by Rye Hart
If someone in his club was behind it, Roy knew. Being the president of the club, he knew everything. No one so much as took a shit without Roy Ross knowing what was up. Trafficking in hard drugs like heroin would only be done with their leader's permission. Or with him being involved directly.
“Hannah, you can't go around slinging accusations like that,” I said, trying to find some way to convince her to stand down. “It could get you hurt. Or worse.”
She threw her hands in the air and stepped back, her voice rising. “Is this the kind of world you want for Aubree, Eli?” she said. “A world where she can buy heroin as cheaply and easily as she's able to buy candy?”
“Of course not,” I growled. “I just don't think this is something you should get involved in. I don't want to live in a world where you get hurt because of this either.”
“You claim you love me, Eli, but do you, really? Because I'm starting to think you don't even know me,” she said.
I flinched, cutting my eyes away from her quickly. Hannah's words hurt like she'd just thrown battery acid across my face. I stepped backward, nearly tripping over my coffee table, but managed to catch myself at the last minute, narrowly avoiding ending up on my ass.
“Because if you knew me,” she hissed, “you'd know, there's no way in hell I can just stand around and let my dad poison innocent children. Not if I can do something about it.”
She turned toward the door and opened it. Before I could catch her, she stormed out and slammed it shut it behind her. I followed her, desperate to catch her, but Aubree started crying in her crib. I stopped, having no choice but to go to my daughter.
“Jesus Christ, Hannah,” I muttered to myself.
My entire body was tense, and my stomach was in knots. I genuinely feared for her. I didn't know all that much about Roy's gang, but what I did know what enough to chill me to the bone. I knew they weren't people you messed around with or threatened.
I had to trust that Roy would put his daughter before his guys. I wanted to believe that he and his guys would take the fall for Hannah.
Yeah, knowing Roy like I did, I didn't have much faith in all that, which left me with one other option.
With Aubree cradled in one arm, I pulled out the card Titus had given me. If it came down to having to make a choice between Hannah and my stepdad, the choice was obvious in my mind. I'd never entertained ideas of killing Roy before, even though he'd treated me like shit. All because I wanted to protect Hannah.
Now, though, the only way to do that was to get her dad out of the picture once and for all.
Chapter Twelve
Hannah
“You okay, sugar?” Sarah asked me as I stepped out of the bathroom for the second time since she'd gotten there that morning.
It was actually the second time in a matter of half an hour, in fact. She was sharp and didn't miss much – a fact I was reminded of as her eyes narrowed while she scrutinized me.
“You're not coming down with something, are you?” she asked.
“No, it's just something I ate, I think,” I said, wiping the sweat from my brow. “I'm not scheduled to be here the next couple of nights anyway. So, even if I'm sick, don't worry, I won't be calling in. Or spreading any germs around here.”
“Uh huh,” she said. “As long as it passes in those two days you're off, whatever it is. And I sure as heck hope no one else calls in, because goodness knows, we may need you.”
“I'm sure it's just the hamburger I had last night,” I said, brushing it off.
A mischievous grin spread across her face and there was a twinkle in her eye to match. “Maybe you're pregnant.”
“Please, don't joke about that,” I said.
A chill ran down my spine and I had to physically keep myself from shuddering. I never made it to the clinic for the morning after pill after I'd been with Eli. There had just been too much going on and I just sort of figured the chances were slim to none. I know, I know, it only took one time, but seriously, what were the chances?
Sarah's smile fell, and she gave me a knowing look. “We work at a hospital,” she said. “Let me run a quick pregnancy test for you, just to ease your mind.”
“What if it doesn't ease my mind though?”
“Are you saying that because you want to be pregnant,” she asked, arching an eyebrow at me. “Or because you're pretty sure you are?”
“I honestly don't know,” I grumbled.
As we were talking, a familiar voice from behind took me by surprise.
“Hey, Hannah, just getting off work?”
“I am,” I said.
I turned to find Chris standing there, a bright smile on his face. No one should be that happy at six in the morning. It wasn't anything close to being natural. Still, his smile was contagious, and I felt myself warming up to it. Much to my own dismay.
“Want to grab a bite to eat? I'm just getting off too, and thought I'd see if my favorite nurse was hungry as well,” he said.
I cringed. “I can't right now –”
Sarah nudged me, hard, in the back. Seriously though, she was right. I needed that pregnancy test. I needed to know if I was pregnant with Eli's child before I could entertain the thought of going out on a date with another man. Even though it was tempting, I was hesitant. I knew I needed someone or something to get my mind off my stepbrother, and Chris was a nice, handsome man. Not that I felt anything for him, but that might come in time, right? How would I know if I didn't at least give him a shot?
“I mean, I'm not feeling well. I doubt I could keep breakfast down,” I said. “Food poisoning.”
“Oh, I'm sorry,” he said, looking absolutely crestfallen. “Maybe another time?”
“Yes, definitely.”
His smile brightened again and I realized I'd just given him the first affirmative reply since he'd started asking me out. Persistence apparently paid off.
“Great,” he said. “I'll look forward to it.”
Chris bounded off, going on his way merrily, leaving me standing there and Sarah shaking her head.
“I guess that rules out one potential father, huh?” she teased. “It's a shame though, you two would make some beautiful babies.”
I laughed and playfully smacked her in the arm. “Shut up,” I said.
She shrugged. “It's the truth,” she said. “What do you want me to do about it?”
“Well, if I do happen to be pregnant – which I very highly doubt – I already know who the father is,” I said dryly, rolling my eyes. “And no, it's not Chris.”
“Pity. He would most definitely not be too shabby as a baby daddy,” she winked. “But come on, let's get you a pregnancy test before the next big rush comes in.”
I groaned, but she was right. Better to know than to keep stressing about it. At least I could nip one of my big problems in the bud, and then tackle my father and the drug thing after that. As Sarah led me back, I had another idea. A fleeting one. I pulled out Chris's number and texted him, asking him to meet me for dinner that night.
Before I confronted my dad, I could get his take on things. Given his profession, he might have some valuable insight that could help me. Besides, a nice dinner with a law-abiding, stable career man wouldn't be the worst thing that's happened to me in ages.
As I thought about it, I even felt myself getting a little excited – but I couldn't be sure it was about the date. The idea of getting some closure on this drug problem, and more importantly, my dad's role in it was what excited me the most.
He texted me back moments later, happily agreeing to dinner, and I went into the bathroom, cup in hand to prepare for the pregnancy test. Once that came back negative, I was free to date whomever I wanted to date. Free to start a whole new chapter in my life. Free to get a new start.
At least that's what I could hope for, right?
***
I sat in my car, outside of The Pig's Ear, for far too long, my mind a swirling, chaotic mess. It was too early for the bar to be open, but that
wasn't why I was there anyway. I stared at the windows on second floor – the window into Eli's apartment and felt my stomach lurch. As I kept staring at the windows, I felt the knots in my stomach constrict painfully enough that I let out a soft groan. I clenched the steering wheel hard enough that my knuckles turned white and my hands started to ache. I sat there, trying to get up the courage to go inside. Or the cowardice to just drive away.
One way or the other – stay or go – I had to make a decision.
The tears had long since dried on my cheeks, and I wasn't sure if they were happy tears or sad ones. Maybe both. My emotions, like my mind, were all over the place. I was an absolute wreck and was having trouble discerning up from down at that moment.
Finally, without giving myself a chance to keep sitting there obsessing about it, I heaved open the car door and got out. I walked briskly toward the building and up the stairs to my stepbrother's studio. It was still early – he'd worked late – and I wasn't sure he'd even be up at that hour. I hesitated outside his apartment, wondering if I should text him later or...
No, I decided to go for it. Now or never. I'd made it this far, might as well see it through.
I knocked, almost too gently, on the door. It was almost like I didn't want him to hear it. Maybe I was hoping he wouldn't answer and I could go home. Go home, jump into bed, pull the covers up over my head, and pretend none of this was happening. I could figure this out without him. I didn't need him. In fact, he'd probably be more of a hinderance than anything, quite honestly.
I turned to leave, feeling the slightest wave of relief, when the door finally opened. My stomach lurched again, and I fought back a wave of nausea. Eli stood there with his hair hanging in his face, looking at me with eyes that were rimmed red and bleary. He was wearing nothing but his boxers, his chiseled chest and all of that ink on his flesh on display. I stared at the tattoos on his chest instead of meeting his eyes.
“Hannah? Hey. Come in,” he said.
Without a word, I stepped into his studio and he closed the door behind me. I turned around to face him, still unable to meet his eyes. We stood there, a couple of feet apart, though it felt like miles separated us. There was a thick tension and sense of expectation hanging in the air between us as he looked at me.
Finally, after several long moments of awkward silence, he spoke. “Is everything okay?”
“Yeah. Fine. Great,” I lied, feigning a smile, “I just wanted to check on Aubree. How's she doing today?”
“Besides crying half the night, you mean?” He glanced over at the crib and scratched the stubble on his face, which made a dry, scratchy sound. “She's fine. The fever seems to be gone, and she fell asleep about half an hour ago.”
“Oh, I'm sorry to wake you,” I muttered, staring at my hands – though, it was better than staring at my half-naked stepbrother.
“You didn't wake me – and even if you had, it's okay,” he said. “What's really going on with you?”
The words were on the tip of my tongue, but they were thick in my throat and felt stuck. I needed to get them out, but somehow, they harder I tried to speak them, the harder they seemed to stick. Elijah took my hands in his, my own tiny fingers disappearing amongst his big, strong palms. It never failed to amaze me how much Eli dwarfed me. It could be intimidating at times, and at other times, it made me feel comforted. Safe.
“We never did talk about our fight awhile back –” I stammered.
“No, I figured I'd give you some space,” he said softly. “Is that really why you wanted to talk to me, now? To finish our fight?”
I nodded. “Yes, and no,” I said, biting my bottom lip. “I mean, I realize why I'm pushing you away. It's because I know what I want out of life, and this isn't it.”
I motioned around his messy studio apartment. He followed my gaze and I could see a look of something that almost looked like shame.
“And you think this is all I want?” he asked. “This shitty studio and a terrible job slinging drinks for a bunch of bikers?”
I shrugged. “How the hell should I know? It's not like you've ever told me what you wanted to do with your life,” I said. “It's not like you ever talk about your hopes and dreams.”
“Because you've never asked,” he said.
“Well tell me now, then,” I say, my voice firm. “What do you want out of your life, Eli? What are your hopes and dreams?”
I managed to meet his gaze and not cry or have any other sort of emotional breakdown. Kudos for me. His normal smirk was gone, replaced by a serious expression, along with a look of mild shock. His eyebrows were cocked, and he seemed a little confused by my question. Not that I'd blame him for being confused. This whole conversation did seemingly come out of nowhere.
He released my hands and cradled my face, stroking my cheek softly with his thumbs. Without really thinking about it, I leaned into his touch. Felt comforted by his presence.
“I know I want to be with you,” he said.
I choked on the words, but they came out anyway. “I want to be with you too, believe it or not.”
“Great,” he said, a smile forming on his handsome face.
“But it's not that easy, Eli,” I said. “I have goals. Dreams. I want things out of this life – things I don't think you want.”
“Like what?”
“Like a family. Kids. I want kids, Eli,” I said. “Did you ever wonder why I took to your daughter so easily? Because I love babies, and I want nothing more than to have my own baby one day. With the man I love – but you –”
Eli leaned down and brushed his lips against mine. He silenced me for a brief moment as I reveled in the feeling of his lips on mine. God, he had a way of making me shut up with a simple touch or a kiss. But, now was not the time for that. I needed to keep going. Needed to say what I came to say and get it off my chest. I quickly – though reluctantly – pulled away.
“Hannah, I think you're getting ahead of yourself here –”
“No, I just know what I want, Eli,” I said. “And I realize that a big reason for my moodiness lately is because I'm jealous that another woman got to have your baby. It's stupid, petty, and childish, I admit. But, it was something I've wanted since we were stupid teenagers in love, and –”
“Hannah, stop,” he said, still smiling.
I was not smiling. Not in the least bit. He obviously, just wasn't getting it.
“Eli, I took a pregnancy test this morning,” I blurted out, hoping to get his attention.
It did. He stopped, his smile all but gone and replaced with a slack-jawed look of disbelief at the implication of my words. I couldn't keep him waiting, hanging and twisting in the wind like that. Not when I knew the truth.
“I'm not pregnant, at least as far as the test showed today,” I sighed, closing my eyes as I fought back the tears. “And you know what? I was devastated. For a brief period of time, I thought I might be having your baby and I was excited. When I found out I wasn't pregnant though, I –”
My eyes were still closed when Eli kissed me against. His lips were warm and wet against mine, his tongue pushing its way into my mouth and stealing my breath away. He held me in his arms, pulling me tight against him, and kissed me instead of running away. I literally told him I wanted to have his baby, and he didn't run away screaming. Instead, he was kissing me and holding me. It wasn't the reaction I'd been expecting – to say the least. Though, the whole thing is leaving me so terribly confused.
“Eli, say something, please,” I said, leaning into his touch.
“I don't know what you want me to say, Hannah,” he said softly. “I mean, right now, I have my hands full with Aubree, I can't imagine having another –”
I pulled away from his touch, but he reached for me again and this time, wouldn't let me go. He pulled me to him, wrapping his arms tight around me. Holding me close.
“Let me finish, Hannah.”
He'd already ripped my heart to shreds with his careless, insensitive words. Not to mention th
e confirmation that we weren't anywhere close to being on the same page with each other in regard to how we wanted to live out the rest of our lives. What more could he do to me? I nodded, keeping my mouth shut as Eli started talking again.
“Right now, my hands are full, and I can barely support myself, much less Aubree,” he said. “But, I see how amazing you are – and you make me want to be better. You make me want to better my life and be a better man. I guess, what I'm saying is – I see what an amazing mother you'd be, and maybe, with some more help, I wouldn't be as bad as this dad thing after all.”
Eli leaned forward and rested his forehead against mine, his eyes boring into mine. I looked back at him and, he smiled. It was a smile that lit up his entire face, making his eyes sparkle. He held me in his arms and stared deep into my eyes, and I wasn't sure if I was dreaming, or what. I had to physically restrain myself from giving my arm a vicious pinch to check. I'd already looked petty and foolish enough for one day.
“And I'll be honest, the idea of putting my babies inside of you is pretty damn appealing,” he said, his hands moving down my body until they rested on my belly. “Because I love everything about you, Hannah. And I know I'd love any child we created together. Even if you had come to me with a positive pregnancy test this morning, we'd have made it work. Because I love you.”
“I love you too,” I said, the words flowing from me easier than ever before. It had been years since I admitted I loved him, but as soon as I had, I knew it was true. “God, I love you so much.”
I felt giddy. Nearly lightheaded with joy, and I was shaking from the rush of emotions coursing through my mind and body. Eli kissed me on the neck, and I sighed with contentment.
“You love me even though I'm a shitty bartender living in a studio apartment?” he asked.
“Yes,” I whimpered as he dragged his teeth along my skin. “I just want to have your babies. When we're ready, of course.”
“First, I gotta get a better job,” he laughed, his hands moving up to cup my breasts.
He gently kneaded and pinched my nipples as he continued whispering into my ear, sending shivers of pleasure up and down my spine.