by J. H. Croix
Rachel had joined us for dinners a few times, so she knew my mom and Em liked to play cards together. I started laughing and crying all over again. “Okay, let me call Em right now. I’ll tell her you’re on your way.”
“Oh no,” Rachel said as I slipped my phone out of my pocket. She actually snatched it right out of my hands. “I don’t think so. Because if she says anything that leads you to think you need to go home, you’ll back out of talking to Jesse.”
“Hey, give me that,” I protested, trying to take my phone back.
Rachel held it high above her head, laughing as I glared at her. “Password please,” she called out.
Giving up, I answered, “One, two, three, four.”
Rachel looked at me like I was crazy.
“I can’t remember anything else. It’s not like I have anything to hide either.”
“Oh my God, you haven’t even been sexting with him. You need to get a life.”
By the time I turned down Jessie’s driveway, my pulse was running along at a high idle. My palms were sweating, and my belly was spinning in flips.
I was so damned anxious.
The one time I’d been over to his house, I had walked through the darkness to get here. It was different to pull up in the front. He had a circular driveway, and I was both relieved and terrified when I saw his truck parked in front.
You can do this, Charlie. All you have to do is tell him you fucked up and tell him… Tell him what? You love him. It doesn’t matter if the timing isn’t good.
Emotion welled in my throat. Taking several deep breaths as I rolled to a stop, I put my car in park and cut the engine. After a moment, quiet filtered around me. The moment felt weighty, if only because of my own internal state. Stepping out, I heard the sound of Waffle barking. I couldn’t help but smile. If I didn’t know her, I would think she was tough.
I took another deep breath and hoped I wasn’t at the point of hyperventilation by the time I got to the door. I absorbed his house from the front. It looked a little different, but then I’d only seen the back in the darkness. My cheeks got hot just thinking about that night.
From the front, the home blended into the landscape, nestled amongst the trees with dark wooden siding. There was a curved deck on the front with wildflowers dotting the front lawn. On the heels of another deep breath, I followed the flagstones up to the door. I knocked and waited, my heart in my throat beating so loud I could hear it over Waffle’s barks.
I kept waiting and started to wonder if Jesse was even home. When he didn’t answer, I didn’t know what to do with myself. Somehow I was drawn to simply walk home. I wasn’t even thinking about it. I forgot that I’d actually driven over here.
Rounding the house, the opening in the trees was visible. The path looked different in the dusk without the moon gilding the trees in silver. Everything felt earthy, the leaves still somewhat damp from the recent snowmelt. A few branches crunched under my feet as I walked. Birds called, and a pair of squirrels dashed about in front of me on the ground, chattering loudly at my presence.
I stopped to take a deep breath, trying to calm myself. The air was crisp and scented with spruce. Everything felt alive, as if the air contained a burgeoning sense of growth, a quickening.
I heard footsteps behind me. Spinning back, I saw Jesse. My heart flew into my throat and tears pressed hot in my eyes. I was an emotional mess.
“Hey,” he called.
My eyes absorbed him. He wore faded jeans, the fabric hugging his muscled legs, and battered leather boots. His navy T-shirt didn’t do a damn thing to hide the hard planes of his chest. My eyes lingered on the flex of his bicep as he lifted a hand to run it through his dark amber hair.
The setting sun fell through the trees, dappling the ground and glinting off of his hair. The sounds around us—the birds calling, the squirrels chattering—faded as he stopped in front of me.
“I heard you knocking, but I was in the middle of switching laundry over, and I didn’t get to the door in time.”
“Oh.”
Wonderful. I was back to single word sentences with him. I had so many things I wanted to say. They were jostling around in my heart as emotion rushed hard and fast through me.
Jesse simply looked at me. After a beat, his shoulders rose and fell with a deep breath. “Look, I shouldn’t have gotten upset the other night at the hospital. I just needed to say that.” His voice was low and somber, his eyes pained.
I shook my head quickly. “You don’t need to apologize. I do.”
“I…I…” The words caught in my throat again, and I kicked through the dam inside. “It’s hard for me to say this. I don’t like needing anybody. I don’t need you because you help and you’re nice and you put up with my fucked up life. I need you because I love you and everything comes so easy with you. I don’t know quite what to do about it and my life is a mess and I don’t want to put it on you. I don’t want to make things worse for us and I don’t want you to wish that you were crazy later on…”
Most of that came out in a run-on sentence with a few pauses. My words trailed off as I paused to gulp in a lungful of air.
Jesse’s gaze softened, the careful, guarded look fading from his eyes. There were only a few feet between us. He closed the distance in one stride, stopping inches away and catching my hands in his. Mine had been flailing about rather ridiculously while I was talking, so that was a good thing. I needed something to hold onto.
“You don’t need to apologize either. I think I fell in love with you practically off the bat. I just didn’t know it. Because, you see, I wasn’t looking for love. I just thought you were hot as hell.” His mouth curled at the corner with that, and my belly spun in a delicious little flip, a shuddery feeling running through me. Meanwhile, my heart squeezed and then spun around, practically doing a victory dance inside my chest.
Jesse continued, his green gaze holding mine. “What you just said then, that’s what it is for me. It’s easy when I’m with you. When I don’t worry about the rest, it’s just easy. You keep saying your life is complicated, and I’m not gonna argue with you about that. But none of that matters to me. I know you’ve got stuff going on with Em and your mom, but it’s stuff we can deal with. I hate seeing you try to carry it all alone.”
I didn’t realize I was crying until he dropped one of my hands and swiped a tear with his thumb. Then, he was kissing me, and I burrowed against him, melding my body to his. While I felt wild and crazy inside, as if I were spinning out of control, we were in it together.
I forgot where we were until I heard Waffle bounding through the leaves and felt her soft body wiggling against my legs as she circled us.
Jesse drew back just far enough to speak, his lips moving against mine as he did. “We’re in the middle of the woods.”
I laughed softly, emotion pressing against my skin. “I know. Can we go back to your place?” I asked, well aware of the feel of his arousal hard and hot against my low belly, and need curling through me in a hot wave.
“You don’t need to be home soon?”
“Actually, Rachel’s there. We had a heart to heart today, and she told me I was stupid. She took my phone and went to pick up mom,” I said with a laugh, feeling my cheeks heat as I answered.
Jesse threw his head back with a laugh and turned, keeping my hand held fast in his. “ I suppose I’ll have to thank her later.”
“Oh, and she says I’m missing out because we haven’t been sexting.”
Jesse got a wicked gleam in his eyes, and we were practically running the short distance back to his house.
We dashed through the sliding glass door on his back deck. Waffle was still out in the yard, sniffing along the edge of the tress. I paused, looking up at him. “Do we need to call her?”
“Oh God no. She’ll be happy for hours,” he murmured and then he was yanking on my clothes.
Chapter Thirty-One
Jesse
Charlie stood before me. Her blouse had fallen op
en, or rather I’d nearly shredded it. Her nipples were damp and pink, taut from my attentions. She sat before me on the kitchen counter with nothing on other than a scrap of black silk that passed for panties and her blouse hanging loosely from her shoulders. Her breath rose and fell in quick little pants. She’d torn my fly open. My cock throbbed as she curled her palm around it and shoved my briefs down around my hips.
I let out a low groan as she swiped her thumb across the top, catching a drop of pre-cum. Looking up at me, she lifted her hand and drew her thumb into her mouth. My knees nearly gave out when she swirled her tongue around the end of her thumb, her eyes locked with mine, silver flashing in the stormy gray depths. Her dark hair fell in a messy tousle around her shoulders. I’d made quick work of the tidy knot she usually wore and set her glasses on the counter. Not that I didn’t fucking love how sexy she was in them, but I didn’t want to break them.
Dipping my head, I nipped along her neck, needing to taste her skin. On the heels of her ragged sigh, I lifted my head. “I need you,” I murmured.
Hooking my finger over the edge of her panties, I yanked them down over her hips. She helpfully lifted up for me to slide them over her legs and then kicked the black silk panties off her ankles where they fell to the floor in a soft whoosh.
Sliding her hips to the edge of the counter, I gripped my cock, dragging it back and forth through her slick folds. Never once looking away from her face, I lifted my free hand. “I love you.”
Her eyes glistened, and she swallowed, letting out a low moan as I dragged the head of my cock through her folds again. With a sigh, she cupped my cheek. “I love you, Jesse…” she murmured.
We held still for a few beats, the air weighted with need and intimacy. When I sank inside of her, it felt like coming home. Her slick channel drew me inside, pulsing around me as I sank to the hilt, right where I belonged.
My forehead fell to hers. Sliding my hand free from her hair, I stroked down her back to grip her hips. We rocked into each other, every stroke spinning me tighter and tighter as she arched into me.
I was close to the edge already, the intensity of my impending release building rapidly. Reaching between us, I pressed my thumb to her clit, swirling over the swollen button of need, watching as her gaze darkened and then her head fell back with a loud cry. Her body shuddered as her channel clamped down around my cock.
That was all I needed, and my release crashed over me, pleasure whipping through me. The feel of her against me was the anchor in the storm. I held her tight as the crash of waves slowly receded. She curled against me, tucking her head into my shoulder.
My breath was still coming in rough gasps when she spoke. One of her hands slid up my back, her fingertips teasing the hair at the nape of my neck and sending spikes of pleasure through me.
“I missed you,” she said softly. “I didn’t really think that was possible when it’s only been a little while.”
Drawing back, I absorbed the sight of her – her cheeks flushed, her lips swollen, and her hair a tangled mess. “I know. I missed you too.”
A little while later, after we’d put our clothes back on and I’d let Waffle inside to feed her, I glanced over at Charlie. “Do you need to get home soon?”
“I do. I can’t exactly call Rachel to check in because she took my phone,” she said with a sheepish smile.
“I’ll walk you over. How about that?”
“Can you stay?”
Her question startled me, and it must’ve shown on my face. Her cheeks flushed, and she shrugged. “Em already called me out on us. I think she can deal just fine with you being there, and Mom would love it.”
That night, I got to fall asleep with Charlie. I woke in the darkness with her warm against my side.
Epilogue
Charlie
More than a year later
The wind gusted across the parking lot behind Willow Brook Fire & Rescue. It was a rainy, windy day, and I was relieved to know Jesse’s crew was still coming home today. I’d been worried the weather would delay him another day or two.
I knew he loved his job. Because it was such a part of him and who he was, I loved it too. But that didn’t mean I didn’t miss him like crazy. He’d been gone for three weeks now. Fire season this year in Alaska was busy. His crew had flown out to deal with a massive fire in the Alaskan Interior. The fire was moving toward Fairbanks and threatening a number of smaller communities along the way.
Whenever he was out at fires, he texted and called when he could, but that was maybe once a week at best. He was often completely out of cell range.
I hurried through the back door at the station, tossing my hood back. Giving my jacket a little shake to knock the rain off, I walked down the hallway toward the front. Pushing through the door, I smiled when I saw Em standing behind the counter, her head bent close to Maisie’s. Maisie appeared to be showing her something on a clipboard.
Last year, which felt like forever ago at this point, Em had done her community service for getting caught smoking at school here at the station, as Jesse had suggested. She’d done such a good job that the Police Chief, Rex Masters, had offered her a part-time job.
Her job was essentially doing whatever nobody else had time for. This ranged from filing and helping Maisie in dispatch to cleaning the fire trucks and organizing equipment. Her current dream job was to become a hotshot firefighter. I wasn’t quite sure how I felt about that, if only because it wasn’t the safest option.
Considering that she was also pretty much the unofficial little sister of every guy on the three crews here and looked up to them, I was fairly certain that was the direction her career would take. We still had our bumpy days, but her job was one of the brightest spots in her life. I would support whatever she wanted and tuck my worries away.
Maisie glanced up first to see me. “Hey, Charlie, I wondered if you got my message earlier.”
Em glanced up, giving me a little wave and then turning to the file cabinet behind Maisie.
“Of course I did. I was so busy, I didn’t bother calling. I figured I’d just come over when you said they were due back. Any updates?”
Maisie shook her head, her dark curls swinging with the motion. Em turned back, closing the file cabinet as she did. “No updates, Aunt Charlie. Don’t worry though, Jesse will be home soon,” she said with a grin.
She’d been teasing me last night that I was moping about too much while he’d been gone. In the year plus that had passed since Jesse and I had finally managed to face what we meant to each other, a lot had happened. My mom was doing okay, and we’d moved into Jesse’s place after the lease next door had expired.
My mom had seemed to stabilize in her state. She was still incredibly forgetful, but it didn’t seem to be getting any worse. Despite all of my worries about what it would mean to try to bring a man into my life in a serious way, Jesse had been a stabilizing factor.
Maisie, who’d become a good friend over the past year, had pointed out once that perhaps I wasn’t worried so much because I wasn’t dealing with everything alone. We’d also had time to adjust to being here in Willow Brook. It felt like we were moving past those difficult years before we came here. Em was still a typical teenager and could still be cranky and sullen, more so with me. But that was okay.
Em rolled her eyes when all I did was shrug at her comment. “I need to go help Rex with some filing. Georgie’s going to give me a ride home later, okay?”
She was referring to Rex’s wife who often gave Em rides home due to her work schedule. They lived just beyond our road, so it wasn’t out of her way. When I needed to work later, it was incredibly helpful. I didn’t need to work late today, but I certainly wouldn’t mind the free time with Jesse. Three weeks apart had more than my heart missing him.
“Of course, it’s okay. I’ll see you when you get home,” I said as she turned away, pushing through another door that led to the police station side of the building.
Leaning against the counter,
I glanced to Maisie. “I bet you’re glad Beck will be home.”
“Oh God, you have no idea. I know he loves his job, but I miss him when he’s gone. I don’t realize how much he helps out with the kids until he’s not there.”
“Well, it’s not like you’ve ever complained about him not helping,” I offered.
Maisie smiled ruefully. “I know, but you know how it is.”
Beck’s crew had been called out to the same fire as Jesse’s, and they were due back together today.
“Speaking of kids, Lucy seems pretty excited,” I added.
Maisie grinned widely. “I know. She was so wishy-washy about whether she wanted kids. Now that she’s pregnant, she can’t wait. What about you?”
I hoped my cheeks didn’t get pink because I was currently holding onto a secret—one that I couldn’t wait to share with Jesse. Until he knew, I didn’t want to tell anyone else. Staying quiet was no easy feat because Maisie was a good friend now. I played it casual and simply shrugged. “I dunno. In my case, I dove into the thick of parenting with Em.”
“Em is a great kid,” Maisie said emphatically.
“I know she is.”
We heard the distinct sound of a helicopter in the distance. Maisie quickly tapped a few keys and called into the Anchorage station to ask them to cover dispatch for a while. We hurried out together to the back of the station where the landing pad for the helicopter was on the far side of the parking lot.
With the rain coming down and the wind gusting, the helicopter landed slowly, jostling slightly as it settled to the ground. Maisie and I stayed back, waiting as the crewmembers filed off.
Jesse came out last, right behind Beck. Ella arrived just as Caleb was getting off with them. She gave a holler through the rain. Yet, the three of us weren’t much for chatting, not right now.