He was on his way to a couple of calls when Marie popped her head round his door. ‘There’s someone on the phone who wants to speak to you urgently,’ she explained. ‘I didn’t catch his name because the line’s terrible—that’s why I didn’t want to risk transferring the call to you. He did say that he was from the agency, though, if that’s any help.’
‘Really?’ Callum exclaimed, following her back to the reception desk. He picked up the phone, wincing when he was greeted by an ear-splitting series of crackles. ‘I see what you mean,’ he began then stopped when someone spoke at the other end. It was a colleague from Worlds Together, the aid agency he had worked for, and his heart sank when he discovered what the other man wanted. Apparently, one of their key workers had been taken ill and they desperately needed someone experienced to take charge of their next mission: would Callum do it?
Callum hung up a few minutes later in a real quandary. Heaven only knew what Beth would say if he went flying out to Africa, even if it was only for a couple of weeks. However, if he refused to go then the trip would have to be called off and that would cause a major disruption, not to mention the loss of a great deal of money. He groaned. Talk about being stuck between a rock and a hard place!
* * *
‘So how are you, Diane? Although I don’t think I really need to ask you that. You’re positively blooming.’
Beth drummed up a laugh as Diane Applethwaite sat down in front of her desk. It was the monthly antenatal clinic and Diane was her last patient that afternoon. Normally, Beth enjoyed seeing the new mums but she was finding it hard to concentrate that day and it was all down to Callum. She had bumped into him as he was on his way out to do some home visits and he had asked her if he could have a word with her when he got back. She had no idea what it was about, but, knowing what had happened the last time they had had a serious conversation, it was little wonder that her internal alarm bells were ringing like mad.
‘I feel marvellous, but then I always do when I’m pregnant,’ Diane assured her. ‘That’s probably why Phil and I had so many children, although this little one has come as a complete surprise.’
‘So how did your husband take the news?’ Beth asked, trying not to think about that night. So she and Callum had made love—so what? As she had told him at the time, they were both adults and it was nothing to get worked up about. She sighed as she unravelled the sphygmomanometer cuff so she could check Diane’s blood pressure, wishing that she actually believed that. ‘Was he pleased?’
‘Once he got over the shock, he was.’ Diane laughed. ‘I don’t expect Phil thought we’d have another one at our age but, as I pointed out to him, we didn’t do anything to stop it.’
Beth managed to smile but there was a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach all of a sudden. She and Callum hadn’t taken precautions the other night either, so was it possible that she might be pregnant? It was hard to hide her dismay as she finished the examination and saw Diane out. Polly had been talking to one of her new mums, working out a birthing plan with her, and she looked up when she saw Diane leaving.
‘Is that it then? I think Diane was our last patient.’
‘I...er...yes, she was.’ Beth went back into her room and sank down on the chair, afraid that her legs were about to give way. Although she had always wanted more than one child, how did she feel about having another baby in these circumstances? More importantly, how would Callum feel about it?
‘Are you all right? You look awfully pale, Beth. Shall I fetch you a drink of water?’ Polly offered in concern as she followed her into the room.
‘I don’t think water’s going to help,’ Beth muttered, closing her eyes in despair. How could she have been so stupid not to have thought about the risk before now? She could have done something about it if she had, taken the morning-after pill and made sure that she wouldn’t get pregnant again by accident as she had done with Beatrix. Now it was far too late for that.
‘Is it Callum?’ Polly asked quietly. She sighed when Beth nodded. ‘I thought you two were getting along all right these days, so what’s he done now?’
‘It’s not what he’s done—it’s what we’ve both done.’ Beth shook her head. ‘I can’t believe we were so stupid!’
‘Tell me to mind my own business if you want, Beth, but if there’s anything I can do to help then just say so.’
‘There’s nothing anyone can do,’ Beth replied brokenly. She bit her lip but the need to tell someone was too strong to resist. ‘Callum and I...well, we slept together a few weeks ago.’
‘You did? But that’s good, surely? Especially if it means you’re thinking about getting back together,’ Polly declared.
‘We’re not. It was a mistake and it should never have happened.’ Beth put her head in her hands and groaned. ‘The thing is that we didn’t take any precautions and now I don’t know if I might be pregnant.’
‘Oh. I can see how awkward that would be,’ Polly said, sitting down. ‘Have you done a test yet?’
‘No. I’ve only just thought about it,’ Beth admitted. ‘I can’t believe I was so stupid!’
‘There’s no point beating yourself up,’ Polly said firmly. ‘You need to find out if you’re pregnant first and then decide what you’re going to do about it.’
‘I don’t think I could go through with a termination.’ Beth felt tears well to her eyes. ‘After everything we went through to have a child, I really couldn’t do that.’
‘That’s something only you can decide, Beth.’ Polly stood up. ‘I’ll go and get a pregnancy testing kit from the pharmacy.’ She shook her head when Beth went to speak. ‘Don’t worry—I’ll tell them it’s for one of my mums. Nobody needs to know anything until you’re sure what’s happening.’
Polly hurried from the room, leaving Beth in the throes of despair. The thought that even now there might be a new life growing inside her should have filled her with joy but all she could think about was how Callum would react. While there was no doubt that he loved Beatrix, it that didn’t mean he would welcome another child into his life, especially when there was no chance of them getting back together.
‘Beth? Am I disturbing you? Only I need to have a word with you.’
Beth’s head shot up in panic when she heard Callum’s voice. ‘I’m just waiting for Polly,’ she said quickly, using the first excuse that sprang to mind. The last thing she needed at this moment was to have to talk to him.
‘That’s all right. It won’t take long.’ He came into the room and she felt her nerves tighten even more when she saw how serious he looked. She had a feeling that she wasn’t going to like what he had to say, but before she could attempt to prepare herself, he carried on.
‘There’s no point me beating about the bush. The agency phoned today. They’re sending a team out to Africa tomorrow but the team leader has been taken ill and is unable to go. It will cause chaos if they have to call it off at this late stage, not to mention the fact that a great deal of money will be lost if they have to re-book the flights.’ He shrugged. ‘Basically, I’ve agreed to go along.’
Callum could tell that the news hadn’t gone down well but it was no more than he had expected. Beth had made no bones about her doubts as to his commitment to Beatrix and to his new life here, and this must confirm all her fears. He opened his mouth to explain that he would only be away for a couple of weeks but just as that moment Polly appeared.
‘Oh, sorry! I didn’t know you were here, Callum.’
She started to back out of the room but Callum beckoned her to come in. Quite frankly, he was sick and tired of being seen as the bad guy all the time: Mr Unreliable. If Beth wasn’t convinced by now that he was serious about sticking around then she never would be.
‘Don’t leave on my account,’ he said flatly, avoiding Beth’s eyes. He didn’t need to see the contempt they held to know it was there and the thought was so bitt
er that he had to wait a beat before he could continue. ‘I’ve said what I came to say and that’s it. I’ll see you when I get back, Beth.’
He swung round, holding himself rigid as he made his way to his room. The urge to go back and beg her to understand that he’d had no choice in the matter was overwhelming, but he mustn’t do it. Beth had to trust him. She had to know in her own heart that he would never let Beatrix down. He couldn’t force her to feel that way: it had to come from inside her. And if it never happened then there was nothing he could do about it.
The thought that she might always doubt him hurt like hell but he knew that he had to accept it, somehow. He had already spoken to Daniel and received his blessing, so once he had handed Marie his notes, he left the surgery and went up to the flat. It didn’t take him long to pack. He’d done it so many times before that he knew exactly what to take. Anyway, it wasn’t what he was taking with him that mattered this time, but what he was leaving behind.
Callum took a deep breath, struggling to control the agony he felt. He was going to miss Beatrix so much while he was away and he was going to miss Beth too. Even if she didn’t believe in him, she was the woman he loved with all his heart and it was going to be pure torture to be without her.
* * *
The test proved negative. Beth was overwhelmed with relief when she realised that she wasn’t pregnant after all. After Callum’s announcement, having another baby would have been a complete disaster. She told Polly the good news, cutting short her friend’s attempts to talk about Callum’s forthcoming absence. As far as she was concerned, there was nothing to talk about. Callum was simply behaving true to form.
The thought weighed heavily on her as she cleared up. It was her early finish so once she had collected Beatrix, she went straight home and set about the nightly routine. It was after seven before she allowed herself to think about what Callum had told her and her heart started to ache with a mixture of pain and disappointment. Even though she’d had her doubts all along about his commitment, it was still hard to face up to the fact that he had chosen his old life over their daughter.
It made her see that it would be a huge mistake to continue allowing him to have access to Beatrix. It was bad enough that he was leaving her now, but how much worse would it be the next time, when Beatrix was older and more aware of what was happening?
The thought of her daughter’s confusion was more than Beth could bear. She knew only too well how it felt to be abandoned by the person you loved and she refused to let her daughter go through that kind of heartache. Once Callum came back then she would make it clear that he wasn’t welcome any longer. Hopefully, he would have the sense to leave Beesdale for good then, and not put them through any more stress. Pain shot through her at the thought of never seeing him again, but she knew it was what she needed to do. It was better to put an end to it now than run the risk of Beatrix getting hurt even more in the future.
* * *
Callum couldn’t sleep. He kept going over what he had said to Beth or, rather, what he hadn’t said. Why in heaven’s name hadn’t he explained that he would only be away for a couple of weeks and that once the agency found someone else to take over, he would return to England? Why hadn’t he reassured her that once he came back, he wouldn’t go away again? He had already made it clear to the agency that this would be his last assignment but he had been too damned stubborn to explain all that to Beth. Too stubborn or just too proud!
He got up, pacing the floor as he tried to decide what to do. Should he go to see her and explain it all to her now? But would she listen to him? That was the question? He sighed wearily because he doubted it. Beth had made up her mind about him from the moment he had come back to Beesdale and he would be a fool to imagine that she was willing to give him the benefit of the doubt. He had left her: ergo he would leave their daughter too.
It was painful to have to face it, but what was even more upsetting was the fact that he had thought he was making some progress. Even after they had made love that night, she had allowed him to carry on seeing Beatrix, but would she let him see their daughter when he got back from this trip? He didn’t think so! He would be right back to square one, and this time it would be even harder to convince her to trust him. The thought made up his mind. He had to make Beth understand why he had agreed to go.
Callum dragged on his clothes and left the flat. It was after midnight and there was no traffic about as he drove to the cottage. He drew up outside, feeling his nerves jangling when he saw that the sitting room light was on. Was Beth still up, thinking about what had happened, about the way he had seemingly confirmed all her worst fears? He knew it was true and the thought of how difficult it was going to be to make her understand why he was doing this made him feel sick. He got out of the car and knocked on the door, feeling his heart start to race when she opened it.
‘I wanted to explain,’ he said softly, wishing she would say something rather than stand there, staring at him.
‘What is there to explain?’ She smiled thinly and he winced when he saw the contempt in her eyes. ‘The lure of the job proved too much to resist. It must be far more exciting working overseas than working here.’
‘You’re completely wrong.’ Callum took a deep breath to damp down the anger that shot through him at the knowledge that she thought he was so fickle. ‘I only agreed to go because they were desperate for someone to take charge. I told you, if I don’t go then the trip will have to be called off and that will cost the agency a great deal of money they can’t afford to lose. It’s only for two weeks and then I’ll be back.’
‘So it’s Dr O’Neill to the rescue?’ Her laughter echoed with scorn. ‘How wonderful it must be to know that you’re such a hero.’
‘I’m not a hero,’ he said through gritted teeth. ‘I am merely doing what I think is right.’
‘And you’re very good at that, aren’t you, Callum?’
‘Meaning?’
‘Meaning that you’re very good at doing what’s right.’ She shrugged when he didn’t reply. ‘You left me because you thought it was the right thing to do, and now you’re going on this assignment.’ She gave a harsh little laugh. ‘Not many people are as sure as you that they’re doing the right thing. I know I’m not.’
‘I can’t believe that.’ It was his turn to laugh now, although there was a hollow feeling in his stomach. Nothing he said was going to persuade her to trust him. ‘You seem pretty sure about me, Beth. In fact, you don’t appear to have any doubts at all that you might be wrong about me.’
‘You haven’t given me any reason to,’ she shot back.
‘No? So you don’t believe that I love Beatrix and want only what’s best for her?’ He carried on when she didn’t answer. ‘Don’t let your feelings about what happened between us blind you to the truth. I love our daughter and I would never hurt her. I think you know that, only you’re too afraid to admit it.’
There was nothing else he could think of to say. Callum drove back to the flat and fetched his bag then went out to the car. It was far too early to catch his train so he would drive down to London instead. It would be better than lying in bed, thinking about Beth and what else he should and shouldn’t have said. It was down to her now, although if she thought she could use this trip to cut him out of Beatrix’s life then she was mistaken.
His mouth thinned. He was going to be a proper father to his daughter—with or without Beth’s blessing!
CHAPTER ELEVEN
‘I THINK IT may have been a TIA,’ Beth said gently, looking at the middle-aged couple sitting in front of her desk. Penny and Michael Halthorpe had been rushed into the surgery by their son. They had been at a family gathering, celebrating their twenty-fifth wedding anniversary, when Michael had been taken ill, so she could appreciate what a shock this must be for them. ‘A transient ischaemic attack—a kind of mini-stroke, in other words.’
‘
A stroke,’ Penny echoed. ‘My dad had a stroke and he was never the same...’ She tailed off, too upset to continue.
Beth sighed softly. Michael Halthorpe ran the local building firm and he was well known in the town. It was a family concern and his son, Alistair, worked with him while Penny dealt with the paperwork. They were currently working on an extension to the junior school, adding an extra classroom as well as a new gymnasium.
This was going to be a blow for them on many levels and she chose her words with care. ‘You said that you realised something was wrong when Michael spilled your drink—is that right, Penny?’
‘Yes. We’d gone to The Fleece for lunch, you see. Everyone was there—our son, Alistair, and Cathy, our daughter-in-law, the grandchildren, Michael’s parents. There was wine on the table but I wanted a soft drink so Michael went to the bar. It was as he was on his way back that I noticed he was holding the glass so that the tonic water was spilling out. Someone made a remark about him being one over the eight but I knew it wasn’t that. Then when he sat down, he couldn’t lift his hand up onto the table. That’s when Alistair said that he’d drive us here to the surgery.’
‘Which was exactly the right thing to do,’ Beth assured her. She turned and smiled at Michael. ‘So how do you feel now? Can you raise your arm?’
He shook his head. ‘No. I keep trying but it still won’t work properly.’
‘Don’t worry about it.’ She could tell that his speech was a little bit slurred as well but, apart from that, he appeared relatively well. ‘I’ve given you the recommended amount of high-dose aspirin and now it’s simply a case of waiting for the ambulance to get here. They’ll run a series of tests at the hospital to check if it was a TIA and then they’ll put you on medication to prevent it happening again.’
‘They can do that?’ Penny exclaimed.
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