by Rye Hart
His eyes bored into mine, trying to read my soul, a smirk on his face.
“I'm not sure who you're talking about,” I said. “I met with Mr. Brownstein, and a few other clients. Oh, maybe you meant Lena, from accounting? She had some questions and her boss is still on maternity leave.”
“I know Lena, it wasn't her,” he said. “Said her name was Casey. A young, pretty little thing, I might add. She looked a little disheveled leaving your office though.”
“Doesn't ring a bell,” I said. “Sorry.”
My fists were balled up on my lap, and I found myself no longer interested in eating. I glared at Adam, wondering what he hoped to accomplish with all of this.
Danielle cleared her throat as she reached for my hand. She looked at me and smiled.
“I'm sure you're mistaken, Adam,” she said.
I pulled my hand away from hers. “I know he's mistaken,” I said. “Not that it matters if I'm seeing someone or not, it's no one's business but my own.”
“Oh, I'd think the mother of your child might have something to say about that,” Adam said.
“Are you so sure it's not your kid, Adam?” I asked. “Because you two were awfully friendly – ”
Dad slammed his fists against the table, making the silverware jump and the glasses nearly fall over as he shouted at us.
“ENOUGH!” his booming voice echoed around the dining room.
Both Adam and I continued staring at each other, but neither of us spoke another word.
“Can we not have one decent meal together, as a family, without fighting?” Dad growled. “Who knows how many more of these I have left? At least you two could pretend to like each other. For my sake.”
“Sorry, Dad,” Adam said.
“Yeah, sorry for ruining your dinner,” I said.
I continued shooting a look of death at Adam, though. I wasn't sorry for what I'd said to him, just that it upset my father.
“Malcolm, you're a grown man with a child on the way, it's time you acted like it,” Dad said. “And Adam, stop looking for trouble. Stop goading him. If Malcolm says he doesn't know this girl, drop it. No need to upset Danielle by spreading rumors.”
Danielle piped up, “Thank you, Mr. Crane.”
I gritted my teeth but focused on my food. I pushed the meat around on my plate, my appetite gone, and didn't say another word for the rest of the dinner. Casey had apparently met Adam, and I had no idea what Adam knew or didn't know. I wasn't prepared to introduce Casey to my family yet. Honestly, it was nice not to have her involved with all the drama.
Not only that, I didn't want to mess things up with her by introducing her to the likes of Adam or Danielle. I knew those two conniving schemers would stop at nothing to sabotage my efforts. I also didn't want her hurt or involved with people who would hurt her. Adam knew about her though, and I had no idea what he had up his sleeve.
Alba came out and cleared the plates and served each of us a slice of triple chocolate cake. I'd barely touched my food, and when she put the plate in front of me, I shook my head.
“No thank you,” I said softly.
I stood from the table. “If you'll excuse me,” I said. “It's been a long day and I'm ready to hit the hay.”
“Sit down, Malcolm,” Dad ordered. “Dinner isn't over yet.”
Mom, Adam and Danielle looked at me. No one had even touched their dessert yet.
“It is for me,” I said.
I put my napkin down on the table and pushed my chair back into place before leaving the dining room. No one else said a word as I went. Not even my father. I heard footsteps approaching from behind me though, light heels clicking on the hardwood floors and I didn't have to turn around to know who it was.
“Malcolm, wait,” Danielle said, grabbing my arm just as I was about to go up the stairs. “Please. Can we talk, alone?”
“There's nothing to talk about, Danielle,” I said.
“I don't believe you,” she said.
She stepped in front of me, blocking the stairwell. Once upon a time, I'd thought she was the most beautiful woman in the world. With pale, blonde hair and sun kissed skin, she was radiant. Her blue eyes were wide and innocent, and I hadn't seen a single imperfection on her face or body.
Now though, that view of her had been tainted and I saw without the rose-colored glasses I'd always seen her through before. I noticed the frown lines forming on her face. Saw that her dress hung loosely on her frame – much too large for her. She'd lost weight. Quite a bit of it, judging by how slack the dress was on her body. I would have expected that she'd gain wait, being pregnant and all. Her hands rested on her flat belly, a nervous light in her eyes, and still no sign of a baby growing inside of her.
“Danielle, are you really pregnant?” I asked her.
“Yes, of course,” she said. “Why would I lie to you?”
“Oh, gee, I don't know. Maybe, because our entire relationship was a lie, and you're trying to get back with me so you can sink your teeth into my checkbook?”
“Listen, Malcolm,” she said, bringing her hand up to touch my face.
Her perfectly manicured nail ran down the side of my cheek, and I backed away from her touch. The pain was clear on her face.
“I know I screwed up, but do you really think Adam would keep his mouth shut if he thought this might be his child?”
“It might not be his either,” I said. “Because we both know you were with more than just the two of us.”
“No, I wasn't,” she said. “And I can prove it to you.”
“How?” I scoffed.
“I'd like you to talk to Tyler,” she said. “He can clear everything up.”
“You want me to talk to the man you cheated on me with?” I said and laughed. “Seriously?”
Wow, that was a first. I had to admit, Danielle always knew how to keep me on my toes, but that wasn't always a good thing.
“Stop wasting my time, Danielle,” I said. “I'm not going to talk to your lover. What could he possibly tell me that I'd even come remotely close to believing?”
“That we've never been together in that way,” she said. “Don't you think if this might be his child, he'd want to claim it? He can't because he knows it can't be his either. And he's mad at me too.”
“Oh, you poor thing,” I said dryly. “My heart aches for you.”
“Please, Malcolm. Talk to him. For our child? For us?”
Her eyes were wide and shimmered with unshed tears. Her lower lip trembled, and she had the most pitiful expression on her face. Even I had a hard time not softening up under that kind of pressure.
“There is no us,” I mumbled.
“Fine,” she sighed, closing her eyes just as a tear fell down her cheek. “Then do it for the baby.”
The baby. Possibly my baby. If she were carrying my child, I wanted to know. I'd want to be in the kid's life. I wanted to be a father to him or her. It wasn't even about the inheritance at that point, but about the child.
I thought back to Adam, and how bitter he was about being excluded from our father's life until he was older. I thought about the kind of person he was and knew I didn't want that for a child that could be mine. If Danielle was indeed pregnant with my child, I didn't want him or her to experience the same thing. I certainly didn't want them to turn out to be like Adam.
“I don't need to talk to Tyler, Danielle,” I sighed.
My head was killing me, and I rubbed at my temples.
“If we determine the baby is mine,” I started. “I'll be the father he or she deserves. We'll make it work.”
Danielle sucked on her lower lip, as if contemplating her next move. Eventually, she had to admit defeat, and she nodded her head slowly.
“I guess that's the best I can hope for then,” she said, her voice colored with resignation. “But please, Malcolm, I'd very much like to be part of your family. Since we're having a child together, it seems only right that we all get along.”
“Fine,” I said. “You're welcome to s
pend time with my family, and I'll keep my thoughts to myself.
“Thank you,” she said, reaching out for my hand.
She squeezed it, and for a moment, I wanted to believe she'd changed. That maybe her affair was just a fluke. A situation brought on because I was working too much. After all, my own father had hardly been around, and I remembered the toll it took on my mother. Being with someone who worked constantly was a challenge a lot of women couldn't handle.
As much as some small part of me wanted to forgive her though, to go back to the way we were was just not possible. I didn't love her. Not anymore. There was someone else that I'd prefer to spend my time with now. Somebody who made me feel happy and carefree. Somebody who made me feel like it was okay to be me and that I was good enough.
There was someone else who'd had hold of my heart. If we were lucky, she'd also be having my baby, and with Casey, I'd never have any question it was mine.
~ooo000ooo~
My phone rang while I was getting ready for bed, and Casey's name popped up on the caller ID. My heart raced, and I answered right away, a little jolt of fear and adrenaline pumping through my veins. She wasn't one to call – especially not late. So, seeing that he was calling me made me think something had happened.
“Casey?” I asked. “What's wrong? Are you alright?”
“I'm fine,” she said. “I just hadn't heard from you since our little run-in yesterday.”
“Yeah, I'm sorry,” I said, collapsing on my bed, a feeling of relief washing through me.
I usually checked in with her every single day, asking her if she had any news and just generally making sure she was okay.
“I've had a lot going on here at home, unfortunately,” I said. “How are you?”
“I'm good,” she said. “I took a test this morning, even though it's probably too early.”
“And?” I sat up on the bed.
If I'd thought my heart was racing before, it was really going now. If she were pregnant and Danielle was telling me the truth, I'd have two babies on the way. In that moment, I started to freak out about caring for two kids when I wasn't even sure I was ready to be a father. Especially not a single father.
“It was still negative,” she sighed. “I just keep hoping and praying this works.”
“Yeah, about that, Casey,” I said. “If this doesn't work, I guess we can hold off on trying for a bit.”
“Really?” she asked, sounding surprised. “Don't you need to hurry things along?”
I was torn. Danielle could be lying to me. If she was actually pregnant, the baby might not even be mine. Though she had a point earlier, if it were Adam's – or any chance it might be his – then he wouldn't have just sat there and let her claim it was mine. Not with so much at stake. Still didn't mean it wasn't someone else's, but she went as far as offering to let me talk to the other man. Maybe I'd just needed to accept that this child could actually be mine.
Before I could answer though, there was a knock at my door.
“Casey, I'll call you later,” I said, voice hushed.
“Okay...” she said, her voice trailing off.
She'd sounded hurt, and I wanted to ask her what was wrong, but whoever was on the other side of my door knocked again. I couldn't risk them hearing my conversation.
I hung up the phone and stood up. Crossing the room, I swung the door open, expecting my mother. Instead, I came face-to-face with Adam.
“Give me one good reason not to slam this door in your face,” I growled.
“Easy, brother,” he said, hands up and in a defensive pose. “I'm just coming by to apologize. I shouldn't have mentioned Casey at dinner, not with Danielle pregnant and all. Which, by the way, I just found out about tonight. So, I guess I have no choice but to concede the company to you then, right?”
His voice sounded too cheerful for him to be conceding.
“Why are you really here?” I asked.
“Just wanted to congratulate my brother,” he said. “Is that so wrong?”
I stared at him, waiting for the punchline. Waiting for the truth. Adam smirked and rolled his eyes.
“Fine. I guess I shouldn't congratulate you just yet,” he said. “We'll wait until the baby is born, because you never know what might happen, right? Especially since you have a side chick and all.”
“I don't have a side chick,” I said, my voice rising. “Goodnight, Adam.”
I shut the door before he could say anything else. I had nothing else to say to him, or anyone for that matter. I finished getting ready for bed, even though it was earlier than usual, and laid in bed for a long time, staring up at the ceiling, my mind a battlefield of conflicting thoughts and emotions.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
CASEY
I woke up a few days later and couldn't get to the bathroom soon enough. My stomach roiled, and I was shaky and sweating. I generally felt like crap. I'd eaten some of Raya's vegan food and figured that was why. I dropped down on my knees in front of the toilet with no time to spare. All of that quinoa and other hippie garbage was coming up again.
As I prayed to the porcelain gods, my first thought was to blame the weird vegan food. It had to be that. Clearly, I wasn't built for the vegan lifestyle and required copious amounts of grease, fast food, and French fries.
But then, after throwing up everything I thought I'd eaten for the last ten years, and wiping my face clean with a cool, damp cloth, another thought occurred to me. A thought that sent a bolt of fear mixed with excitement coursing through my veins.
I could be pregnant.
I dug out the paper bag with the pregnancy tests inside of it, my hands trembling as I unwrapped one. My hands were trembling so badly, I dropped it twice before I got the packaging open.
Oh God, please let it be. My stomach lurched again, this time from nerves though.. I sat on the toilet and slipped the tester between my legs, peeing on the stick. When that was done, I sat there, waiting impatiently, my nerves jangling terribly.
I had no choice but to wait for the result. I kept an eye on the clock, feeling like the seconds were ticking by agonizingly slowly. I tapped my feet on the floor and drummed my fingers on my thigh. Waiting sucked, but I had no other choice.
Malcolm hadn't called me back since our very short conversation a few nights ago, when he'd basically told me we would stop trying for a bit if we weren't pregnant. I thought it was a really strange comment to make and I didn't know why he was feeling that way. I mean, we'd only been together a handful of times, and sometimes, it takes a minute for an egg to be fertilized. Why so ready to give up?
Was that his way of breaking things off with me? I didn't know, but something had very clearly changed if he was talking about not trying again so soon.
My head was spinning as I waited for the damn timer to go off, and when it did, I almost jumped out of my skin. I was apparently wound a bit too tight. I reached for the stick and stared at it for a long time before it made sense to me, even though the test was one of those that merely spelled it out for you – ‘pregnant or not pregnant’. There were no lines to read, no guessing whether there were one or two lines. It literally told me what I'd needed to know in one simple word.
In this case, it said Pregnant.
“I'm pregnant,” I whispered to myself.
I stared down at my mostly flat tummy and had a hard time imagining that there was a life growing inside of me. Aside from the nausea I'd just had, I'd felt okay. I didn't have an ongoing case of morning sickness or any other symptoms, really. I'd never kept track of my period before, never had to, but as I sat there and thought back, I realized that maybe I was actually late.
Because I was pregnant. The results were positive. “Holy shit,” I said to myself, sitting on the closed toilet seat.
My hands were shaking so badly, it looked like I had palsy or something, as I reached for my phone. I typed out several messages to Malcolm, only to erase them and try again, doing my best to find the right words.
After about my thirtieth attempt to draft an appropriate text, I realized that I couldn't tell him the news over text. No, I'd have to tell him face to face. And honestly, I couldn't wait to see the look in his eyes. I decided to send a simple enough message.
Hey there
Yes, after nearly twenty minutes of agonizing over each and every word I thought about sending, that was all I'd sent. I sat there and waited for a response. Nothing came for a long time, and I realized it was early. Maybe too early. He could still be asleep. I convinced myself that he probably was still asleep.
But, then I realized how ridiculous that was. It was seven in the morning, who was I kidding? Malcolm was not sleeping. He was already up and about. He was an early bird, which meant that maybe, he was on his way to work. Yeah, that had to be it. That seemed like the most reasonable explanation.
I kept waiting for some response though, anything at all. About half an hour later, my phone buzzed, and I jumped out of my skin. My heart racing and my hands trembling, I picked up my phone and looked at his message.
Hey there, Casey. Sorry, been busy. How are you?
Uhhh, pregnant with your child? That's how I am. Not that I could have typed that out. I settled for something less dramatic.
I'm good. Think we can get together tonight?
Waiting was the worst. I needed to see him, to speak with him in person. This was news that had to be delivered in person. Anything else would just be wrong. My heart was beating out of my chest and I felt like I could throw up at any minute.
I kept staring at my phone. Waiting. And waiting some more. He took forever to get back to me. Again. Maybe I should have called instead. Finally, another message came through.
Can't tonight. Family dinner. Can I call you later?
My heart sunk as I read the words. I'd never felt more alone than I did in that moment. I was pregnant, freaked out emotional, and didn't want to settle for a phone call. This was not news that could or should be delivered in an email, over the phone, or in a text. The only right way to tell somebody they were going to be a father was when you were looking them in the eye.