It leaves him on the outside looking in. While the rest of us may be able to rebuild our lives and settle down into something resembling normal, that will never be an option for him. He’s irreparably changed—damaged even—and there’s no cure for what’s wrong with Ryder. Or probably Reese, for that matter. He’s not far off from ending up the exact same as his brother, for all that they like to pretend they’re actually different from one another.
As much as I’d love to lie here all day and just enjoy Ryder’s presence, I know that can’t happen. We have to get back on the road, after we decide what to do with Bear and his group.
Careful not to wake Ryder, I crawl out of bed and tiptoe to the bathroom door. It creaks when I push it open, and I wince, hoping the noise isn’t loud enough to wake him. When I hear nothing, I slip inside and close the door, leaving it open only a crack. After I’m done, I instinctively reach back for the handle on the toilet, but catch myself. With no running water, we can never flush the toilets after we’re done with them, but honestly, it’s not like we’re ever coming back to these specific places again, so an un-flushed toilet isn’t that big of a deal.
“When you’re done in there, come back to bed.” Ryder’s voice drifts through the crack in the door, and I sigh.
So much for trying to be quiet, I think sadly. I was really hoping that Ryder could get some more sleep, but it looks like he’s too much of a light sleeper for that. I open the bathroom door all the way, not caring anymore that the door creaks since he’s already up. When I exit the bathroom, I find Ryder lying in bed on his back, with his arms crossed behind his head. He’s stretching out, and I take a moment to admire his shirtless body as it elongates and contracts with his movements.
Ryder catches me looking, and the amused look on his face causes my cheeks to heat up, along with other parts of me. I drift closer to the bed, and he reaches out and snags my wrist, bringing me down on top of him. I straddle his waist, feeling the heat from our bodies come together. His palms are flat against my thighs, and the warmth from them soaks through me, easing any nerves I have.
I run my hands over his chest, loving the feel of his hair under my fingertips. I dig my nails in lightly, and he inhales sharply, but I know he likes it. My fingertips trace patterns lightly across Ryder’s tanned skin and I can feel his body quiver with anticipation. Leaning forward, I press my lips to his. He slides his hands up my waist and under my shirt. He thumbs slow, lazy circles on my stomach, and my muscles clench under his touch.
My shirt comes off easily and I toss it over my shoulder, not caring where it lands as long as it doesn’t get in the way. Ryder expertly undoes the button of my jeans and I roll away to shimmy out of them. I hear Ryder messing with his belt buckle, and finally our pants and what is underneath comes off. His hand trails down my leg, and I try not to be too self-conscious. I only shaved my legs that one time, and Ryder told me later it was impractical, so I quit doing it and just let it all grow back out.
Surprisingly, Ryder pulls me over so I’m straddling his hips again. He normally likes to take the lead, which is fine by me because I like to be led. “Go for it,” he says with all the patience in the world. I see the condom in his hands and take it from him with slow, unsure fingers. We’ve done this before—quite a few times, actually—but this is the first time I’ve been put in charge.
Please don’t let me botch it…
I tear open the wrapper, careful not to knick the condom itself. Ryder watches me silently and without judgment. Once I have it out of the wrapper, I’m kind of at a loss at what to do next. I’ve seen him put one on before, but I never really paid attention. I was too busy focusing on other things, like how much I wanted him.
Ryder smiles, and instead of taking the condom from me and doing it himself, he takes my hand and shows me what to do. I can feel how warm he is as he helps me unroll the condom over him.
“There, that wasn’t too hard, was it?”
“No, but something sure is hard,” I say with a smile.
He laughs, as if he can’t believe I just said that. “You’re silly. Now, what next?”
“You’re leaving that up to me as well?” I ask, my chest tightening in fear.
He nods. “It’s all up to you. I’m your willing victim. Do whatever you want with me.”
I lean over and kiss him again, raising my hips until he’s positioned beneath me. Ryder must be able to tell how nervous I am, because once again, he gives me a helping hand. He guides himself inside of me, and he exhales slowly as I slide down until our hips are joined again. I start to slowly move my hips back and forth, rolling them around in circles. Ryder’s eyes connect with mine and they don’t leave; we just watch one another, lost in this peaceful, loving moment.
Ryder’s hands are on my hips, helping me move faster back and forth. We move slowly at first, giving me time to adjust to accommodate Ryder’s size. From the look on his face, he’s in no hurry to get this over with, and gives me as much time as I need. As I slowly get used to him, I begin to grind my hips against him faster and faster.
His breathing quickens, and the warmth between the two of us begins to grow. Leaning forward, I press my palms against his powerful chest and arch my back, using the balance it gives me to move faster and more surely. Ryder grabs me and flips me over so I’m on my back and he’s looming over me, blocking out everything around us except for one another.
He slides back into me so fast my breath hitches in my throat. Only a tiny moan escapes, and Ryder chuckles, as equally breathless as I am. I wrap my legs around his waist and cling to him as he thrusts his hips harshly. My nails dig into his shoulders and I try to pull him closer. I want there to be as little space between us as possible. There is no such thing as being too close to the person you’ve given your heart to.
Ryder nuzzles his nose against my neck, planting a gentle kiss there. I sigh in his arms, and he nibbles on the tender spot, careful not to be too harsh or break the skin. He bites harder, and I know it will leave a mark. The thought of him marking me excites me like nothing else, and my hand weaves through his hair, bringing his head closer, silently begging him to be rougher.
There’s a knock on the door, and Ryder makes a noise in the back of his throat that almost sounds like a growl. “Somebody better be dead,” he says quietly to me. He raises his voice, “Go away!”
“Bear and his group want their weapons back so they can leave,” Naomi says. “Reese told me to come and tell you. Do you want us to stop them so you can talk to them about Tuyen?”
“I’ll handle it,” he says gruffly. “Let me get dressed and cleaned up, and I’ll be there in a few minutes.”
“Okay,” Naomi says. Her footsteps retreat from the motel room door, and Ryder sighs.
“I wish we had more time,” he says sadly.
“We have enough. Let’s make the most of it.” I pull him closer, and he kisses me again.
*****
Bear and his group are waiting for us in the parking lot. Reese and Naomi have their weapons out, but I notice that they’re not holding them in a way that could be misinterpreted as threatening. Todd and Aaron are watching over both of our groups with guarded expressions on their faces while Daisy hangs back a bit. Reese scowls at us as we approach. “Took you long enough,” he says tightly, looking us both up and down.
If it’s obvious what we just finished doing, Reese doesn’t say anything. But I see his jaw clench tightly and he averts his eyes, instead choosing to focus on Bear and his group. Ryder sighs beside me, and I know that our wonderful, blissful morning is done and only going to get worse as it wears on.
There’s no telling what will come in the next few days. Will this morning be one of the last times I’ll be able to be truly happy?
Thinking about how content and peaceful Ryder looked this morning has my heart twisting painfully in my chest. I want so much for him to be happy and fulfilled and calm, but I don’t think that will ever really happen. He has too many responsibilit
ies and too many doubts. Today was probably it for us, the last chance to be happy, and we got interrupted by life.
Ryder approaches Bear, trying not to look too tense. “You planning on taking off?”
Bear nods his head. “We’re incredibly grateful for you hospitality, but we don’t want to overstay our welcome.”
“Where are you gonna go from here?” Ryder asks. “Any particular plans?”
“No,” Bear says hesitantly. “We’ll probably head for a smaller town and loot some houses for supplies. Less choices, but less zombies, too.”
“Well, as long as you guys don’t have a set plan, I could make a suggestion,” Ryder says.
Carla sneers, but before she can say anything, Bear nods. “I’d love to hear it.”
“We have a friend in the city, not too far from here. She’s young, but she’s got a safe place all her own, with several young children depending on her. She gave us some extra supplies while we were passing through town, and in exchange, she asked us to keep our eyes open for anyone that might be trustworthy and able to help her protect those kids. She’d be willing to put you guys up in exchange for your help.”
Bear glances at his group, and surprisingly, Carla doesn’t look as annoyed as I thought she would. Instead of her normal sneer, her eyes aren’t narrowed, more wide and hopeful, and I may even see tears in them. “Children? How many?” she asks, her voice thick with emotion. There’s even a slight tremble to it, like she can’t believe what she just heard.
It’s a reaction that would be hard to miss, and even harder to not understand. I wonder if she’s ever lost a child, like many of the survivors we’ve met have. Unfortunately, children don’t seem to last too long in these hash conditions. Suddenly, I feel my intense and immediate dislike of her begin to fade a bit. It can’t be easy to outlive your child, especially if they were taken from you in such a cruel way as being eaten alive. Just the thought of what a mother might have experienced sends shivers down my spine.
“Tuyen said there were fourteen of them, counting her,” I say. “Some are very young, most are under ten. And it’s just her and the oldest kid protecting all the others, and he’s only like thirteen or so. She needs help. They have a generator running to keep the lights on and the freezer cold, and she uses the gas as quickly as she gets it. She can’t keep up that kind of pace, especially once the winter really sets in,” I finish, eyeing the light dusting of snow around us.
The snow fall isn’t awful, but I’d prefer no snow to light snow. It’ll only get worse as the days wear on, and with our current environment, we don’t need any more dangerous elements. It’s bad enough that we have to worry about zombies and other survivors, but now we have to combat the weather as well. And since I’m not an idiot, I know that the cold can kill someone just as easily as a zombie, maybe even easier. You can always outrun a zombie, but you can’t outrun the cold.
“And to be honest, you guys aren’t doing so hot,” Aaron says, trying to sound more helpful and less like an asshole.
Bear glances at Carla and at his group. I can see Carla bristle at the implication that they can’t take care of themselves, but she doesn’t say anything. “You’re right, we’ve been better off than we are now. Are you sure this girl will put us up? If we go all the way into the city only to get turned away…”
He doesn’t finish, but he doesn’t have to. The implication that they won’t survive the return trip out of the city hangs in the air between us, unspoken but still as loud as possible.
“I’m sure she’ll take you in,” Madison offers. “She’s desperate for the help. Really, she can’t afford to turn anyone away. And I think she’ll trust our judgment that you guys are trustworthy enough to be around the kids. It might take her some time to warm up to you—it did with us—but I think you’ll be fine. Just try not to look too imposing, and make sure she knows that we sent you.”
“Will you go?” Ryder asks. “The choice is yours, but it’s a pretty sweet deal, I think.”
Carla narrows her eyes. “If it’s such a sweet deal, why aren’t you taking it for yourselves?” she asks.
Ryder hesitates, unsure of how much or how little he should say. If he opts for the whole truth, there’s a chance that Bear and his group will think we’re officially crazy, and they may not agree to go see Tuyen and volunteer their help. But if he doesn’t tell them the truth—or at least enough of it—Bear may sense that we’re holding something back. And that makes us too untrustworthy these days. They won’t take the risk. I know Ryder would never take a risk on someone he thinks is untrustworthy.
“We’re waiting,” Carla says, sounding impatient.
Ryder takes a deep breath, like he can’t believe he’s about to say this. “We have more important plans that we have to see through to the end.”
“And what plans would those be?” Bear asks, eyebrows lifted.
“Finding a cure,” Madison says softly.
There’s a moment of silence from Bear and his group. The disbelief is nearly tangible, like you could cut it with a knife. I get the sense that Bear doesn’t want to laugh for fear of upsetting us after we’ve been so gracious to his group. But Carla has no such objections. She laughs so harshly I flinch, feeling like she just slapped us all across the face, one by one.
“You people are fucking crazy!” she says, shaking her head. “I knew better than to trust you all.”
“Carla—” Bear warns.
“No! Bear, these people are fucking nuts! I told you last night that we should never have trusted them. You let these people get close to us, even let them take our weapons away, even though we told you not to. But no, you had a hunch.”
“Carla!” Bear shouts, silencing her in an instant. His voice is booming and authoritative, and I can definitely see why Bear is the leader of the group. Carla looks angry, but she backs down from their argument without another word. She glares daggers at our group, but manages to keep her mouth shut.
Bear looks at Ryder. “There is no cure. We’ve heard rumors about people being immune, about safe havens, and even about cures…but they always turn out to be bullshit in the end. This world is lost. And so is the human race. There is no magical way to right any of this.”
“We may have a way,” Madison says. “My boyfriend, Todd, is immune. He was bitten during a supply run, and his body fought off the infection and he survived.” Todd steps forward and shows everyone the double crescent shaped scars from where he was bitten, and Bear examines it closely. Much closer than Todd is comfortable with, but he stays silent, staring off into the distance.
“We met a man on a base who told us about a radio transmission from some scientist claiming to have had some success with making a cure. We decided to offer him our help, in any way that we could. Todd and other people like him may hold the key to developing an actual cure, not just in the abstract notes on some scientist’s pages. It’s our duty to help him.”
Bear seems lost in thought, like he can’t decide whether or not to believe us. I can see the indecision clear on his face. He wants to believe in our dreams, no matter how foolish he or the rest of his group may think they are. He wants us to not be crazy, to have the answer to all of this. Even though he’s a hardened survivor that has probably seen and done horrible things in order to survive up to this point, he still wants to have hope that some day everything might be okay.
And I absolutely understand that.
“You know how likely it is that this scientist,”—he says the word with a sneer—“is just some psycho preying on those stupid enough to believe in him? Or say he is a real scientist, he could be long dead. When was the last live transmission?”
“Some time ago,” Aaron admits. “But we figured the potential benefits outweigh the risks. A cure could make all the difference. We know that things can never go back to the way they were, but this could be a solid start to getting us back on the right track. If we didn’t have to worry about the undead anymore, we could focus more on rebuildi
ng society. We might even begin to flourish again.” Aaron sounds amazed at the thought of rebuilding our society, like he has total hope that we can make things work.
Even Carla looks unsure now. Her eyes aren’t as narrowed, and there’s no sneer on her face. She looks like she’s wondering if it’s even remotely possible, and if she should bother getting her hopes up one last time. “It sounds too good to be true,” she says, looking down at her feet. “It’s a pipe dream, nothing more. You guys are gonna get hurt chasing this nonsense.”
“Probably,” Aaron admits. “We’re not stupid. We know the risks. We know there’s a very good chance not all of us will make it. But we’re all willing to take that risk, for the good of everyone.”
Bear sighs. “I don’t think you’re doing the right thing by pursuing this, but good luck nonetheless.” He offers Ryder his hand, and they shake. “I hope you guys are right. I really do.”
“Thank you,” Ryder says. “Will you head into the city to find Tuyen?”
Bear glances back at his fellow group members. Carla gives a slight nod of her head, and the other two remain silent, offering no objections. Bear turns back to us. “Yes. We’ll offer her our help.”
“You guys will need some supplies to get back into town,” Ryder says. “We have a long journey ahead of us so we can’t spare much, but take some of our canned goods. They’re heavy and they’ll slow us down if we have to ditch our vehicles.”
“We couldn’t—”
“Please,” Aaron insists. He nods his head to Daisy and she grabs an armful of cans from the back of the truck. “Make good use of them.”
Todd relinquishes Bear’s weapons, and his group claims them quickly. They all look relieved to have them back in their possession, and I feel bad about taking them away in the first place, but I’m sure they understand the need for caution these days.
“Thank you,” Bear says. “We might have had a little trouble getting into the city without this stuff.” He turns to Carla. “Let’s get going. They have a long trip ahead of them, and so do we. The sooner we leave, the more likely we’ll be able to spend the night somewhere safe and surrounded by kids.”
Zombie World (Zombie Apocalypse #3) Page 9