“Well, I know what I understand!” Shannon shouted. “You said you love me, but apparently you don’t trust me enough to talk to me!”
“Sorry, I guess I was just afraid of losing you over this. I didn’t know how you’d react and—”
The anger in Shannon’s eyes died, and she took Terrance’s hand. “I love you, Terrance. I know all this stuff can be weird and confusing, but we’re going to get through this together. Here’s what we’re going to do: we’re going to go to Walmart and buy a shotgun. Then we’re going to go throw this sword away, find the faeries who gave it to you, and blast them. Then you’ll forget all about this.”
Terrance stared at Shannon with incomprehension. “We’re going to blast the faeries with shotguns?”
Shannon nodded. “It’s their weakness.”
Terrance was trying hard to stifle the urge to stare at her in horror. “Their weakness is getting killed with shotguns?”
Shannon grimaced. “It was kind of a joke, since everything’s weakness is getting blasted with a shotgun. I guess you’re not at the joking-about-blasting-faeries-with-shotguns stage yet. Seriously, though, didn’t you mention before that you have a handgun? That will probably work just fine.”
Terrance rubbed his temples. “I’m not murdering faeries.”
“You don’t have to. It just seems like the easiest way to get through this.”
Terrance stared at her as she earnestly stared back at him. This next part he wanted to be very careful with, but he sensed there wasn’t really a way to avoid a head-on collision here. “Don’t you ever get the feeling that maybe your job is…not a good thing?”
Shannon tensed a bit. “No, we talked about this.”
“We talked a little,” Terrance said, “but as soon as I started questioning your job, you began to get angry. That’s why I knew there was a problem discussing these things with you.”
Shannon rolled her eyes. “Well, everyone gets angry if you imply they’re evil or something.”
“Not you,” Terrance said, “but your job seems pretty evil.”
Shannon looked confused. “How?”
Terrance stood up and paced as he tried to organize his thoughts on what about Shannon’s job seemed evil, but it ended up being too much to put into a coherent order, so it just came spilling out. “First of all, there’s your armor with the demony-looking helmet that seems pretty much designed to say, ‘Hey! Look at me! I’m evil!’ Then there’s how your job seems to be mainly slaughtering defenseless things. And your headquarters is an ominous fortress on the side of a volcano.”
Shannon looked a bit flustered. “We’ve talked before about how my job can seem—”
“And you serve the Darkness.” Terrance had too much momentum now to stop. “What good thing has ever been referred to as ‘the Darkness’? And what’s your group called? The Sisters of Torment? Torment! And there are demons in your employ—oh, and that horrible demon dragon thing. There are vampires and other monsters, like this thing I saw threatening children the other day—and I can only assume it was under your group’s protection. It’s not just that the organization you work for is evil, it’s that they don’t even make the slightest effort to not appear evil.”
Shannon stood up, starting to look angry again. “I explained this! We keep order in the world, and that can appear at times—”
“Oh, and I’m getting so tired of that!” Terrance interrupted. “‘Throwing puppies in a woodchipper is part of some larger world order.’ You know who justifies their evil activities with, ‘I’m just keeping order!’? Every villain in every movie, ever!”
“Fine! I’m EVIL!” Shannon screamed, waving her arms around theatrically. “I do nothing but murder and spread misery. So why are you with such a horrible, evil person? Why did you never mention this before?”
“Well…I wanted to, but I really like you, and this relationship moved so fast and—”
“What’s that mean?” Her expression was anger, but she also looked like she was on the verge of tears. “I knew it! You never respected me after I slept with you on our first date. Ever since then, I guess I’ve just been your evil slut girlfriend!”
“No, that’s not—”
“Your friends the Infinite must love the tales of your evil slut girlfriend!”
The thing from below was pounding at all the noise now, not that Terrance much cared. “Well, obviously I hadn’t told them about you.”
“Of course you didn’t tell them! You’re embarrassed by your evil slut girlfriend! But I guess you’ve chosen sides with those idiots, so there is only one thing left.” She stretched out her arms and thrust out her chest, a couple of tears now running down her face. “Come on! Pull out your sword and slay the evil! You’ll feel so much better, I’m sure.”
And, of course, Terrance couldn’t even contemplate doing that. But the suggestion brought to mind what he saw when Talia had cut through Amber. “Are you human?”
“What?” She lowered her arms, looking confused.
“With how the Darkness has changed you—are you even human still?”
“Like in an ‘If you prick me, do I not bleed?’ sort of way?”
“I…guess.”
Shannon shook her head. “Then no…not really. Is that what this is about? You know I’m not exactly human, so anything you do to me is okay?”
“No.” Terrance put his head in his hands and gave himself a moment’s pause, as if that time would allow him to finally get a handle on the myriad thoughts bouncing around inside his head. “But…don’t you ever worry about what they’ve done to you—about what they’ve made you become?”
She hesitated. “Everyone has doubts at times. This is all a lot for any person to deal with.”
“Karen told me it was Chet who got you into this,” Terrance said. “Isn’t that a bit of a red flag?”
“That’s…that’s not really the issue. Every organization is going to have jerks.”
“And take away your humanity?”
“They’ve made me more than human. I know it can appear…bad…but it’s a good thing. It’s just hard for everyone to see it that way because of the…you know…”
“Evil stuff?”
“No!” Now Shannon looked frustrated. “I know it appears that way, but what is the other choice, really? Join those nitwits you’ve thrown in with? They say they’re infinite beings, but I can tell you for a fact they bleed and die like anyone else!”
Terrance shuddered. “What a non-evil way of putting it.”
“Hey! I don’t enjoy this work…I mean, not always.” She was silent for a moment, and Terrance could only imagine what she was thinking. Whatever it was, she shook the thought from her head. “Let’s take a break. We’re not going to sort all of this out right now.”
“Sounds like a good idea.” Terrance took a deep breath. “Sorry I haven’t been forthcoming about everything.”
“It’s not stuff people usually want to deal with at all.” Shannon walked over to Terrance. “So are you okay? Did you get hurt doing…whatever it was you were doing?”
“We were fleeing from Malcus and had to jump off a cliff into the water. I think I’m fine, though.”
“You’re shivering. You should get out of those wet clothes.”
Terrance nodded, then unbuttoned and shrugged out of his dress shirt, then kicked off his shoes and pulled off the coffee-stained (and now soaking-wet) pants. All the while, Shannon was standing nearby, watching Terrance—now just in an undershirt and boxers—with an odd expression. He stopped and returned her stare, and she smiled a little. He leaned over and began to slip off her T-shirt.
She thrashed away from him when she realized what he was doing, accidentally ripping her shirt, which came off in Terrance’s hands. She covered her bra with her arms. “What the hell are you doing?”
“Oh…I thought we were doing the make-up thing.”
“We haven’t made up! We’re just pausing the fight for a few minutes!”
/> Terrance looked down at the torn shirt in his hands. “I guess I misread that. Sorry.”
“You are such an idiot sometimes!” As Shannon reached over for her shirt, the door crashed open. She jumped back, looking ready for a fight, and similarly Terrance quickly ducked down and grabbed his sword and sheath from the floor. Lacey, Elissa, and Vicky, all in full armor, charged into the apartment with their swords drawn. They came to a halt and stared at the shirtless Shannon and pantsless Terrance.
“Hey, I think I know what this is about,” Shannon said, “but I’m handling it.”
Lacey sighed. “I’m not sure this is the sort of problem awkward dorky sex can solve…as useful a solution as that usually is.”
Terrance started to reach down to grab his pants, but the three armored women brandished their swords menacingly as soon as he started to move.
“What’s going on in here?” Lance asked, peering in through the busted doorway.
Shannon snatched up her torn T-shirt and tried to cover her chest with it. Terrance once again tried to reach for his pants, but Lacey and her compatriots took that as a threat, so he just kept still.
“Is something the matter?” Lance inquired, looking over the scene without much comprehension. He looked carefully at the faces of the three Sisters of Torment in their armor. “Is Amber around?”
“No,” Vicky said. “Your friend here slew her.”
Lance stared at Terrance in disbelief. “Dude! I told you I liked her!”
The look of betrayal was even greater from Shannon. “What? Were you going to mention this?”
“I was about to,” Terrance said. “She attacked me! And it was Talia who slew her. I tried to stop the whole thing, but it got out of hand pretty quick. I’m really—really—sorry.”
“Oh, he apologized,” Lacey said. “I guess we can just go then.”
“He should buy us ice cream first,” Elissa said. “To really show he’s sorry.”
“Fancy stuff with toppings,” Vicky added. “And I want a stuffed kitty.”
“Well, there is a Cold Stone Creamery—” Terrance started to say, and then noticed that Shannon was shaking her head. “Oh…you’re being sarcastic, aren’t you?”
“You really won the boyfriend lottery with this one, Shana-nana,” Lacey said. “Someone want to text Despina and tell her we found him and are about to do really mean things to him?”
Vicky shrugged. “A text message will just confuse her; she might think her phone has come alive and is talking to her.”
Terrance tightly gripped the hilt of his sheathed sword. “What are you planning to do?”
Lacey smiled. “There will be more terror if it’s a surprise.”
Terrance turned to Shannon, who looked worried as she watched her friends approach Terrance. She said to Lacey, “Guys, can’t we handle this off the books?”
Lacey had her eyes on Terrance like a predator approaching its prey. “Maybe if he cooperates, we can spare him some of the unpleasantness.”
“So Terrance is in trouble or something?” Lance asked, gaining nobody’s attention.
Shannon turned to Terrance. “Maybe it is best if you just give yourself up and we can get this over with.”
Terrance glanced at the approaching Lacey and back at Shannon, and started to draw his sword as he backed away. “And what is going to happen to me?”
“Well, they’ll…” Shannon started to say, but seemed pretty hesitant to fill in the rest.
Lacey now had a wicked smile. “Come on. Draw the sword. Let’s make this fun.”
“Lacey!” Shannon screamed. “Let’s just hold off on this!”
As Lacey took another step forward, Terrance drew his sword, but found his arm grabbed by Shannon, who stripped the sword away. Lacey didn’t stop her charge, though, raising her sword for a blow. Terrance stumbled to the ground trying to back away, shielding his face with his arms, as if that would stop the sharp steel. As Lacey’s sword came down, there was a flash of steel, and her sword hand separated from her arm and fell, still clutching the sword, to the floor at Terrance’s side.
“WHAT THE HELL?!” Lacey screamed, grabbing her stub, which burned with a blue flame.
“I told you to wait!” Shannon yelled back, waving around Terrance’s sword anxiously.
Elissa took a step toward her. “Shannon, you better—”
Shannon held out her left hand and a blue fireball flew from it, striking Elissa and knocking her into Vicky, and they both tumbled to the ground. Terrance had gotten back to his feet, and suddenly Shannon was yanking him toward the door.
“Should I—” Lance started to ask, but Shannon shoved him out of the way as she pulled Terrance out of the apartment and toward her car.
“Here, take this back,” Shannon commanded, holding his sword out with distaste. She pulled her keys out of her pocket and threw some wary glances back at the apartment. She handed the keys to Terrance. “You drive; I may need to hold them off.”
Terrance nodded, sheathed his sword, and quickly got into the driver’s seat and started the car. “You can throw fireballs?”
“Yes, like an evil demon from Doom,” she said, looking behind them.
Lacey, Vicky, and Elissa emerged from the apartment just as Terrance was backing the car out of the spot. “You will know torment unlike you could possibly imagine!” Lacey screamed as they sped off.
Terrance glanced carefully a couple of times at the rearview mirror. “Thanks,” he muttered to Shannon.
“I just need time to think, you know.” She took a deep breath. “And just because I’m on the run with you doesn’t mean I don’t feel really angry and betrayed by you.”
“I understand, but—”
There was a thud, and the car shook as something large landed on its roof. A face descended over the windshield from above: a dark creature with two red eyes. It opened its shark-like mouth, revealing not just a jaw but an entire throat filled with hundreds of sharp teeth. Terrance immediately slammed on the brakes, and the creature flew forward but caught itself in the air, beating large, bat-like wings to stay aloft. It hovered in front of the car as the headlights reflected off of its dark body, which had six thin legs like those of an insect, and two claws like those of a scorpion.
“It’s a chimera,” Shannon said. “We sometimes ride them.”
One of Terrance’s hands was almost crushing the steering wheel, while the other was feeling the hilt of his sword. “Then maybe you can tell it not to eat us.”
Shannon peeked her head out of the car window. “No, Mr. Cupcake. You shoo. Shoo!”
It considered Shannon’s command for a moment, then looked back at Terrance, baring its teeth one more time before flying off. Terrance immediately pressed down on the gas to get further away from it. He took a deep breath. “Mr. Cupcake?”
“Yeah, I recognized him. Cute story behind that name…well, it’s a little violent.”
Terrance was panting, his heart racing. “Maybe save it for another time.”
“I’m sorry I got you into this.”
“Well, it’s probably more my fault. I’m really, really sorry about what happened with Amber and not telling you about it. It’s just with all that’s—”
Shannon put her hand on his shoulder. “It’s okay; these things happen. But in a relationship, we don’t keep secrets. If you think your girlfriend is part of an inhuman evil, that’s something that you can’t just bottle up. That has to be brought out in the open and discussed so we can get through it. I’ve had things go poorly in the past, so I’ve read a lot of relationship books. Well, two.”
Terrance kept a close eye on the rearview mirror to see if anyone was following. He also glanced nervously a couple of times at the sky. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be dishonest; it’s just that everything has been very scary and confusing for me lately. This certainly isn’t anything I’m used to dealing with.”
“Which is why we’ll work through it together,” Shannon said. “I think
now that we’ve confronted it, we can get through it and become stronger as a couple…unless we’re hunted down or something.”
“So how are you doing with this?”
She frowned. “I’ve never heard of one of the followers of the Darkness rebelling; I don’t know what happens with that…I guess I’m kinda scared and confused, too.”
Terrance stopped clutching his sword and instead put that hand on top of Shannon’s. “It’s going to be okay.”
“Is it? I’m not really sure about things right now. I mean…now that I think about it, maybe there are a few things about the Darkness that are kind of evil. I used to love unicorns as a little girl, but now they attack me on sight. So there’s some stuff I’m a little uncomfortable with, but it’s not like there’s any point in going up against them. So…I’m not sure where I’m going with this right now.”
“Maybe it’s not so desperate,” Terrance said. “I mean, people do oppose the Darkness. Sounds like they have been for a long while.”
Shannon shrugged. “I’m not sure they’ve ever accomplished anything, though. So where are we going?”
Terrance looked down the road. “I dunno…east? You got any ideas?”
Chapter 23
Karen looked at the two of them in disbelief—Shannon with no shirt and Terrance in an undershirt and boxers, holding his sheathed sword—and uttered, “Nope,” before trying to slam her front door.
Shannon stuck her foot in the way. “Come on! We’re being hunted down and we really need to borrow some clothes.”
Karen rolled her eyes. “Fine. Come in.”
Karen’s home was meticulously neat and organized and stylishly painted and decorated to the point that Terrance felt like they might have been interrupting her from filming an HGTV show. Karen was in purple pajamas, and it looked like they had interrupted her from watching The Bachelor. Off the front room was a dark hallway, where Terrance thought he saw movement. He drew his sword and ran over to switch on the light, but whatever it was scampered away.
“Watch it with that thing!” Karen barked at him. “Don’t cut my walls!”
Sidequest: In Realms Ungoogled Page 18