“I don’t care,” came Susan’s frosty reply.
Tatiana gripped the edge of the countertop tightly and stared at the wall in front of her.
Fuck you, you goddamn fucking little cunt, she screamed inwardly and then slowly counted to ten.
When the moment had passed, she reached up and removed the coffee basket then dumped the old grounds into the trash; hearing the familiar clinking noise, as it landed against the broken glass.
Tatiana glanced down at the trash can.
“What happened to the glass?” she asked.
“It broke,” Susan replied.
“Goddamnit, Susan,” Tatiana snapped, as she turned around to face her. “I can see that it’s broke. I’m asking you how it broke.”
As she watched, Susan turned around slowly and stared up at her. Her normally warm and vibrant brown eyes were gone, replaced by something cold and decidedly darker.
“Watch your tone with me, Tee,” Susan said softly.
There was something very menacing in the woman’s measured voice which immediately caused Tatiana to take pause.
“I was just wondering what happened, hon,” she replied warily.
“You want to know what happened? I’ll tell you what happened, she happened,” Susan said, pointing at the locked door.
“I know you don’t like it, but I have a plan, you know that.”
Susan laughed sardonically, as she crossed her arms, “Oh I bet you do, Tee.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Oh I think you know exactly what that means.”
“If you’re accusing me of something, at least have the balls to say it to my face,” Tatiana chafed, “and not talk in fucking riddles.”
“Hmmmm, I’d have thought that balls would be the last thing on your mind,” Susan said with a smirk.
Tatiana threw up her hands, an exasperated look forming on her face.
“You know what, I’m done,” she said. “All I wanted to know was how the glass got broken, but screw it; it’s not worth fighting over.”
“You want to know how it got broken, Tee? I’ll tell you how. It got broken when that little bitch you have locked up in there tried to escape.”
Tatiana, who had been heading back outside to find some peace and quiet, spun around suddenly. “What did you say?”
“You heard me,” Susan replied.
“How did she try to escape? Why the hell were you even in there?”
“Oh, gee, thanks for your concern,” Susan said dryly. “No need to worry about little old me, I’m fine.”
“Damn it, Susan, this isn’t a joke,” Tatiana replied. “Why were you in there alone? You know better than to do that.”
“To get answers,” Susan exploded.
“You talked to her?”
“Yes, I did.”
“Jesus Christ,” Tatiana said, as she collapsed into the chair across from her. “Why did you go and do that?”
“Instead of answering that question maybe I should be the one asking why it is that you pretended like you didn’t know her.”
An uneasy silence gripped the atmosphere, as the two women stared at each other, but only one of them was wrestling with what to say next.
What the fuck did you think was going to happen? she wondered.
It was a good question, but the truth was she hadn’t thought that far in advance. Tatiana had been caught up in the moment, living out a fantasy, ever since she had first laid eyes on Alex that cold winter’s night a few months back. Up until that point she had always planned things methodically, like a chess grandmaster, considering every possible move and counter-move, but the sight of the woman had caused her to throw all caution to the wind and she realized that she was about to pay the price for that mistake. The only question that remained was just how high a price it would be.
“I just didn’t think you’d understand….”
“Sonofabitch,” Susan said angrily, as she slammed her hand down onto the end table next to her.
She’d been sitting on the fence, wavering, torn between what Alex had told her and what she wanted to believe. Tatiana’s admission had toppled her from her perch and brought her plummeting to the ground below.
Susan leaned forward, elbows resting on her knees, as her hands held her head. Deep within her, anger and hurt battled for control over her heart, as well as her mind.
“How could you do this to me?” she demanded. “How could you do this to us?”
The visceral pain that that Susan was feeling emanated in her words.
“I didn’t know how to explain it to you,” Tatiana replied. “I didn’t know how you would take it.”
“Bullshit, Tee,” Susan said angrily. “I know you better than that. I’ve shared everything with you, the good, the bad and the ugly, but you haven’t. You’ve only shared what you wanted to with me and compartmentalized the rest. I don’t even know what is real anymore.”
Tatiana got up and walked over to the couch, sitting down next to Susan. She tried to put her arm around the woman’s shoulder, but Susan shrugged it off.
“Don’t,” she said angrily. “You can’t make this better.”
“I love you,” Tatiana said. “You know that.”
“Do I?” Susan asked. “Exactly what part of this screams ‘I love you’ to you, Tee? The part where you lied to me or the part where you drug me so that you can sneak into her room to get off?”
“What did she tell you?”
“She told me enough.”
The anger raged inside Tatiana, but she did her best to repress it. Exploding was the worst thing she could do at this point. She knew she needed to dial things back a bit; to get hold of the situation before it went nuclear.
“I’m sorry,” she said. “I never meant to hurt you, hon. When I first saw her I was completely dumbfounded; it was like a gut punch and I didn’t know how to process it.”
“You should have just told me!”
“I know I should have now, but I just didn’t know how to process it then. Hell I didn’t even know if it was really her.”
“Well, you obviously did at some point; so that’s a piss poor reason.”
“You’re right and I have no excuse.”
“Seriously, what the fuck where you thinking, Tee?” Susan asked, as she turned to face her lover. “That you could have your cake and eat it too?”
“No,” Tatiana bristled. “It was nothing like that. It’s just that I was caught off guard and didn’t have time to process everything. When I did I realized that I was already wrong and was afraid you’d get mad.”
“Well that worked out pretty well for you, didn’t it?”
Tatiana ignored the dig.
“We both have people we want to make suffer for what they did to us. She’s one of those people.”
“Oh, so last night was just about making her suffer, huh?”
“No, I was drunk,” Tatiana said sheepishly. “I was angry.”
“Oh, that makes it so much better,” Susan replied sarcastically. “Now every time we have an argument I just have to worry about you getting drunk and doing whatever the fuck you want.”
“No, I didn’t mean it that way.”
“How the hell am I ever supposed to trust you again?”
“I don’t know,” Tatiana admitted. “It was a mistake. I was wrong.”
“You’re goddamn right it was wrong, Tee, but it was far from a mistake. You knew exactly what you were doing.”
“Things just got carried away,…..”
“Oh, please spare me the bullshit sob story,” Susan snapped. “Now you sound like one of those pathetic politicians who got caught with their fingers in the kitty and somehow it’s not really their fault.”
“What do you want me to do?”
“Woman-up and take responsibility for your shit.”
“Fine, I’m guilty. There, I said it. Are you happy now?”
“Jesus Christ,” Susan said, glaring at Tatiana. “Yes
, Tee, I’m friggin’ ecstatic; can’t you just see the joy and happiness radiating on my face?”
“What do you want me to do? Beg?”
“No!” Susan screamed. “What I want you to do is to fix the goddamn problem that you created in the first place.”
“I told you I would.”
“When?”
“Soon,” Tatiana replied.
“Fuck you, Tee,” Susan yelled, as she jumped up from the couch. “That’s not good enough for me.”
“Well what would be good enough for you?”
Susan pointed at the closed door, “For you to just go and take care of your shit, right now.”
“I can’t,” Tatiana replied. “Now’s not the right time. It’s not part of the plan.”
“There is no fucking plan, Tee,” Susan screamed, “but if you won’t fix this then I will.”
Tatiana watched, a look of panic gripping her face, as Susan spun around and headed for the door. She lept from the couch and chased after her, catching her just before she reached the door.
“Stop,” she shouted, as she reached out to stop her.
There was no malice intended, but that fact got lost very quickly. As Tatiana’s hand reached out to grab the woman’s shoulder, Susan turned slightly. The end result was that that she narrowly missed grabbing her by the shoulder and instead grabbed a fistful of her hair.
And then the fight was on.
Susan felt her head jerk back suddenly and then experienced a sharp, burning sensation, as her forward travel was arrested. Almost immediately Tatiana had released the woman’s hair, when she realized the mistake, but it was too late.
Despite their size difference, Susan turned on her heels and delivered a devastating right hook to Tatiana’s jaw that sent the woman staggering backward into the living room. It was all the opportunity Susan needed and she flung herself into the stunned woman, the two of them collapsing to the floor.
“You fucking bitch,” Susan screamed, tears streaming down her face, as she swung her fists at Tatiana.
“Stop it, Susan,” Tatiana protested, as she covered up her face. “I didn’t mean it.”
“Fuck you.”
Susan’s punches were landing wildly now, caused by her inability to see through her tears. Tatiana took the opportunity and grabbed her by the wrists.
“Susan, stop it,” she implored.
“Let go of me!”
“Not until you stop.”
Susan’s body went limp.
“God, I hate you,” she said, as she began to sob uncontrollably.
“No you don’t,” Tatiana said, as she tried to comfort her.
Unfortunately for Tatiana, Susan’s emotions were on a roller coaster ride and it was currently traveling at breakneck speeds. Anger gave way to sadness and then back again to anger in almost the blink of an eye.
“Let go of me.”
“Susan….”
“I said let go of me.”
Tatiana released her wrists and Susan scrambled to her feet.
“I’m done, Tee. I’m done playing this game.”
“Baby, we’re just going through a bad time. I promise it will get better.”
“No, it won’t. I can’t live this way. I’d rather be alone.”
“You’re not serious, Susan. You don’t mean that.”
“I’m as serious as a heart attack,” she replied. “I’m out of here.”
“You can’t leave.”
Tatiana’s voice was calm and measured, but Susan understood the thinly veiled threat and it gave her pause.
“Are you going to stop me, Tee?” Susan asked. “Am I going to end up tied to the bed like her?”
“I didn’t mean it that way,” Tatiana replied.
“What way did you mean it?”
“Look, let’s just take a deep breath and relax. Tomorrow things will look a lot better.”
A few days earlier and she would have scoffed at anyone who’d suggested that their relationship would be facing such an existential threat; yet here they were, squared off like two gladiators in an arena. To make matter’s even worse, Tatiana was now standing directly in front of the door blocking her path.
“Move out of the way, Tee.”
“I can’t do that, Susan. I won’t do that.”
“I’m serious, Tee, get out of my way.”
“Make me,” Tatiana said defiantly.
Susan slid the knife out of her back pocket; the spring assisted blade snapping open with an audible crack.
Tatiana eyed the knife, and then looked at Susan, “C’mon, babe, you can’t be serious?”
“I asked you twice, I won’t ask a third time.”
“What? You’re going to cut me?”
“I poisoned my parents,” Susan said in a cold, monotone voice, as she walked ever closer. “I watched my father die, gasping for air, as his throat closed shut. Then I slit my best friend’s throat and watched her bleed out like a pig, all while eating a bag of chips. You know what common denominator they all shared, Tee? They all lied to me.”
Tatiana’s eyes glanced down at the knife the woman held in her hand. She could see the serrations in the blade, as the sunlight streaming through the living room window reflected off the steel. Knife fights were never pretty.
“You might be bigger than me, Tee, but don’t think for one moment that’s going to stop me.”
For a moment, Tatiana war-gamed the current situation. She knew that she had a slight advantage over Susan, in terms of physical strength, but that only really mattered if she was willing to get physical with her. Despite the fact that the two of them were squared off presently, she still truly loved her.
If it devolves into this will we ever be able to recover from it? she wondered.
Deep inside she knew the answer was no. If she tried to stop Susan in her present state, there was no doubt that it would become a fight. She knew Susan wasn’t thinking right and the thought of getting stabbed wasn’t very appealing. Tatiana knew that she had to defuse the situation so, grudgingly, she slowly turned and moved away from the door.
For her part, Susan kept a watchful eye on the woman, as the two of them slowly moved in opposite directions. She knew too much about Tatiana than to let her guard down. They had just crossed a line in their relationship from which there was most likely no going back. In her mind she knew that she had just become a liability.
“Please just think this through,” Tatiana pleaded.
“I have, Tee,” Susan replied, as she reached behind her and grabbed the door knob. “Maybe you should have.”
“I’m begging you, Susan. Don’t leave.”
“You still have your prize,” Susan said, as she opened the door and stepped outside. “You’ll be fine.”
Tatiana watched as Susan closed the door. She wanted to follow after her, to drag her back in if need be, but what was the point in doing that? The confrontation would turn violent and then she would have two captives to contend with. Her only hope now was that Susan just needed a cooling off period and that she would come back when she had really allowed herself to think things through.
Outside the cabin, Susan continued to walk backwards, maintaining a vigilant watch over the door. Part of her anticipated seeing Tatiana come barreling through it at any moment. When she reached the car her calmness finally gave out and her hand fumbled nervously for the handle. She felt her knees weaken a bit, as she took her eyes off the door and got in the driver’s seat, shutting the door frantically behind her.
This was how it always happened in the horror movies, isn’t it? she thought. The victim always thinks they are home free and then boom, the monster appears and kills them.
Susan looked up nervously, a part of her expecting to see the front door mysteriously wide open with no one standing there, only to see Tatiana materialize at the driver’s side door a moment later. But the door remained closed and no one appeared. She transitioned the knife to her left hand, as the right one opened the console a
nd grabbed the keys out. Her hand shook, as she jabbed at the ignition switch with the key, missing several times.
“Fuck!” she exclaimed, as she fought to control her nerves.
Finally the key slipped in and she turned it over, listening as the engine roared to life. Her heart was racing wildly, as she dropped it into reverse and sped backward down the private driveway, spraying gravel as she went. A few moments later the car shot out wildly onto the main road and she threw it into drive.
Susan raced along the quiet, rural road, as she tried to put as much distance as she could between her and Tatiana. She didn’t understand why, but her heart was still racing and she truly felt terrified. Maybe it was because she knew exactly what the woman was capable of doing.
As the minutes ticked by, and their distance apart grew bigger, Susan finally felt herself begin to relax. The adrenaline rush, which had been fueled by a mix of anger and fear, now began to dissipate. Anger turned to pain and the fear turned to heartache, as she realized what had just happened.
As dysfunctional a relationship as theirs might have been, it was still the most incredible thing she had ever felt before in her young life. Tatiana had been a lover, a teacher, and a maternal figure to her. The short time they had spent together had left her feeling both loved for who she was and protected. Now she had lost it all. Maybe that was why it hurt so badly.
The emotional conflict raged deep within her, as she began to question the decision she had just made.
This was your choice, she thought.
Susan swallowed hard, as she felt the stinging sensation of the tears welling up in her eyes. She fought valiantly to hold them back, but it was futile and she knew it. As soon as she felt the first one hit her cheek she succumbed to her emotions and began to sob uncontrollably.
“God damn you, Tee,” she screamed, her voice breaking, as she pounded her fists angrily against the steering wheel.
Susan rubbed at her eyes, blinking hard, as she tried to clear her cloudy vision.
You just need some space, she thought. Some quite time to figure this all out.
They had long ago established an alternate mode of communication, a type of dead drop, in the event that they had become separated and needed to re-establish contact with each other surreptitiously. She knew that Tatiana would begin to monitor it, hoping that Susan would get back in contact with her.
Brooklyn Bounce (Alex Taylor Book 3) Page 23