Joyce slapped him on the back. “Scared of heights, champ? Technically, if we’re not over anything, you can’t measure height, so there’s nothing to be scared of. And that’s what you have: a lot of nothing below you. To be scared of.”
Terrance laughed weakly, then quickly got onto the ship. It did rock and sway like a normal ship, which was much more disturbing, considering that they were on nothing.
“We’re possibly being pursued,” Curtis told the bear.
“Evasive maneuvers as needed are part of the package,” the bear said. He went to the front of the ship and turned to face the whole group. “Hello, I am Captain Swaggerty. You can call me Captain or Swaggerty. Do not call me Cap or Swag unless you can fly home yourself. There’s a blue bin behind you. I’m going to need each of you to take a life jacket out of it and demonstrate that you know how to put one on in the case of an emergency.”
They opened the bin, and each person took out an orange life jacket and began putting it on. “Will these help us if we fall out of the ship?” Terrance asked.
“I can’t imagine how they would,” Swaggerty answered. “But this is technically a ship, so by regulations I must provide life jackets and make sure all passengers know how to use them.”
“Is this on right?” Erica asked as she tightened a strap on hers.
“I have no idea,” Swaggerty said. “Now please put them back into the bin. As part of your voyage, if you’re over twenty-one, you can have three beers from the fridge below deck. If you’re under twenty-one, you get only one beer. I don’t have food, because I don’t want to have to deal with allergens or any of that crap.”
“Beer has gluten in it, which is an allergen,” Talia said, hanging back at the rear of the group, as usual.
“If you’re allergic to beer, don’t drink beer.” Swaggerty looked them over one more time. “Before we get going, do you know that one of your group is a minion of the Darkness?”
“Yes, we know,” Curtis said.
Swaggerty nodded. “If you didn’t, we could have had a mystery cruise figuring out who. Instead, the entertainment will be me, being a tour guide. I’ll mainly be pointing out clouds. We ready to go?”
Terrance was staring at Swaggerty. “How do you talk?”
Swaggerty looked back at Terrance with his dark bear eyes. “Using a tongue and a larynx.”
“But I mean, why do you talk? Is that like a magic vest or something?”
“I got it at Target.”
“And what happens if we fall out of the ship?”
“Nothing good,” Swaggerty said. “Now, the first three dumb questions are free, but I start charging after that.”
“We’d better get going,” Curtis said.
“All right then.” Swaggerty untied the ropes holding the ship to the dock. “Everyone prepare to depart.” Swaggerty pulled some ropes and unfurled the sails. The ship lurched forward, gliding over nothingness. Terrance clung tightly to the side and glanced over the railing. He could see a cloud below being cut up in the ship’s wake, and beneath that, the blue skies and the sun. He feared for a second that if he fell out, he might plummet into the sun, though he realized that was ridiculous, since the sun was millions of miles away.
Terrance felt a hand on his shoulder and turned to see Shannon. “You okay?” she asked.
“This is really weird…right?”
Shannon nodded. “As I said, we’re far off the path, where men aren’t supposed to be.”
“Aren’t supposed to be, according to who?”
Shannon shrugged. “Those who want to be in charge, I guess. But screw them, right?” She leaned over the side and took a look. “Pretty day below.” She looked up. “Pretty night above.”
There seemed to be a number of scientifically implausible things about seeing both day and night at the same time. It was just weirding Terrance out. “So are you ready for…whatever this ends up being?”
She continued staring out over the skies. “Something’s missing…I think I’ve felt it for a while. And I want it back.”
“You two: keep an eye out,” Talia shouted at them as she climbed a rope ladder up to a small crow’s nest. “We are putting ourselves at risk for your sakes, so at least be useful.”
“I don’t trust her,” Shannon muttered.
Terrance looked around for threats in the night sky above and the blue sky below, but saw nothing more than stars and clouds. “She’s unpleasant but not untrustworthy.”
“Nonetheless, keep your distance from her.”
“I’m going to go get my three beers,” Randolph announced. “And Talia’s three beers as well, since she’s not going to drink them.”
“Stay lucid!” Talia shouted down from the crow’s nest.
“Too late in the day for that.” Randolph headed below deck.
Terrance didn’t want beer; he wanted a nap. And he wanted to not be wearing pink pants on a ship floating on nothing—with an attack presumably imminent. He headed over to Curtis, who was talking to Erica and Travis. “So what exactly do we do if they attack?”
“I’m not sure. I guess we’ll figure that out when it happens,” Curtis answered.
“I have a bow,” Erica said, pointing to the black case strapped to her back.
Terrance was shocked. “We can bring other weapons? Why didn’t we bring guns?”
“No, it’s like a special bow,” Erica said. “I got it on a mystic quest.”
Travis nodded. “I remember when you disappeared all day for that.”
“Yeah, I was just doing some research for class and ran into an old poem,” Erica explained. “It looked like nothing significant, yet somehow I had this feeling it was addressed to me and was talking about this cave I knew of nearby. I went ahead and checked it out and…well…it’s kind of personal what happened. But afterward, I had this bow in addition to my sword, and it has been quite handy.”
“So, we can get other weapons?” Terrance said. “Does anyone ever get a gun or anything?”
Curtis shrugged. “I don’t know; I’m not sure how it works. You like guns?”
“It just seems like a better weapon choice when facing supernatural beings more powerful than ourselves,” Terrance said.
“We’ll fight with what we’re given, and we’ll do fine,” Curtis assured him.
Shannon’s hand went near the hilt of Terrance’s sword. “I’m sure you’re quite good with that anyway.”
Terrance shook his head. “I know you hit the enemy with the sharp point. I feel like I need some training.”
“You learn by doing, bro,” Travis said. “You jump in there swinging your sword enough, it becomes second nature.”
Terrance nodded, but that was what he was afraid of. If the ship were attacked, he felt extremely ill-prepared—and tired on top of that. At least the rest of the Infinite seemed confident, but he wished he had more of that himself, for Shannon’s sake. He looked to the skies, fearing that he’d see something move in them, but above was just the blackness of space, punctuated by the stars and the moon. Terrance didn’t know too much about constellations, but it did seem that the star pattern wasn’t very familiar.
He had wandered a bit while looking up at the dark half of the sky, and realized he was now standing next to Swaggerty, who was relaxing near the front of the ship. He did just look like a normal bear, in a vest, standing on his hind legs, with a hint of intelligence in his eyes, but Terrance wasn’t sure how well he could manage the ship with bear paws.
Terrance realized he was staring at Swaggerty, who was staring back. “Um…nice vest,” Terrance blurted out, feeling like something needed to be said.
“Ridiculous pants.”
Terrance adjusted the tight-fitting pink sweatpants and headed to the side of the ship to look over it again. There were no clouds above, only below. And the very disconcerting sun hovering down there among them.
“I think you’re taking this too seriously,” Joanna said with a Budweiser in her hand.
“We’re on a ship driven by a bear, floating through clouds.” Joyce sipped her beer. “Not a single serious thing about this.”
“The forces of the Darkness could descend on us at any moment and kill us all.”
Joyce laughed. “Again, you’re taking this way too seriously. Just take a look out there.” She pointed to the skies. “What do you see?”
“I really don’t get how we can have night and day—”
“Tell me what you see, jackass. Not what you think.”
Terrance looked out over the skies, the clouds and blue below stretching out as far as his eyes could see. He wondered what lay beyond his sight. It couldn’t possibly go on forever—perhaps the edge of another world would be out there if they traveled far enough. Then he saw Shannon a few yards away, also looking over the edge with a small smile on her face, lit from the sun below. She was so beautiful, and for a moment the sense of dread left him.
“They’re coming!” Talia screamed from above. “Prepare for battle!”
“Crap.” Joyce quickly finished the rest of her beer and tossed the can over the side of the ship, into the nothingness.
Terrance turned to look behind the ship. It was hard to see against the night part of the sky, but there were dark things coming their way. And under the clouds was a shadow moving toward them, a shadow of something much, much bigger.
Chapter 26
“Prepare for evasive maneuvers!”
Terrance tore his eyes away from the approaching menace to look at Swaggerty. “How do we do that?”
“You hold on,” Swaggerty said. “And that answer cost you five dollars.”
Terrance darted over to Shannon and grabbed the railing next to her, which she also clung tightly to. She looked up at him and smiled weakly. “I’m sorry about all this.”
He watched the chimeras approaching them, and chuckled. “Hey, it happens.”
Suddenly, it was like the floor dropped out from beneath them. The night sky above was lost as they fell into the clouds below. Terrance could make out the shadow of Malcus’s massive body above them, and from it erupted dark flames, tearing through the nearest cloud and pelting them with raindrops. The ship tilted to one side, and the demon dragon flew out of view again.
“I probably can keep ahead of the big guy,” Swaggerty called out, “but I’m guessing the chimera riders will catch up, so keep ready.” The big bear stood calmly at the helm of the ship and looked unaffected by the recent turbulence.
Erica dropped her long black case onto the ground and pulled out her bow, anchoring herself by putting a leg through a rope that ran along the side of the railing. Above, Terrance could see three chimeras with riders nearby. Erica let loose an arrow, and it struck one of the chimeras in the neck, sending it and its rider falling away.
“Down!” Shannon shouted. Terrance spun around to see her hand glowing with a dark power. She made a throwing motion, and a fireball flew from her hand toward one of the riders. The rider adjusted to dodge it, and ended up falling behind the ship as it changed course again. The third chimera landed on the ship’s deck, and its armored rider hopped off. He was a Dark Enforcer, and for a second Terrance thought it was Chet, but its helmet and physical size were different. Travis, Joyce, and Curtis drew their swords and charged the Dark Enforcer, so Terrance drew his sword and attempted to do the same. The ship quickly changed course, though, and Terrance lost his footing and tumbled along the deck until he crashed into a mast. He looked toward the Dark Enforcer to see him deflect an attack from Travis, then knock Joyce into Curtis. Suddenly, Talia slammed into him from above, piercing him with two swords.
There was a high-pitched shriek, and out of the corner of his eye, Terrance saw something coming at him. He barely had time to duck before the large claw of a chimera sliced through the air where his head had been. It landed next to him, and Terrance tried to hold himself steady on his feet as he pointed his sword at it. It bared its sharp teeth and raised its head high on its long neck. It snapped at him, and Terrance quickly dodged away, swinging in a panic and accidentally connecting with the mast, the impact causing him to lose his balance and trip. The chimera was poised over him, then lunged down, mouth agape. Terrance held up his sword to try to block its mouth, but it kept coming, its head hitting the sword and then rolling off to Terrance’s side. Terrance slowly realized that the head had separated from the body. Randolph stood over him and offered a hand. Terrance took it and was pulled to his feet.
“I get one of your beers for that,” Randolph said as he looked around for more threats.
Terrance watched as Talia and Curtis knocked the Dark Enforcer over the side of the ship, and for a moment there was peace. But then the whole ship lurched, and Terrance barely held his footing against the mast. Over on the port side (or the starboard; Terrance wasn’t really clear on nautical terms), he could see the massive, spiked body of Malcus flying near them. The ship dropped again, and Terrance clung to a rope on the mast for dear life. The clouds parted, and now there was nothing but clear blue on all sides, with a thick, dark layer of clouds above. Against the blue, Terrance spotted more dark figures.
“Prepare for more attacks!” Curtis shouted.
Terrance watched as Erica pulled back to aim another arrow and Shannon prepped another fireball, but he wasn’t sure what to do himself but brandish his sword in one hand and hold tight to a rope with the other. The ship leaned to the side, then ascended back into the cloud layer, Erica and Shannon firing at pursuers as it disappeared into cover again. Soon, though, amidst the fog of the clouds, the large, dark figures of the chimeras began landing on the ship. When the ship rose out of the cloud, Terrance could see four dark warriors on the deck. Curtis, Talia, Joyce, Randolph, and Travis all charged them, and Terrance followed along, running toward one near him, which looked the smallest. It was a Sister of Torment, and she came at Terrance with a quick series of blows that put him immediately on the defense. Joyce attacked as well, and the warrior had to ignore Terrance temporarily to parry those blows. Terrance moved around her and attacked from a different angle, which the warrior easily blocked. Joyce used the opening to impale her opponent through the chest. The warrior fell away, consumed by a dark fire within.
Terrance looked around at the rest of the fighting and saw that everyone else on the ship, except for Swaggerty, was engaged in hand-to-hand combat with the enemy. Joyce patted him on the back. “Good job, there.”
“I don’t think I’m very good at this.”
“Bah. Half the sword fight is just showing up. The other half is not getting impaled. You’re two for two so far.”
Terrance watched as Talia beheaded a warrior. “How’s this battle looking?” he asked Joyce.
Five more chimeras landed on the ship, and armored foes dismounted. “Like we’re not going to survive it.” Joyce smiled. “So, pretty usual. I guess they really want to stop you and your girlfriend. Oh well.” She charged the nearest warrior. Terrance glanced around to find someone to fight, but a large Dark Enforcer attacked him first, swinging a mace at him. He jumped out of the way, stumbling and rolling along the deck floor. He quickly got back to his feet to see a sword swinging his way. He blocked the blow, but the warrior elbowed him in the gut, sending him to the floor again. The ship tilted up at the same time, and Terrance found himself sliding toward the rear of the ship (or aft, as he for some reason remembered it was supposed to be called). He slammed into a wall near the entrance to the captain’s cabin and used that to brace himself as he got back to his feet. It was then that he saw the giant, horned figure carrying an axe. Chet.
Terrance gathered up his courage and pointed his sword at Chet. “You’re a big jerk, and I’m sick of you!” Terrance shouted and immediately realized how stupid and childish that sounded, not at all as intimidating a
s he’d hoped. Chet laughed and swung his axe downward, and Terrance dodged to one side as it splintered the deck. He realized that with Chet’s axe giving him a reach at least twice as long as his own, he had absolutely no idea how he was supposed to fight him. Terrance briefly considered charging Chet and trying to get too close to him for him to properly use his axe, but the thought was interrupted by a horizontal swing that forced Terrance to throw himself to the ground to duck under it, while emitting a most unmanly yelp.
“Leave him alone, Chet!” Shannon yelled. She was still in her T-shirt and jeans, but she seemed to have summoned a dark flaming sword into her hand.
Chet laughed again. “Or what?”
Shannon growled and charged, but Chet backhanded her, sending her flying. Terrance yelled out angrily—an animal-like noise that was fiercer than his other utterings, though still pretty idiotic-sounding—as he got back up and ran at Chet, preparing a fierce sword swing. He actually seemed to have surprised Chet a little, but Chet quickly swung his axe, the flat of the blade hitting Terrance in the head. Dazed, Terrance stumbled backward, lurching into the railing and toppling over it.
He was falling. As far as he knew, he’d fall forever. But just as he had that thought, he slammed into something. He felt around under himself, and it was rock-hard and quite bumpy. He sat up, and saw his sword next to him. He picked it up and tried to get to his feet, but he felt the ground move beneath him and he stumbled back down. He was in a cloud, so it was difficult to see in the fog, but he could make out large black objects rising up and falling to either side of him. Giant wings. He was on Malcus. And though it was a nice little respite from the battle, it overall did not seem like a very safe place to be.
Malcus lurched upward, and Terrance found himself rolling down the dragon’s back. Soon, he was in freefall again, but stopped suddenly once again as something clasped his shoulders. He looked up and realized a chimera had its claw around him.
“Don’t worry; it’s me!” Shannon shouted down from atop the beast.
Sidequest: In Realms Ungoogled Page 21