Ryder sighs, sounding just as tired. “Alright, go with Anders, if he’s willing to go. We need to take care of Daisy, and these girls as well. Try not to take too long. I’m sure Madison will want you here when we bury her.”
“Let me grab the keys from Trey and we can go and be back before too long,” Reese says.
“I’ll head inside and find some coats. They’ll be too big, but they’ll have to do for now. We’ll make sure your jeep is nice and warm for them.”
The two of them disappear, leaving Ryder and I alone in the driveway. I shiver as a gust of wind hits my back, and he pulls me closer, wrapping his arms around me tightly. I bury my face into his chest, sobbing again. “Sam?”
“I’ll be fine,” I say unconvincingly. “I have to be…”
*****
The ground is beginning to freeze under the weight of the snow, and it makes shoveling much harder than normal, not that it’s ever easy. Evan has three shovels, and we all take turns digging, letting someone else take over when our arms begin to ache from punching through the solid and cold dirt. While I rest with Madison and Todd, I take a quick look around us. Evan told us about a large pine tree that stands alone on his property and gave us his blessing to bury her beneath it.
Evan and Mary join us, but they don’t offer to pitch in and help dig. I think they understand that this is something we have to do for ourselves, for Daisy. I do ask Evan what we’re going to do with Trey’s body, but he tells me not to worry about it, that he and Anders will take care of him later. For now, his body has been moved to the barn so none of us will have to look at him, which I’m grateful for.
By the time we get her grave all dug out, Reese and Anders return. Mary heads back to the house to care for the girls, but Evan remains behind to offer us his silent support if we need anything. Nobody wants to be the one to lift Daisy and place her in the grave, but finally Ryder steps forward and picks her up, cradling her like a child in his powerful arms. He looks straight ahead, never once glancing down at the girl in his arms that he fought with until it’s time to place her in the hole.
He kneels at the edge of the grave and ever so gently places her in the bottom, his hands lingering as her hand comes unwrapped from the sheet Mary gave us to bury her in. He gives her hand a quick squeeze before tucking her back into the sheet with as much care as he can. When he gets to his feet, he turns and grabs one of the shovels. Madison and Aaron take the others, and the three of them begin to fill in the hole while the rest of us try not to break down again.
Hannah hangs back by herself, her eyes red-rimmed and never leaving Daisy’s grave. As the dirt pile begins to disappear the grave is filled in, I feel myself start to breathe normally again. No more quick, shallow breaths that border on a panic attack, just regular, deep breathing. I’m trying to fight the hysteria that always seems to affect me when I lose someone I care about, and even though Daisy and I haven’t exactly been seeing eye to eye lately, it doesn’t change the fact that I’m going to miss her as if I’ve lost a sister.
This group is a family, even when we fight and bicker, even when we lose our way. Nothing can tear us apart for good, and we always end up coming back together in the end, because it’s what’s best for us. Daisy knew that, and that’s what she was telling me when she said sorry. I just wish she and I could have gotten a chance to sit down and talk it all out, maybe seeing each other’s points before apologizing and going back to normal.
But I’ll never have that chance. Daisy is gone, just like Naomi, just like Tobe, just like my family. It seems like everyone I care about leaves at some point. How long until the rest of us are gone as well?
When the grave is filled, Ryder comes to stand beside me, taking my hand in his. I hold on to him for dear life, refusing to let go no matter what. I know deep down he’s feeling just as lost as the rest of us, maybe even more so after the falling out he and Daisy had on account of Hannah. They’ve been so distant and even cold towards one another since then, and neither of them got a chance to resolve things. He’ll always be left hanging, with words spoken in anger most likely being the last things they said to one another.
I give Ryder’s hand a squeeze and he smiles gratefully down at me, though I still see the sadness behind it. He looks back at our group plus Evan, and his eyes lock on Madison. “Does anybody wanna say anything?”
The rest of us look to Madison, and she sighs. “You’d think I’d be used to speaking at funerals, since I seem to bury so many of my friends.” Her voice is flat and hollow, and her eyes are dead, not really registering the rest of us. She stares at the grave as if this is the last thing she wants to do, but she moves forward and stops at the foot of it, putting her back to all of us.
“I’ve known Daisy for a long time now, and we didn’t always get along. Her sister and I clashed on more than one occasion, and Daisy was always trying to be diplomatic and not pick either of our sides in an attempt to get us to reconcile. She didn’t like it when her friends would fight, even over the little things. Maybe it was because she was always so timid and frightened of everything around her, or maybe it was because she knew that fighting never really solved anything and was just a waste of time.
“Daisy always went with the flow, letting others make decisions for her. She followed those decisions, even if she didn’t like them. But recently, she began to stand up for herself and what she thought was right, even though she was creating fiction amongst her friends for probably the first time in her life. Even though I didn’t agree with her, I’ve never respected her more than I did during that argument, because it showed me that she wasn’t weak like she thought for so long. She was strong. She was a fighter.
“Daisy had inner demons—probably more than any of us—and she came out on top. She found the will to live even when everyone around her was dying. Thinking about it now, she may have truly been the strongest out of all of us. Not many people here can say they’ve battled their inner demons and won, let alone keeping an optimistic attitude and giving hope to others in the process. Daisy was special, and I’m not sure she knew it. I wish I had told her.”
Madison goes silent. I can’t see her face, so I can’t be sure if she’s done speaking or if she’s just taking a moment to compose herself. When her shoulders begin to quiver, Todd moves quickly to her side, pulling her close in an uncharacteristic display of public affection. She sobs, and her voice cracks as she begins to speak again. “I’m going to miss Daisy so much, just like I miss everyone I’ve lost. But I’ll find peace knowing that Daisy is with her sister and parents again, and she’s free from a world that nearly succeeded in destroying her heart and soul. She can rest now, and I hope I get to see her again someday.”
Madison turns around, and her face is red from the cold and streaked with tears. Without another word to any of us, she marches away from the grave, heading back to the house. Todd follows along slowly, perhaps not entirely sure if he should be giving her time and space or if she needs to be comforted. I feel bad for him. It can’t be easy loving someone that needs reassurance at such a hard time, especially when those hard times don’t seem to end and just pile on until it becomes unbearable.
Ryder is constantly reassuring me, even if he and I don’t fully realize it. He does it with his kind words, gentle touches, and unwavering support. I’ve needed so much support since we met it’s a miracle he’s not sick of me yet. I guess that’s part of what love is—comforting your partner even when you might need that reassurance yourself.
I try to be there for Ryder when he needs me, but he’s so much more closed off than I am. Not to mention stronger, both mentally and physically. He’s always trying to be this strong leader that keeps any of his doubts under wraps from the rest of our group, but sometimes I can tell when he begins to get overwhelmed and needs to be the one comforted. I’m not as good at it as he is, but I know he appreciates my efforts to reassure him all the same.
Ryder looks down at me, and I see the pain in his eyes. There�
�s so much regret and uncertainty, and I know that tonight will be a night we both comfort one another as best as we can. Together, we walk back up to the house, sniffling and with runny noses. I’m not sure if it’s from the cold or the tears, but it doesn’t let up even after we get back to the house.
Mary has steaming mugs of hot chocolate ready for all of us within moments of walking through the door. Madison takes her mug and sequesters herself upstairs, away from the rest of us. Todd follows after her, while Aaron and Anders talk over their mugs of hot chocolate in the living room. Mary and Evan are looking over Molly and Alyssa in the dining room while they eat their weight in good food, and Hannah joins them, unsure of where she fits in now that Daisy is gone.
That leaves what’s left of our group alone in the kitchen, leaning against the counters and sipping silently. The rich chocolate warms me and chases away the cold of the last few hours, but it does little to lift my spirits. Reese watches me, his eyes full of concern and tenderness. He alone knows the horrors I’ve witnessed in the last few hours—from Molly and Alyssa’s deplorable conditions to Daisy’s death—and I’m grateful for his presence right now. Even if he and I don’t actually speak, it’s calming to have him in the same room.
Naomi’s presence is sorely missed right now, as well as Tobe’s. I haven’t thought about her much since finding Madison and her group. I think finding out about a possible cure and a way for our loved ones to come back to us gave me hope on a large scale, but not necessarily a smaller one. Even before finding out that they’d come back but not heal from their wounds, I knew that Tobe’s throat being ripped out was a permanent death sentence. Deep down, I knew the cure wouldn’t have worked for her, if it worked at all. And I refused to get my hopes up by thinking about a friend I could never see again.
My hands twist around the mug in my hands, and I look away from Ryder and Reese, hoping they don’t see the shame on my face. I’ve let memories of my friend fade because thinking about the people I’ve lost is too painful. Tobe would be so upset thinking I’d forgotten her, I think.
“So, what are we doing?” Reese asks, breaking the uncomfortable silence. “I know that now probably isn’t the best time to talk about it, but we have to make a plan. When are we leaving?”
“Tomorrow,” Ryder says, glancing at the battery powered clock behind us. It’s after midnight. “We should be getting to bed soon. In the morning, I’ll talk to Evan and see if he’s okay with us staying another night. It won’t hurt to get some extra sleep in a nice, warm place like this, surrounded by new friends.” He looks at us. “Plus, I doubt Madison will be ready to leave in the morning.”
I chug the rest of my hot chocolate, wincing as it burns at my throat. “I doubt any of us will be getting much rest tonight, but I’m anxious to try.” I set my now empty mug on the counter behind me. “I don’t wanna stand around anymore and watch all of this sadness and pain. I’m going to bed.”
I head upstairs to the room with the twin beds that probably haven’t been slept in since before the end of the world. Madison and Todd are already curled up in their twin bed. She’s in the fetal position, and Todd has his arms around her as best as he can, trying to comfort her. She has her face buried in the blankets, but I can still hear muffled sobs. I make sure that Todd isn’t planning on taking his attention off Madison, and begin to strip in the darkened room until I’m in my underwear and a tank top.
I climb under the covers and try to clear my mind, but that peaceful feeling won’t come. All I feel is a numbness in the back of my mind, dulling all of my feelings and thoughts. I wish I could just close my eyes and fall asleep without anymore thoughts of what happened earlier tonight, but the second I close my eyes, I see Daisy’s body in my mind. My stomach rolls and I fight to keep from being sick. A tiny whimper escapes my locked lips, and I feel the bed shift beside me as Ryder climbs in.
“It’ll be okay,” he whispers gently, kissing my forehead and pulling me close.
His body is warm and familiar, and I press myself against his chest as close as I can, drawing strength from him as always. In the darkness, we both lie silent, listening to Madison sob throughout the morning hours, neither of us relaxing enough to get any real sleep. Eventually, I doze off in Ryder’s arms, but it’s little more than a light catnap than the actual sleep I need.
Chapter Twenty-Five
The next day passes by slowly, as if all of us are struggling to move through molasses. Nobody has the energy or the heart to do much except gather for breakfast together. There’s no joyful talk about the good eggs and homemade buttered toast, and no talk of future plans. Just silence threatening to suffocate us with how unbearable and depressing it feels.
Madison shocks us all when she actually eats what’s on her plate, but I’m sure it’s one of the last things on her mind right now. We’ve just all been in a place where food wasn’t available like this, and she won’t let it go to waste just because she might lack an appetite. We all force ourselves to eat, except for Hannah, who stares down at her empty plate, having refused anything when Mary came around with it. Eventually Madison coaxes her into eating a piece of toast, but she refuses to touch the eggs.
Anders and Evan come back inside as we’re finishing up, finally done milking the cows for the day. While they sit down to eat, I head into the kitchen to help Mary fill the new bottles while she washes the old ones with soapy well water. We work in silence, and I’m not sure if it’s because she enjoys it, or if she just doesn’t know what to say to me. To be honest, I’m a little grateful for the silence and alone time. It doesn’t feel as suffocating out here as it does in the dining room, and I feel like I can breathe without fear of upsetting someone, even myself.
When I’m done putting the fresh bottles of raw milk in the garage cooler, I head into the living room to relax. Molly and Alyssa are sprawled out together on the living room floor, rubbing their skin against the carpet like a cat trying to scratch its back. I almost laugh at the sight of them, until I realize that they’ve probably felt nothing but cold stone for months, and that feeling this carpet against their skin now must be like heaven to them.
Molly catches me watching them, and she offers me a small smile, which I return. She sits up, patting the spot on the floor next to her, inviting me to join them. I take a seat, folding my legs under me like back in kindergarten. “I never got a chance to thank you,” she says, her voice soft, but so much stronger than the first time I heard her speak.
“For what?”
“Keeping your promise and coming back for us,” she says, looking down at her hands folded neatly in her lap. “Honestly, part of me thought it was all some kind of sick, cruel joke on Trey’s part. That you had planned it to offer us false hope and then take it away. I didn’t think you’d be coming back for us at all, that we’d just die down there.”
“Well, that sounds like something Trey would do,” I admit. “I’m sorry the two of you had to get mixed up with him. I can’t imagine what the two of you went through down there.”
She laughs darkly, her eyes narrowing a bit. “It’s kinda ironic, isn’t it? Alyssa and I escaped all those monsters while on our own, but it was one of the human ones that nearly killed us. A human proved to be more dangerous than any of those dead things walking around out there.”
“I’ve thought the same thing,” I say, nodding to her. “There are monsters everywhere right now, but it’s the human ones you have to watch out for the most. Those zombies? They’re just mindless eating machines, incapable of rational thought, but the humans out there? They’re the dangerous ones, the ones capable of trickery and making plans. But there are still some good people out there,” I assure her. “Still people worth saving.”
She looks at me, her eyes softening. “I’m sorry you couldn’t save your friend.”
“Me, too. We may not have been able to save her, but we can save others. Our group found a scientist hiding out in a laboratory, and he made a cure that he gave to us. We’ve seen it w
ork,” I add when Molly snorts skeptically. “Hannah was a zombie we captured to test the cure on, and now she’s human again. We’re on our way to Detroit, where his facility originally was, and we’re going to spread it. All of this could be over soon.”
Molly stares at me, her eyes scrutinizing me for any sign of deception. “You’re serious?” she says finally, her eyes losing their intense gaze.
I nod my head. “We have a working cure, and when we leave here tomorrow, we’ll be on our way to Detroit to fix all of this. Things won’t go back to the way they were, but all of the infected will turn back into humans. Unfortunately, a lot of them are going to die shortly after, either from the wounds they sustained that made them zombies, or from the decayed condition of their bodies. But for those that live, they’ll be human again, with a second chance at life. And we won’t have to live in constant fear.”
“Why are you telling us this?” Alyssa asks, speaking I think for the first time since we’ve met.
“Because I thought you two could use a little bit of hope in humanity right now.”
“It’ll be dangerous in Detroit,” Molly says. “A lot of the first reports came from there and it was total chaos. People being murdered left and right, shops being burnt to the ground after being looted. What do you do if this place you’re going to was one of the many buildings burned down?”
“I’m not sure,” I admit. “Maybe find a way to get a transmission to someone else that can spread the cure and let them have a shot. No matter what, we won’t give up. We’ll find a way to bounce back.”
“Well, good luck,” Molly says. “I hope you guys succeed. If you do and you ever feel like looking us up, we’ll be here. Evan and Mary offered to let us stay as long as we’re willing to start working in a few days.”
Zombie World (Zombie Apocalypse #3) Page 35