Addicted to You

by Porscha Sterling

  “You don’t even know her.”

  I snorted out a burst of air through my nostrils.

  “Well, turns out, I don’t know you either. You need to leave.”

  “Just talk to me for a minute, Ink, so I can explain. For Miyah’s sake—”

  I narrowed my eyes at her, trying to hold back my rage.

  “For Miyah’s sake? You mean the daughter you don’t want? You should be done using my daughter to get what you want by now. That’s some pathetic shit.”

  Brushing by Tami, I met Sage at her car and pulled the driver’s door open. She smiled but when she pulled the shades off her face, I could see the worry in her eyes.

  “Everything okay?” she asked.

  “Everything is how it should be. Let’s go inside. Tami was just leaving,” I added the last part for Tami’s benefit, hoping that she would take the hint and see that I was serious. She had made her decisions about her life and now she had to live with them.

  Turning to lead Sage to the house, I tried to avoid it but couldn’t resist glancing at Tami again. She was standing alone, her arms wrapped around her frail body and her head down. It was clear that she was crying from how she would occasionally brush a hand across her cheek. I couldn’t leave her like that.

  “Let me get you situated in the house and then I’m going to give her a ride wherever she wants to go,” I told Sage.

  Her face paled and she hesitated to respond, swallowing hard. “Do you really think that’s a good idea?”

  I frowned. “What am I supposed to do? Make her walk?”

  “Well, how else did she get here?”

  For someone who had been so giving of herself, her resources and her time, Sage’s callous response was confusing, but I chucked it up to her being on some territorial female shit. She felt threatened by Tami because of our history and couldn’t see that there was no need for her to be.

  “Let me just get you inside.”

  With her lips pressed tightly together, Sage returned her shades to her eyes, most likely to hide the fact that she was pouting, as I walked her to my front door. Once inside, I grabbed my keys and let Tamiyah know that I would be back soon, and that Sage would be watching after her. She was excited to hear it and I was grateful to Sage for being someone who could distract from her mother showing up looking like a crackhead.

  “Alright, I’ll be back. Y’all don’t blow up the place before I return,” I said, smiling when I heard Tamiyah giggle.

  Turning back, I gave one last look at the two new women in my life before walking out the front door, exhaling heavily as I mentally prepared myself to deal with the old one I couldn’t get rid of. But when I stepped down the walkway, looking for her, she was nowhere to be found.

  Tami was gone.

  20

  Ink

  * * *

  I woke up in the complete dark, my head pounding. I winced and then groaned, running my hand over the top of my head in anguish. It felt like I had been attacked with a sledgehammer.

  Opening my eyes, I blinked a few times, waiting for them to adjust to the dark. I was in the basement, sitting in the most uncomfortable chair on Earth. It was a small, leather chair that went to a small desk I’d put down there. Wasn’t cheap but definitely wasn’t something you wanted to fall asleep in. Groaning once more, I stood, feeling my bones ache. My muscles were sore.

  What the hell happened?

  I tried to recall the night before, but I couldn’t. The last thing I remembered was playing Monopoly with Tamiyah and Sage. Then I put Tamiyah to sleep and Sage left a little after that. The last mental image I could bring to mind was me kissing her on her lips right before she walked away. I closed the door behind her and everything else was blank after that.

  Moving to the wall, I frowned, realizing I had shoes on. In fact, I was fully clothed. My hands grazed across my middle and my brows dipped even further when I felt something wet.

  The fuck is going on? I was even more confused and somewhat panicked as every one of my senses told me that something wasn’t right.

  Reaching out, I felt along the wall for the light switch and then cut it on. My eyes squinted and then blinked rapidly, quickly adjusting to the light before I dropped my head to look at my hand.

  “What the fuck?”

  My jaw dropped as I gawked at it, mortified. From there, I lowered my gaze to my clothes and that was when I nearly lost it. They were covered in blood. Blood that wasn’t mine.

  “Fuck!”

  Gripping the sides of my head with both of my hands, I left a bloody smear on my skin as I paced the room, trying to recall anything that happened after Sage left. Or did she leave? I looked back down at my clothes. Did something happen? An accident that I didn’t remember witnessing? Was this Sage’s blood?

  “Ink? Is that you?”

  The sound of her voice at that exact moment when I was wondering if she was somewhere dying or dead, made me freeze.

  “Yeah,” I heard myself say.

  “Oh! I didn’t hear you come in. I’m about to make breakfast for Tamiyah since she’ll be awake soon. Come on up and I’ll make some for you.”

  My thoughts merged. I turned slightly to glance into a mirror across from where I stood, and flinched at my appearance.

  I was dressed in all black; black sweatpants, black hoodie and black shoes. Blood was on all three. I lifted my blood-stained hand and turned it over. My nails were dirty, like I’d been digging outside.

  “Ink? Did you hear me?”

  I flinched. Her voice was coming from the top of the basement stairs. There was a rattling sound that followed as she twisted the locked handle on the door.

  “Is something wrong?”

  “Nah,” I replied. I closed my eyes and tried to keep my voice tempered and natural. “I’m going to take a shower and then I’ll be up soon.”

  Sage paused and I hoped that she wasn’t going to ask me any questions. From the looks of it, I had killed somebody or something the night before. I couldn’t remember shit! I didn’t even know how, why or when Sage had come back.

  “Okay, that’s fine. Just... let me know if you need anything.”

  “Yeah, I will.”

  I needed a lot right then but there was nothing that she could give me.

  Then again...

  I carefully pulled the hoodie from around my neck and then paused to think. Maybe talking with her could give me some recollection of the night. I thought about what she’d said.

  “I didn’t hear you get in...”

  I left? Where the hell did I go?

  Placing my hand to my head, I tried to force away the questions in my mind and focus on what was going on. There was no telling what I’d done but I knew one thing for sure. I had to get the hell out of those bloody clothes, hide them and burn them as soon as I had a chance. I didn’t know much but experience had taught me that when it came to being Black in America, more important than being innocent was knowing how to cover your own ass.

  21

  Sage

  * * *

  “Did you sleep here?” Tamiyah asked, giving me a stern look of suspicion.

  Her question caught me off-guard and I almost choked on a thick piece of the pancake in my mouth. Coughing into my closed fist, I reached out and grabbed my glass of orange juice to help me get myself together.

  “No,” I managed to get out in between sips.

  “You didn’t?” She raised an eyebrow and focused a pointed eye at the pajama shirt I was wearing. I’d planned on showering and changing after I’d finished breakfast but she woke up before I got the chance.

  “No, I didn’t. Um, well... I kinda did but not really because...”

  Sighing, I rolled my eyes and took the time to get my words together.

  “I left to go home after you went to sleep. I was in bed when your daddy asked me to come back so I could watch you because he had to go out. I fell asleep a few times while I was waiting for him to come back but I didn’t sleep over if
that’s what you mean.”

  She scrunched up her nose in confusion. I couldn’t blame her. I was trying to explain to a child how ‘sleeping over’ was different from ‘falling asleep overnight while babysitting.’ It was only a big deal to me because I cared about Tamiyah not thinking I was hugged up on her daddy in his bed when he was still married to her mom.

  “Smells good as hell in here.”

  My heart lifted as Ink made his appearance at just the right time.

  “Ms. Sage made pancakes and sausage!” Tamiyah exclaimed, speaking with her mouth full of both as she chewed. “I like when she stays over.”

  My cheeks went warm. “I was trying to explain to Tamiyah that I didn’t stay over and that I actually went home until you called me to come back here.”

  “Oh?” Ink’s brows jumped as he stuck a piece of sausage into his mouth. “I did?”

  I frowned. “Um, yeah. You did.”

  “And why did I do that?”

  Pausing, I cocked my head to the side.

  “Because you said you had to go out. So technically, I was just babysitting. I was here for a few hours and ended up falling asleep.”

  “Sounds like you slept over to me.” He stuck a sausage link in his mouth and chewed it. “And I agree with Tamiyah. I like when you sleep over, too.”

  I nearly gasped at him and then raked my eyes over to Tamiyah. There was a satisfied grin on her face.

  “See? I knew it!” She giggled. “Next time you stay over, you can sleep in my bed. It’s more comfy than the couch.”

  I smiled. She was such a beautiful girl and I couldn’t resist her automatic charm. She was the kind of child that made your ovaries flutter. She could make a woman who didn’t possess one maternal instinct decide to give motherhood a try. Intelligent, beautiful and packed with more than a little charisma, Tamiyah was everything I wanted a daughter of mine to be.

  “I’ll keep that in mind. If there is a next time.” I added the last part for Ink’s benefit.

  He winked and it made me smile.

  “Miyah, if you’re done, go ahead and get up. Brush your teeth and change. I need to talk to Ms. Sage.”

  “Yes, Daddy,” she said and then jumped out of her seat. Midway between running off, she turned around and doubled back over to Ink. Jumping up into his lap, she gave him a kiss on his cheek before yelling “Bye!” over her shoulder as she ran off again.

  “She’s an angel,” I said once she was down the hall. “I love spending time with her but I wasn’t comfortable with her thinking that I was staying over. I mean, we haven’t even talked about our relationship like that. And... I didn’t want to overstep.”

  Ink watched me carefully as I spoke, his eyes scanning every part of my face as if he were trying to read something behind the words that I was saying.

  “You didn’t. My daughter is smart. She can tell that I’m feeling you and whether or not you slept over last night has nothing to do with that.”

  My body felt warm and nervous jitters filled my stomach. It was the feeling of new love blossoming inside of me. I was going to respond but before I could, Ink spoke up once again.

  “By the way, I need to ask you some things about last night.”

  The good-natured and carefree disposition that was normal for him was gone. He appeared tensed, bothered and conflicted. I sat in silence with my hands clasped in my lap, waiting for him to continue.

  “Maybe it was the drinks, even though I didn’t have all that much, but I can’t remember too much of what happened after you left. It’s like...” He sighed and ran his hand over the top of his head. “I don’t know. Like I lost time. Can you fill me in?”

  I nodded and then lifted my eyes to the ceiling as I thought back to that night.

  “You only had one drink while I was here and you didn’t seem drunk when I got here or else I wouldn’t have let you leave.”

  “I left?” He looked shocked.

  Frowning, I let a nervous smile curve my lips and then nodded again.

  “Yeah, that’s why you asked me to come. You texted me about coming to watch Tamiyah and I called you. You said that you got some message from Tami and you had to handle something for yourself.” I stopped talking right then to set something straight really quickly. “Now, normally, I would have told you to ‘go fuck yourself’ had you been any other man telling me to come watch his child while he went to meet his ex at two in the morning but you told me to trust you so... I did. I got here around two-thirty and you left right after. You seemed mad, distracted and it seemed like something serious. I don’t know when you got in because I didn’t hear you in the basement until I woke up this morning.”

  The more I spoke, the more Ink’s expression shifted. His brown skin seemed to ashen, like the blood was being drained from his face. My mouth went dry and my palms felt clammy. I was nervous as well.

  “Is everything okay?” My voice came out in a whisper.

  “I don’t know,” he said, not meeting my eyes. His head was down, elbows on the table and his hands clasped together behind his neck.

  “Why don’t you let me take Tamiyah to—“

  My words were interrupted by loud knocking at the front door.

  “Let me get that,” Ink said, his brows knitting into a frown across his forehead.

  I watched him as he stood and walked to the door, looking like he had the weight of the world on his shoulders. He didn’t tell me anything about what happened the night before and I didn’t ask. I didn’t need to. My only concern at the moment was being able to be there for him.

  Damn, girl, you got it bad.

  I almost couldn’t believe how hard I’d fallen for him so fast. It wasn’t like me. Or, actually, maybe it was... I was the type to always go full-speed towards anything that I wanted. At some point, I’d decided that I wanted him and my emotions and behavior had fallen in-line with that. Months ago, I couldn’t picture myself being domestic for anyone but, there I was, making breakfast and taking care of his daughter like she was mine. It was insane how quickly life had changed.

  “Sage, it’s the police.”

  My thoughts stalled when I heard the tension in Ink’s voice. I lifted my eyes to him and frowned.

  “The police? Why?”

  He shook his head. “Shit, I don’t know.”

  A bewildered expression spread over his face. Lifting his hand, he ran it over the top of his head, silent as he thought to himself. Behind him, the loud pounding on the door sounded off once again.

  “Um... you want me to get it?” I offered, feeling anxious.

  My concern increased the more that I watched him. The police showing up was never a good sign but for Black folks, especially Black men, that reigned especially true.

  “Nah,” he said and then turned away. “I got it.”

  As he walked away to the door again, I sat unmoving until the moment that he was out of sight. But the second I heard him begin to unlock the front door, I jumped up from my chair and crept closer towards the front of the house until I was within earshot.

  22

  Ink

  * * *

  I opened the door with a tight expression on my face, feeling on edge.

  Being a street nigga, my personal thoughts about the police were anything but good. The fact that I had no recollection of what happened the night before and woke up in my basement wearing bloody clothes only made the moment that much worse. Every run-in that I’d had with the police in my life ended with me being taken away in handcuffs. I opened my clenched fist and tried to appear relaxed.

  Two officers stood side-by-side, staring back at me. From their poker faces, I couldn’t tell one way or another what to expect.

  “Can I help you with anything?”

  My tone was tapered and unaggressive, not at all matching my body language. The taller officer, a lean white man with a buzz cut took a step forward, appearing to be the more senior to the shorter black woman standing by his side.

  “I’m Office
r Louis and this here is Officer Meeks.” He paused and the woman nodded her head before he continued. “And… actually, you may be able to help us. Are you Dom Richardson, the husband of Tami Richardson?”

  I nodded, feeling the onslaught of panic as I anticipated what would come next.

  “Yeah. Why?”

  Officer Louis opened his mouth to say something but then closed it again, thinking quickly to himself before he spoke again. “Actually, can we come in? We need to speak to you for a moment and it may be better if you can have a seat.”

  I shook my head. “Nothing personal but nah, I can’t do that. Not until y’all tell me what’s going on. Why are you asking about her?”

  Both officers exchanged glances before Officer Louis cleared his throat.

  “Mr. Richardson, when is the last time you saw your…Tami?”

  I shrugged. “Early afternoon yesterday. She was here when I brought my daughter home. We talked and then she left. Why?”

  The more they delayed, the more agitated I became.

  “Did the two of you argue?”

  The way he asked the question, like he was already suspecting me of something that I had no idea about, rubbed me the wrong way. Straightening my spine, I held his glare, not backing down in any way.

  “Why are you asking?”

  “Is there a reason why you can’t answer the—”

  Before he could finish, the Black woman, Officer Meeks stepped up, shooting him a look before placing her attention on me.

  “Excuse my partner for his… eagerness.” She spoke with an air of confidence that made me rethink my assumption that she was the rookie of the two.

  “The reason why we are asking about your wife is because we were called to a motel today after a maid went in to service a room and found a great amount of blood. Based on the amount found, if it belongs to one person, it’s impossible that the person in question could still be alive. We are asking you about Mrs. Richardson because, though we have not tested the blood, the room was registered under her name and her belongings, along with her identification, were found inside.”