He bent down and kissed her gently and Emma’s heart almost broke.
“But if she doesn’t turn up” he said. Emma’s heart raced. For a moment she really thought he knew. But then he added with a laugh “I will settle for you instead.”
Emma laughed and playfully pushed him.
“I do you love,” he said and kissed her once again.
He turned around and walked towards the gate. Emma realized this was probably that last time she might ever see Jonathan.
Suddenly she felt totally overwhelmed. She felt the panic take hold of her and the tears filled her eyes.
“Jonathan” she said running down the path after him. Jonathan turned around just in time as she threw her arms around him. She held him tight for a few moments.
“I love you too,” she finally said as she released him from her embrace. “I want you to always remember that.”
“Are you okay?” he asked noticing that she was very emotional.
“Yeah,” she replied trying to compose herself but failing miserably. “I am just being silly.”
“That’s why I love you so much,” he said pulling her close to him. He softly kissed her on the forehead. “I will see you tomorrow.”
He released her from his arms and walked down to the gate. When he closed it behind him he turned to her and blew her a kiss.
She stood and watched him climb in to the waiting taxi. She waved goodbye and watched as the taxi drove down the road and out of sight. She finally let the tears she had been holding back run free. She walked back into the house and ran straight up to her room and sobbed.
She cried because she did love Jonathan. She wished she could have loved him enough to stay but she didn’t. She felt she was meant to be with Zach. She couldn’t even contemplate not being with him. She really and truly loved him more then she had ever loved anyone.
She composed herself finally and began to pack what she would need to take with her. When she was ready she went down to the kitchen where her Mam and Dad were getting ready to go out. They were meeting some of her relatives that had travelled to Dublin for Emma’s wedding.
“Are you sure you don’t want to come with us tonight Emma?” her Mam asked her once again. They had asked her if she wanted to go down to O’Grady’s with them. She told them she was planning a long soak in the bath and then she was going to pamper herself in preparation for the wedding. “You shouldn’t be spending the night before your wedding on your own.”
“It’s really okay,” she replied. “I am going to pamper myself tonight and make myself beautiful for tomorrow. And the last thing I need is to have a hangover tomorrow for the wedding.”
“Well if you’re sure,” Helen said. “Because I will stay with you if you want.”
“No honestly,” Emma said alarmed that her mother might stay with her. “Sure I am going to be up in the bathroom for a couple of hours and then I think I might get an early night.”
“Ok chicken,” Helen said as she slid on her coat and headed for the door. “We won’t be too late ourselves.”
“Have you seen my phone anywhere,” Emma called after her parents before they headed out the front door
“Your dad put it up on top of the fridge sweetheart,” her Mam said. Emma took it off the fridge and followed them down the hallway.
“Well I am going up to get in the bath,” she said walking towards the stairs. She stopped and turned around to her parents. “Have a great night.”
“Thanks love,” Helen replied.
“I love you,” Emma said and she turned and headed up the stairs.
When she got back up to her room she looked at her watch once again and she checked her phone, no messages. It was almost 8.30 She did a final check she had everything. Then she sat down and began to write her letter to her parents and then a letter to Jonathan.
While she was writing the message her phone beeped with a new text message. She picked it up and saw that it was from Zach.
It said “change of plans, problem with the garage, meet at the bench on the end of the pier instead xx.”
Emma wondered what the problem was. She tried to ring him but it said his phone was switched off. She thought that was strange but didn’t read too much into it.
At ten minutes past nine she placed the two letters on her pillow and switched off the light in her room.
When she went down stairs she had one last look around. She wasn’t sure what her parent’s reaction, to what she was doing, would be. She thought that they could be really angry with her and disown her. After all they had put so much time and effort into the wedding too. And a lot of family and friends and spent a lot of money to travel to the wedding. She knew they would be the ones that would have to face Jonathan and the guests and explain what she had done. So she knew this could be that last time she would step foot in the house she called home all her life. She had so many happy memories there she would be sad to leave them behind.
She walked out the door and locked it behind her and started the short walk down to the end of the pier. When she got closer to the bench she could see Zach hadn’t yet arrived. She sat on the bench and waited for him to get there.
She looked out over the sea but it was just black. In the distance she could see the light for a ferry or cargo ship miles out at sea. A cool breeze rolled in from the blackness and she pulled her coat tighter around herself.
She looked at her watch and got a little anxious when she saw he was ten minutes late. She took out her phone and tried to ring him. It was still switched off. She slid it back into her pocket and continued to wait.
She was just about to pull out her phone and try him again when finally she heard footsteps approaching from behind. At first when she turned around she thought it was Zach but as the person got closer she could see it wasn’t him.
She got an uneasy feeling something was wrong.
Emma was surprised to see Joanna coming closer to her. She no longer just had a feeling something was wrong. She knew it. She stood up and moved a little closer then stopped.
“Emma,” Joanna said as she approached her.
“Where is Zach?” Emma asked panic growing inside her. “Has something happened, he’s ok isn’t he?”
“Emma I am sorry,” she replied. “He is gone.”
“Gone?” Emma repeated. “Gone where? I...I don’t understand.”
“He left about an hour ago,” Joanna explained. “He asked me to give you this.”
She handed Emma an envelope. Emma took it and pulled it open. She read the note and it cut through her like a knife.
“I don’t understand,” Emma said with the tears dancing in her eyes. “What happened?”
“I don’t know,” Joanna replied nervously. “He just called me and asked me to bring this letter here to you.”
“Where is he now?” Emma asked starting to fall apart. “I need to speak to him.”
“He is gone,” Joanna said. “I am sorry Emma.”
Even though Joanna’s words were sympathetic there was something in her tone that left Emma with no doubt that she wasn’t sorry at all. “He was on his way to the airport when he gave me this. That was about 7 o’clock. He is gone.”
She stood for a moment and stared blankly at Emma then she turned and walked away leaving Emma standing in the darkness of the night alone. Emma was heartbroken. She just stood there holding the letter in her hands and trying hard to make sense of what had just happened. She returned to the bench and slumped down on it. She read the letter again. She began to sob. Then suddenly she felt a wave of nausea overcome her and she ran over to the rubbish bin and threw up.
She felt her legs buckle underneath her and she slumped down onto the ground. She cried her heart out. She couldn’t believe he would do this to her. She was devastated.
She didn’t know how long she was lying on the ground crying. But finally she managed to pull herself up off the ground and slowly walked back to her mother’s house.
She op
ened the front door and dropped her bag in the hall. She stood for a moment in the darkness. She felt so flat and empty. She walked into the kitchen and sat at the table in the darkness. She sat in stunned silence at her mother’s kitchen table. She couldn’t believe what had just happened. Finally as it started to sink in what had just happened she buried her face into her hands and sobbed once again.
Chapter 22
Zach had agreed to come straight to the hospital when Emma rang him. She was so nervous. While she was at the phone, she rang her parents and told her there was no change in Mia. She also had to tell them that only the parents and grandparents were allowed to visit and to explain that to Louise, Jack and Jenna. She didn’t tell them what the doctor had told her. She thought it was not something to tell someone over the phone.
They told her that they would be up soon to give her a break from the hospital. She asked them if they would pick up some new pyjamas for Mia. She didn’t really need new pyjamas but she want to give herself a little more time with Zach when he got there.
He didn’t take long to get to the hospital. When he got there, he paused at the door for a moment and watched Emma through the little glass panel on the door then he knocked softly on the door and peered through the little glass panel in the door once again..
Emma looked up and smiled at him. She gestured to him to come in. Her stomach lurched as he walked in.
“Hey,” he said as he walked into Mia’s room. “How is she?”
Emma opened her mouth to tell him but just started crying instead. She stood up and walked straight into his open arms. She laid her face against his chest and sobbed.
When she finally managed to compose herself she told him what the doctor had said about Mia earlier that morning.
“Emma, I am so sorry, but you can’t give up,” Zach said glancing over at the little girl attached to so many big machines. “I know it terrifying but she is in the best place.”
“I am the one who should be sorry” Emma said suddenly she couldn’t look at Zach anymore. She was ashamed of what she had done and what she had now to tell him.
“For what?” he replied looking at her strangely. “Mia is not sick because you went out last night. This is no one’s fault.”
“That’s not what I am sorry for,” she explained still not looking at him. She looked at Mia lying there fighting for her life. Even though this was one of the hardest things she ever had to do, she had to do it for Mia. She had the right for her father to sit beside her bed and will her to live just like Emma.
“Zach..., god this is so hard,” she began and took a deep breath. He surprised her by reaching over and taking her hand. She took another deep breath. “I know so much has happened between us. I was so angry with you and I was so hurt, but none of that matters now.”
Zach felt confused. He realized the night before she was angry with him but he had no idea why. But he said nothing. He just sat there and let her speak.
“I promise you that when I married Jonathan I had no idea,” she said trying to fight the tears that were once again stinging her eyes. “The reason I asked you to come here is...”
Suddenly the door opened and Emily walked back into the room to check on Mia once again.
“Sorry for disturbing you guys,” she said surprised to see Zach sitting there. “I just need to check on Mia again.”
Emily looked at Emma as it dawned on her why he was there. She was embarrassed she had walked in on Emma and Zach.
“I won’t be long,” she said as she took Mia’s temperature and pulse. Then she checked the machines and the drips again. She settled Mia and made sure she was comfortable.
“Any change?” Emma asked hopefully. Emily shook her head and Emma’s heart sank. She finished her notes on Mia chart and then left them alone once again.
Emma and Zach sat in silence for a few minutes observing Mia. Emma once again prayed for a miracle.
“Are you okay?” Zach finally said breaking the silence. Emma silently nodded.
They sat in silence once again. Emma remembered when she had once felt so comfortable with Zach, the way she didn’t have the need to fill the silence with useless chatter. Now the silence felt so uncomfortable.
“I guess you are still wondering why I asked you to come.” Emma finally said after about ten minutes.
“It doesn’t matter why you asked me to come,” he replied. “I am just glad you did.”
“But there was a reason I needed you to be here,” Emma said taking a deep breath before she began. “The reason I asked you to come is I felt you had a right to be here.”
“I don’t understand,” Zach replied feeling confused.
“I wanted you to be here because...”she said but stopped abruptly when she saw her parents at the door of the room.
“Sweetheart,” Helen said as she walked in to the room followed closely by Gerry. She hugged her daughter. “How is she?”
“There is no change,” Emma replied the tears welling up in her eyes once again. “Mam they said she could die.”
“Why didn’t you call us to come in sooner?” Gerry said. It was now his turn to hug his daughter. He looked at Zach strangely.
“I didn’t want to tell you over the phone” she replied as she noticed the way her father was looking at Zach. “Mom and Dad this is Zach Adams. He is a very good friend of mine”.
“It’s lovely to meet you,” Helen said shaking Zach hand. Gerry didn’t shake his hand instead chose to give him a slight acknowledging nod instead.
“We met before,” Gerry replied. Emma wondered where they had met but then remembered the day she was in Zach’s car and her father had come looking for her. She was surprised he remembered meeting him from that brief encounter but obviously he did.
“I thought she wasn’t allowed any other visitors except her parents and her grandparents?” Gerry said still looking warily at Zach.
“Dad!” Emma said completely shocked by her father’s rudeness. “I asked Zach to come here”.
“Is he a doctor” he asked coldly.
“Gerry” Helen snapped, she was stunned by her, usually friendly and mild mannered husband’s rudeness.
“It’s ok,” Zach said standing up and taking up his coat. He knew exactly why Gerry was being the way he was. “I should be going now anyway. This is a time for family.”
“Zach,” Emma said feeling frustrated. She was so annoyed with her father’s unreasonable behaviour. “I don’t want you to leave.”
“Emma, the young man is right,” Gerry told her. “This is a time for family.”
“DAD!” she snapped, raising her voice. She didn’t know why her dad was behaving like he was but she was really angry with him for it.
“I should go,” Zach said once again.
“NO!” Emma shouted.
“Emma calm down,” Helen said completely in the dark about what was going on. “If the young man want to leave that is ok.”
“Is not ok,” Emma insisted. She began to panic. If he walked away now she might never get the chance to tell him the truth again. And if something happened to Mia she could never forgive herself.
“Why not?” Gerry said, even now he felt a little confused by Emma’s behaviour.
“Because he is her father!” she blurted out.
Everyone just stood there in shocked silence. Emma couldn’t believe what she had just done. It wasn’t the way she had planned to break the news. But it was out now and there was nothing she could do to take it back.
She turned to Zach, who was staring at her in complete shock.
“Maybe we should wait outside?” Helen said to Gerry and directed him towards the door.
“Zach,” Emma said. “I am so sorry. I wanted to tell you but not like this.”
“She is my daughter?” Zach replied, walking to Mia’s bed side.
“I know you are shocked,” Emma said softly. “I wish I didn’t have to tell you in these circumstances. But I thought you had a right to be here.”<
br />
Zach didn’t reply. He just reached out and lifted up Mia’s tiny little hand and held it.
“What about the last four years?” he finally spoke still looking at Mia. “Didn’t I have the right to be there for that?”
“I am sorry,” was all Emma could say. She could see he was hurt. And he was angry.
He gently placed Mia’s hand back on the bed. He turned around not once looking at Emma he picked up his coat.
“I have to go,” he replied.
“Zach, please,” Emma asked surprised he didn’t want to stay there with Mia. “She is you daughter and she could die. She needs to have you here.”
“I have to, I can’t deal with this Emma,” he snapped at her in a tone she had never heard from him before. “What did you think? I would get here and play happy family. You chose him over me. He got to be her father for most of her life. I just can’t pick up the pieces for you now.”
Without saying another word, he walked out of the room and was gone.
Chapter 23
~Five years earlier~
“Jesus Christ Emma,” Jack shouted with fright as he switched on the light in the kitchen. He had just got back from Cork where he had been working for the past three weeks. “You frightened the shit out of me. Why are you sitting in the dark?”
Emma didn’t reply she just stared into space gripping the letter from Zach in her hands.
“What’s wrong?” Jack said when she noticed Emma’s puffy eye from all her crying. “Has something happened?”
“Jack I have been such a fool,” she finally said in a trembling voice. He noticed the piece of paper she was holding on to. He slipped it from her hand and read what was on it.
“Emma what has been going on?” he asked placing the letter down on the table. “Who is this Zach?”
“We met a few weeks ago,” she explained what had happened over the past few weeks. “I thought that he loved me, we had planned to run away together, tonight.”
“What about Jonathan?” he asked shocked by her revelation. “You are supposed to be marrying him tomorrow.”
“I know, I know, I had left him a letter explaining everything,” she replied. “I tried to tell him but I couldn’t. I know I was a coward to do what I was going to do but I thought it would be easier.”
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