Kendall tried, and failed, to adopt an expression of mock innocence. “Why, Celeste, whatever do you think I did?”
“What is the matter with you? Our mother is here!” I hissed through clenched teeth. “You are sixteen! What do you think she’s gonna say when … ”
“Oh, Celeste! There you are!” Mom sauntered up behind me and gave my arm a squeeze. “Isn’t this exciting? Kendall arranged some sort of performance for us! I can’t wait to see what it is! I love live theater!”
I waited until Mom sat in a chair by Alaina before I spun back on Kendall. “You know she’s gonna kill me for this, right? You being young and impressionable, and all. ”
“Probably.” She nodded as if she had considered the likelihood of that very thing, but failed to see how it involved her. “So you might as well enjoy the show.” The doorbell chimed and her face brightened. “I wonder who that could be? Alaina, why don’t you go get the door?”
Alaina rose with a smile to do just that. I rushed to corner Grams. “You know this is going to end badly, right?”
“Yep, but it’ll be fun!”
It seemed there was no stopping the inevitable. Since I sure as heck couldn’t beat them—though I’d like to—I decided I might as well join them. I glanced down at the little glasses of green Jell-O Grams unloaded from her tray and decided that would be as good a place to start as any.
“Mmm … desserts.” I scooped one up and slurped it down.
“Celeste, no!” Grams said about five second too late.
“What is that, turpentine?” I cringed as it burned its way down my gullet.
Grams cast a guilty glance at my mom and muttered under her breath. “Jell-O shots. Don’t have any more and don’t tell your mother about that one.”
I was still trying to shake off the grimace caused by Jell-O a’ la Grams when a flustered-looking Alaina appeared in the doorway and waved her arm frantically to get my attention.
And so it begins. I stifled a groan and made my way over to her.
“The local law enforcement is here, an Officer Python?”
“Oh, that’s classy,” I snorted.
She talked right over me. Her voice shook with nerves. “He asked where he should set up. I’m not familiar with this tradition. What’s happening?”
I made eye contact with Kendall and jerked my head toward the foyer, then laid a comforting hand on Alaina’s shoulder. “This is a somewhat new tradition in which the friends and loved ones of the bride-to-be go out of their way to mortify her.”
Alaina’s milky white skin went ashen.
“But don’t worry, I’ll be right there with you to help you through it, okay?” I hoped she didn’t notice that the sour apple battery acid Grams allowed me to drink was already causing my words to come out slightly slurred.
“Everyone take your seats!” Kendall ordered. “It’s showtime!”
As soon as we were seated the music was cued up. At the first few strums of Black Betty Alaina shot me a nervous glance. I gave her my best reassuring smile and a big thumbs up. Around the arched doorframe swung Officer Python. His fake cop shirt barely contained the rippling muscles beneath. A pair of mirrored glasses hid his eyes. His hat sat low on his forehead. It shielded his face and gave him an air of mystery normally hard to accomplish by someone wearing tear away pants.
Keni woohooed. Grams let out a loud catcall. Mom finally figured out what was happening, groaned and averted her eyes.
As the opening cords of the music thumped Officer Python—geesh—sashayed straight for Alaina. He wrapped his bulging arms around her, grabbed the sides of her chair, and dragged her to the center of the room. Alaina squealed and white knuckled her seat. My mom tossed back a Jell-O shot and glared at me. I ricocheted that same look to Kendall. She ignored me and carried on clapping her hands over her head.
Right in the blushing bride’s face the “officer” wiggled his hips in time to the music. Alaina glanced awkwardly around the room, trying to figure out a safe place to look as the good officer tore open his shirt.
“Officer! Your shirt!” Alaina squeaked. “I don’t believe this is protocol!”
Unfortunately for her he wasn’t listening. He was too busy running his hands over his greased up abs and moving his hips to the rhythm. Grams leapt out of her chair and waved her wad of dollar bills. In one fluid motion, our gyrating “law enforcement” grabbed a fistful of material from his black slacks in each hand and ripped those babies clear off.
“Seems Velcro pants would be incredibly inconvenient when pursuing a suspect,” Alaina’s voice rose an octave with each word. She hid her face behind her hands and peeked through her fingers.
Clad in a snakeskin Speedo, Officer Python shimmied for all he was worth right in Alaina’s face.
That was her breaking point. “Celeste!” she shrieked. “I’m scared! Am I under attack?! Do I slap it?!”
“Alrighty, that’s enough.” I rose from my chair, took a moment to let the world stop spinning, and went to my future sister-in-law’s aid. I walked up behind our hardworking entertainer and rested an arm on each greased up bicep. “You’re doing a great job. Really. Top notch.” I shuffled him a few steps over and turned him in Grams direction. “But maybe you could just point that … here.”
He never missed a beat, as he switched to a much more receptive audience. Behind Grams I saw Mom clap her a hand over Kendall’s eyes. Served her right. She lost her mind when she got the bright idea to plan this. Now she didn’t even get to watch. Ha-ha.
Stripper fiasco behind us, I offered a hand to Alaina. Without a word exchanged we headed straight for the coffee table where we both helped ourselves to a serving of j-e-l-l-o. She was over three hundred, well within legal age. I’m the Chosen One and warrior of the world so I earned one, too. Of course, I turned my back to my mommy in case she disagreed.
Bernard just had to pick that moment to poof in by the door. “Conduit!”
My mother’s blue eyes bulged and she nearly fell off her chair. “What the heck is in that Jell-O? I’m seeing talking lawn ornaments!”
“Well that’s just offensive.” Bernard crossed his arms and huffed.
I jerked my head in the direction of the other room. Bernard got the message and scurried his little legs out as quickly as they could carry him. Duty bound and more than a little tipsy, I followed.
I didn’t realize Alaina trailed me until Bernard scowled in her direction. “There’s no need for her to be here. She’s no longer a Guide.”
Alaina flinched as if Bernard had slapped her. Despite how thrilled she was for her upcoming wedding I knew she still missed her supernatural role and the powers that went along with them. She took a step back in retreat, but I grabbed her wrist and pulled her back by my side.
“But she is family.” I peered down at Bernard and blinked hard. For a second there I saw three of him; which was a terrifying image. “Plus, if she goes back in there she’ll be traumatized further by a snake-skinned banana-hammock and I can’t subject her to that.”
Bernard’s eyes narrowed. He waved his cane and floated up to my eye level. He leaned in close and sniffed my breath. His face instantly set in a frown of disapproval. “You’re drunk!”
“I am not!” Bad time for a hiccup-burp that reeked of alcohol.
Bernard wrinkled his nose and waved the smell away with one stubby little hand. He floated back down and stamped his cane against the hardwood floor. “You are the Chosen One! You have to be ready to fight at a moment’s notice! This is unacceptable. I thought your cavalier attitude toward your calling had improved, but clearly I was mistaken.”
“It was a one-time accidental thing!” I slurred, and then leaned one hand up against the wall. The room suddenly seemed slanted. Weird. “And it’s not like I planned this. I was in bed dreaming of terrifying giant bugs and Kendall forced me out of bed to watch a half-naked man wiggle.”
That mental image prompted a teehee from Alaina. Her reaction made me laugh and sn
ort in a most un-feminine way, which sent us both into an uncontrollable giggling fit.
Bernard jabbed his cane in my direction. My laughter died a sudden death. I knew all too well what that stupid little stick could do. “Look at you! You’re a mess! You couldn’t spot a demon right now if it walked right up and ripped your nose off.”
I held up one finger and tried my best to look indignant as I swayed side to side. “Okay A) I would totally notice that. 2) You have no room to talk, you and your little satchel of berries.” Bernard’s mouth fell open in haughty shock. Jell-O nerves encouraged me to press on. “That’s right, I know about that! And D) I’m the Conduit.” I spread my arms out wide, as if that provided explanation enough. My argument became less convincing when I had to latch onto Alaina to stop myself from toppling over. “It’s in my blood to find and kill demons. No matter what kind of state I’m in I’m still a lean, mean, demon locating machine!”
“Celeste!” Kendall screamed. “The stripper’s a demon! Stripper’s a demon!”
Bernard folded his arms. He said nothing, but gave me an easy to decipher told ya so look.
“I had my suspicions,” I lied. “Nobody’s abs are that perfect.”
CHAPTER eighteen
Alaina and I leaned back and peeked into the living room. Everything appeared normal. Music blared and Mom was dancing with the stripper under obnoxious red lights while Kendall and Grams watched. Okay … maybe normal isn’t the right word. Disturbing, yet on par for the evening, seems more fitting.
Alaina cocked her head to the side. “Uh, Celeste? What’s wrong with your mother’s face?”
I squinted and tried to focus through my Jell-O goggles. My mother’s peaches and cream complexion had been drained chalk white, a bluish hue encircled her formerly rosy lips.
“Why’s she staring at the stripper like that?” I vocalized the ponderings of my inner monologue.
“If I had to guess,” Bernard leaned against his cane and rested one hand on top of the other, “I’d say it’s because without the hindrance of his mirrored glasses your exotic dancing demon has the ability to hypnotize his prey and suck the life out of them using nothing more than the power of his stare.”
I whipped my head around so fast I swayed on my feet ... or maybe that was from the stupid sky-high heels Kendall had crammed on my feet. “He’s killing her?!”
“And yet you’re still standing here talking to me,” Bernard pointed out, then pulled a handful of berries from his satchel and popped them into his mouth.
I kicked off my shoes and ran into the living room just as Grams linked her arms around my mother’s waist and heaved her to the side. The hold of the demon’s glare instantly broke and Mom went limp. Grams eased her to the floor as gently as possible. The demonic stripper emitted a snake-like hiss and tried to fix his gaze on another target—Kendall. She shook her wings free, spun around, and expanded them wide to protect all of us from his stare.
“Whenever you’re ready to step in here, Conduit, by all means go ahead,” Kendall snipped. Sure, she had a point, since I was standing there doing nothing. But still—rude.
I had the makings of an idea—inklings really—and that was about it. “On the count of three, duck.” The way my voice rose at the end made it sound like more of a question than a statement. Which it kind of was.
Kendall jerked her head in a brief nod.
“One.”
Now would be a good time to figure out what you’re gonna do, I thought to myself.
“Two.”
Seriously, I got nothin’ here.
“Three!” Kendall ducked down and I leapt through the air. In a tuck position I managed two complete rotations before I landed hard right on my butt behind the demon. I scrambled to my feet as he spun on me.
Grams waved her hands over her head and screamed, “Don’t look him in the eye and for Pete’s sake don’t trash the house!”
I heeded her warning—that lady can be downright scary if you don’t—and decided to take the fight outside. I put my shoulder down and ran at him like I’d watched Gabe do on the football field more times than I could count. He expelled a breathless huunnh when my shoulder connected with his gut. I clung to him and tried to whisk him out of the house in a blur of superhuman speed. Tried. It would’ve gone smoother had I not plowed us into two different walls before I shouted at Alaina, “Open the friggin’ door already!”
I deposited Stripper Demon in the driveway, then put some much needed distance between us to allow myself a second to regroup. With my hands on my knees I tried to breathe through the wave of nausea brought on by the laced Jell-O and super speed combo. The demon stripper needed no such break. His lips curled back in a malicious grin as he took a menacing step in my direction. It didn’t seem to bother him in the least that he was still in his undies.
I held up one finger. “Hold on a sec. We’ll do this, I’m just gonna need a minute first.”
His yellow snake eyes blinked to the solid black of a Seeker. “Oh no.” A forked tongue darted from his mouth. “We’re going to do thisssssss right now. I’m gonna sssssssuck the life out of you and I’m going to enjoy it. Assss the Chosen One I bet your essssssence will be delicioussssss.”
“I get that you’ve got your demonic reputation to think of.” His stride was more slither than walk as he inched my way. “But from one civilized person to another, I’m asking you to give me a minute here.”
“A minute isssss all you have left.” With a snake-like roll of his neck, he tried to catch my gaze.
My inability to focus suddenly felt like an asset as he failed to capture my gaze. “As menacing as a deadly staring contest is, I’m asking you to reconsider. Just take a brief pause. Then we’ll engage in an epic battle that generations to come will marvel at. What do you say?”
“I ssssssay it’ssssss time to die, girl.”
“Have it your way.” I shrugged and raised my palm toward the neighbor’s John Deer riding mower. I lifted it off the ground with a telekinetic boost, guided it through the air, and dropped it on the head of the pants-less demon. By the time its wheels bounced to the ground he disintegrated to black ooze.
“Oh yeah, the force is strong with me.” I giggle-hiccuped.
“Given up entirely on attempts to be discreet, have we?” a husky voice murmured against my ear.
I spun around. Hands raised, palms out, to do … something. Any attempt at intimidation disappeared when I tripped over my own feet and fell into my “attacker”. Cradled in a pair of muscular arms, I peered up at a golden-haired hottie.
“Rowan!” I exclaimed loud enough to wake the sleeping neighborhood. “What’re you doing here?”
“When ya didn’t beat down me door tonight I worried some nasty demon had bested ya.” He lifted his chin toward the lawn mower and demon goo. “Didn’t realize the attire for your battles had become so lax.”
“We were having a bachelorette party for Alaina, then the entertainment turned out to be—” I pushed off his chest, looked side-to-side to see for eavesdroppers, then cupped my hands around my lips and mouthed the word, “—evil.”
“You’re drunk.”
“I am not!”
He raised one eyebrow and folded his arms over his chest.
“Okay, maybe a little,” I tittered. A burp quickly turned that laugh to a grimace.
Disapproval oozed from every pore of him as he shook his head. “Fate of the world depends on your safety and you’re standing out here in the middle of the night completely shnockered. Ya really don’t have a lick of sense, do ya?”
“I have plenty of sense. You’re,” I poked my finger into his pec, “just a big grouch. You better start being nicer to me, or I won’t ask you and your adorable chin dimple to go to my brother’s wedding with me.”
His stern exterior shattered and for reasons I didn’t understand in the least he visibly struggled not to laugh. “You want me to be your date for the wedding? Even though—Heaven forbid—others might see?
”
“Others-smothers!” I waved a dismissive hand in the air. “Just you, me, and this adorable little butt-chin. What do you say?” I punctuated my question by sticking my finger into his chin dimple and adding a, “Boop!”
Somewhere in the back of my mind a little voice whispered, “You’ll regret this tomorrow.” But that voice was really quiet and for some weird reason British.
Rowan grabbed my hand and held it away from his face. “As touching as this moment is, let’s get you to bed to sleep it off before I answer.”
I tried to plant my feet. An act I quickly found to be impossible with jelly legs. “No! Not until you agree to be my date.”
He pressed his lips together. His gaze searched my face with an intensity that nearly caused another giggle fit. “Why are you asking me this? Is it just because of what I can do for you?”
Exhaustion quickly set in and I let my head flop down on his shoulder. “Because you’re the only one that knows what a big ole’ mess I am. I don’t have to pretend when I’m with yooo … ”
I passed out midsentence.
CHAPTER nineteen
I positioned the tulle to hide the white light-cord, then secured it with a thumbtack.
“It’s uneven. Poofier on the right than the left.”
I grumbled to myself and fluffed up the left side. “Tell me again why you’re here?”
Rowan handed me a section of green ivy to drape over the tulle. “Right now I’d say I’m here to ensure that you don’t make this freakishly large, yet incredibly fancy archway behind the bridal table, a travesty of oddly placed sparkle and frill that could ruin the bride and groom’s special day.”
From behind dark shades I shot him a glare he was sure to feel, even without me using my empathic skills. My head pounded from last night and I had no tolerance for him, bright lights, or loud noises.
Sacrifice (The Gryphon Series Book 3) Page 11