by Dora Okeyo
years ago. His fiancée up and left. We have never seen her. My Mother liked her. She’s been through so much. My Father left when I was in high school. He married a younger woman.”
“I am sorry, that must have been tough.”
“It was, at times I think my Mom needs to let go. She’s really a great person.”
“What about your sisters?”
“All of them live abroad. They believe talking to her via Skype is better. We haven’t seen them in six years. I have talked to my nephews and nieces via Skype. She never talks about them.”
“Sorry.”
“Don’t be. We all need some struggles to overcome. I love you May.”
“I love you too Luke, you know that.”
“I don’t know it, I feel it May, and that’s why I pleaded that you dine with me tonight. I am not growing young, and I am glad that you bumped into me last year at that festival. I know this may sound rash, but May, all I ask for is a future with you. I am not perfect. I will get on your nerves. I demand attention, ask that you keep to your goals-and I would not quit hanging out with the guys. I love my beer and football. I love my Mother, no matter how grumpy she gets. I love my Sisters and my job, but I love you too. I want you to be in my present and future. We can sit back one day and look at our past memories and smile knowing we’ve weathered whatever storm we encountered.”
“Luke…what are you saying?”
“I had all this written down. What I wanted to tell you May…you have to stop interrupting me. You do that a lot.”
“I’m sorry. You know I am not patient really, and you are freaking me out here…you are, all…”
“May, marry me.”
“Luke…”
“I said it May, will you marry me?” I almost fell off my seat when he got down on one knee. The hotel staff stared at us. I could feel their eyes on us. My eyes were on him. I could hear Alice’s voice “don’t do it,” but my heart kept screaming “yes,” and that’s what I said. He slipped the ring in my finger and I started crying. I knew this was a huge step. I knew he’d be good to me. I knew he loved me. Only thing I couldn’t stop asking was ‘why tonight?’ He dropped me home that night and wished me well. It was the last time I saw Luke.
It’s been two years. I still wear his ring. My heart still beats for him. I have met some great guys, but not him. There have been guys who’ve asked me out, but I turned them down. I took an oath that night at Ole Sereni. It was at 11:25pm when he proposed. I still see him on his knees. My heart accepted him. It would never accept any other man. I left the house after taking a few slices of bread. I walked into the restaurant and secured a seat near the window. I ordered a doughnut and cup of coffee and laid my portfolio on the table. Alice would be joining me in a few minutes. She walked in ten minutes later with the Pastor right behind her. She introduced us ordered drinks for us and got the meeting going. That was so like her-she never wasted time. Alice stuck to the bottom line. She was a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ person. She never accepted a ‘maybe.’ She let us talk through the details of employment and pay. The Pastor also suggested that I help with the school. They had a high school and needed someone to help organize various talks and workshops for the seniors. I appreciated his offer. As he talked I realized that meant I would move into the school compound. He said they had a one room apartment that would be comfortable for me. Alice shot up, ‘she will take it Pastor.’ I smiled and looked out the window.
“Excuse me May, are you married?”
“I am engaged.”
“Congratulations! That is good news, so would your fiancée be okay with you staying in the school compound, because we need you on board. We went through your credentials and your church Pastor also gave in a good word, we’d hate to lose someone like you.”
“Like Alice said, I will move in this weekend. I know this is a good opportunity and I will do my best. My fiancée would not mind.” The Pastor begged his leave ten minutes later. He confirmed my consent and I was left with the queen of realism. “You were crying again May.”
“I was. It was exactly on this day two years back when Luke asked me to marry him.”
“Exactly, it was two years ago. You need to let go May, it’s not doing you any good thinking about a man who just left without a word!”
“I love him Alice and no matter what you say, it doesn’t change that. I know he had to leave. I could see he was sad that night, I just wish I had asked him. I just wish I could go back and ask him to stay.”
“He did not leave you pregnant May, so you can leave.”
“It’s not that easy Alice. You have never loved like this.”
“What did the Mom say? In fact have you gone to see her?”
“I have never had the guts to and I am thinking I ought to have. I want to see her today, tell her about my new address. The last time we met, I yelled at her for taking Luke away from me, how could I face her again?”
“You are pathetic May! Just solve your problems, laugh again, and stop dreaming. These Kenyan men are dogs; they play around with you and dump you. I warned you about Luke. He was too good; he was too much of a gentleman. When you say yes, he leaves without saying goodbye. Pathetic, if I saw him I would chop his head off! That’s what I would do. You have let this go on for long May. Pick yourself up and move on! Get moving, stop moping here, I can’t stand being around you when you mope!”
“See you around Alice, thanks for being a good friend.” I left the table before she could speak. Alice had always been bitter after her boyfriend cheated on her. At times I wished she were more considerate. I walked out the restaurant and headed to the Kencom bus station. I felt my heart skip a few beats as I made my way there. I used to walk looking down or staring right ahead. Nowadays I walk looking about me, in case I see him. I have often seen his face. At times it was in class, at times at church. I saw him in bookshops or supermarkets. I took in his scent wherever I went. I smiled on the outside, but mourned on the inside. I wanted him back so bad, I was losing all sanity. There were days I wished I had gotten pregnant with him. I would at least have his child to look at. I would feel closer to him. I tried emailing, texting, calling and all I got was silence. Where was he? Was he alive? Did someone kill him that night? You’d think this crazy but I asked about him at the police stations. I could not believe the people he worked with. All the Human Resources assistant told me was that they did not give information on their employees. I even told him I was his fiancée. He told me a month later, not to implicate him, but he did not know where his boss was. They had directives and all, but no one saw him at work. He even told me that rumors were, he went on a mission. When I asked him about the mission, he only told me ‘our company has many secrets, some that I don’t even know about.’ He got fired three months later. The next time he got through to me, Luke’s Mom told me to see her. She said if I wanted the truth, I would have to see her.
That was then and now I am ready to hear what she has to say. I walked past the Kenya Commercial Bank and got into the buses scheduled for Karen. Ten minutes later as the bus took off, I felt my lungs grow small, and my eyes soaking. I did not know what to say. I was just some girl from a middle class home. I had three sisters and a brother. My parents were farmers. They depended on their land and nature did not let them down. I did not have much in my bank account. I stayed in a hostel where I paid six thousand shillings per month. My parents covered half of that. I did not dress in expensive clothes or wear make-up. My dream was to be a Teacher, and make some money to get me going. I did not wish to fall in love with a rich man. I did not ask more so that this rich man be Luke. I did not want a share of his wealth. I wanted him. I wanted him so bad; I nearly lost my head when he disappeared. I was reaching my goal. I just had a job that would ensure I sustained my family. I could afford two or more pairs of heels. I could walk into a restaurant and order juice that cost thrice the price of lunch at my hostel. I could stand beside Luke and look into his eyes and say ‘I do.’ Only sad part, Luke was not there
. I wanted the truth; I was ready to hear it.
The bony woman opened the front door and led me to her living room. It was more of a hall to me. I stared at the Maasai paintings on the wall as she got me some tea. “I am sorry about my reaction back then. It was improper. I hope you forgive me for that.”
“It’s in the past May. I knew you would come when you were ready.” I watched her sit beside me and let out a sigh. I cried. I cried for the first time without feeling guilty. I knew Alice would condemn that, but it hurt seeing her. It hurt being a room full of Luke’s pictures, yet he wasn’t there. She held me so tight I choked in my tears. I kept crying till dusk. My parents often called me a cry baby. I could not hold back my tears. When I stopped she ushered me to the washroom. I took a shower then changed. She laughed; it was a beautiful hearty laugh. She noticed the shock in my eyes and said, ‘what? You think I don’t laugh?’ I nodded. She took my right hand and led me to the living room again. “I know you have been through a lot. I cannot tell you how much I appreciate you May.”
“What?”
“Would you just let me finish? Gosh, my Son was right.”
“He talked to you about me?”
“It was all he did. Now, back to what I was saying. You are a strong woman May. I know this for a fact because