It’s because of Cara. It’s because he’s my best friend and never wanted to be more.
I nod, even though he can’t see me, and take this—because this is us, has always been us, and I’ll always take the scraps he’ll give me. “No, I get it.”
He lifts his head, frowning at me, like something in my voice concerns him, and then the phone on my bedside table buzzes to life.
Thank fuck.
I answer it quickly, fumbling, and Cat’s low level cursing fills my tiny bedroom. Chin on my chest, Spencer grins. “Do you kiss your boyfriend with that mouth?” he asks, teasing, and she laughs, low and throaty.
“Oh, Spence, you know he likes me dirty.”
“Stop it,” I grump. Listening to Cat talk about her sex life is just slightly better than watching Violet on the dance floor with Danny, and both are bound to leave me in need of therapy. “Why the fuck are you calling me?”
“Where did you put inventory?” she snaps, and I sigh, thinking through the mess on my desk. “Check the blue notebook. I think I tossed it in there when I was working on a song last week.”
She grumbles and I hear some papers being tossed around, enough to make me wince—my office is going to be trashed when I get back—before she makes a quiet noise of satisfaction.
Spence crawls out of bed and murmurs, “I’m gonna grab a shower.”
I nod at him and listen as Cat prattles on about the bar, mumbling absently to herself as she keys into my computer, and the door to the bedroom swings shut behind Spence.
“Good,” she says briskly, “Now take me off speaker, for fucks sake.”
I sigh and do as I’m told. “How bad is it?” she demands.
“It’s not. It’s been fine. Everything was going great.”
“’Was’.”
“What?”
“You said ‘was going great’. What happened? What did you do?”
I flash back to the dance floor, to his lips under mine and the vibration of his throat under my hand, the curling hitch of his hips.
“Um. I kissed him.”
There’s a long moment of silence and then, “Jesus fucking Christ, I do not get paid enough for this shit.”
“Cat!”
“Sorry. Sorry. Ok, you kissed him and then what?” she asks, forcing her voice to remain calm and even.
“Um, he freaked out a little, we came home and he passed out, then I got drunk. We talked. I think it’s ok.”
“Did you apologize?”
“Um.”
I hear a muffled shriek and then, her voice tight and furious, she says, “Ethan Henry, get your ass off the phone and apologize right now.”
“Did I fuck up?” I ask, my voice small. She sighs and I can almost see her, rubbing her forehead and rolling her eyes, and I fucking miss her suddenly, a fierce longing for the rest of my family.
“No, Ethan. You didn’t fuck it up. But I need you to apologize to him and I think you need to take some time for you two, today. Your family can be overwhelming.”
I nod, and let myself think about it, about showing Spence my home, and spending the day basking in his presence.
“Ok,” I agree.
She hums quietly. “Go on, big guy. I’ll call you tonight, ok?”
I nod, even though she can’t see me. “Yeah. Hey, Cat?”
“Hmmm?”
“Thanks,” I say, and she huffs a little before she hangs up, leaving me smiling at the phone in my hand.
I’m still there when Spencer comes back, wet and nervous looking but with a cautious smile, and it makes me ache to kiss him, ache to draw him into me and tell him I meant it last night. I fiddle with my phone to keep my hands in my lap and not curving around his hips, and say, softly, “Do you wanna do something today?”
His eyebrows hitch upward and he offers me a grin. “What were you thinking?”
I shrug and stand, tugging my shirt off. “You’ve always wanted to know more about Mason, right?” I toss a glance at him over my shoulder and catch him staring hard at the ground, his cheeks bright red. Weird. “I thought maybe we could hang out today. I could show you my town, maybe even get you on one of the horses.”
I glance at him, a pair of boxers in one hand, jeans and a t-shirt bunched in the other, and all my heart hanging out in the middle.
Spencer’s smile is bright and blinding. “Yeah, dude. I’d love that.”
Chapter 11
“BUT YOU CAN’T!” VIOLET SAYS, eyes wide and welling. “I wanted you to go with me to the florist!”
I stare at my baby sister, and I know my expression is questioning her sanity, but—I take a deep breath. Mama says, mildly, “Violet, Ethan disrupted his whole life to be here. If he wants to take a few hours to show Spence the town, you’ll give it to him. He can see the flowers when you get home.”
“But Mama,” she starts, and Mama turns her steady gaze on my sister.
She huffs a sigh and slumps into her seat. “Fine. But I want it known I’m not happy about this.”
“We got it,” Ruby drawls, sipping her coffee. She’s grinning and there’s a pale bruise low on her neck. Idly, I wonder if she’s going to be able to hide that in the wedding.
She gives me a quick look. “Want me to make you a picnic?”
I shrug and shake my head. “Nah. We’ll grab something in town—I’m gonna show him Mason before we go for a ride, if that’s ok?”
Mama nods. “I’ll have two of the girls ready for you,” she says, standing. “Ruby, pack them some of those cookies Spence likes. The diner has awful desserts.” She kisses my hair on her way out and I smile, leaning into it, into the quiet pampering of my family.
Spencer follows Ruby into the kitchen and I listen to them as I sip my coffee, trying not to think about how well he fits into my life here, a life I didn’t realize I missed until I came back.
In the truck, I pause before turning the engine over, and glance at him. He’s watching me with those big, patiently amused eyes that I know so well, and he raises an eyebrow at me, a silent get on with it.
“I’m sorry. I crossed a couple lines too many last night, and I don’t have an excuse. You—this, it’s more than you had to do. More than anyone would ever do. And I took advantage of that. I’m sorry.”
Spencer’s expression softens, goes just a little bit wistful before he elbows me. “Don’t worry about it, big guy. Come on. Show me your city.”
City might be overselling Mason a little. I grin as I turn toward the little blip on the map. It’s tiny. We’ve got one main road rolling through town, and only four stoplights. Most of the other streets are paved in old bricks, making the ride as we drive through the quiet streets bumpy and slow. The buildings down Main Street, because of course that’s what it’s called, are dated. Some would call it old town charm while others would say they’re dumpy, but I like them. The sidewalks are cracked but populated with the usual people—the elderly chatting outside the diner, the same salon owner sweeping her stoop like she has every morning for decades, and a couple of kids washing the windows at the hardware store, probably for a few bucks cash like I used to do as a child.
It’s fascinating to see something so familiar through Spencer’s eyes. It looks small and shabby, but also comfortable, like home. I see him taking in the girls on the side of the road selling fruit and homemade jam, the couple trucks in the city hall parking lot and old men leaning on the tailgates, watching the world slide by. We drive by the high school and he peers at it curiously. “That where you played football?”
“Sometimes,” I say, hitting my blinker, “I played with my cousin a lot.”
“Gunner?”
I nod and he eyes me for a moment before he pushes out of the car, heading toward the diner.
“You gonna see him while you’re here?”
I shrug. “Mama and the girls are keeping me kind of busy.”
He hesitates and then, quietly, says, “You don’t have to show me Mason, dude. You can go see Gunner, if you w
ant. I can keep my—”
“Hey,” I say, sharply, and his mouth snaps shut, eyes watching me. “Shut up. I’m not doing this because I have to. I’m doing it because I want to. I want to show you. Ok? I want to do this.”
His expression eases, and he nods a little. I roll my eyes at his ridiculous ass before I drag him into the diner.
It’s as bad as I thought. Every eye in the room swivels to find me and I hear a pleased, “Oh my god,” from the kitchen.
A wayward Henry wandered back to town and I was an idiot if I ever thought they weren’t going to notice that.
Spence presses against my side, a warm familiar pressure that reminds me this is so damn temporary, that we’re going home soon, that home is Spence at my side and my bar, and Cat. It’s not this tiny town and these people, even if they were, once.
His hand finds mine and squeezes, quiet reassurance. I nod once to myself, and walk to the counter. “Hey, Mel.”
Spence sticks close as I lean on the counter and Mel gives me a smile. “Been years since we saw you in here, Ethan Henry. How you been, honey?”
I shrug and grin. “Good enough,” I say, “Life’s been treatin’ me well.”
Her eyes slide sideways to Spence and her lips twitch a little. “I see how well it’s been treatin’ you.”
I snort and slap the counter, teasing. “You wanna take my order or you gonna side eye my boyfriend all day?”
Her grin goes wolfish, but she nods agreeably, taking our order and sliding a Coke across the counter to me while she wanders into the back.
“Do you know everyone in this town?” Spence asks curiously.
I shrug. “Pretty much.”
His eyes narrow a little, but he doesn’t prod me for more as we wait for our food.
I grew up on a ranch and spent most of my life on horseback in a barn. It’s been ten years since I was home, but the familiar comfort of the barn is still an easy thing to slide into, the smell of the horses, hay, and dung twisting together into an aroma I know better than coffee and my bar, a smell that clung to my parents all through my childhood.
I grin as I watch spencer sidestepping around the mare mama picked out for him, keeping a careful eye on her big teeth as he checks her saddle. He moves stiffly at first, but not like someone who’s afraid or who’s never been around horses. He flashes a grin when he sees me watching.
“Mom worked with the mounties before she died,” he says, a rare snippet of his mother tossed at me. He does that sometimes, and every time, I can’t help but hoard that knowledge, cling to it like it means something.
I know it does, but I don’t think he means it the way I want him to.
I try very hard not to be bothered by that. What spence gives me is enough.
It has to be enough.
He grins behind me as we canter down the riding trail Ruby and I paved when we were kids, when I was eight and chasing my big sister. “Ruby and I used to get in so much trouble,” I say wistfully, “Mama didn’t mind—she knew we were safer on our land and with our horses than anywhere else in the world. But dad worried about Ruby getting hurt and us not helping in the barns. It was hard, when we were growing up. I didn’t realize how hard until we got older. Mama made sure we never lacked for anything and that we had no idea when the ranch was struggling but—it wasn’t easy. Her and dad fought a lot.”
“But you loved it.”
It’s a statement instead of a question, but I nod anyway.
I did. I do. I always have. Even when I ran, I missed this and I loved it.
“Why did you leave?” Spencer asks quietly.
I shrug and swallow hard, pushing down the words. Spence makes a noise and pulls his mare alongside me, his hand hot on my bare arm, eyes boring into mine.
“You don’t have to keep running, Ethan. I’m not going anywhere—even if you run, I’ll still be here. Just like they are.”
I stare at him, at the frustration clear in his big eyes. “I know that,” I whisper.
“Do you?” he demands, “Because you don’t let me in. Oh, you do, but then you stop. And I know you’re slow to trust, but it’s been ten years, Ethan. Eventually you’re gonna have to choose.”
I stare at him, feeling like I’m spinning, lost in a storm that doesn’t make any sense and makes too much sense.
He huffs a sigh and shakes his head, rubbing a hand through his hair and summoning up a smile that feels fake, for the first time in I can’t remember how long.
“Forget it, big guy. Show me your lake,” he says softly. I hesitate a second, before I do.
Chapter 12
“SO,” VIOLET STARTS.
I groan and let my head hit the fridge. I’m hot and itchy, and I want to hide from this conversation.
“Oh, come on, Ethan,” Ruby purrs, curling an arm around my waist.
“Do we have to do this?” I huff, letting them drag me along. I’ve been home three days and I managed to dodge this until now.
Letting Mama take Spence to the east barn to see our foals was a bad fucking idea.
“How serious are you?” Ruby asks, going straight for the jugular because of course she would.
“Serious enough,” I say.
She hums and Vi pushes herself onto the counter, swinging her legs and staring at me thoughtfully.
“I never thought you’d do it, you know.”
I lift my eyebrows, quietly daring her to go on and she shrugs. “You’ve been in love with him for years, Ethan.”
“Shut up,” I hiss, glaring at her. Ruby stills, her eyes narrowing just a little.
“Oh my god, chill. You’ve got him. You don’t have to act like you haven’t been panting after him for years,” Violet huffs, dropping off the counter. She makes a face at me and slides past me on her way out of the kitchen. I sigh and start after her.
“Ethan,” Ruby says slowly, watching me, and I feel a tick of nerves.
The door bangs open and Spence spills in ahead of Mama, grinning at me. “Dude, the babies are so adorable! We need a baby horse.”
I tug him into a hug and murmur, low in his ear, “Go with it. Ruby suspects.”
He laughs as he rubs my back and I bury my head in his neck, inhaling the scent of him as Ruby watches us, until Mama distracts her.
“You boys should get ready for the rehearsal dinner,” Mama says. I nod, grabbing Spencer’s hand and tugging him out of the room.
He laughs until I shut the door to our room, and then he spins, his eyes wide. “What do you mean?” he hisses.
I shake my head. “I don’t know. Something Vi said.”
He nods, nibbling at his lip. “Think we can get away with it still?”
“Might need to up the PDA,” I say reluctantly, not meeting his gaze.
Spence steps into my space, backing me up until my back thuds against the door and his hands rest low on my hips, not moving really, just holding me there with a light grip, the warm weight of him, and a smirk that’s too dirty for my own good. “We can definitely do that,” he all but purrs against my throat, and I shiver under him.
He licks his lips and for a second, his gaze flicks down to my mouth and he sways forward, just a little.
“We’re leaving in an hour!” Ruby shouts across the house.
Spence startles backward, blinking rapidly. “Um.”
“Shower,” I say and he hesitates for a second, until I nod and then he darts away.
I wait until the water starts, and then I reach for myself with a groan.
I can still feel the weight of his hands, and the smile curving his lips, and he’s singing in there, like a ridiculous idiot.
I jerk myself quick and hard, and it doesn’t take much, not when I know how close he is, how close he’s been all fucking weekend, curling up with me in bed, dancing with me on that goddamn dance floor, his mouth open and tiny noises slipping from him as I held him—
I gasp as I come, spilling hot and wet in my boxers. For a second, my knees buckle and I almost hit my
ass before I steady and lean against the wall.
Spence is singing, voice raspy and deliberately off-key in the bathroom, and my sisters are laughing down hall, and I—
I am so completely fucked.
***
Spence keeps up a running chatter as I shower, shaving and doing his hair. It’s not unusual for us to share this kind of space, and for a few minutes, I can convince myself we’re back home, getting ready for a day, and Spence is answering texts from Cara and humming notes to our latest song, and that this whole thing is over.
I still, in the middle of scrubbing shampoo into my hair.
This whole thing will be over soon. Violet will be married tomorrow and we go home the next morning, and I have no idea how to go back to the being best friend who smiles at Spence’s girlfriend and rarely touches him.
I don’t know if I want to.
“Dude, hurry up. Ruby will kick your ass if we’re late,” Spence says, breaking me out of my thoughts. I grunt an answer, and finish my shower.
Chapter 13
THERE’S ONLY SO MANY TIMES I can watch Mama walk my sister down a nonexistent aisle before I lose my freaking mind.
Spence leans against the wall next to me, and somehow doesn’t look as bored as I feel.
Violet has pranced and paced and marched—and even once been actually dragged—down the aisle a dozen times now, and she keeps looking at Ruby for opinions and guidance—and we will be here all freaking night if my sisters don’t get their shit together, but Spence is quiet as he watches it playing out, like he’s happy to spend hours doing nothing but watching them argue about how Violet should go down the aisle.
Danny looks faintly unnerved, and I nod at him. “Do you think he’s starting to get an idea of what it means to date a Henry woman?”
Spence laughs, low and throaty, and nods. “It’s too late to back out. Besides, look at him. He loves the Henry crazy.”
I give Spence a skeptical eyebrow and his grin goes wide and cheeky. “Trust me, dude, I know what Henry infatuation looks like.”
He flushes a little, and I turn, lean one shoulder against the wall so I’m angled toward him and looming.
“Yeah? What’s it look like, then?”
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