You Are My Sunshine

by Angie Merriam

  “You know I've always been in love with you, Alice.” The look of shock on her face nearly broke his heart. He always told himself that she had no idea of his feelings, but to see it confirmed on her face did things to him. Made him feel things he didn't know he could feel.

  “What are you talking about, Joe? You have Linda! You love her.”

  “No, I don't love her. I love you but I know you love my brother and used me as a sperm donor. I've always been okay with that but for some reason I'm not okay with it anymore.”

  “Why? Why are you doing this now, after all this time?” She was frightened of him, he could tell, but she was also angry and anger was overriding her fear.

  “I don't know, maybe it's knowing that Kenny is telling my daughter that he thinks I'm a killer,” he said bluntly.

  “Are you out of your mind? Why on earth would he do that?” She didn't know, he thought. Really, no one knew for sure that he was the one murdering all the women. His three friends had their suspicions, of course, but they suspected one another, not only him. He didn't worry about Randy or Walt. They had demons of their own, drugs, gambling, but Kenny was different. He was an upstanding man and outside of his affair with Brenda Braxton, he was truly a good man with an even better intuition. It was only natural that his own brother would see the darkness inside of him. He always had since they were young boys, he just chose to look the other way. This may prove too much for him though, Joe knew, and he doubted his brother would continue to keep his mouth shut.

  “I'm the killer, Alice, surely you must know that.”

  “You can't be, Joe. Please tell me it's not you.” He saw tears in her eyes and the fear hanging like a shadow over her face. She was finally getting it. He wondered how he'd feel to see that fear and devastation in her eyes. He thought he might feel remorse or shame, but he didn't. He was cold, deep down in his bones, and the love he may have felt for her didn't compare to the darkness he relished in.

  “It is me. How does it make you feel to know that your precious Sunshine has the blood of a killer running through her veins. I've always wondered if I would pass on my urges to her.”

  “She's not like you, Joe. She's a good woman. She's Kenny's daughter through and through. You may have donated the sperm but she is nothing like you.”

  “You may be right, Alice, who knows? This is the thing. I don't want to hurt you but I will if Kenny decides he has a conscience and opens his mouth.”

  “He doesn't know you're the monster any more than I did.” She was pleading and for the first time, her voice annoyed him.

  “Oh, my dear, naïve Alice. Trust me, my brother knows more than he thinks he knows. He doesn't need to tell the entire story, bits and pieces will be enough to paint the big picture. I can't let that happen. Please know, Alice, I do love you so very much and I wish you had chosen me. You are the only woman I've never had the urge to kill. I even fantasize about killing Linda every day but I know I can't. She's my cover. Anyway, this has been a nice little chat.” He watched her stand up and back away from him. He saw the rolling pin on the counter. She was a brave little bitch, he'd give her that.

  “You don't want to do that,” he told her.

  “Yes, Joe, I think I do.” She moved to the counter quickly, but he was faster. Before she could reach the pin he grabbed a frying pan and hit her in the back of the head, knocking her out. She fell to the floor, her head oozing blood. He didn't want her to die though, she had to deliver the message to Kenny. He turned her over fearing she would drown on the blood pooling around her head. He kissed her gently and left through the kitchen door without a second thought to the kids in the front room.

  He sat on his bed now, recalling the entire day. He'd expected a call telling him that Alice had been attacked, but the phone had yet to ring. Word usually spread like wildfire through Lincoln, so he knew the call would come soon enough. In the meantime, he knew it was time he introduced himself to Sunshine as her father, not Uncle Joe. He wondered how she would react. He was sure hatred would be involved, but he didn't care. She was his daughter made of his love for her mother. He had the right to tell her. He had the right to find out if she was like him. He'd confess to her and if he discovered she was more like Kenny than he hoped, he'd kill her.

  “There you are, Joe. I've been looking for you,” Linda said, stealing away his dreams of reuniting with his daughter. Jesus, the sound of Linda's voice drove him mad sometimes, but he never let it show. He smiled at his wife and stood to greet her. “I just had to run a few errands, honey, and didn't want to wake you. What's wrong, you look like you've seen a ghost?” He knew what was coming.

  “It's Alice. She was attacked in her home this morning. Little Elijah called 9-1-1. I just can't believe it, Joe. Who would want to hurt Alice? What is going on around here? Dead girls and innocent women being attacked? I'm so scared, Joe,” she said and let out a sob. He did what any good husband would do and pulled her close to him, soothing her fears. “It's going to be okay, Linda. I'd never let anyone hurt you. You're safe. Trust me.” She sobbed against his chest while he rubbed her head. In that moment, she annoyed him and all he wanted to do was snap her neck, but he wouldn't do that, he needed her.

  He couldn't afford to act hastily. He was sure Sunshine would be guarded around the clock. He second guessed his decision to send a message via Alice, but it had to be done. His brother needed to back off and keep his mouth shut. It was probably too late though, he was sure Sunshine knew or at least expected that her uncle Joe was the Bleach Murderer, but she had no idea that he was her father. That would come as a shock to her and his brother.

  He allowed his mind to wander back to the days he'd spent with Alice, trying to impregnate her. They would meet at a motel in Portland whenever she was able to get away. She always wore a smile and seemed genuinely happy to see him. Their loving had been tender and soft. He almost allowed himself to believe that she was falling in love with him. She was affectionate towards him when she made love to him. It wasn't cold or impersonal. They kissed. They touched. They felt each other. He loved her, and that was a strange feeling for him. He thought that she must be made just for him but why was the only person he ever loved without wanting to kill, married to his brother? Was it Karma punishing him?

  He tried to tell her how he felt, but she stopped him before he could even start. She did it nicely though, she was so nice about everything. He didn't have the capacity to be angry at her. He loved her too much and wanted nothing more than her happiness even if that meant watching her with his brother for the rest of his life. Even if that meant posing as his daughter's uncle for the rest of his life, only he was older now. Grown. The love he felt for Alice was diminished, almost vanished and the reasons he'd been able to let her go were gone. His darkness had grown powerful, too powerful for him to control. He didn't want to control it. His time was coming to an end but before that happened he would right the wrongs he'd done with Alice. His brother would expose him, so he would expose Alice.

  A knock at the door pulled him from his thoughts. He ignored it, surely Linda would answer the door. The knock grew louder, aggressive. Dammit, where is that fucking woman? “Linda, get the door will ya?” He hollered from the bedroom. The knocking continued. He let out an irritated sigh and abandoned his bedroom and thoughts, in search of his wife and the door knocker. As he passed the bathroom, he heard water running. At least she's not fucking deaf or dumb he thought and his irritation with her lessened. The door knocker, however, was going to get a piece of his mind.

  He jerked the door open. “What the hell do you think you're doing knocking on my door like a fucking lunatic?” He blurted out before he saw Nick standing in front of him. The boy was distraught. He truly had loved Shannon, well as much as one can while screwing another woman. He was beside himself with grief and looking for someone to blame. Why the fuck was Nick standing on his front porch? He and Nick made eye contact and stood there for a moment. Nick was silent, but his eyes were raging.
/>   “Jesus, boy, what is your problem?” He said before stepping onto the porch and closing the door behind him.

  “I think I know who killed Shannon and I think I'm in trouble,” Nick finally said. He'd heard about Nick attacking Sunshine. He was right. He was in trouble.

  “Are you on drugs, son? Have you lost your damn mind? Why are you here and telling me this?” He asked, clearly irritated.

  “Because I can trust you. I can't trust anyone else right now. Matt Everly is hell bent on arresting me for what I did to Sunshine and I'm sure he'll try to pin Shannon on me but I didn't hurt Shannon. I know about Brenda Braxton and that you and your friends covered it up. I know I can trust you.” The boy sounded nervous, and he should be. Joe thought.

  “How the fuck do you know that, you little asshole?”

  “It doesn't matter how I know, what matters is that I do know and I don't think it was you that killed Brenda or any of the other girls.”

  “Oh really? Well then please enlighten me, boy, who was it?” Joe had an urge to beat the hell out of this little shit. Did Shannon tell him everything? He doubted it. Nick wouldn’t be standing there talking. He’d be attacking him. Joe was sure of it.

  “Randy Everly,” he said matter of fact.

  “What makes you think that?” Joe asked, suddenly intrigued by the young man.

  “Personality I guess. I think his son killed Shannon though, and maybe Keely and Amanda too. Like father like son, right? It's well known the temper they both have. Randy used to beat his wife until Matt beat the shit out of him. Remember that? That’s a violent family if I ever saw one,” he said excitedly like a child who had just read his first Dr. Seuss book. Joe let out a small chuckle. How fucking perfect was this? He had no idea that Joe was the killer or that he fucked his wife then took her life before he found out she was pregnant.

  “What makes you think that Randy or Matt Everly is a murderer? Matt’s a police officer for Christ's Sake.”

  “Matt's always been a cocky fucker with a temper.”

  “That hardly classifies him as a killer.”

  “I don't have any real evidence. It's just the way he is. All his little girlfriends are out of the way now so he can go back to Sunny.” Joe had never pieced it together like that. He hadn't connected the girls to Matt Everly but now that the words are out there, he chastised himself for not piecing it together sooner. It didn't matter now. Joe knew there was no way anyone would believe Matt was the killer.

  “I understand you're looking for someone to blame, Nick, but you can't just go throwing accusations around, especially about a cop.”

  “Well, someone has to pay for Shannon's death and Matt is the only real suspect, other than me and I know it wasn't me.” The boy sounded broken and angry and unstable, a bad combination. Joe knew Matt would have an alibi. There was no pinning the blame on him, however, redirecting the focus onto someone else was appealing but that focus wasn't on Matt Everly. No, Nick was perfect though. It shouldn't be too difficult to make him look guilty. He attacked Sunshine after all and was thought to be hiding out. Maybe Joe should make a little phone call to the police. Give them something to do. Buy himself some time to finish his own little plan.

  “What makes you think Matt wouldn't arrest you given the chance? Do you have an alibi for the times those girls were killed?” He didn't answer instead he picked up his pacing and nail biting. Joe saw fear creeping up and mixing in with the broken pieces. He didn't just want vengeance for Shannon. He wanted to clear his own name because he knew he was a suspect, and he had no alibi. Shit, this was fucking perfect.

  “Why did you come to me, Nick?” Joe asked, and the boy stopped pacing and looked at him. A sudden epiphany flashed across his green eyes as he looked at Joe.

  “Because it's you,” he said simply and with a little sadness.

  “What are you talking about?”

  “You're the killer. I can't be sure you killed Shannon because she wasn't cleaned out like the others but I know it was you that killed Keely and Amanda and probably Brenda Braxton all those years ago,” he spoke simply as though he were stating the obvious. Joe underestimated Nick and probably Shannon. She must have told him.

  “You're confused, Nick. You came in here accusing Matt Everly and now you're accusing me. Listen to yourself,” Joe said before gently laying a hand on Nick's shoulder.

  “She told me Joe. Shannon told me everything. I kept it to myself because let's face it, no one really is going to miss those girls right, especially Keely. They caused more trouble than they were worth and you made Shannon happy again. I guess I just didn't really care. I looked into your past and the past murders and decided you aren't really dangerous. So, I kept my mouth shut.” Nick's pacing had stopped, ass Joe watched him.

  “Why are you telling me now then?”

  “Because Shannon is gone and I don't know if it was you that killed her. I don't think it was. She wasn't your type of kill and you wouldn't have a reason to kill her but someone sure as shit did. They found two sperm samples in her which means she was the one fucking around this time. I can't say I blame her. It was her way of getting back at me I guess. Who else would she be screwing but Matt? She's always been attracted to the fucker, ever since high school. I always knew that but looked past it because she loved me. It had to be Matt. Who else? Plus, Shannon liked you. It's kind of fucking twisted but she did and she liked what you did. I didn't want to come in here accusing you of shit but you have to believe that I don't want you in any trouble. I just need a way out of this myself because I am innocent.”

  “I don't know, Nick,” Joe said before turning towards the door. “I'll be right back. I think I have something inside that might help you,” Joe said and left him sitting in on the front porch. Joe shut himself in his room and called Matt Everly.

  “Everly,” he said when he answered.

  “Matt, it's Joe.”

  “Hi, Joe, what's going on?”

  “I have Nick in my front porch going on and on about you killing Shannon.”

  “Shit! That son of a bitch! Keep him there, Joe, I'm on my way,” Matt said before hanging up. Joe smiled to himself and grabbed the pregnancy test from his private bag. He'd considered not calling the police, after all the boy would start running his mouth about him, he was sure, but it didn't matter. There was no evidence, and this would give the police something to focus on while he went after Sunshine.

  He went back out to the porch, and found Nick with his head in his hands, his body trembling. He looked up at Joe, and his eyes were red and glossy. “I know you just called the police, Joe. That's fine. I'll serve time if you tell me you're going after Sunshine Everly. Matt needs to feel the pain I'm feeling.”

  Joe looked at the boy and for the first time in his life, he was shocked. Nick had lost his mind but that suited Joe just fine. “When you're done though, you need to help get me out. Once Sunshine is killed and I'm in jail, they won't be able to hold me anymore right?”

  “We will figure it out, Nick. I won't leave you in there for too long. Here, she showed me this. She was so excited to tell you but someone got to her first.” He got to her, but he wasn't going to tell Nick. He was volunteering to take the blame for now. Joe wasn't going to pass up a chance like that. He handed the test to Nick and watched a million emotions run across his face before his body crumpled, and he began to sob. “Jesus Christ, she was fucking pregnant?” He said before he heard a car door slam, followed by three more of the same sound. “I'll go willingly, but please make them pay for this,” Nick said and wiped the tears and choked back the sob. Joe nodded in agreement, just as he saw the police cruiser pull up in front of the house.

  Matt and Dade walked up Walt close behind them. “Hey, Nick, nice to see you again,” Matt said as Joe watched. Nick said nothing. He just put his hands behind his back and his head down.

  “Nick Johnston, you have the right to remain silent,” Matt began as he cuffed him and led him away from Joe's house. “Thanks, Joe,
” Matt called over his shoulder.

  “Anything to help, Matt,” he replied as they all walked away from his house, the wrong man in cuffs. He went inside, shut the door, and let out a sigh of relief. Time to start planning, he thought and left thoughts of Nick at his front door.

  Chapter Fourteen

  I'd spent the afternoon with Dad at the hospital. My mother had yet to wake up, and I didn't mention her words about my uncle Joe to my dad. He was worried enough. Matt headed to the station after he and my dad had ice cream, and Trish picked up the kids. They'd been with her a few hours, and it was my dad's visiting time with Mom. I found a secluded table in the courtyard of the hospital and used those moments of solitude to fall apart. I allowed myself a good, hard, ugly cry before I dried my tears and pulled my shit together.

  I grabbed a cigarette out of my emergency pack and lit it up. I inhaled the smoke deep into my lungs and let the nicotine give me a false sense of calm. I was thankful I was alone in the courtyard. I was nearly done with the smoke when my phone rang. Matt's face came into view on my cell screen. “Hi, Matt. Any news?” I said.