by Amber Burns
“You won’t know if you just let her go,” Wilson grumbled, making it obvious that he wasn’t keen on being a part of this conversation. “If you just let her make up her mind and not put up any sort of fight then you’re not worth the shit on her shoes. Women like to be fought for. If you just let her go because you make one screw up, then you’re not a real man.”
“Words of wisdom from the old man?” I asked, because the usual banter between Wilson and I was me calling him old. He would then get so angry that he would start looking like a bulldog. “Did you live this shit, too?”
“No,” he snapped. “I’m not a dumbass like the two of you.” He turned and walked out of my bedroom, going to scope out of the rest of my apartment. “We got you an attorney that’s going to take your case pro bono, and he even promised to ensure you keep your disability. You meet him on Monday. Sober up.”
I cupped my face in my hands again, pressing my fingers into my eyes. I wasn’t hung over, but there was a good chance that I might of been drunk. Though I didn’t feel like it.
“What day is it?” I asked, unable to ascertain the information myself.
“Saturday,” Teddy said after a length. “You make this effort to save what you got with this girl,” he looked at me hard. “And I’ll make the effort to save what I had with Doris.”
“Why did she want a divorce?” I asked, because I had only met his wife once or twice over the last four years that I had known the guy. He always seemed like a caring guy, though I thought this because he picked me up off of a barstool when I was at rock bottom.
“Because,” he stood up and started out of the room. “I can’t take care of shit at home, and I would rather be on my bike than on my wife.” I watched him walk out of my bedroom and not stop, he left my apartment with both Wilson and I watching.
He knew what his issues were with his wife. I could see, after blurrily thinking back to what I could remember of the last four years that I’d known him, what he was getting at. He was at the club day in and day out. I knew because I had been, too, up until about a month ago. After which I had been spending as much time as I could with Madi.
“You coming, Sid?” Wilson stood at my door, glaring me as if he were daring me to tell him no.
I sighed, “What are we doing?”
“Getting your shit together and your ass out of trouble,” he snorted like it should have been the most obvious thing. “C’mon, we’ve got a guy waiting for you at the bar that’ll help us out.”
“I’m probably drunk,” I inform him as I stood back up.
“You also need to put pants on,” he sneered at me. “Don’t come outside with your dick out or I’m not responsible for Teddy kicking your ass, and there’s a good chance I might help him.”
21
While I wasn’t as bad off as I assumed, I was still stuck riding bitch on the back of Teddy’s bike. Their excuse was that they didn’t want to put anything else bad on my record, like a DUI.
“We gotta keep you squeaky clean to get out of these charges. So sit your ass on the back of the bike and shut the fuck up,” Wilson barked at me.
“Fine,” I sounded like a petulant brat, but there was nothing like having to wrap your knees around a hairy man. Especially one you thought screwed you over.
On the bright side, if the ride managed to wake up ole boy downstairs, it would be my dick against Teddy’s ass and not the other way around. I had to pick which one made me more uncomfortable. I’m wasn’t entirely sure the amount of alcohol I had consumed in the last few days, so there was a good chance that ole boy would be too numbed up to care about the rumble and vibrations of the ride. I didn’t get a punch after the ride, when I was helped off the back of the bike, so I figured he behaved himself.
“Guy was in the service, too,” Wilson explained as he went to the bar door. “He’s not a criminal attorney by trade, but he’s willing to throw us a bone when we need it. So listen up and be smart about this.”
I nodded, deciding the best way to do this was to sit and listen. A ‘do as you’re told’ kind of deal. When we entered I saw a man in his late forties sitting at a table with a plate of wings in front of him, he wore a suit and looked clean cut. He didn’t really seem the type to hang out at the bar for fun. Wilson and Teddy went straight for him. When they filled up the table I grabbed a chair from another and sat down, this should be good.
“Warren Michaels,” Wilson gestured to me. “Sid Redding. I got this kid in trouble now I need your help getting out of it.”
Warren offered me a hand, and we shook. He nodded as he eyed the wings in front of him.
“Nice to meet you,” he said to me. “I told you before that I don’t normally do criminal law. But I did some research on the case and evidence. The video they have of you stopping and standing with your hands on your head is pretty telling. You cooperated the entire time. They also have a record of your medications as well as the piss test you did. All of which matched,” he paused and took a sip of the tea that was also on the table. “A criminal, like the ones that were in the trailer, usually resist and attempt run. That’s something that’s gotten you the right amount of attention. First thing I need to ask, why were you there?”
“One of the guys that was arrested is in the club,” I started.
“Was,” Wilson cut in. “We’re working on filling his ass right on out of here. We don’t have a need for assholes like that bringing cops around here.”
I shrugged and kept going as if I hadn’t be interrupted, “I had a hunch that the guy was into something without authorization from either of these two.” I hooked a thumb towards Wilson and Teddy. “Wilson told me to keep an eye on him and see if I could get evidence that he was. But, it seems like the cops were also following, too.” I glanced at Wilson and Teddy now, I wasn’t going to hide what I had been thinking the last few days in my haze. “Or they were tipped off.”
“You can blow that out your ass if you think it was anyone from here,” Wilson growled. He looked back at Warren, his face scrunched up in distaste about the idea I had planted. I hoped I pissed him off; if they had just taken my word for it the first time I mentioned it we wouldn’t be in this situation. “How fucked is he?”
“Assuming that they manage to drag him through the dirt and find something on him that I couldn’t,” he picked up a chicken wing and eyed it like he was trying to decide if it was good or not. “I say we have a fifty-fifty chance. If you had the medal of honor, it would be even easier. But one of the drawbacks,” he looked to Wilson. “Is all illegal activity that is done by the club has to stop now.”
Wilson nodded, “We’re going quiet to our suppliers, they know what’s up. All the people we dealt to also know to find their stuff elsewhere.”
I blinked slowly and looked at the three men sitting at the table with me. “He knows?”
“My wife,” Warren answered for Wilson and Teddy. “Has stage three breast cancer. Right now pot is pretty much the only thing that is keeping her eating.” He shrugged and looked helpless, his brows drawn together and every wrinkle of his face stood out starkly. “I can’t lose her. I got to try to do every little thing possible to help her beat it,” he cleared his throat, seeming to realize he was exposing his emotion. “I was introduced to Wilson through a mutual friend that met him through one of the parades that the Brotherhood participates in. He’s been getting me a supply for Karen for the last six months. I can’t… You have to stop,” he looked hard at Wilson. “Paint this a picture so that you look like the VFW or a Legion outpost.”
“It’s stopped,” Teddy said seriously in response. “I will get you the name of a man that can fill our spot while we go clean.”
Warren nodded, “I will get that before I leave. I do have a suggestion for what you can do in the meantime to generate funds.” He took a bite of the wing he had in hand, realizing it was better than he anticipated. He took the time to finish it before he wiped his hands clean and went into a briefcase. “Set up a legit
business, something you and your men can offer that won’t draw the hard eye of the law.”
“You got suggestions? Everybody here served at one point or another,” Teddy asked curiously. “A lot of us have struggled finding work in the real world for one reason or another. Opening a legit business isn’t going to make things easier.”
Warren took the time to eat another wing as he considered the options. Humming lightly as he enjoyed the flavor of the chicken. Cindy was a helluva cook, those wings were delicious.
“I’d say you could turn this into a restaurant and sell these for a good buck,” he said around a mouth full.
“No,” Wilson shook his head. “I don’t want to put any kind of stress or distraction on Cindy. Besides she works here and is paid under the table.”
I was also sure that he had something on the side with her. Though, I wasn’t sure if Wilson was married or not.
“There are other ways,” he mumbled as he started to work on another wing.
“Why not open a shop?” I asked, and it startled the shit out of me; came out of nowhere. They all looked at me, eyebrow raised in question. “Car shop, bike shop. A garage,” I shrugged as I struggled to explain. “Not a chop shop, but you bring your bike to me at least twice a month for a tune up. There are a couple of other guys that know their ways around an engine. Open up a garage. Make that a legit business.”
“First smart thing I’ve ever heard you say,” Wilson spoke lowly, as if it were true. I gave him a one-fingered salute. “That could actually be feasibly done.”
Warren nodded and started wiping his hands clean.
“I could actually look into some places that would work for that. It’ll help you draw revenue for this while you have to stay under the radar.” He looked from Teddy to Wilson, “It’ll take work and some money to get it started.”
“We’ve got enough to outright buy a place,” Teddy said lightly. “But it’ll be in our best interest to probably take out a loan. I think we can get to work on that part if you can give us some leads for a place without distracting from Redding’s case.”
“I’ve got a friend that I’ll get to help you out with a legitimate business plan,” he assured the other man. “I don’t intend to get distracted from this.”
I listened to them chat for at least an hour before I had to get up and stretch. Pins and needles assaulted my left leg, and I needed to walk it off. I wasn’t being questioned anymore, it was just more them setting up a game plan. My head was still fuzzy, and I wasn’t really into the idea of talking mechanics about how they would get me out of the charges that were against me, or how they would make the club look like just a bunch of vets hanging out.
I made my way to the bar and knocked on it, I would’ve called out to Cindy like I usually did, but I wasn’t into it.
“I’m cleaning up, pretty boy,” she peered out of the kitchen at me. “If you want food you are shit out of luck.”
I shook my head, and the world tilted a little. “Do I have a stash back there? I left my important stuff at home.”
She went back into the kitchen and set down whatever it had been she was cleaning. She came back out with a sandwich bag that had some pills in it. I couldn’t even tell if they were my usuals or not. She set the bag on the bar top and went about fixing me a healthy cup of water. “I don’t know how long I’ve had them back there, so if they’re out of date, they’re probably not going to help you much.”
I picked up the bag and eyed the pills hard, the big nerve pill was in there, and I was sure there were some painkillers in there, too. I shrugged and fished out what I needed before I tossed the small handful back. I chugged the water and sighed, the relief wasn’t instant, but the water helped set the world straight for me.
“You heard from Madison lately?” Cindy asked as she leaned down next to the baggie I left on the counter.
I shook my head, “Not since I was arrested.”
She leaned onto the bar and studied me, “Have you tried to get a hold of her?”
I shook my head again, I had pretty much chalked up the failure that it was. I was still trying to swallow it; though, for the most part, I was choking on it. This was a fuck up you don’t really come back from. There were a select few women that would tolerate something like this and with her job, I should’ve known that Madi wouldn’t be the type to put up with it. It hurt, it’d probably hurt me for a while. I didn’t bother trying to tell any of this to Cindy. She was smart enough to read it on my face.
“So,” she leaned close so when she spoke it was just between the two of us. “You tell this girl that you love her,” she paused for a beat as her watery blue eyes sized me up. “Then when shit hits the fan you let her go? Did you not want this to be serious or were you just in it for the sex?”
“That was the most sex I’ve had in the last four years,” I told her with a grunt. “I haven’t worked right since I got discharged,” I sighed and propped my head up with a hand on my forehead. I eyed the pills in the bag so I wouldn’t have to just look at her. “I love her, but she can’t take heat at work. She’s got a house note to take care of and car trouble that’s probably going to crop up again.” I shook my head, “I can’t cause trouble for her.”
“Normally,” she started slowly as she seemed to consider what to say to me. “I would say if someone can’t hack the hard stuff they aren’t worth the trouble. You’re making excuses for her not to hack it. If you love her, like you say you do, then you need to show her the truth. Show her you’re innocent and if she still doesn’t want you then,” she shrugged. “You’re not at a loss, she is.”
“I can’t bring her trouble,” I started to argue.
“It’s not trouble,” she knocked on the bar. “It’s love. And if you’re thinking how you feel about her is going to bring trouble then maybe you don’t love her like you think. You just like the fact that your dick gets hard around her and she’s happy to help you out.” She turned to head back towards the kitchen, “Sex doesn’t equal love, pretty boy. It’s a crying ass shame that you can get to be this old and not realize that.”
I grimaced and found myself wondering if she was right. I shifted to sit on a bar stool and spent the rest of the night reconsidering how I felt about Madi. It felt like love. My chest ached like I had taken a bullet, it hurt to breathe. I had the need to see her, but I didn’t have the will to accept the rejection I would probably face. I’ve pour my heart out to her once. I’d be up shit creek if I did it again and she still told me to fuck off. There was only one real option I had, aside from cutting my losses and letting her go. I had to see if there was still a chance.
“Go in the morning,” I heard Cindy call from the kitchen. “Don’t be a jackass and wake her up in the middle of the night.”
22
After it had gotten late enough for them, Teddy carted me back to my apartment.
“You’re not going to be stupid, are you?”
He went the extra mile of walking me to my door. Like he thought I was going to go in and go back to hitting the bottle. All my bottles were empty, and I was broke for the rest of the month. No more hooch for me. But I waved away his concern and went inside to crash on my couch. Exhaustion hit me, and I crashed hard, not caring about the time or how uncomfortable my couch would make me.
I don’t know how many hours of sleep I managed, but as soon as the light hit my eyes, I groaned out in protest. Goddamn me for having the bright idea of drinking my sorrows away. I sat up and stretched out slowly. My back ached, my hips ached, and my left leg was all pins and needles. Plus my head throbbed, and it felt like I had a mouth full of cotton. I struggled to my feet and stumbled into the kitchenette for water. I also needed to start my pill regiment for the day. I went about my morning in a blur, not quite sure what exactly I wanted to do with myself. I didn’t have an epiphany about my situation until I was soaping up in the shower. I had been running on autopilot, and my general idea was to lurk at the bar like I used to. It didn’t require t
hought, and someone might throw me a bone with something to work on.
“If I want something,” I said aloud as I began to rinse. “I should fight for it.”
Cindy was right. So was Wilson. I got out the shower and decided the best thing to do was see if there wasn’t something to hash out with Madi. I dressed, opting for a pair of jeans and simple black shirt. I put my stash into my saddlebag and hopped onto my ride; time to face the music.
I felt lucky when I saw her car in her driveway, followed by immediate dread. The last Sunday she and I spent together it was mostly us just laying in bed, alternating between snoozing and sex. What I wouldn’t give to just be curled up next to her in bed. I sat in front of her house as I tried to steel myself. There was a very good chance she would turn me away, and there was nothing like having a woman tear up your heart right in front of you. I still had her key, unless she went the extra mile to change her locks. I couldn’t be a dick though. I couldn’t just go barging into her house.