by Lori Wilde
Except it had been her.
Was that really the problem? She couldn’t reconcile these two sides of herself?
After Jake left, Tobias kept her busy for a while. She’d changed, fed, and played with him until the tyke had fallen asleep on a pallet in the middle of the office floor. She called Kendra to check her sister’s progress and reassure her that Tobias was doing fine. She learned Krystal had just given birth to a healthy baby girl, and Kendra promised to swing by soon to pick up Tobias.
While the baby slept, Jodi processed the online reservations that had come in since yesterday and sent out confirmations. She thought she was doing a splendid job of keeping her thoughts off Jake, until she started getting calls from customers telling her she’d made mistakes on their reservations.
Ham sauntered into the office and asked her why she’d left the door to the van hanging open with her car keys dangling in the ignition. He tossed her the keys.
Groaning, Jodi planted her elbows on the desk and dropped her head into her hands.
“You okay?” Ham asked, concern tingeing his voice. “You’re usually so on top of things. This isn’t like you.”
“The baby’s a distraction,” she fibbed. Sorry, Tobias for using you as an excuse. But it was easier that way.
Her mind was scrambled, muddled, scattered. She was making mistakes left and right, and for someone who prized order, discipline, and stability it was a difficult pill to swallow. Her feelings for Jake Coronado were the primary reasons for her confusion.
Big question. What was she going to do about it?
Did she hold the course, and keep her life on track just the way it had always been, knowing exactly what was in front of her? No surprises. No curveballs. But that meant no excitement either.
Seriously? She’d had enough of the wrong kind of excitement after Ryan’s departure. Calm and quiet was perfect.
She nibbled her bottom lip and thought about the two sides of her. There was the dutiful daughter who desperately struggled to do the right thing, versus the secret vamp who thrilled to the idea of adventuresome sex with a stranger. Should she stay the course or embrace the unknown? Test herself or hold true to who she knew herself to be?
Both options scared her.
The logical part of her brain urged caution. The intuitive part whispered, Come on, live a little. It’s okay.
What about the consequences? What if following her impulses led her to a whole new world of hurt? But what if, at the end of her life, she ended up feeling as if she’d stayed stuck in second gear while the world passed her by?
Jodi pulled her bottom lip up between her teeth, slowly released it, and blew out a pent-up breath. She couldn’t make the decision on her own. She needed help sorting this out.
Determined to clear the mist fogging up her brain, she picked up the phone and called Dr. Jeanna to make an appointment.
By the time Jake pulled into the driveway of the frame house in Jefferson, he was feeling somewhat better. The yard was neat and well cared for, the landscaping company he hired had done their job. The curb appeal was spot-on. The one-story Craftsman would be an easy sell.
He walked up the steps, but didn’t feel the flutter of butterflies he’d expected. In all honesty, he hadn’t spent more than half a dozen nights in this house. They’d still been living in Chicago when they’d bought the place just a month before Maura’s murder, and they had not even started the renovations they’d planned.
The key hung in the lock and it took him a second to jiggle the door open. Inside, the rooms were empty, dusty. “It’s okay,” he mumbled out loud. “You’re here now.”
The only room that had anything in it was the small room at the back of the house. Facing that room was going to be the toughest challenge of all.
He’d told Jodi he was healed. Now was the time to prove it. Not to her, but to himself.
In one way, part of what Breeanne had told Jodi was right. He wasn’t one hundred percent over Maura’s death. She’d died so traumatically, so tragically, so damn unexpectedly that he could never fully forget her. She was part of his past and she’d formed who he was. And he would always remember the ugly fight they’d had over his career just before she died. The apology gift he’d sent to her from the road that she never saw.
He’d told Jodi he didn’t have any regrets, but it was all bravado. More than anything else, regret ate at him. Maura would never know how terribly sorry he was for that argument. She’d never know that he had changed his mind about everything.
While he had recovered from Maura’s death, moved beyond his grief and his acting-out phase and into acceptance, he was still sketchy on forgiving himself. But he was working toward that.
And he was ready for that fresh start. His intense attraction to Jodi was enough proof of that. Except for the nagging question that he kept pushing to the back of his mind. Was he attracted to her because she looked so much like Maura?
Initially, yes, but the more he got to know her, the more he liked her for who she was. He saw her more for her differences than her similarities to Maura.
Jodi was generous, friendly, confident, determined, and involved. She had moxie. Maura had been a quiet, naïve, insecure, infinitely trusting, with a soul-stirring susceptibility. In personality, the two women were nothing alike.
Jake did a walk-through, seeing the place through the eyes of a potential buyer instead of the owner. He didn’t feel numb, but neither were his emotions stirred. He felt … calm, and that surprised him a little.
Pulling his cell phone from his pocket, he started a to-do list. Replace stovetop in the kitchen. Replace carpet with high-quality laminate. Completely renovate master bath. He was handy. Yes, he could pay to have the work done, but doing it himself would help him face his demons. But he would have to get on the stick if he hoped to have it done before spring training.
When he finished the plans, he felt resolved and hopeful for the future.
He didn’t know where things were going to go between him and Jodi or if they could work out their differences. For now, it didn’t matter. Until he dealt with the house, his last emotional tie to Maura, he wasn’t free to embrace a new relationship.
Besides, Jodi had trust issues. The guy who dumped her at the altar had done a number on her self-esteem. But she had the spunk to get past it. He wanted to know Jodi better. Longed to explore their out-of-control chemistry. Yearned to find out more about her. Ached to sink his body into hers again.
But that wasn’t what she wanted and if she wasn’t all in, then he wasn’t going to act on his impulses. He had a life to live and he was going to start living it. He’d give her some space until after the wedding. If at that point she wanted to come along for the ride, then great. If not, he was going to keep looking for someone who did.
Two days after her appointment with Dr. Jeanna, Jodi was still straddling the emotional fence. The therapist assured her that it was perfectly okay to explore her sexuality as long as she did so in a conscious, mature, and mentally healthy manner with parameters that made her feel comfortable. In fact, Dr. Jeanna considered it a positive sign of Jodi’s emotional growth.
But she also cautioned Jodi that rebound affairs rarely progressed beyond physical attraction, and urged her to temper any expectations about a long-term relationship. She also warned her about carrying on a fling in Stardust where her life was under a microscope and family and friends felt entitled to weigh in on her love life.
Simple fact. Jodi shouldn’t go fishing in her own pond. Jake’s friendship with her sister’s husband-to-be meant he was simply too close for comfort.
“Pick someone else to have a fling with,” Dr. Jeanna advised.
Jodi stewed on it and decided there was nothing to decide. At least not until the wedding shower/Super Bowl party at Rowdy’s house the following Sunday, where she’d be forced to see Jake again.
Who knew? By then the attraction might have blown over. In the meantime, she had maid of honor duties, and th
at’s where she’d put her energies.
On the Tuesday afternoon before the wedding shower, she was meeting Kasha for a late lunch at the Honeysuckle Café to finalize plans for the bachelorette weekend. Suki and her mother had gone to an antique auction in Baton Rouge, leaving their dad in charge of the store.
Jodi arrived a few minutes early for her one-thirty lunch date with her sister, in order to spend a little time with her father. Things had been so busy that they didn’t get to have much one-on-one time anymore. Her dad was at the checkout counter when she came in, gluing the leg back on a stepstool, reading glasses perched halfway down his nose. Callie lay on the overhead balcony railing, tail swishing, watching him with narrow-slit eyes.
“Callie is about to pounce,” Jodi warned as she went behind the counter to give him a quick kiss on the cheek.
“I know,” he said. “She’s been up there for twenty minutes waiting for me to forget about her.”
“Breeanne,” Jodi called up to the bookstore. “Rein in Callie before she gives Dad a heart attack.”
“On it,” Breeanne called back.
“I’ll be fine.” Dad pushed his glasses up on his nose.
Breeanne whisked Callie into her arms. The calico meowed in protest. “How about some cream?” Breeanne asked the cat as she carried her off to the book stacks.
A customer strolled up to the counter with an antique lace tablecloth. “You know my favorite thing about this store, Dan?”
“What’s that, Mrs. Q?” Dad asked of the sixty-something woman who used to teach third grade at Sam Houston Elementary. He set the mended stool upside down on the counter, capped the tube of superglue, and pushed his reading glasses up on his forehead.
“The wonderful relationship you Carlyles have. If more families were like yours, the world would be a happier place.”
“Why, thank you for saying so, Mrs. Q. Are you ready to buy that tablecloth you’ve been circling for a month?”
“I think I am, Dan. I’m having my garden club to tea on Super Bowl Sunday while Ralph and his buddies are barricaded in his man cave, and this tablecloth will earn me high praise indeed.”
“You’ll be the talk of the garden club,” he said, and checked out Mrs. Q and waved good-bye as she went out the door to the soft tinkle of wind chimes. Dad rubbed the back of his neck and grimaced.
“I’m meeting Kasha for a late lunch at the Honeysuckle,” Jodi said. “What’s the special?”
“Butternut squash casserole.” He kneaded his neck harder. “At least I think. This confounded crick in my neck …”
“Sit,” she said, moving behind the counter to direct him to the stool, and began massaging his neck.
“Honey, you don’t have—” He lowered his head. “Damn that feels good.”
Jodi increased the pressure.
“You were always so great at this,” her father said. “From the time you were four years old.”
“I liked taking care of you. Especially after all those long hours you and Mom spent nursing Breeanne back to health.”
“I’m surprised that Kasha was the one who went into the medical field and not you,” Dad said.
“I’m in hospitality. Same thing. Except my job is making people happy instead of healing them.”
“You’re fixing me right up.” He waved a hand. “So go on. You’ve got things to do.”
“There’s nothing more important than making you feel better.”
“You’ve already worked wonders.” He moved his neck from side to side to prove it. “Thank you.”
“Put some mentholatum ointment on your neck and a heat pack.”
“Kasha better be careful,” he teased. “Next thing you know you’ll be gunning for her job.”
“No way.” She laughed. “I love what I do for a living.”
“Music to a father’s ears. We’re so lucky all you girls love your work.” He lowered his voice. “But you’re especially good at your job.”
“Thanks, Dad.” She kissed his cheek.
With her father’s praise ringing her ears, she picked up her purse and tablet computer and followed her nose to the back of the building. She slipped in through the rear entrance of the café through Timeless Treasures. Most of the tourists came in through the outdoor entrance, ate at the tearoom, and then left the way Jodi had come in, stopping to browse antiques on their way out.
The lunch crowd had thinned, many of the occupied tables now populated with regulars who came later in the afternoon to avoid the tourists. The decor was eclectic country, decorated with finds from Timeless Treasures. Tall painted milk jugs served as table bottoms. None of the chairs matched. The tablecloths were different colors of gingham check. In the far booth, Jodi spied Kasha.
Her sister’s face was alit, her head thrown back, and she was laughing at something the man sitting across from her had said.
Jake.
Air staggered up Jodi’s throat. Rushed out of her mouth in a hurried swoosh. Instantly, her skin tingled and her heart floated in a warm bath of heated light.
Jake.
Seated with her sister. Looking very hot, handsome, flirty, and comfy.
The bottom of Jodi’s stomach dropped out, dropped into her knees, dragged down to the floor.
What was Kasha doing with Jake?
She had no right to feel possessive. Had no idea where the intensity of her feelings was coming from. She was the one who told Jake to move on. That she wasn’t in a place where she wanted a relationship, but seeing her sister with him changed everything.
Pulse thumping, she rushed over to the booth. “Scoot,” she told Kasha, and nudged her over with her hip.
Kasha scooted.
Jodi plopped down. Be cool. Be calm.
“What are you doing here?” she asked Jake brightly, desperately trying not to sound accusatory. The last thing she wanted was for him to think she was jealous. Even if she was.
“Jake was just—” Kasha blushed.
Blushing? Kasha? Honestly? Kasha was the unflappable one in the family. She didn’t blush. She didn’t simper. She didn’t gush. But she was doing all those things now.
With Jake.
“Leaving.” Jake got up and winked at Kasha. “I’ll see you later.”
Later? He was going to be seeing Kasha later? Jodi gulped, feared she was going to hyperventilate.
“Bye.” Kasha wriggled her fingers and slanted Jake a sultry look beneath half-closed eyelids.
He passed by Jodi’s chair without anything more than a pleasant “Good afternoon.”
Oh snap. She couldn’t handle this. When she’d told him he should move on, she hadn’t meant for him to move on with her sister!
As soon as he was gone, Jodi swung around to the other side of the booth. “What are you doing?”
“What do you mean?”
“What was that with Jake?”
Kasha looked taken aback. “Don’t get your nose out of joint. He came by to ask my advice on what to give Breeanne and Rowdy for a wedding gift.”
“And he came to you?” Why hadn’t he come to her?
“Sure. Why not?”
“Why didn’t he just call or text?”
Kasha shrugged like she truly didn’t know why Jake had approached her in person. “You’d have to ask him.”
“You blushed when you were talking to him. You don’t ever blush.” Dear God, Jodi, hold your tongue.
“Wait.” Kasha leveled a long, appraising stare at her. “Are you attracted to Jake?”
“No,” she said, too loudly, too forcefully.
Kasha held her stare without blinking. She wasn’t the least bit shamefaced. But why should she be? Her sister had no idea about her relationship with Jake.
What relationship? They didn’t have a relationship. They’d just had sex. That was it. Once. And almost in the closet. Mind-blowing, stupendous sex, but never mind that.
Kasha straightened. “So you wouldn’t mind if I asked him out—”
“No.”
“No, you don’t mind or no, you’d prefer if I didn’t explore a relationship with him?”
“Just …” Jodi took a deep breath, torn between her desire for Jake and her dread fear of that very desire. It was so strong. So overwhelming. “Don’t.”
“Is there something wrong with him?” Kasha asked.
“He’s a widower.”
“I know.” Kasha lowered her voice. “All that angsty suffering makes him even sexier.”
Jodi’s heart did a frantic tap dance in her chest.
The waitress trotted over to them. “Whatcha havin’ today, girls?”
“The special,” Jodi said.
“Fruit plate.” Kasha eyed Jodi suspiciously.
“And to drink?” the waitress asked.
“Sweet tea for me,” Jodi said.
“Good choice.” Kasha handed the waitress her menu. “You need something sweet to take the sour out of your mood.”
“There’s nothing wrong with my mood.”
“Uh-huh.” Kasha pressed her lips together in a you-are-the-Queen-of-Denial expression. “The last time you looked at me like that was in high school when Tad Farmer asked me to the prom.”
“We were supposed to be going steady,” Jodi said.
“Which is why I turned him down. I don’t take things that don’t belong to me. Does Jake belong to you, Jodi?”
“No, certainly not. Of course he doesn’t.”
“So no hard feelings if we go out?”
“Did he ask you out?” Jodi hated the anxiety in her voice.
“He didn’t.”
Jodi blew out a relieved breath. “I’m sorry,” she apologized. “I didn’t mean to come on so strong. Forgive me.”
“Nothing to forgive,” Kasha said. “If you’ve got designs on Jake, he’s yours.”
“I don’t have designs on him.”
“I see.” Kasha looked hurt. “You just don’t want him to date me.”
Ah, that old sibling rivalry. In some ways, she and Kasha were closest because they were almost the same age. Kasha was just ten months younger than Jodi. And both of them had first come to live with the Carlyles as foster children. They’d bonded over having known a harsh life before being adopted by Mom and Dad. But the situation had also made them more competitive with each other than either of them was with Suki or Breeanne, vying to prove who was worthiest of their adopted parents’ love.