“Well it’s nice to meet you, Emma Kelly” he said and gave her a smile that almost stopped her heart.
Chapter 5
Emma was suddenly woken by the sound of a baby crying. She tried to lift her head up off the pillow but she was too tired and her head felt like lead.
“Jonathan,” she said rolling back over. “Mia needs her bottle, it’s your turn.”
She waited for a moment but got no reply and the baby was still crying.
“Jonathan!” she called as she rolled over to his side of the bed. He wasn’t there. His side of the bed was stone cold. She snapped opened her eyes and the room was in darkness. For a moment she was confused but then, slowly, she remembered where she was. Then it all came rushing back like a train running over her. She felt an overwhelming ache in her heart as a wave of grief over took her and she felt like she could barely breathe.
“I’m coming Lily,” she said as she struggled out of bed. She fumbled for the switch of the lamp on the bedside locker. Suddenly there was a light tap on the door.
“Emma, it’s Mom,” Helen said from outside the door. “Can I come in sweetheart?”
Before she could answer her mother opened the door and popped her head around it.
“Oh Mom,” Emma sobbed when she saw her mother walk in to the room.
“Ah love,” she said as she rushed to her daughter’s bedside. “Come here to me”.
“Mom I miss him so much” Emma sobbed and struggled to catch her breath.
“I know you do chicken” Helen said softly as her daughter sobbed. “I know you do”.
“I just want him back, I can’t do this alone,” she managed to say between sobs. “I don’t want to be alone anymore, it’s too hard.”
“You’re not alone, Emma,” Helen said cradling her in her arms. “You will always have me and your Dad. You can stay here as long as you want. You can stay here forever if you’d like.”
“Sometimes I feel this emptiness inside me,” Emma sobbed and struggled to catch her breath. “And it gets so big it feels like it’s going to burst out of me and it’s hard to breathe.”
“I know it doesn’t seem like it now but that will pass,” Helen reassured her grieving daughter. “One day, without you even noticing, you will find the pain will get smaller and smaller. And you realized you have survived and that life goes on.”
“I don’t think things will ever be ok again,” Emma sniffed.
“It will,” Helen reassured her. “I know it doesn’t feel like it know but I promise you it will.”
Helen kissed her on her forehead and gave her a big cuddle.
“Thanks Mam,” Emma said as she took some deep calming breaths.
“Now, we had better get that little girl fed before she has the whole of Bray awake,” Helen said as she got up and lifted Lily from her crib. “God bless us what a fuss.”
Helen returned to the bed, cradling Lily in her arms. She told Emma to go back to sleep, that she would feed the baby. Emma lay back down and watched as her Mam fed her daughter.
“I remember you sitting there and giving Louise her bottle,” Emma yawned sleepily.
“But sure you were only a baby yourself,” she laughed.
“I was seven,” Emma replied. “I remember you would sing a song while you gave Louise her bottle.”
Emma couldn’t remember the words so she began to hum the air of the song.
“You belong to me,” Helen replied
“That’s it” Emma said remembering bits of the words.
Helen began to sing gently as she gave Lily her bottle. Emma felt like she was a little girl again. Emma closed her eyes and listened to her Mam singing and a familiar feeling of safeness she had as a child wrapped around her like a comfortable blanket. She felt all her stress wash away as she drifted off to sleep.
When Helen finish singing she stood up and gentle put Lily back into the crib. Then she switched of the lamp and bent down and kissed Emma on the forehead.
She walked to the door and opened it slowly. She gently closed it behind her and returned to bed.
When she got back to her bed, she found it hard to go back to sleep. Thoughts of Emma whirled around her head and filled her with sadness. She wished she could take her daughter’s pain away. But in her heart she knew it was just something she needed to go through. There was simply no way to avoid it. She couldn’t go around it the only way was through it. And hopefully when she made it through to the far side she would be able to find happiness again. Finally she drifted off to sleep.
************************************
When Emma woke the next morning, she felt a little better. It was the first proper night’s sleep she had in eight months. She was surprised to see Lily was gone from her crib and it was already 11 am.
Emma got up and got herself dressed. She looked at herself in the mirror. Her Mam was right she had lost so much weight. Her arms that were once long and slender were now thin and bony. Her clothes that had once sat perfectly around her curve body were now hanging from her without any specific shape. Even her face was thin and pale. She decided from today she was going to look after herself properly from now on.
She ran a brush through her long dark hair and tied it up in pony tail and headed down stairs.
As she made her way downstairs, she could hear voices coming from the kitchen. She recognized her Dad and Mam’s voice. But there was a voice she wasn’t sure of. So she paused on the stairs for a moment to listen. It took her a minute but she realized whose voice in was. It was Jack’s voice.
Emma felt a knot in her stomach. She didn’t feel ready to see him yet but she knew she had to do it sooner or later, and it may as well be sooner. She took a couple of deep breathes and continued on into the kitchen.
When she walked into the kitchen, her Mam greeted her with her usual big smile.
“Did you have a good sleep love?” Helen said getting up and putting on the kettle.
“Yeah, thanks,” she replied trying to act as casual as she could. She couldn’t see him when she walked in so she figured he was standing behind her. “Where are the girls?”
“Louise came by earlier and has brought them out for a walk,” she replied. “She has just gone to the shops. She shouldn’t be long.”
“Aren’t you going to say hello to your little brother?” Jack suddenly said from behind her as her stomach knotted. She turned around and tried to act unfazed by his presence.
“Of course” she smiled, uncomfortably as she gave him a hug. It felt so weird to be so uncomfortable with Jack. Until that morning before the wedding he and Emma were so close. They were best friends.
“I was sorry to hear about Jonathan,” he said. Even though he was sincere, his words cut through her like a knife. “He was a good guy”.
“Thank you,” was all she could reply without bursting into tears.
“Sit down and I will fix you some breakfast,” Helen told her, completely oblivious to the tension between the two of her children.
“Actually I think I’ll pass thanks,” she shook her head. The last thing she could face right in that moment was food. “I think I would really just like to get some fresh air. I might just go for a walk down on the beach.”
“Would you like some company” Jack asked lifting up his coat from the back of his Dad’s chair.
“Ok,” Emma replied, surprised he would want to come with her.
The January morning air was crisp and refreshing. It felt good to be out in the fresh sea air. Emma always loved walking along the beach when she was growing up. Now walking there, she felt like she had been away far too long from this place she loved.
They walked together for a while without saying a word. Then finally Jack was the first one to speak.
“So, how long are you going to stay mad at me?” He asked, surprising her with his directness.
“I was never mad at you Jack,” she replied calmly. She gave him a sideways glance but his eyes were fixed on the ground in fron
t of them.
“You left without even saying goodbye,” he said. “And you have barely said two words to me in nearly five years.”
“I think you’ll find you never called me either,” she snapped annoyed that he was putting it all on her. “You never visited me. I had two children, Jack. I buried my husband but you never once picked up the phone. You sent flowers but there wasn’t even a message.”
“I didn’t think you wanted to hear from me,” he admitted honestly and the sadness in his voice almost broke Emma’s heart. “And if I am honest, I was afraid to find out for sure.”
“Of course I did, you’re my brother,” she sighed as her voice softened. “I needed you there but you never came.
“But that morning,” he continued. “You were so mad at me.”
“I wasn’t mad Jack. I was hurt,” she said much to Jack’s surprise. “My heart was broken. You were the one person I thought I could count on to stand by me, to understand what I was going through. But instead you seemed so disappointed in me.”
“I was disappointed,” he sighed, much to Emma’s surprise. “But I was disappointed for you, not in you.”
“Really?” she replied touched by what he said.
“Yes really,” he replied. “Christ sake Emma you were more than my sister you were my best friend. I love you.”
“I love you too,” she replied with a smile. “And I have missed you so much”.
“I missed you too,” he said and suddenly he hugged her.
“I can’t believe we have let this go on for five years,” Emma said when they released each other. “It seems so stupid now.”
“Well, all that’s in the past now,” Jack replied. “I promise, from now on I am here for you.”
They walked for about an hour, catching up on each other’s life. They talked about Emma’s life before and after Jonathan’s accident, about the children and everything else that had been going on back in the States. Jack told her all about his job and all about the string of girls he has been dating.
Emma laughed when he told her that he was still too young to settle down. She reminded him that he was nearly thirty. But he insisted he was still only twenty eight and seven months.
The one thing they didn’t talk about was the night before the wedding. Emma thought Jack might have mentioned it but he didn’t. But it didn’t matter she just enjoyed being with her brother and laughing once again, just like old times.
Finally, when Emma felt frozen to the bones, she suggested they go back to the house. By the time they got back to the house Louise was already there with Emma’s two girls.
“Finally,” Jack said happy to see both his nieces in person for the first time. Emma introduced them to their uncle and Mia dutifully gave her uncle a big kiss.
Jack was amazed how like Emma, Mia was.
“Mia,” Gerry said lifting her up on his knee. “How would you like to go into town with your Gran and me and we could buy you something nice.”
Mia nodded her head excitedly.
“Dad, don’t start spoiling her,” Emma said. As she sat down and finally got a nice hot cup of tea.
“I’m not spoiling her,” Gerry argued giving Mia a cheeky smile. “Sure we barely see her.”
“Don’t worry love,” Helen said, kissing her on the head. “I’ll make him behave.”
“Thanks Mom,” Emma smiled but in her heart she knew her Mam would probably be the biggest offender.
“Sure we can take the two of them with us,” Gerry suggested. “And you can have the whole day to yourself. Maybe you and Louise can go do something nice.”
“Actually Lou,” Emma said noticing something was missing. “Where is Andrew?”
“Conner has taken him down to see his Gran,” Louise replied. “She lives the far side of Wexford so he’ll stay over and be back tomorrow.”
“Why don’t you girls go out tonight?” Helen suggested. “They have some karaoke on down in O’Grady’s tonight”.
“You should ring Grace,” Gerry added. “I’m sure she’ll be dying to see you.”
“I don’t think so,” Emma quickly said. She shot Jack a sideways glance. But he didn’t seem to be listening to the conversation. He was staring contently at Lily who was fast asleep in his arms. He seemed very taken with her.
“That’s a great idea,” Louise said eagerly. “I will ring Grace.”
“No!” Emma snapped a little more forceful than she meant to and shifting uncomfortably in her chair. “I don’t really feel like going out.”
“Come on Emma,” Louise pushed completely unaware of Emma’s apprehension. “You are far too young to be the merry widow.”
“Louise!” Jack snapped as his head shot up, looking at Louise disapprovingly.
“I’m sorry but...” Louise continued, refusing to let it drop. “I don’t think Jonathan would want her to spend the rest of her life shut up like a Nun. She is too young to throw her life away. Besides I am just asking her to go for a drink not go out on the pull.”
“Louise!” Helen snapped this time. “That’s enough. If Emma doesn’t want to go out, she doesn’t have to.”
“She’s right,” Emma said surprising everyone. She knew she would have to face the rest of the world some time. She had done everything she could to avoid going out anywhere she thought there was going to be a crowd for the past eight months. She just wanted to hide away from everyone. But she knew she couldn’t any more.
“I am?” Louise asked shocked? Even she thought she had pushed her luck a bit.
“Yeah!” Emma exclaimed. “Jonathan would want me to get on with my life. He would get so mad if he thought I was giving up.”
They all looked at her but none of them said a thing.
“I will ring Grace,” Emma said standing up from the table. She took Lily from Jack. “I should change her before her bottle.”
Emma went up to her room. She lay Lily on the bed and changed her nappy. She picked her back up and held her close to her.
Emma thought about going out that night. She really didn’t want to go. And the truth was it wasn’t just because of Jonathan. Yes part of her felt guilty going out and getting on with her life.
But the thing that was holding her back most was the fact that O’Grady’s was where she met Zach. And going back there could open a part of her life that she had tried for so long to forget. And right now she had enough crap to deal without a ghost from her past complicating things.
She remembered his smile and the way he made her feel when he looked into her eyes. Like no one else in the world matter. She never felt that way with anyone else. She wondered if she ever would again.
Emma tried to push the thoughts from her mind. She felt like she was betraying Jonathan by even allowing herself to think of him. After all, he was gone. In the end he didn’t really want her. He had broken her heart. It was Jonathan who loved her and that was all that mattered now.
But Louise was right. It was time to move on with her life. Put the past behind her and make a fresh start for her two girls. She was the only one they had now.
She would have to learn to be stronger. She picked up the phone beside her bed and dialled in Grace’s number.
“Hi Grace” she said, taking a deep breath. “It’s Emma.”
Chapter 6
~Five years earlier~
“Where did you go to last night?” Louise croaked, looking like an extra from a horror movie, as the make-up she wore the night before was now a disaster on her face. She was sitting across the table from Emma staring into her coffee.
“I went out to get some air,” Emma said sipping her strong black coffee and trying her hardest to look innocent. “When I went back in, I couldn’t find you anywhere.”
“We hooked up with some guys,” Louise grinned. “We went looking for you but couldn’t find you. We thought you had gone home. So the guys asked us to go to a club.”
“Not those guys that were sitting at the next table?” Emma exclaimed as s
he thought of the three creepy guys that has been eyeing them all night.
“Get a grip!” Louise exclaimed in her usual exaggerated way of talking and burst out laughing. “They were a bunch of dogs.”
Emma had to laugh at her sister’s way of putting things. She was always straight and to the point. Everything was either black or white. She said what she thought and you always knew exactly where you stood with her. Emma knew most of that was down to her age.
“And hey, remember that hot barman?” Louise said still clinging to her coffee. “Well it would seem he managed to survive his knock back from you. When we went out to find you he was out there with some girl. Couldn’t see who it was but he was wrapped around her, the lucky cow.”
Emma tried not to react but she couldn’t help but smile a little.
The fact was she was the lucky cow Louise was talking about.
The night before, she had sat outside for the longest time talking to Zach, “the hot barman”. They talked about what had brought him to Ireland and her to New York. She had found it so easy to talk to this complete stranger and felt really at ease with him. And he was interested in what she had to say.
Sometimes when she talked to Jonathan she knew he wasn’t really listening to her. He was always so caught up in his work. Sometimes she wouldn’t even finish what she was telling him and he wouldn’t even notice. But with Zach it wasn’t that way at all. He listened to her every word and seemed genuinely interested in what she was saying and it felt good.
She hadn’t realized how long she was outside until she heard Louise voice coming towards the door.
“Oh my god!” she cried out as she jumped up panicking. She scanned around for somewhere to hide. “My friends are coming. Shit, they can’t see me out here.”
“Why not?” Zach asked, looking at her in confusion.
“It’s a long story,” she said still looking for somewhere to hide. She knew she was being overly dramatic but panic swept over Emma. But she didn’t know why she hadn’t actually done anything wrong. ”Shit! Shit! Shit!”
Before she could find somewhere Zach pulled her close to him and moved them both into the shadows. Then without warning he kissed her. He pressed his lips hard and passionately against hers.
A Stolen Heart Page 4