I tried to twist my wrist from his hold as I spoke. “I’ve got to go. Regina’s expecting me.”
He shook his head. “She can wait. This is important. I realized something while I was cleaning my stuff out. Everything’s not in one place. You’re here, the kids are God knows where, and I’m in an apartment, alone.” His tone didn’t fluctuate as he spoke but he turned away suddenly, letting go of me.
I tried to sidestep closer to the door, but he stepped in front of me, blocking my path. I froze.
His face twisted and his eyes filled with tears. His suffering was real as he started crying, really crying. His shoulders were shaking, one hand coming up to cover his face. “I can’t stand this. I’m so tired of feeling like I’m missing an arm or a leg. How do you keep going? When will this feeling go away?”
“Daniel.” What could I say? I hurt for him, felt sorry for him. Maybe the abuse wasn’t a choice. Maybe he did have some legitimate emotional problems that caused his temper. I would probably never know.
“Why can’t you see that? Why can’t you listen to me, see what we need to do? You keep pushing and pushing.” He shoved away from the counter, coming to stand inches from me.
I could see the pulse in his throat, the light perspiration on his forehead. Tension rolled off him, tightening as his muscles grew taut, tensing. I knew I had to put some space between us quickly.
“Claire, you’re not giving me a choice.” Tears started welling in his eyes and he took a deep breath. “Don’t you see? You have the power to make it better.” He paused, his hand coming to rest on my shoulder hesitantly. His eyes followed his hand, staring at his hand…on me.
I didn’t wince at his touch; I was proud of that. “How?” My voice trembled.
His pupils contracted and his breath grew harsh. “Come home, now. Get my kids, be my wife, let us try again. This isn’t anyone else’s business. I can forgive you for him because I love you.” His voice was husky as he spoke, his bright blue eyes pained as they caught mine. His hand tightened on my shoulder and something flickered in his eyes. “We need to find our way back to each other, Claire. One man, one woman, and our children.”
Panic filled me. He was close to the breaking point. I didn’t have much time to defuse the situation, if I could. I felt myself giving in, felt the fear winning.
No, I’m not going to give up. Not this time.
I spoke softly. I tried to sound placating. “We need to find a counselor, someone who can help us through our problems. Maybe that could help.”
He shook his head as I finished. His eyes, his familiar blue eyes, hardened and I felt myself start to shake. I knew that look and I dreaded what was to come.
“This is between you and me. We’re going to fix this mess, one way or another. Right now.” His hand cupped my neck as he smiled at me. “But you won’t come home, will you, Claire?”
I should say yes, I should give him what he wanted. But I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t live with any more lies. “I can’t.”
His mouth twitched, twisting into a hard line. I felt myself recoil. His hand tightened about my neck, bracing me as his other arm shot out. His fist hit me across the cheek and blinding pain ripped across my face. My head snapped back, hitting the cabinet door behind me with a resounding thud. My neck, my head seemed to be floating and stars covered my line of sight. The second punch wasn’t as bad; there wasn’t time to recover from the first one.
Everything went black as the pain crowded in on me, pressing me down. My hands flailed, whether to ward him off or steady myself, I wasn’t sure. There was nothing to hold on to so I slipped to the floor.
I tried to push myself up, but I couldn’t get my bearings. My ears rang and my eyes couldn’t focus. I pulled in a breath right as he kicked, hard. The impact knocked me back. I fell on my right arm, pressing it into an awkward angle. It popped, shooting hot flames of pain from my wrist to my elbow. I cried out as I fell back to the floor.
I needed help.
I didn’t know if I could get away. I tried to scream. But the sound that tore from my throat was choked, rasping, and brittle. His foot connected again, emptying my lungs completely. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t move.
Pain, sharp and jagged, radiated from my arm, my face, and my chest, overwhelming me. Please stop, Daniel. But the words didn’t come out. My mouth couldn’t form words.
I’d been hit before, many times. But this was different. I knew he wasn’t going to let it go this time. Fear for my life washed over me.
I could try to reason with him, but my lungs were still empty and words wouldn’t come. Instead, I groaned pathetically and I felt frustrated tears choking me.
“Shut up, Claire!” he yelled.
I heard an odd clicking sound and looked up at him. It took a moment for my eyes to adjust. Something warm and wet obscured my vision further, but I narrowed my eyes and willed myself to focus.
Daniel stood trembling, his face twisted as he sobbed. But I didn’t care about that. My eyes were riveted on Fred, Mom’s nine-millimeter. In his shaking hands. Pointed at me.
“I knew you wouldn’t listen.” His voice rose. “I can’t keep pretending that things will get better. They won’t. Because of you. You’re not going to give us a chance.” He looked at me, his face a mix of sadness and hatred.
Fear and pain pressed in on me. “Please, Daniel—”
“Stop. Stop it. Stop arguing, Claire.” He spoke each word sharply, enunciating.
“Please…” My voice was a whisper, thin and wavering.
“Shut up! Just stop.” His face was red, growing taut with a flash of rage.
I heard the shot, felt a sharp heat in my side. Initially it felt like he’d hit me again, with a hot knife. I hadn’t thought there could be more pain, but I was wrong. It seared through me, leaving me gasping and holding my side as the agony clouded my vision.
I could hear him. He was crying harder. He fell to his knees before me. “Why won’t you listen?” His voice broke. “Oh God, Claire.”
It was cold. The tile floor was like ice but it seemed to be getting warm…wet, slippery under my hands. I looked down. My shirt, the floor, covered in blood. My blood. I was dizzy. But I was still aware enough to feel terror.
He looked confused, his eyes wavering between me and the gun. He seemed very far away. My voice wavered. “Daniel, what about Nat and Will?”
“I’m here for them. Damn you! You’re the one who won’t think about anyone but yourself. Why, Claire? Why?”
There was a blow to my chest and the breath was knocked out of me again. Sounds began to fade, his crying, another bang and a shout. I didn’t know what was happening. I didn’t care. But he needed to listen to me so I spoke with all of the breath I had left in my body. The words rasped out.
“Daniel. It doesn’t matter anymore. If you kill me or not, I’m still gone. You won’t hurt me anymore. And you will never see Will or Nat again.” I paused, catching my breath. “You’ll have to live with yourself. Whatever you do now, it’s a choice you’re making.”
Daniel said something, his voice hard and winded. But I couldn’t make it out.
There was another crash. Something was broken? Or thrown into something? I heard someone talking, someone who wasn’t Daniel. Someone else was in the room besides me and Daniel? Daniel was talking to someone. Yelling at them.
There was a scream then. But it wasn’t me. Another voice, a woman, was speaking. But I couldn’t understand any of it.
There was more noise, more talking, but it grew faint. I started to tremble from the cold. I knew I was going to die, and I didn’t resist the blackness that crept over me.
The sound of another gunshot made me wince, but there was no new pain.
I couldn’t see anything. My eyes wouldn’t open. Then it was dark…and silent.
***
I started awake with a shock, images flashing in my head.
I was vaguely aware of my surroundings. I was in an ambulance. I couldn�
��t breathe or talk. Something was in my throat.
Daniel.
Where was Daniel? Had he run? Were the kids in danger?
The kids!God, someone needs to find the kids. They’re in danger.
But I couldn’t say the words. Something warm rushed through my body, making everything feel heavy and my mind lose its train of thought. Medicine? Forcing me to sleep against my will.
Wait…the kids… I forced the words out of my mouth. But the sound I heard didn’t match.
They were giving me something to relax me. The pain was fading, but so was my consciousness. My panic was trapped inside, caught in the drugged haze I couldn’t fight.
Dreams took over.
I was playing hide-and-seek with the kids in the woods behind the vicarage. Josh and the kids were building a tree house in view of the kitchen window. Mom and I could see them. It was lovely. I dreamed of magical stories and peaceful quiet times together. Josh smiled at me, his beautiful smile.
My dreams shifted.
There was a lot of pain. I couldn’t move. I tried, but my limbs wouldn’t cooperate. The smell of alcohol burned my nose. There was a rhythmic beeping and voices I didn’t know. I was under an extremely bright light and someone was telling me to count backward from fifty. I think I made it to forty-one before everything went totally black and quiet. And dreamless.
***
I pried an eye open. I was in a hospital bed. A nurse was making notes on my chart. She smiled slightly at me.
I didn’t know if this was a dream or not. I couldn’t keep my eyes open, so I let the steady beat of the monitor lull me into a deep sleep.
When I tried to open my eyes again, I felt pleasantly drowsy. I could hear my pulse, feel its beat in my cheek and lip. It took a few seconds before my mind cleared.
Fear clawed at me, rising up from my stomach and radiating through my chest. It bubbled up my throat, choking me. I sat up, words a rasping whisper in my dry throat.
“Sweetie? Sweetie.” Mom’s voice reached me. I felt her hand around mine, heard the worry in her voice. “Everyone is fine.”
I tried to open my eyes, but one of them didn’t want to cooperate. I turned my head and looked at her. “Mom?” I croaked.
I saw her then, how tired and fragile she looked. She seemed years older in that instant. “You’re awake! Oh honey, do you need anything? Can I do anything?”
I blinked. “I don’t think so,” I tried to answer, but the words didn’t really come out, so I shook my head slowly. Wait, yes! I needed her to get to the kids! “The kids…”
She squeezed my hand. “It’s okay. Just sleep. That’s what you need.”
I shook my head, making my voice work. “Kids?”
“Shhh, Claire. Everyone is safe.” She kissed my forehead, her hand rubbing over my cheek gently.
“Josh?”
“He’s here.”
I felt panic. “Kids…Josh…can’t see me…” If the kids, if Josh saw me like this—
I couldn’t bear it.
Mom looked confused. “Claire...”
“Mom, please. Please.” My monitor was beeping loudly. It hurt my head.
“Calm down, Claire, okay? Everything is okay.” She smoothed her hand over my forehead until my eyes were closed and the sound of my monitor was beating rhythmically again.
The kids were okay. Josh was okay.
The relief was overwhelming. I didn’t fight the drug-induced stupor any longer.
***
I woke up to the sound of voices. I thought I recognized some of them. “But she’s sustained only minor injuries?”
“If you consider a sprained wrist, three bruised ribs, and a dislocated shoulder minor injuries.” It sounded like my brother Joe.
“I simply meant that Ms. Collins will recover from her injuries.” I didn’t know this voice.
“Yes, thank God, she’ll recover from her physical injuries. But look at her. Surely you see he would have killed her if he’d had the chance.” It was Joe. I knew my brother’s voice anywhere, especially when he was irritated. And something, or someone, was clearly irritating him.
“Well, we can’t ask Mr. Collins about it, can we?” I didn’t know this voice. But I was pretty sure it was the reason Joe was irritated.
“No. No, we can’t.” Mom’s voice. “Joe, you could try talking to her. She hasn’t been awake much.”
“Joe?” I tried to peel my eyes open. Joe, my mother, and another man were in the room.
“Hey, big sister! I thought I’d drop in for a visit.” He smiled.
“You kind of…caught me at a bad time.” My voice was rough, and Joe held out a cup with a straw in it.
“Claire, this is Detective Parker. If you’re up for it, honey, he wants to ask you a few questions.” Mom went around to the other side of the bed and held my hand while Joe held the other.
“Ms. Collins, how are you feeling?” Detective Parker held a small notebook in his hand. “Can you tell me what happened yesterday morning?”
“Yesterday?” I paused, swallowing. I couldn’t remember much. “I went by the house for some papers and Daniel was there. He was upset. So angry…” The terror hit me then, overwhelming me in waves of horror as I remembered his face. “Gun—” I tried, but a sob broke free, and I started again. “He had a gun. I asked him to stop…” I halted again, my voice breaking. I couldn’t breathe then. “The kids?” I couldn’t breathe.
“Sweetie, they’re fine. Josh has them, they’re safe. They’re safe.” Mom held me close, letting me sob against her. And I did. I cried until my eyes burned.
“I know this is difficult, Ms. Collins,” Detective Parker spoke again.
“Surely this can wait?” Joe spoke with some authority. “As you can see, she’s not really in a place to talk about this yet.”
I wanted to answer him, but I couldn’t let go of my mom. I couldn’t stop crying. A man I’d been married to for thirteen years had shot me and I didn’t know how I’d ended up here and not dead.
I stopped crying then. “Where is Daniel?” I asked.
There was a long silence in the room.
Detective Parker answered, “Ms. Collins, Mr. Collins is dead.”
Joe squeezed my hand. I felt it all go dark again.
Chapter Fifteen
I don’t know how long I slept, but as the blackness began to fade, images took over. And so did the memory of what happened. I could feel the kitchen floor under me, the blood sticky on my stomach. I could smell the hot metal from the gun being fired, the smell of my own blood.
My heart was pumping. My chest was tight. I couldn’t move. My nightmare felt so real that my anxiety made breathing difficult.
“Claire?” Josh was there, leaning over me, his face drawn with worry. “You were dreaming. It’s all right now.” He looked like hell. His beautiful hazel eyes were bloodshot.
I tried to smile, but my mouth barely worked. “You’re here…”
He pulled me against him fiercely. “Yes,” he murmured into my hair. He held me close, his voice soothing as he said, “I’m here.” He looked down at me, his arms firmly around me.
I was shivering uncontrollably as my eyes met his. His eyes searched my face, growing moist, which made me feel like crying. I swallowed. I was pretty sure I was pathetic enough without the tears.
He pulled me against him gently this time, his hands rubbing up and down my back slowly. He was so warm. I turned my nose into his neck and breathed. His touch, his presence was solidly reassuring.
I frowned then, realization breaking through my drug-induced haze. “Why are you here?”
Josh was shaking as he held me, his hands continuing to rub my back. It took him a few moments before he answered me. “Marty told me you didn’t want me here. So I waited until you were asleep. I didn’t mean to wake you, Claire, but you were talking in your sleep.” He kissed my forehead.
“I’m glad you’re here.” My voice was rough. “I didn’t want you to see me like thi
s. I know I look…scary.”
He continued to stroke my back, breathing into my hair. I clung to him, burrowing against him and holding tight. “I needed to see you,” he murmured against my hair and I tightened my hold on him.
“I…” My voice broke. He pulled back to look at me. I saw the anguish on his face. “I’m sorry.”
“You have nothing to be sorry for.” He was frustrated…and exhausted.
I sat forward, swaying from the drugs. “I didn’t want to screw up your life! It’s not fair…” I was crying.
He leaned forward, his hands cupping my face. “Claire, I love you. I love you. I came because I wanted to be here. Because I need to be near you. I’m selfish, remember?” He gave me his most dazzling smile, his eyes holding mine. “I keep hoping you might need me a little, too.”
“I do. I do,” I whispered as my hands fisted in his shirt. “You have no idea.”
His lips were feather-light on mine as his arms slipped around me, firm and strong.
I clung to him again. “Daniel is dead.” My voice broke.
“I know.” His hand touched my cheek. “Natalie had your phone at the airport. Our connecting flight was delayed so we were waiting when Regina called. I wasn’t fast enough.”
My hands covered my mouth. “Oh God, Josh.” I shook my head. “You…you were there?”
I watched his face, the fear and hate and pain as he tried to speak. He nodded, unable to form words. His eyes held mine, filling with tears.
I started crying harder, leaning forward to wrap my arms around him. I held him tightly, aware of how slowly his arms came around me again.
“He was going to kill you, Claire.” He pulled me tight against him then. “I’m sorry, Claire, so sorry. I tried to talk to him, to stop him.”
I felt my heart pounding.I burrowed into his neck, whispering softly, “You shouldn’t have been there. You could have been—”
“Ms. Collins.” The nurse was in the doorway, her face torn between compassion and frustration. “You really need to stay calm. Your monitor is going crazy.” She paused. “I know you want to stay, Mr. Wiley, but I’m afraid I’ll have to ask you to leave if she continues to get excited.”
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