Swallowing despite his dry mouth, Gus searched for his words. His head was emptier than ever. A hot flush rose to his face. His heart hammered.
He waited.
A voice in his head told him to move, to get Domino out of his contemplation. Another was begging him to ask for more. For an indulgent moment he imagined his friend untying the front of his pants, working his fingertips on the belt with reassuring confidence. Then the pressure and warmth of Domino’s palm against his lower abdomen, slowly diving down, caressing the line of blond hairs . . .
Gus’s body responded to the thought. A shiver shook him, his sex quivering beneath the fabric, beyond his control. Next to him, Domino clenched his fist on the bed and released a hot breath that caressed the lines of Gus’s pale chest.
“Domino,” said Gus.
The nichan blinked and seemed to come back to him, sniffing hard. He looked at Gus and went from dizziness to horror in a snap of the fingers. What he was doing had obviously not escaped him. He straightened on his arm, squirming awkwardly, probably to get out of bed. He was already pushing away the woolen blanket covering him. In his agitation, it fell off, sliding against his strong legs. Gus noticed the long bump on his friend’s crotch.
“Domino,” Gus repeated as his friend discovered at last his own state of arousal.
“I— By the Faces, I’m sorry, I . . . I didn’t—”
Someone knocked on the door, pounding angrily. The hut vibrated around them. The two boys stared at the door.
Heart at the edge of his lips, Gus rolled to his side, turning his back to the front door, hiding his condition. It took Domino a moment to regain his wits and leave the bed, still a little awkward.
He opened the door. “What?”
“What the fuck are you doing? We’ve been waiting for you for an hour.”
As always, Beïka was talking to his little brother like he was shit stuck underneath his shoe.
“I overslept,” lied Domino, being as rough as his brother.
Those two had never learned to appreciate or speak to each other. Since Mora’s death, the situation hadn’t improved, to say the least. Domino had long since stopped trying to fix it. There was no way out of this. Beïka treated him like a dog and blamed him for the bad crops, or his own bad mood. Without Mora to mediate, their relationship was doomed for failure.
“I don’t give a shit,” said Beïka. “The others have already left. Now move.”
“It’s fine. I’m coming.”
“You’d better. We shouldn’t have to endure your whims and wait for you to—”
Beïka studied his brother up and down then took an unwelcome look inside the hut. His gaze crossed Gus’s. Domino immediately blocked the view with his own body.
“You overslept, my ass!” Beïka said.
“I said I was coming. You can go now.”
“Sure. Just remember to clean your mouth and cock before joining us. You reek of human.”
Blood rushed to Gus’s face.
“Fuck off!” With that, Domino slammed the door in his brother’s face.
As he walked away, Beïka smashed his fist against the front of the hut, probably to get the last word.
Gus waited silently. Domino breathed heavily, his back muscles tensing under his skin, one hand on his forehead. He’d gone from one emotion to another far too quickly.
“Hey,” Gus whispered.
Domino glanced over his shoulder. His expression was calm, though his face glowed with sweat. “I’m sorry.” His face was full of guilt and stupor. It was as if Beïka hadn’t interrupted them even though his vulgarity lingered in the air. “I don’t know what came over me. I wasn’t going to—I wouldn’t touch you.”
You could. I’d let you.
“It’s all right. It’s nothing,” Gus said instead.
“I’m sorry, Gus.”
“Domino, it’s okay. Don’t worry about it.”
Domino nodded, unconvinced. “I don’t know what Beïka’s going to say to— Do . . . do you want me to tell him something? That he’s wrong?”
“Don’t bother.” Domino’s silence remained too long. Gus tensed on the mattress. “Would it be so shameful? To bed a human?”
Bed me.
Domino sucked on a breath and swallowed hard. “No.” Then he turned in haste, his hand brushing the front of his pants. “I’ve got to go.”
He grabbed a pair of dusty pants he kept for his dirty work and took off the ones he was already wearing to trade. Gus looked away. Normally, neither of them cared about their nakedness, but after what had just happened this morning . . .
A year earlier, they had agreed, implicitly, not to ever sleep completely naked again. They’d done this throughout their childhood; they knew each other’s bodies as well as their own. But they were no longer children, and all the means were good to avoid having to sleep in separate rooms.
There were looks, a hand staying longer than necessary on a shoulder, a waist. They were attracted to each other. Gus had always kept things from going any further. He was still afraid to find out what his own body could inflict on Domino. Maybe nothing. Maybe the worst. But as time passed, his determination wavered. He wanted Domino to touch him. He was dying for it to happen while having always strongly opposed it. Sometimes he thought he could let him, that he wasn’t allowed to touch, but Gus and Domino’s respective boundaries didn’t need to align. It was risky, of course, but some days Gus just wanted to play with fire and see how much it’d burn. And more than anything else, he wanted to feel on his body and in his whole being that this desire was mutual.
Once he was ready, Domino took one last look at Gus. He stopped as if to say something, to no doubt apologize again, but swallowed his words. When the door closed on him, Gus sighed long and hard and pushed his thoughts away once more.
Domino didn’t know what was going through his head. Or his body. He’d woken up before dawn, spent a little more time in bed, forgetting his obligations, his training, enjoying the peace and quiet of his hut. Turning around, he’d noticed Gus’s condition, the length of his sex resting along the base of his thigh. From that moment his entire world had revolved around this point. There’d been no looking away or thinking of anything other than what he wished to do with Gus, if Gus would allow it. The urge to take off his clothes and Gus’s had paralyzed him entirely, saving him from waking up his friend to share his sudden want with him.
And he thought about it all the rest of the day.
And the next day . . .
Things didn’t get any better after that. As the summer’s end went by, as burning hot, sweaty, dusty days passed, Domino’s concentration decreased. He felt more awake than ever. Every muscle prepared for the effort, but again and again his mind wandered, diverting his body from its purpose. It became difficult for him to perform simple tasks. He often found himself standing on his own, separated from his own thoughts, as if a fever had melted them.
The Uetos went hunting again, without him. Domino began to lose sleep.
This time, he couldn’t blame his discomfort on any encounter that had gone wrong. Something had changed in him, something that not even reason or rest could alleviate.
He lay down at night, struggling to fall asleep, each limb inflamed, his heart pounding in his chest with the energy of despair. When he finally managed to fall asleep, he’d become agitated, troubled by dreams he could hardly remember, and woke up drenched and excited. He resisted the instinctive urge to touch himself. Next to him, Gus was motionless, but Domino wouldn’t be able to tell if he was sleeping or pretending. He turned his eyes away, his mind and body burning with a painful desire to hold Gus close to him, skin to skin.
Domino opened his eyes one night, his pants stuck to his flesh, breathless, groans stuck in the back of his throat. He’d ejaculated in his sleep. As quietly as he could, he left the room and after a welcome bath, he spent the rest of the night outside. The newly returned cold water of the baths soothed him for a while. No more. In the
early morning, his ache still persisted.
When Domino noticed that women’s proximity aggravated his condition, giving him untimely sweats, triggering his arousal, he had to face the facts with agonizing frustration. He’d just reached the age of his seasons, as all male nichans did at the close of puberty. He tried to relieve himself alone, finding a secluded corner in the back of the village. It was no more than a fleeting comfort. Helpless, he repeated to himself that this situation wouldn’t last, that it would lessen on its own.
It was unlikely to happen.
He felt so stupid.
He returned to his hut one night, hoping to get some clean clothes as he had nothing left to wear. He could have stayed naked; no one would have been offended since he was hiding most of the time in the depths of the Surhok’s woods. Impossible. Once naked, he spent all his time seeking his pleasure, trying to silence the appetite that choked all others. An exhausting yet unsatisfying effort.
As he entered the hut, he was relieved to find it empty. Gus hadn’t returned from his chores in the infirmary yet. However, the first thing he noticed was his friend’s scent. In fact, it almost jumped down his throat. Domino ignored it as best he could and went through his belongings looking for clean clothes. He’d wash the ones he was wearing later tonight—if he could keep his thoughts in order.
Then he realized that he was holding Gus’s clothes in his hands. His friend’s heady scent must have attracted him. Putting all his will into it, he set the fine tunic down. He wanted to bury his face in it, as much to scream as to fill himself with Gus’s smell.
The door opened on the other side of the room. Like a trapped animal, Domino turned and shoved himself against the wall. Gus gently closed the door and stood on the threshold. Could he sense Domino’s distress? Feel the burst of pheromones? The nichan probably looked awful. He hadn’t slept for several days, couldn’t remember the last time he had eaten.
“I’ve been looking for you for a while,” Gus said quietly. “Can you explain? Did something happen?”
His voice was tinged with worry and maybe a little bit of blame. It was always hard to tell.
“No, I . . . I’m sick. I don’t feel well.”
If there was someone Domino couldn’t convincingly lie to, it was Gus. “Sick? You want me to take you to the infirmary? Do you need anything?”
“No. It’s not—damn it!”
Domino ran one hand over his face, then took advantage of the darkness to place it on his crotch. He felt himself getting harder and wanted to hide it. His hand wouldn’t be enough. He had to get out of here.
“Domino,” Gus said, trying to be reassuring.
The nichan could trust Gus. There was no judgment between them. Domino wasn’t responsible for his condition, his nature only reminded itself to him.
He took the plunge. “I . . . My seasons have just begun. The rut. It’s hard to control it.”
He didn’t have to reveal anything more. Gus knew as much as he did about the subject—which was little but enough to know what it all came down to.
Gus remained silent for what seemed like an eternity. When he opened his mouth, Domino was startled, on edge. “I see. Is it painful?”
Yes. “It’s . . . uncomfortable.”
“Are you going to end it?”
Domino hesitated. “I’m not sure if . . . ” Another silence only disturbed by Domino’s jerky breathing.
“You must go to Ero.”
This announcement from Gus was so unexpected that Domino burst out laughing. The sound was close to a cry, but in his condition he overlooked it. “Your sense of humor is a delight today.” He laughed, pressing against his erection, which was still growing in his pants.
This attempt at cheerfulness was met with silence. Gus walked across the hut and raised the shutter to allow the lanterns shining outside to provide light. In his state, Domino was too slow to react. A golden glow lit up Gus’s face. The human’s jaw contracted and Domino knew he could see the symptoms. Other than that, Gus didn’t show any signs of confusion. As always, his thoughts were impenetrable behind his impassive appearance.
“I’m going to stay out all night until it calms down,” Domino said.
“It looks painful.”
“There are worse things, as you can imagine.”
“I’m serious, Domino. Go find Ero.”
“It’s complicated enough as it is. I doubt he’ll help me.”
He still couldn’t believe Gus had made that suggestion to him, but he had to face reality. Ero was the leader of the clan, it was his duty to help his protégés. Even though he’d sometimes strayed from this task, he did it every day. Domino didn’t trust him—he never could—but Ero was the only nichan he could turn to right now.
He had to. Unsatisfied seasons could lead to impotence, among other sequela.
“You look terrible,” Gus said, brutally honest. “And I suspect you feel a lot worse than that.”
“Can’t get anything by you.”
“It’s late. Stay out all night if you feel more comfortable. But don’t leave things lying around. It’s awful to see you in pain.”
Gus would never admit to that kind of feeling. If something hurt him, he kept it to himself.
That was enough to convince Domino.
Domino waited until late the next morning to follow Gus’s advice. He avoided the sanctuary, the baths, any confined space where anyone other than his uncle could see him. He watched the small garden behind the clan leader’s house and approached when Ero appeared, the frame of his brazier in hand, preparing to clean it.
Fortunately, Domino was still decent when he got close to his uncle. “Can I . . . can I talk to you?”
Ero lifted his nose from his task, surprised to see him arrive in his garden straight from the woods.
The next moment, the scent of a woman captured Domino’s attention. Before the young man realized who was approaching, Ero grabbed him by the elbow, pinned him against the wall of his house, and held him firmly with one arm under his chin. Memek entered Domino’s field of vision from the other side of the hut, scrubbing brushes in her tattooed hands. She then discovered her father, who was violently pushing Domino against the bamboo facade.
“I’m disturbing you, I see,” she said after a moment of surprise.
With his nose full of his cousin’s perfume, Domino couldn’t resist, to his great despair. His body responded.
Ero growled, “Leave us, Memek.”
“So you don’t need my help?”
“We’ll do that later. Leave us alone.”
She sighed, baffled, and lowered her eyes as she turned tail. She finally noticed Domino’s poor condition and frowned, barely holding back a grimace of disgust. “What the fuck is—”
“Get out of here!” her father shouted, and she threw her brushes to the ground before obeying him.
The wind washed away her scent and Ero directed all his attention to his nephew. His uncle’s face didn’t express the same disgust as Memek’s. Just anger and something else harder to pin down.
“All right, will you be able to talk, or do I turn you on too?”
What a bad idea to come talk to him. Domino was already regretting his choice. As a reflex, he’d put his hand on his genitals to hold them down. This simple touch combined with Ero’s comment turned his stomach. Being excited by his cousin was the last of Domino’s wish. His body betrayed him in a nauseating way.
“How long has this been going on?” Ero questioned, still holding him in place, as if Domino might go after Memek. He had no intention to do so.
“One, maybe two weeks.”
Ero chuckled without losing his seriousness. “By the Faces! You really like to complicate your life. Two weeks, huh? No nichan with any sense would let himself suffer for that long. You know it can end badly, right? What’s wrong with you?”
Domino remained calm even though his blood was boiling in his veins. “I just need a solution. Something to make it stop.”
“Don’t pretend to be dumber than you are. You know exactly what you need.”
Yes. A woman.
The very thought almost got him swearing, for it made his blood boil hotter.
“You may not have noticed, but I’m not very popular,” Domino said. “No woman would want me.”
“First, yes, I’d noticed. And let me tell you, if you took on what you are, you’d be spoiled for choice and, trust me, you wouldn’t know in which bed to sleep at night.”
“Are you done?”
“No. Your body’s sending you a message. It’s pretty clear, but for your own sake, let me translate: it’s telling you that you’re ready to breed, and it’s going to keep doing it, and it will get worse than you can imagine. Do you want me to tell you what it can do to your balls?”
“I’d rather die, thanks.”
“So let me be clear: until you stick your cock up a cunt, you’re gonna stay that way.”
“Oh, it was clear already, don’t worry.”
“So what’s your problem? You’re not attracted to women?”
“I am.”
“Then stop moping and hurting yourself. I’ll find you some women.”
“Some?”
One more snigger from Ero. “Yes, some women, you idiot, because it’s been two weeks. And as I know you, it might be even more. Just one will never be enough for you. At this point, you’ll find it hard to stop. One woman would exhaust herself before you are half satisfied, and you’d spend the rest of the day crying like an infant.”
He paused, lost in thought. Domino said nothing, his own thoughts trapped among naked bodies and intertwined limbs. He took a deep breath. If only Ero could let him go. He didn’t want to associate this kind of idea with his uncle.
“We’ll finish it tonight,” Ero said.
“Tonight?” Domino repeated, confused.
“When there’s shit to eat, you better swallow it as fast as you can. In the meantime, you lie under a tree, you cry, you jerk off. I don’t give a shit. You distract yourself as best you can. I’ll find anyone who’s willing to help you. I’ll come and get you when I’m done. You got that? I don’t want to see your face in the village.”
The Nichan Smile Page 23