalled out.
“I’m surprised she even has a driver’s license. Please tell me you don’t ride anywhere with her.”
Of course, he knew about her chauffeuring me around town the night of the Red Wings game so his words were merely in jest.
“Matthew!” she screeched.
“I’ve gotten used to it. It makes me appreciate life a little more when we safely reach our destination,” I teased.
Gracie responded by plucking a throw pillow off the sofa and winging it at my head. It missed by a country mile.
“I see she aims as well as she drives,” Matthew said, reaching out and grabbing the pillow in midair.
“You guys,” she whined, “it’s not funny. And before you think that it was a complete failure, I’d like you to know that I did successfully get it into second gear.”
“Once,” Matthew confirmed, “immediately after which she freaked out because the car was actually moving.”
“So?”
“So I’ve never heard anyone ask ‘What do I do now?’ at that point before. Isn’t it obvious? You drive the thing.”
“And how many people have you taught to drive on that car?” Gracie countered. “Since you’re such an expert and all. Maybe you should start your own driving school.”
“Well, just you. The car’s only a year old. And somehow I don’t think the whole driving instructor career path would be suitable for me.”
There it was, the reference to his past. Even veiled in humor, it spoke volumes that his indiscretions were never far from the surface. The reality stabbed through me, a split second of searing pain that burned through my heart. A flash of recognition touched Gracie’s face, and she looked as though she wanted to take back her word choice. She hadn’t meant anything by it.
“Just remember who was right and who was wrong,” she said quickly, segueing away from the potentially taboo topic. “that’s the important thing to take away here.”
“Somehow I get the feeling that you’re used to getting your way,” Matthew conceded.
“Or maybe I don’t take stupid bets.”
Their eyes locked and held for a moment. Something unspoken passed between them and I realized that more had gone on between them in the half an hour or so that they’d been away besides a driving lesson.
“All I know, gorgeous,” he said, directing his attention back to me, “is that when our children are old enough to drive, you’re teaching them.”
I stood speechless for a moment, shocked at how easily the words had fallen from his lips. He hadn’t even stuttered over the certainty of his statement. During our short time together, we hadn’t yet broached the subject of what the future held, let alone having kids together. I’d slowly gotten used to referring to him as my boyfriend, just because it was the easiest thing to do and he hadn’t protested. We’d handled our relationship pretty casually thus far, playing it by ear and doing what felt right.
I was learning that it was true Matthew fashion for him to bring these things up at the strangest times. Every single revelation he’d ever made to me had come when I’d least expected it. We’d had our share of serious discussions in the past, but if I really wanted to learn anything about him, it came in the form of bombshe
lls dropped in bits and pieces.
And this one had me grinning from ear to ear.
Chapter Thirty-One
Gracie’s birthday and mine were practically back to back. With mine in late July and hers the first week of August, summertime for us was a virtual nonstop celebration of growing older. Her birthday landed midweek this year and we’d thus agreed to meet up the Saturday after.
She insisted that she would do the driving, as had become normal since I’d bought my own home. I couldn’t blame her there; my ranch was much more spacious than her apartment, but I still felt guilty about having her put the miles on her car. At my insistence she’d at least agreed to spend the night. It made me feel slightly better that she wouldn’t be driving home late at night or cutting her visit short just to get home at a reasonable hour.
Of course with Gracie staying with me this meant that Matthew wouldn’t be. That fact alone had given me pause since we’d still not slept alone since we’d begun our relationship. The invitation had already been on the table before I’d realized it and I had debated taking it back. However, Gracie had quickly agreed and when I broached my plans with Matthew, he’d told me not to cancel. To make me feel better he promptly arranged some guy time with Chris, though I doubted that guys did sleepovers. For all I knew, he’d crash on Blake’s couch just so he wouldn’t be in an empty house all night.
He’d left my place about an hour before Gracie was due to arrive, again assuring me that he didn’t mind. I hadn’t had time alone with my best friend in ages and he was happy to acquiesce. After all, he reminded me, it was only for one night. Anyone watching our marathon make out session that morning would have assumed he’d be gone for months, but whatever.
Almost as soon as he’d backed the Mustang out of the driveway and sped away, my doorbell rang. Regina and Quinn stood on my porch and I invited both of them in, realizing that I’d been neglecting my neighbors, too. She still hadn’t gotten full details concerning Matthew, though she’d at least formally met him now.
“If you don’t mind me running around and cleaning, you’re welcome to stay for a little bit,” I said, bending down and picking up a dirty sock that peeked out from underneath the sofa. I shook my head as I carried it to the hamper.
“That’s what happens when you live with guys,” Regina laughed, “trust me, I’m outnumbered.”
“My dad was never this messy,” I retorted, “and Matthew’s house is immaculate. Maybe he leaves his slobiness over here.”
“Or maybe he just can’t keep his clothes on around you.”
“Regina!” I scolded, moving toward her so that I could place my hands over Quinn’s ears, “Not in front of the baby.”
For his part, Quinn just laughed and grabbed at my fingers.
“We’ve got a couple good months left before he starts to become dangerous. The scary part is when he’ll begin to understand what we’re talking about.”
“If only babies could talk,” I contemplated, “I’d bet they’d have a lot to say.”
“Something tells me that once he does start talking, I’ll wish he was silent again.”
I laughed as she placed him down on the floor.
“If you find anything down there, Quinn,” I addressed him, “I promise it’s not my fault.”
He busied himself grabbing tufts of my carpeting with his chubby hand. I stared at him for a moment, recalling what Matthew had said to me at my dad’s house regarding having children of our own. We hadn’t spoken of it since, though now that the thought had been firmly planted in my head I wasn’t able to shake it completely. Watching Quinn fascinating himself with something as inanimate as carpet fibers kicked my maternal instincts into overdrive. After all, I was now twenty-seven and not getting any younger.
“So what are you up to today?” Regina asked, bringing me back to reality.
I jumped at the sound of her voice and giggled with embarrassment. “Gracie’s coming over. It was her birthday on Wednesday, so we’re going out.”
“Ah, I see. No wonder Matthew hightailed it out of here then. Girl talk scares most men.”
“They get along pretty well. I’m sure it helps that Gracie’s always firmly been in his corner, even during everything that happened. Just don’t ask him about her driving abilities.”
“Not good, huh?”
“He doesn’t seem to think so. You can stick around if you’d like to meet her. She’s on her way right now.”
“That would be cool,” Regina said, “I’ve only ever heard her voice on the phone. I’d like to put a face with a name.”
“Well, you’re in luck,” I said as I flitted about my place, inspecting for nonexistent dust. If I was willing to forgive the misplaced sock, I had to admit that my home was pretty spotless. I was just being nitpicky like I had a tendency to do when I expected company.
“She sounds opinionated.”
This brought a full-fledged laugh from me. Quinn mimicked me and we all three chuckled.
“You could say that again. The thing is, she’s usually right.”
Conceding that my house couldn’t be any cleaner, I bent down and scooped up Quinn. He allowed me to pick him up without protest, though I did have to pry my floorcovering out of his fingers before lifting him to my hip. We settled down together next to his mother on the couch.
“So what are your plans for the rest of the afternoon?”
Regina shrugged. “Brian’s working today, so maybe something simple like the park. I thought I’d sneak a little girl time in myself.”
I smiled at her, wondering what my life would be like if I were in her shoes. Granted, I’d have my job at the bank, but if Matthew had his way we’d apparently be right behind her in the child-rearing department.
“How long were you and Brian together before you got pregnant?” I asked suddenly.
She seemed rather shocked at my abrupt question but covered it well. She closed her eyes and searched her memory for the answer. “Let’s see. We dated for almost a year before we got engaged. We got married about a year later, then about another year before we really started trying in earnest. So that would make it about three years, I suppose.”
I nodded as I digested her timeline.
“Why? Are you guys thinking about trying?”
“No,” I said, a little too quickly. She gave me a knowing smile. “I’m still on the pill. But let’s say the subject has come up.”
“I see. So things are pretty serious between the two of you?”
I laughed. “Well, if the overnight visits weren’t enough of an indication, I’d say this would be. I don’t think we’ve ever not been serious. It’s just kind of happened without either one of us discussing it. Like after the first night, we were just a couple and there was no turning back.”
“But you’re afraid of rushing things?”
“I just never thought I’d be on the fast track to motherhood. It wasn’t anything that I’d really considered with my ex. We were both so career oriented that everything else took a back seat, including our relationship. Now the next thing I know, I’m with someone else and I’m twenty-seven. If Matthew and I take ten years to decide where we’re going, I’m going to miss my window of opportunity.”
“Something tells me that you don’t need ten years to make up your mind.”
“I guess I’m just a little apprehensive because things are so new between us. I want to be selfish for a while longer; I just want it to be the two of us. And don’t get me wrong – the comment he made wasn’t anything specific. He said something about me having to teach our children to drive when the time came. So I may have taken it completely out of context, anyway.”
“I don’t think he’s the type to say anything accidentally.”
“Me, either. But it’s not like we came home and started picking out baby names that night. And call me traditional, but I think some things should happen beforehand.”
“Like you not splitting your time between two homes?”
�
�That for starters. Plus there’s the whole marriage thing.”
“He hasn’t hinted about that?”
“Not really. We haven’t been ring shopping or anything. But he says things about forever and I believe him, but it’s just so odd. That’s kind of the way he is though. I have this feeling that he’ll just drop it on me when I least expect it, like he’s done with everything else. Like one day, we’ll hop in the car and he’ll just drive me to the courthouse and pop the question in the parking lot. Then we’ll walk inside and tie the knot.”
The doorbell rang, announcing Gracie’s arrival. I rose from the couch with Quinn in tow to let her in.
“Well, you work fast,” she commented upon seeing the child on my hip, “but he doesn’t look like either one of you.”
I gave her a dirty look and allowed her to pass by. Quinn, ever the flirt where my friends were concerned, reached out a tiny arm to her. She handily ignored his proposition.
“Gracie, this is Regina, my neighbor and her son, Quinn.”
“Nice to meet you,” Regina said, rising from her seat and taking Gracie’s hand.
“Likewise. You were here that night with Matthew and Blake, right? I was the one on the phone, loudly speaking my mind.”
Regina laughed. “Yes, I remember that. I heard you had a birthday this week.”
“That’s true. Not like it matters anymore. I think once you turn twenty-one that there’s really nothing to look forward to.”
“You’ll change your mind,” Regina said, ever ready to dispense her sage advice to the second youngest in the room. “We should get going. I hear a stroller ride calling our name.”
Regina reached out for her son, who reluctantly went to her. Quinn was still eying Gracie and I couldn’t really blame him. Much the same as Blake, she captivated the attention of pretty much anyone she came into contact with.
Shattered Page 30