He hung his head. “I don’t want to lose my sister. It hurts more than anything that she’s choosing this.”
“Can you convince her to try?” Stefanie pulled one hand free from his grasp and placed her fingers softly on his shoulder.
“Let’s ignore the fact for a moment that it’s too late for any type of treatment. Let’s ignore the fact she’s hidden how bad she is for a long time. If, in fact she would let me before it went too far?” He glanced up to see if she was following him...
She nodded, tracing the line of his hair to his neck with her hand. Her eyes warmed him. Her touch distracted him, but he didn’t stop.
“I would be all over it. I would help her without blinking. I would help right now, even if it was a one-in-a-thousand chance. I would do anything it would take for her. What I can’t do is force her to accept what I want. She’s always done what everyone else wanted her whole life.” Drake turned his face into her touch, realizing finally that Emma just wanted peace.
“She did treatments with marrow, I think, blood transfusions, radiation, you have no idea the things that she’s gone through. I’m just now seeing that living with Nate has brought her a little bit of happiness.” He would concede on a little bit.
Drake refused to believe Nate may have been her entire reason for happiness.
But he could give her and Nate a little bit of credit in the regards of love. “I always wanted money. I was glad to go down there with my uncle. The fact I was able to earn an education and money made it easier to cope with being away from my family. Now I have more money than I know what to do with.”
He jerked his head back. “But that’s all worthless. You and Nate won’t let me help you. Emma won’t let me help her. I have all this money and nothing to do with it.” Drake shook his head. He leaned back, sighing. “All that time I spent away for nothing wasn’t worth it. My parents were wrong to send me away.” His vulnerability stung, but he had to tell someone. He had to tell Stefanie –especially with how he felt about her – he needed her to know.
To know how his heart hurt.
“Were they wrong? Look how you turned out. Your smarts were put to use and you have all that money. But not only that, can you imagine what you would be doing now? With how smart you are and how capable you are, it would be sad to see that go to waste.” Stefanie bent her head a little closer to Drake’s. “I’m glad you were sent away. I missed you, I missed being able to see you, but I’m glad you were able to get out of here and able to make something of yourself.”
“I’m nothing. I don’t have you. I have all this money, and I don’t have you.” Drake shifted on his knees, staring up at her.
Startled, Stefanie drew back slowly. She placed her hands in her lap and studied him. The absence of her touch left coolness behind. “Why would you want anything to do with me?”
“Because you’re loyal. And stubborn. And willing to try anything. You won’t give up on people, not if you can help it. You’re a fighter.” He was going for it, just like Cyan had told him to. He was going to go for it and make Stefanie realize she was so much more than she believed she was.
Large tears rolled down Stefanie’s face, and she sobbed into her open hand. “My mom called me that. A fighter.” Her cries moved the chair.
Drake reached out and wiped at her cheeks. “She was a smart lady.” Drake’s soft voice filled the room.
“I didn’t know you thought that about me.” Stefanie lifted her wet gaze to his. She lowered her hand, and smiled timidly at him.
“You wouldn’t. I don’t run around telling people I love them.” He threw it out there. If he was going to do it, he was going to be bold.
Go big or go home right? Hopefully, he was home.
Plus, with everything else that he was wishing for the one thing that he truly wanted was Stefanie.
He couldn’t keep that hidden anymore and he didn’t want to.
Chapter 19
Stefanie
Stefanie couldn’t breathe.
The tightness in her chest was like Drake had wrapped his arms around her chest, but not in an unpleasant way.
Loves me? Had he just claimed to love me? Was it an offhand way of saying that he cared, like a brother?
Stefanie spoke like she didn’t hear him. She spoke like he hadn’t just declared that. Because he hadn’t, not in a direct way. And her embarrassment if she was wrong would drowned her.
He couldn’t love her anyway. Who would love her? She had too much baggage piled on top of her. Bankruptcy combined with Bella Acres’ potential foreclosure and even the auction date was gone, too.
How would she ever be able to hide anything from Nate?
If she talked about Emma right then, she could cover her embarrassment over his comment. “I can’t handle losing Emma right now. I can’t drop all of this-” She spread her arms across the desk and Drake leaned back, moving to stand and lean against the desk. “-on Nate right now. I know he’s worried about Emma. I could really use your advice. As a business person. I think I can do this with your help. Can you tell me what to do?”
Drake pressed his lips together and clenched his jaw. He sat back, crossing his ankles and folding his arms over his chest. “Look, I might not be making the best choices with Emma, sitting in silence and letting her do this to herself, her family, her marriage. But I need you to say something. I know I’m right about us. I just told you I love you. You need to say something. Acknowledge what I said. Don’t make this about Bella Acres. Make this about us.” He punctured her façade with his concern and passion. “I know you feel something for me. I’ve known since the day I met you in high school. In junior high, even as I watched you and never really spoke to you. I know that you feel something for me. I need you to tell me what it is.”
Stefanie broke from the hold his words had on her. “What do you want to hear? That I’m broken? I am. I’m bringing a brand-new loan with me that I can’t afford. I can’t afford anything. I won’t let you take on my debts. I don’t have anything going for me. You’re so far out of my league. Like always.”
She rubbed at her eyes. “I have nothing to offer you. So what, if I love you? So what, if you’re the thing I’ve thought about for so long? So what, if every guy I’ve ever thought about dating never even compared because he wasn’t Drake Benson? None of that matters. You’re out of my league. And all of this is just...” She clamped her lips shut. She was too raw, too vulnerable. She couldn’t go any further.
Drake stopped her from losing control. “Can you love me? You’re stubborn, but I’m worse. Let me help you with the land. I’ll buy it for you. I’m Mr. Burns’ financial advisor. I was planning on taking over the loan in a few months anyway. I told him to back you. He didn’t even ask you for any information, because he didn’t need any more information.”
He held up his hand as if he sensed the angry disbelief mounting in Stefanie. “Don’t get mad. Please. Mr. Burns knows we’re connected through Cyan. He knows the whole story. I suggested he back you. I will reinvest in the land for you. Let’s work the ranch together. I really believe we can make it profitable. There are some brothers outside of Colby with a dude ranch. We could do something like that, similar but simpler.”
The possibilities as Drake spoke warmed her. She could move past the way he’d cornered her into accepting his help. She wasn’t easy to help. She could appreciate the efforts he took to help her.
Could he love her? Enough to take on the entire Montana Trails family?
Enough to be a part of the family?
“You realize you would be related to my brother, if anything serious happened between us. You and my brother...” Stefanie couldn’t think past the thought of anything serious happening between them. He’d declared his love for her. Wasn’t that serious enough?
Drake’s eyes softened. “I’m already connected to your brother. He’s my brother. He and I just need to get past the fact that a woman we love is dying. It’s not something that is difficult to und
erstand or even difficult to do. It’s just that we are both having our hearts ripped out right now. So it’s safe to take out our anger and pain on each other. I love your brother, even as I hate him.” He offered his hand to her. The good-natured humor shaded from his face.
She couldn’t help but ask. “What’s the matter?”
“I’m getting what I want even while my sister is... dying, she’s shackled. And yet she isn’t. She will be free from all the pain of her life, but lost from her husband. And I have you. But... All the good is blanketed with impending loss. I’m not sure I want everything I got. I’m not sure I got everything I wanted. I know I want you, though. I couldn’t be happier for that.” His tender fingers wrapped around the nape of her neck as he drew her closer.
Stefanie wrapped her arms around his waist and looked up into his eyes. She didn’t have anything to add to his declaration. She watched as he lowered his lips to hers. And closed her eyes.
The connection was instant, more so than when she kissed him in the yard. More so than when he kissed her at that pond.
It was their real first kiss. Their first connection and it warmed her down to her toes and sizzled along her scalp.
Tenderness and hope filled their kiss. The salty remnants of her tears kept the contact slightly bittersweet as a cry for the loss of Emma.
But it wasn’t hidden. Nothing was. Not the sadness, not the happiness, not the jubilation or the devastation.
Stefanie curled her fingers into Drake’s and leaned her head on his shoulder. There were a lot of things ahead of them. Together, they’d be able to face it.
Together had a nice ring to it.
Epilogue
Nate gently closed the bedroom door. He dropped his jeans on the floor, the chink of his belt buckle hitting the ground loud in the silence.
“Emma, are you sleeping?” His whisper sounded like a shout.
Emma didn’t move on the bed. Her chest didn’t rise and fall. At least from what he could see. Panic welled within his chest.
She couldn’t be gone yet. She couldn’t. Every time he saw her, he was so anxious that it was going to be the last.
He couldn’t remember the last time he talked to her. He ran through a list of things that might have been the last thing they said to each other. What would it be? Could he even remember?
Nate pushed himself to the edge of the bed, watching her like a hawk. She lifted her hand, and put it back to the comforter. She blinked blearily at him. Her constant exhaustion tugged at him.
The pallor of her skin couldn’t fade the beauty he’d always saw in her.
His wife.
He slid under the covers, taking her hand in his. Whispering, he traced her knuckles with his fingers. “Cyan and Jareth are expecting a baby. You won’t be here to see it, if you give up. Sherri and Kyle are talking about marriage. If you leave, if you leave me, you won’t see their wedding.”
Nate spoke fast, his pleading growing louder and louder in the room. “Drake and Stefanie finally realized they love each other. That they need each other.” He stared at the ceiling. He couldn’t look at her anymore. And then finally he did.
He gazed at his wife. His voice lowered to a whisper. “Please. We need you. I need you. Please, don’t.”
Emma opened her eyes again, her lashes fluttering as she struggled for energy to speak to him. “I’m going to miss out on all of you being happy.”
“No, you’re not. Not me. I’ve been happy. You’re taking my only chance at happiness. Why? Why not try?” It was the same questions he asked her over and over. He’d railed at her, he begged her, he’d offered so many things. He’d pleaded and bargained with her.
She finally came up with an answer he hadn’t heard. “Because you deserve better. And I love you enough to want to give you that.” He gingerly pulled her into his arms. He pressed his cheek to her forehead, careful to be tender, because she hurt so much. “I don’t want to lose you. I can’t. I won’t survive this.”
“You aren’t losing me Nate. I’m still here. I’ll always be here.” She coughed.
“No you’re not. You’re already gone. You gave up, it’s like you’re making it go faster.” He blinked back the tears in his eyes. The moisture had become like a constant companion.
“For now I’m here. You watch over this family. You watch over yourself. You be happy for both of us.” She pressed her lips to his chin. “Be happy. You have to promise me...”
But Nate couldn’t speak past the tightening of his throat.
Three weeks later
Nate placed the palm of his hand on top of the cold casket.
He couldn’t afford much for his wife, but he did the best he could.
She would go into the background, without him.
She’d abandoned him not more than four days before.
Nate’s decimated heart flittered along on the wind, broken into a thousand pain-colored pieces.
He ignored his cousins and his sisters and the rest of his family and community as he walked from the grave site.
Watching as they put her in the ground wouldn’t do anything for his soul. His wife wasn’t in there.
His happiness could not be buried that day. She’d taken that with her so long ago.
The last horse he hadn’t been able to sell – his horse - had been tied to a tree.
The long dark brown duster whipped around his legs.
If he survived, he’d be back. He told them he would.
For now... for now he needed a break.
He didn’t want to live at Bella Acres anymore. He couldn’t see anyone’s happiness for now. Yes, they were all going to grieve Emma. But no one felt her loss like he did.
Nate mounted the horse, and shot one last glance at Emma’s grave. He would never visit that site again.
She’d left him. She’d given up.
His whole life... his whole soul... everything that was him would be dropped into the ground.
He’d never love again.
The end of Hidden Trails, book #4 of The Montana Trails series, Clearwater County Collection.
Join my Survivors Newsletter and keep up to date on Forgotten Trails, book #5 of The Montana Trails series and the rest of the family. Read more about Nate Rourke and Kyle Darby and their cousins, and what can make a cowboy lose his heart.
Dear Survivor,
Thank you so much for making this far with me. I have to say this book... sucked the life out of me with all the tears and longing and also the happy feelings and bittersweet twists.
Drake turned out to be even sweeter than I originally planned him. I love when that happens, when the characters really take on a life of their own. He did. He’s a self-made man and I’m so lucky to have known him. Don’t despair, we’ll see more of Drake in the next 6 books of the Montana Trails series.
Stefanie was a fun one to write as well. She’s stubborn and loyal – a heady combination. She’s stronger than she realizes, also which is always a fun discovery.
A special thank you to my friend, Jodi. I think Stefanie has a lot of this woman’s traits and knowledge about life around horses and ranches. Not to mention being an awesome nurse and mom, Jodi helped me with a lot of questions on how Stefanie would react to certain things. Thank you, Jodi for the help as well as the pushes to keep writing this one.
Thank you as well to you for reading this! I loved spending this time with you and I hope you’ll stick with the rest of the series. Here’s a little teaser – Nate gets another book but it’s not until Book 10. If you sign up for the newsletter, you’ll see exactly what I’m talking about!
Thank you again so much for joining me! Please take a moment and review this book (and any book!) on Goodreads or on the retailer you found this book on.
Thanks again!
Stay Alive,
Bonnie R. Paulson
Clearwater County Collection has multiple subseries! Here’s the reading order.
Lonely Lace series
Spurs and Lace
(book #1) (FREE)
Secrets and Lace (Book #2)
Sorrows and Lace (Book #3)
Redemption series
Romancing Redemption (Book #1) FREE
Riding for Redemption (Book #2)
Resisting Redemption (Book #3)
Regretting Redemption (Book #4)
Rewarding Redemption (Book #5)
The Montana Trails series
Broken Trails (Book 1) FREE
Forbidden Trails (Book 2)
Unbridled Trails (Book 3)
Hidden Trails (Book 4)
Forgotten Trails (Book 5)
Endless Trails (Book 6)
Forsaken Trails (Book 7)
For a list with covers and descriptions as well as links to all of Bonnie’s other works, please click here.
About the Author
Bonnie R. Paulson is all about survival. Do you have what it takes to turn the page?
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Acknowledgements
To Bear
To Pam, Heather, and Elaine, great title, thank you !
Captiva Publishing
Bonnie R. Paulson
www.bonnierpaulson.net
Copyright © 2016 Bonnie R. Paulson
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any means without the prior written consent of the publisher, excepting brief quotes used in reviews.
This book is a work of fiction and any resemblance to any person, living or dead, any place, events or occurrences, is purely coincidental. The characters and story lines are created from the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously.
This book is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This book may not be resold.
Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.
Cover design by Kristin Bryant, contact her through [email protected]
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