by Rye Hart
Leon looked over at me and said, “She's not causing you any problems, is she?”
“Of course not, Leon,” Malcolm scoffed. “She's actually keeping me company and listening to my woes. She's proving to be very helpful and friendly.”
Leon side-eyed me, as if he found that hard to believe. I wanted to say, Hey, I'm not always a raging bitch. Not when the customer doesn't deserve it. I kept my mouth shut, though, since I knew it could only get me into trouble. Malcolm seemed to be doing a good job of helping me out of this mess. Leon, I swear, was looking for a reason to fire me. “Well, I would never pull her away from you, Mr. Crane,” Leon said.
He stepped away, and I heard him yelling at Raya, who happened to be standing behind the bar in the front still. Right where I'd left her.
“Since you're just standing around, you can clean up this spill,” he said.
I mouthed the words, “I'm sorry,” in her direction, feeling terrible that Raya was stuck cleaning up the mess and dealing with Leon.
Malcolm leaned close to me and whispered into my ear – his warm breath causing my flesh to tingle.
“Run to the bathroom really quickly,” he said. “I'll keep a watch out for you and distract Leon if he comes back down this way again.”
“Thank you,” I said, wanting to kiss him in that moment.
He gave me a cocky grin and motioned for me to go into the bathroom. I hurried inside and did my business, trying not to take too long. I washed my hands and placed them under the dryer when the bathroom door swung open, a flourish of henna and patchouli announcing her arrival.
“Raya?”
“Halleluiah! I'm free at last,” she said. She was cackling like an idiot. “Oh, my Goddess, Casey, I just told Leon to take this job and shove it. So cliche, but sooo worth it to see the look on his constipated face. You totally should come with me – I'm going to grab breakfast to celebrate, and I'd love it if you could celebrate kicking this shitty job to the curb with me.”
“I can't, Raya,” I said. “You know I can't quit.”
“Come on,” she grabbed my hands before they finished drying and shook them. “Breakfast. You and me. And hell, if you want to bring Mr. Handsome with you, he can come too. The more the merrier!”
“How about I join you after my shift?” I said. “It ends in just over an hour and –”
“Casey,” Raya whined. “You deserve better than this place, chica. You shouldn't have to put up with Leon's shit – or those handsy pigs out on the floor, either. This job is so shitty and you're so smart and pretty and hard working – ”
“But I have bills to pay and kids to feed,” I said. “It's not just about me, Raya.”
God, I wished it was sometimes. I wished I could be like her – free to quit this awful job once and for all. Free to be myself and pursue my flights of fancy, no matter where they took me. If I just had to worry about my own bills, I could have found something else. Something better.
Maybe it wouldn't have paid as much as I made there, but if I was only worried about taking care of myself, it could have worked. I had my brother, sister and mother to take care of, though, and I couldn't just leave them hanging until I found something else. The electric bill was already late, and they were going to shut us off Monday if I didn't make enough tonight to cover it.
I had problems Raya just couldn't understand. She was free to do what she wanted because she had parents who were backing her up. I didn't have that. I didn't have anybody. No safety net of any kind, whatsoever.
“Alright, alright, I can't make you leave an abusive situation until you're ready.” Raya completely dismissed the fact that it wasn't a choice – I literally couldn't leave. She sighed. “I'll head over to IHOP. Meet me there when you get off.”
My body ached, and I just wanted to go to bed. Plus, money spent on pancakes was money that could go toward groceries this week. I'd just have a coffee, I decided. Or maybe just a glass of ice water.
“I'll meet you there as soon as I'm off,” I promised.
Raya shrieked and ran out the door. I followed behind. I watched with an amused grin on my face as she flipped off Leon and Tommy, yelling something I couldn't make out over the music, until security guided her toward the doors and out onto the sidewalk, making sure she was gone.
“Who was she?” Malcolm said, his voice taking me by surprise. I'd almost forgotten he was out there, waiting for me.
“Just a disgruntled employee who's had enough,” I mumbled.
“Well, good for her,” he said. “Looks like she's very happy with her decision.”
“Yeah, it does.”
I stared at the doors through which Raya had been escorted out. I seriously yearned to walk out those doors myself – not before giving Leon a big middle finger, of course – and never look back. But, I couldn't. I turned back to Malcolm and gave him a small smile.
“Thanks for standing guard,” I said. “I better get back to work though. Now that we're down a dishwasher, they're going to need all the help they can get.”
Malcolm touched my arm, stopping me. “I have a question to ask you,” he said tentatively. “Though, I'm sure it's going to come out wrong and you're probably going to say no.”
My stomach was in knots, and my mouth was dry. I stared, wide-eyed up at him. I wondered what his question was. “But I can't ask here,” he said, averting his eyes. “Maybe we can meet up after you get off?”
“I can't,” I said softly, thinking about Raya's celebratory breakfast. “It's against company policy to date customers – I mean, it's not strictly against policy, it's just generally discouraged. And I know how dangerous it can be. I have no intention of getting murdered, not that I think you'd murder me – but, you know what I mean.”
Fuck, Casey. Could you have screwed that up anymore? Could you have sounded any more like a rambling idiot?
“I mean – well, technically, I have plans already,” I stammered jamming my foot even further down my throat. “But maybe –”
“It's okay,” Malcolm said, bringing my hand to his lips and giving it a quick kiss. “It was stupid of me anyway. A fleeting idea. I shouldn't even think like that. Forget I said anything at all.”
He hurried inside the men's restroom, and I cursed myself. Dammit.
I should never be allowed to talk to anyone ever again.
~ooo000ooo~
“You actually accused him of wanting to murder you?” Raya screeched.
Her laughter filled the IHOP and caused everyone to turn and stare. I felt the heat creep into my cheeks and wanted to crawl under the table and die. I tried to silence her, but there was no use. Apparently, after she'd left the club, she found another one to drink at. She'd had a few shots before meeting me at IHOP and was thoroughly sloshed.
“You're so smooth, Casey. No wonder I love you,” she said, picking at the fruit on her plate.
There really weren't a whole lot of vegan options at IHOP for Raya. As much as I'd have killed for some pancakes, I hadn't made enough during my shift tonight to justify splurging on myself. Not with the electric bill due.
“It's not like he wants to date me or anything,” I said, taking a sip from my coffee mug. The warmth from the cup felt good against my hands. “He probably just wanted to proposition me. Too many guys think we're the prostitutes.”
Raya rolled her eyes. “Seriously, tell me about it,” she said. “Not that I have to deal with that anymore.”
“Lucky you,” I mumbled.
I hated being jealous of people. It served no purpose at all. Still, seeing Raya be able to just up and quit on a whim like that was enviable. I couldn't imagine leaving a well-paying job without having an even better one lined up, no matter the circumstances. I just wasn't wired that way. Of course, not having anybody to rely on but myself – and having others relying on me – helped keep my head in the game, right where it needed to be.
Not that it didn't get old sometimes. It really did.
Raya checked the time on her
iPhone, and her eyes grew wide. “Shit. I have to go. I'm so sorry for cutting out on you like this,” she said. “My grandparents are coming down from Seattle, and they'll be here in a couple hours.”
“Yikes. Have fun,” I said.
She hugged me and said, “We'll have to keep in touch,” she said. “Go out now and then, you know? Go and bang the senses out of Mr. Handsome while you're at it.”
“Of course,” I said, laughing and rolling my eyes.
When I'd find the time to go out or bang anybody, let alone Mr. Handsome, I wasn't sure. But, it was nice to have a friend. Even one that was a little flakey like Raya. That's all part of what made her unique and gave her a special kind of charm though, to be honest. She was just such a free spirit and I envied that.
“You don't sound so eager to go home, Casey,” she said, pausing in front of me. “Everything okay?”
“Am I ever eager to go home?” I snorted.
I swirled the coffee around in my cup as Raya stared down at me. I could see the concern for me in her eyes and I really didn’t want to make her worry about me. Pity was the last thing I wanted.
“It's fine,” I said. “Dad just got his social security check, which means that I'm sure he'll be wasted already.”
“This early in the morning?” Raya asked, cocking an eyebrow.
“Yeah, it's right about time for his monthly bender.”
“I'm sorry, chica,” she said. “I'd offer to let you to come over to my place, but – ”
“Grandparents. I know,” I said. “Besides, I have to get Sierra and Nick out the door for school. God knows he won't do it and mom's already left for work – so that leaves me.”
Raya's eyes softened a bit, and she looked at me as if, for the first time, she understood what I was dealing with at home. It was fleeting, though, as she checked her phone again.
“They're early! Eek!,” she said. “They'll be here in an hour, I gotta run. But, just so you know, I'm always here to talk, chica. Always.”
“Thanks, Raya,” I say, blowing her a kiss. “See you soon.”
After blowing me a quick kiss in return, my friend turned and rushed out the door, leaving me alone at the restaurant. She'd left a few pieces of honeydew on her plate, so I took a few bites of that, trying to fill my otherwise empty belly. The waitress comes over and checked on me.
“More coffee, hon?”
“No, thanks,” I said, pulling out the wad of cash from last night. “I'm ready to pay.”
Time to go home. Sierra and Nick needed me. They might be teenagers, but if anything, that made it harder to get their asses to school on time. Neither one of them were morning people. Like me.
I hoped that once I got them out the door, I might get at least, a few hours’ sleep before heading back into the club. It was Sunday, which was normally my one day off, but there was a special event booked for the night, and I'd volunteered to work. I really didn't want to, but I needed the overtime and all the tips I could get.
I slipped from the booth and walked toward the Blue Line train. The sun was just starting to make an appearance on the horizon, which made me feel better about riding the train. Some nights, it was pretty sketchy. Especially dressed in my waitressing outfit. Some of the creeps on the train were skeevier than the pigs in the club I had to deal with.
Usually, if I remembered, I changed before hopping on the train. Not that it made much difference, people still assumed I was a hooker, or at least hoped that I might fuck them for the right price.
Morning was different. Commuters crowded the train, making it standing room only, but at least there was less chance of getting attacked or raped because there were too many witnesses.
God, what I wouldn't give to have my own car, I thought to myself. Maybe someday. For now, mom needed it more than me. So, as with everything else, I'd make due and put my own needs to the side. My needs didn't matter. The needs of my family did.
CHAPTER FIVE
MALCOLM
I really wasn't sure what I was thinking. I must have been gripped by some really potent alcohol or a quick bout of dementia myself. I had to have been to even consider asking a cocktail waitress to be the mother of my children. Not that she would have agreed, but the fact that I even considered it – even if only for the briefest of moments – told me just how crazed this whole thing was making me.
Honestly though, it just seemed like she needed a way out of that shitty job, and for a brief minute, I thought I could be a hero. Thought that maybe, I could swoop in with this amazing offer to pay her a large sum of money for her to be a surrogate for me, and both of our problems would be solved.
Not my brightest moment, that was for sure.
It was Monday morning, and I'd made a promise to my mom to meet with the people at Surrogates R Us – okay, not really what they were called, but that's what I called them. It seemed far more preferable to make light of them and what they did than admit that I was taking them, and this whole process, seriously.
The entire thing just felt weird to me. This was not how I pictured myself making babies. Not at all. But, it seemed like the only option I currently had. With time running short to meet my father's demands – and beat Adam to the punch – I really needed to explore the options I did, in fact, have.
The waiting room was filled with people – couples, mostly. A lesbian couple, an older, wealthier looking couple, and a younger couple. I was the only single person there, and I felt incredibly out of place as I flipped through a Parent's magazine, which had photos of happy families with bright eyes and wide smiles.
Yes, in the modern day, a family doesn't have to be a mom and a dad. Two dads, two moms, hell, even one dad and two moms if you were into that sort of lifestyle. Single parents were common enough too. Men and women these days, could raise children alone, sure, but making a child without a partner was not what I had in mind.
For about the millionth time, I had to ask myself – what was my dad thinking to attach this kind of a demand to his will?
“Malcolm, we're ready to see you now,” a forty-something year old woman with a soft voice said. She reminded me of my mother, in a way, except that she had brown hair that was pulled back into a loose bun atop her head. She also had deep smile lines etched into her skin that showed off a happy, motherly face.
I followed the woman back into a private office, and she introduced herself as Lisa. Just Lisa. No last name, we're all family here, she said. Her office was painted a light, soothing shade of blue. There was a small water feature on the cabinet behind her, the babbling of the water over the small stones helping fill the office with gentle, running water sounds so the silences would be less awkward.
On her desk were photos of her own family – a smiling father with two little boys that looked just like her stared back at us.
“Are those your kids?” Obvious question, but it felt like the nice thing to say.
“Yes,” she said, glancing down at the photo. “My husband Chuck, and my two boys Jeremy and Jacob.”
“A good-looking family you have there,” I said.
A good, wholesome, All-American family. Chuck and Lisa, Jeremy and Jacob. Almost sounded too good to be true. Like something out of a family sit-com from the 1960's or something. But there was photographic evidence of the happy family staring me right in the face.
“Thank you, Malcolm,” she said, her smile widening. “So, you're thinking of starting a family of your own?”
“I am.”
“Straight and to the point, I like it. Which is why I'm going to get straight to the point as well, so please excuse my bluntness.” she said. She crossed her hands and placed them in her lap, leaning back into her chair. “Have you thought long and hard about this decision? It says in your paperwork that you don't have a partner, you're still young – what makes you interested in having a surrogate right now, when you still have plenty of time to have children of your own?”
“My father has a brain tumor.”
�
�I'm sorry to hear that,” she said.
The way her face softened, I believed she meant it too. She seemed kind and compassionate.
“Yes, it's been hard for my family. It's benign, and doctors anticipate her has about two years to live. About a year before he loses some of his – ” I choked on the next words that came from my mouth, “mental awareness.”
Her smile faltered, and her eyes looked sad. “That must be really tough on you and your family, Malcolm,” she said. “Are you sure that a baby, right now, is a good idea? With all that stress and uncertainty in your life?”
“My father's last wish was to see his grandchildren before he passes away,” I said.
I left out the part about the inheritance being tied to having a baby of my own since I doubt that would help my case. I needed to convince her that this was my idea, and something I wanted to do.
“I want to give him that,” I said. “I want to give him grandkids to for him to spoil and enjoy while he still has time.”
“I see,” Lisa murmured. “But tell me, Malcolm, is this what you want?”
I thought on her words for a moment. Yes, I would have loved to have a child, but not like this. I wanted a family of my own and had no real desire to be a single father. The doubts rose in my mind like a thick fog. But I couldn’t let my face show it. I needed to do this. Ready or not, I needed to do this. For my mother. My father. For my company's future, and for myself.
“Yes,” I said. “I've always wanted to be a father myself.”
That wasn't a lie. It just wasn't total honesty, either. “As long as you're sure, I can't turn you away,” she said. “I just want to make sure that this is the best thing for you and your family. I hope you understand.”
“I do,” I said and gave her a smile I hoped looked reassuring. “And, I appreciate that.”
Lisa pulled a folder out from one of her desk drawers and slipped it over to me. I picked it up and looked at it as she began to speak.