by Rye Hart
“Love who?” he asked, pushing my hair back from my eyes. “My mom? Of course.”
“No, sorry – I meant, Shawna. Aubree's mother.”
Eli's chest rose and fell as he drew in a deep breath and exhaled it slowly. I hated that I was feeling the way I was feeling – jealousy over a dead woman. But, I couldn't deny the feeling was there, eating at me. Even though Eli had confessed his love for me just moments before, I had to know the truth about him and Shawna.
“Truthfully?” he asked, wincing at the words as they crossed his lips. “No. I hardly knew her. Once I discovered she was an addict, I wanted nothing to do with her.”
“You still fucked her though, right?”
His body stiffened up and I watched a veil fall down over his eyes. He didn't like this line of questioning at all. I know I shouldn't have asked, especially after everything we'd been through. I just couldn't help myself though. I felt compelled to ask. For reasons that made no sense to me, I needed to know.
“Hannah, I fucked up in more ways than I can count. Yeah, I slept with her even though I didn't love her. She didn't love me either, and we were never dishonest with each other,” I said. “You were too busy in Seattle to return my calls. My mom was dead. I had no one – so yeah, I fucked her even though I didn't love her. But, I never made it into something it wasn't. I never lied to her. Never led her on. She knew going in that my heart belonged to someone else.”
His chocolate brown eyes were sincere and reminded me of the young man I'd met years before. The young man I'd instantly crushed on. Even back then, when he was only seventeen, Eli was a looker. He'd always been hot, and my body always craved him in ways that it shouldn't – especially considering the fact that our parents were together.
“Does that make you feel better or worse?” Eli asked.
“I don't really know how I feel, Eli,” I answered as I nestled my head against his chest again and listened to his heart beat. “Things have always been complicated between us.”
“Only because you want them to be complicated,” he said.
“No, it's – I mean, our parents were together. We're technically related,” I said, scrunching my face up at the thought of it all. “Isn't that incest?”
Eli laughed, a deep rumbling sound that caused me to sit up and move my head to the pillow beside his. I wasn't laughing, nor was I amused in the least. He turned around and looked into my eyes, cradling my face in his big, rough hands.
“Hannah, I'm sorry I laughed, it's just – no, I don't think of it like that,” he said. “We aren't related by blood. We didn't grow up together as brother and sister. And yeah, by marriage, you're my stepsister. But, how is that even in the same league as actual incest? We can have kids without them being inbred –”
“Wait, you want more kids?” I asked.
He stared at me, a puzzled look on his face. “I didn't say that – it was just an example.”
“Oh.”
My heart dropped a little, as did my eyes. I focused on his chest instead of his gaze so he couldn't see how much that one phrase bothered me. I knew it was an example and that I shouldn't let myself feel hurt over it – I just couldn't seem to help it.
Eli sighed, looking at me as if he could hear my thoughts. “I know you want kids, Hannah –”
“I didn't say that.”
“You don't have to say that. I've known that about you for years,” he said. “It's why you've bonded with Aubree so fast. You're a natural mother, and I'm – well, I'm a terrible father. I'm barely a decent human being.”
“You're not as bad as you think, Eli,” I said softly. “You've actually impressed me.”
The emotion was still swirling around so thick in me that I still couldn't meet his eyes. I closed mine so the tears welling up in them wouldn't fall. I couldn't let him see me cry. I wouldn't. I didn't want him to know just how much I cared. I pulled myself up into a seated position and started to climb from the bed, but Eli grabbed hold of my arm, stopping me.
“Hannah, please –”
“What?” I growled, wiping my eyes. “We shouldn't have done this. It was stupid. It's never going to work out between us, Eli. It can't. I mean –”
“Why? Because we're related by marriage?” he asked, sitting up.
His eyes were filled with emotion and his voice rose high enough that Aubree started crying in the next room.
“Fuck,” he growled. “She's awake now.”
I climbed out of the bed and moved toward the door, but he stopped me.
“No, I'll take care of her, go to bed,” he said.
He slipped his pants on and refused to look at me as he slipped out of the room, closing the door behind him. I stood there for a long time, debating with myself about following him and continuing the conversation, or letting it go for the moment.
In the end though, I knew it was no use. Deep down, I knew the fact that he was my stepbrother was only part of the issue.
We wanted different things in life – it was clear to me now. I'd get myself to the clinic the next day, get the morning after pill and be more careful.
Of course, this couldn't happen again. I wouldn't sleep with Eli again. I had to make sure of it.
I crawled back into my bed and pulled my knees to my chest, lying in a fetal position with the blanket hiding me as best it could. I hadn't been back in Yora for a month yet, and already, old feelings for Eli were coming back – stronger than ever. How I was supposed to protect myself from someone like him was beyond me.
I eventually fell into a restless sleep, tossing and turning and waking at every little sound. Part of me wanted Eli to come back into the room, to curl up beside me and whisper sweet nothings in my ear. Part of me wanted to feel his presence next to me. Feel his strong arms around me and the warmth from his body seeping into mine.
But, I knew that would be a mistake. I couldn't let that happen. I had to be careful with my body as well as my heart.
In some cases, love simply wasn't enough for a happily ever after. I was convinced that was the case with Eli and me. As much as I wanted it to work between us, the fact was, we were just too different. We wanted different things out of life.
I wanted a family, and Eli wanted – well, whatever it was Eli wanted. It was obviously not a nice stable life with a family, and a home white picket fence. That much was for certain.
Those differences made us completely incompatible – no matter how well our bodies seemed to fit together.
***
With only about four hours of sleep under my belt, I forced myself to get up. I had been lying in bed for a while, staring at the ceiling and listening for movement in the living room. Eli never came back and joined me back in the bedroom, and I felt so alone.
My body still ached from the night before. It was the kind of ache you felt only after a night of lovemaking, where your body is stretched and sore. But, it was usually a nice reminder of the pleasure you experienced the night before.
That morning though, it wasn't a nice reminder. The stiffness and soreness in my body reminded me of what I couldn't have. More than that, it reminded me of how powerless I felt to resist Eli. It reminded me that he's the only man who's ever made me orgasm during sex – and he might be the only man who ever can. Which meant, I might live one long, unsatisfied life.
No, there had to be someone else out there. He couldn't be the only one - could he?
I threw on my pajamas from the night before and quietly opened the door to the living room. It was completely still and silent. It was almost like the house was empty except for me. After standing in the doorway a moment, I walked down the hallway and saw why. Eli was passed out on the couch, on his side. Aubree was in the crib, but Eli's hand rested beside her, next to her tiny little body as if he'd been comforting her when he fell asleep. They both looked so peaceful and calm. It was such a sweet scene, I didn't dare wake them up, so instead of making coffee, I closed the bedroom door and decided to shower instead.
El
i's scent lingered on me, and as much as I wanted to curl up with that scent on me and fall back to sleep, I decided that it was better to wash it away instead. Standing underneath the warm spray of water, I closed my eyes and let the warmth wash over me. The water soothed me, eased some of the aching in my joints and muscles. Cleared my head a bit. I didn't know how long I'd been standing there when I heard a sound – like the bathroom door opening. Eyes wide and my heart thundering in my chest, I jumped and peered out from behind the shower curtain.
My breath caught in my throat when I saw Eli standing there in all his naked glory. My eyes moved slowly down from his chest. A chiseled chest that featured several new tattoos since the last time I'd seen him completely naked. His brown hair fell in messy waves down over his shoulders and curled at his jaw bone. A thick beard was forming along his chin and jaw, as if he'd simply forgotten to shave recently. Knowing him, he probably had. The dark hair continued down his chest, as if pointing down further – and I followed the line of hair until it rested in the sexy little v just above his pelvic bone.
Something inside of me tightened up, and I couldn't breathe, much less speak, as my gaze moved lower and lower until I was looking at eight inches of rock solid cock, hard and glistening at the tip.
He sidled into the shower with me, which barely fit one person, let alone two. So, we were standing close together – very close. He leaned down and embraced me, pulling me even closer as he nuzzled his face into my neck. I couldn't breathe, much less speak, the feeling of his hard prick pressed against my body simultaneously arousing and scaring me.
“I'm sorry I didn't come back to bed. I fell asleep on the couch,” he whispered, kissing his way down the length of my neck.
His teeth gently nibbled along the flesh of my neck, making me shudder. Feeling his hands and mouth on me – not to mention that gloriously hard cock against my belly – made my knees grow weak, and my body relaxed into his arms.
With the heat between my thighs flaring, I felt myself giving into the temptation. Felt myself sliding down that slippery slope that led us to the bedroom – something I vowed would never happen again. Something I couldn't let happen again.
“Eli, wait,” I said, putting my hands on his chest.
I pushed him away gently, trying to stop that train before it really got rolling. He stopped kissing my neck and looked into my eyes, his hair now wet and sticking to his face as droplets of water fell from his golden skin.
“I think we need to talk,” I said. “Don't you?”
“We can talk later,” he said. “Right now, I just want to make you come again.”
He dropped to his knees in front of me and pushed me back against the shower wall. I resisted at first, but his hands were strong. Firm. They held me in place. As his hands moved along my hips, holding me close to him as he kissed my inner thighs, I felt my resolve begin to weaken. Felt a massive wave of heat and moisture growing between my thighs.
I looked down to see him looking up at me. Those brown eyes of his were watching me, and I could have – should have – told him to stop. But, I waited too long. His tongue flicked at my clit and I fell back against the wall, opening up for him. As if taking my cue, he quickly drove his face between my legs, licking and sucking and fucking me with his tongue.
My body was on fire. I never wanted this to stop, I wanted to be with Eli in every way possible, and he had always been so good with his mouth. He ate pussy like a man with something to prove. Like someone who enjoyed every second of what he was doing. He ground his face into me, soft moans escaping his mouth as he pleasured me with his tongue, holding me against the shower wall so he could hit all the right spots. I leaned my head back against the shower wall and cried out softly, a million sensations coursing through my body.
“Jesus Christ,” I whimpered, grabbing onto his head and pressing him against me harder as I felt the first wave of my orgasm approaching.
Eli could read my body like a book. He knew I was close and kept up the tempo – hitting the right spots inside of me over and over again as I crested the peak and came crashing down, my fingers entangled in his hair. I tried to keep the volume down, but I couldn't help it.
I screamed out his name, “Eli! Yes!”
He grunted, burying his tongue inside of me with my pussy spasming uncontrollably. Waves of sensation rolled through me like a powerful tide. All the while, Eli continued to lick and suck on me, prolonging the pleasure gripping my body.
Slowly, the ecstasy of that powerful orgasm faded, and my body was left trembling, my heart hammering inside of me, and an awkward, crooked smile upon my lips.
“God, I'll never get tired of making you come,” he growled, getting up off his knees and pressing himself against me.
I could taste myself on his lips as we kissed, long and deep. My hands got lost in that thick mess of hair of his, and there I was, practically begging him to fuck me again. Even though I'd climaxed once already, my body yearned for more. So much more. I had a hole inside of me that needed to be filled by him. A hole inside of me that maybe only he could ever fill completely.
“Eli, please –” I groaned.
He flipped me around, so my back was to him, and roughly grabbed hold of my ass, pulling it toward him. With an animalistic grunt, he pressed his dick against me. The fire inside of me burning bright, I pushed myself backward, taking him inside of me with a comfortable ease. As he shoved his cock into me, he held firmly onto my hips, guiding himself into just the right spot.
I braced myself against the wall as he moved inside of me. My body was filled with anticipation and I bit my bottom lip, waiting to feel him fuck me. When he pounded his stiff rod into me, filling me up completely, I cried out. In an instant, all of my doubts and fears were gone. In that moment, it was just his body and mine, united as one.
Eli's grunts were low, his movements desperate, his body stiff. His breathing was ragged, and his jaw was clenched tight. I knew he was close and I wanted nothing more than to make him lose control. I wanted nothing more than to make him feel as good as he made me feel with his mouth. I tightened the muscles inside of me around his cock, and Eli gasped. He dug his nails into the flesh of my hips and drove himself into me harder, his pace becoming frantic.
The sounds he was making, coupled with his dick pumping in and out of me, sent me down into the abyss of pleasure once more. I barely kept my legs under me, barely remained upright as a wave of pleasure crashed down over me, taking me by surprise. Eli held onto me tightly as my body trembled, my muscles clenched, and my voice came out in stuttering gasps. He held me tightly as my orgasm tore through me, and just as I finished climaxing, I felt him pull his cock out of me and saw the streams of cum shooting from his dick and onto the shower floor. He managed to pull out this time – which was for the best – but as I watched his seed wash down the drain, it felt like a waste.
Eli helped me to stand again, holding me pressed against his body until my legs were steady. Once they were, I turned to face him. His eyes were heavy, but the look on his face was one of complete satisfaction. I imagine I had the same look on my face because Eli smiled at me, and kissed the tip of my nose.
“What was it you wanted to talk about again, Hannah?” he asked, his voice gravely and breathless.
“Nothing,” I mumbled, leaning into his chest. “It can wait.”
Eli wrapped his arms around me and hugged me tightly. As we stood there with the water washing down over us, I listened to his heart beating against my ear. The water was warm, soothing, and surrounded us in billowing clouds of steam.
Eli took my purple shower sponge, squeezed out some of my body wash onto it, and gently started washing me. He gently scrubbed me from my neck down to my toes, not missing a single inch of my skin. I closed my eyes and let myself get caught up in the moment – the feel of his hands on my body, the gentle kisses along my face, neck and collar bone as he washed me.
We'd never showered together before, this was a first. Given that this ver
y well might be the last time this happened, I wanted to savor every precious minute. It felt like the second we stepped out of the steamy confines of my shower, the real world would hit us, and hit us hard. At that point, I knew I'd be forced to deal with the reality of the situation.
The reality, of course, was that we weren't good for each other. I would end up hurt if I continued down this path with my stepbrother, and I knew it. Even still, I'd never felt as loved as I did in that shower with him.
No one had ever loved me the way Eli had, and part of me was afraid no one ever would.
Chapter Nine
Elijah
I wrapped Hannah in a towel after we stepped out of the shower. I knew she had her doubts about me – or rather, about us – and I wanted to show her that I could be better. For her. That this could work, that she didn't have to keep running away from me and putting up walls that kept us apart. I knew, deep down in my heart, that Hannah and I could be good together. Good for each other.
Except, the moment we shut off the water and stepped out of the steamy, protective cocoon of the shower, I saw that walls were already being built back up. I could see it in her eyes.
“You should probably check on the baby,” she said.
Her body was as stiff as a corpse as I held her close – and with all the warmth of one too. She wouldn't look at me directly. Though, from the brief glimpses I did get from her, I saw the guilt and regret written all over her face.
“Aubree is fine. I fed her, changed her and she should be good for a while,” I said.
Her hair was damp and falling around her face, and I pushed it back behind her ear. She recoiled slightly from my touch, sending a sliver of pain into my heart. Cupping her chin in my hands, I turned her face, forcing her to look up at me.
“It's you that I'm worried about, Hannah,” I said. “One minute you're begging for my cock, the next, you shut down completely and won't even talk to me.”