I counted on his own guilt, and loyalty to my father, to pressure him into lending me his help.
“Sage,” he said right after answering the line. “Is this you?”
“Yes,” I replied. “I need a favor.”
There was a long pause before he answered.
“Anything you need, all you have to do is ask.”
28
Ink
* * *
Returning to jail, even for only a short amount of time, made me think about what was really important to me in my life. Once I was out, I wanted nothing more than to spend whatever free time I had left with the people who mattered most to me. I closed down the shop for the time being and arranged for Tamiyah to return home. I didn’t care that there was a circus outside of reporters, paparazzi and protestors. I just wanted my daughter by my side.
Sage took a leave from her job to support me. I was hoping that it would be enough to satisfy the board, so they’d stop pressuring her to step down for good. Although I told her to do what was best for her, she refused. She was determined to be there for me.
“Aye, we here. Coming up now.”
With the phone in my hand, I stood and looked out the front window at Kale’s car pulling to the front of my house.
“Nah, don’t pull up front. Come around back.”
“Dyano called and told us to pull up front. He said it would look good for the press.”
I gritted my teeth. “I don’t give a fuck about the press,” was what I wanted to say but, at the same time, Dyano knew his shit. His track record was proven so I had to fall in line with his plan. After he was able to petition the judge for a bond and get me out when Elshire basically told me there wasn’t nothing he could do, I brought him on as my new attorney. So far, he hadn’t failed me yet.
“I’m coming out there to her myself.”
“Yeah, he told me that you’d say that, too.”
Somehow, I felt like I was being set up. Unlike Elshire, Dyano said that it was better for me to be seen as long as it was planned out before in a way that would draw sympathy through the press. He wanted to stage shit; like a video of me giving money to the poor or pushing my daughter in a swing. I wasn’t for being fake. If I was at the park with Tamiyah, it would be because I wanted to be and not so that I could pose for a photo op.
Pulling on a hoodie, I groaned as I slid the fabric over my head and prepared to face the crowd outside. I hated to have to deal with them, but I didn’t want anyone talking sideways to my daughter.
“Daddy!” Tamiyah squealed when I opened the back door of Kale’s car.
“Hey, baby girl,” I quickly replied before grabbing onto her. “Put your hood on and lay on my shoulder. I want to get you in the house fast.”
She did as I requested, and I tried to ignore the loud shouting behind me as I jogged back to the house. Kale was right behind me and closed the door once we made it in.
“That shit out there is crazy, yo,” he said. “It’s worse than the last time I was over here.”
“Daddy, why are all those people here?” Tamiyah asked me. “Is it because of Mommy?”
For a moment, I didn’t know what to say but then I finally settled on the truth.
“Yes, baby. It is.”
Her eyes widened. “Are the police going to find out who hurt her?”
My lungs felt constricted. “I hope so.”
Behind me, Kale made a sound, like grunting. I cut my eyes in his direction and saw skepticism, loud and clear. In that moment, I wasn’t sure whether it was because he doubted that the police would find Tami’s killer or if he doubted me saying that I hoped they would.
“Tamiyah, go check out the surprise I got you. It’s in your room. You can go play with it for a little bit while I talk to Uncle Kale.”
She ripped out of my arms and flew down the hallway at top speed. When I heard her screaming, I knew she’d found it.
“What did you get her?” Kale asked, taking a seat in the living room.
“A cat. She’s wanted one for a minute, but Tami was allergic.”
Kale snickered in a way that said he didn’t find a thing funny. “And since she’s dead, I guess it seems like the perfect time to get one.”
My eyes narrowed in on him. “Damn, man, I sense a little hostility in your tone.”
“My bad,” he said with a shrug. “Not my intent.”
He couldn’t look me in his eyes as he said it. I’d always been taught that a man who didn’t look in your eyes when he spoke to you was either a coward or had something to hide. At that moment, something occurred to me. Not once through all of it had Kale ever said that he thought I was innocent. He had never once told me that he believed I didn’t kill Tami.
“You sure?” I questioned, leaning in. “You think I did it?”
There was a short delay before his eyes finally met mine. From his bewildered expression, he hadn’t expected me to ask.
“Man, Ink, don’t ask me no bullshit like that. As it is, you and Indie done already fell out.”
“What’s that got to do with anything? Indie and I started arguing because she got some personal issue with Sage that she can’t get over. What’s that got to do with you?”
Kale shrugged. “Nothing. I just think that since she’s popped up, shit been crazy for us all. You ain’t even been acting the same. I don’t ever remember a time when Tami came to you for help and you pushed her away, except when you started fucking with Sage. She’s got your mind gone and the rest of us gotta take a back seat. To be honest, these days, I don’t know what you would or wouldn’t do.”
And there it was. Finally, it was out in the open.
“Then you do think I did this,” I said. My tone was firm, but it really felt like all of the air was expelling out of my lungs.
“This shit reminds me a lot about the case when you got locked up. For what happened to that white girl.”
I felt my muscles tighten. “What about her?”
“You told me that you didn’t do it but we both know you did. Everybody knew she was on pills hard; that’s why she was so loose. She was a little rich girl who liked to get high and fuck niggas. Everybody was slipping bitches pills to get their dick wet. It was the norm; we ain’t know that was considered rape. The only problem was you fucked around and didn’t use a condom, so she caught you up.”
That was the craziest thing I’d ever heard coming from him. But not only that, it wasn’t true. If that was what everyone else was doing, I didn’t know it. I’d never slipped any woman a pill for sex; never had to.
“I didn’t lie about that shit. If somebody drugged her, it wasn’t me.”
Kale leveled with me, his chin high, and he spoke his words with grit.
“I think that you’ll do whatever the fuck you have to in order to get what you want. Don’t forget, I was there when niggas was calling you ‘Infamous Ink.’ That’s who you were in the streets and it was for a reason. People out here know a lot but none know all that I do about you. We’ve done a lot of shit together. We ain’t never been innocent.”
That was enough for me. He’d stated his case, told me where he stood, and it was clear. In the background, behind the sound of Tamiyah singing to her new pet, I could hear shouting outside. The protesters were back. I already couldn’t go outside the house without people accusing me of things I hadn’t done. There was no way I was going to listen to it inside.
I stood to my feet. “You need to leave. Thanks for bringing my daughter to me.”
Kale’s eyes remained fixed on mine as he stood as well. His boldness was renewed now that he’d come clean with how he really felt.
“Don’t mention it. I’ll always look out for my niece.”
Without waiting for me to let him out, he did the honors himself. Hearing the door close behind him, I ran a hand over my face and blew out a burst of hot air.
I was at the loneliest point in my life. Everyone I knew, the ones I thought I could depend on, had abandoned me. O
utside of my daughter, I had no one.
Well… no one but Sage.
29
Sage
* * *
Someone leaked the address to my house, and I woke to the sound of protests calling for a week straight before the homeowners’ association finally got rid of them for me. They took their time because they wanted me gone, too. I wasn’t working and because Ink was spending quality time with Tamiyah, I hadn’t seen the outside of my apartment in a while. However, I didn’t mind because I felt like shit. I had no idea what it was, but I was coming down with something and it made me feel miserable.
The only thing that bothered me more than whatever infection I’d contracted was Cindy Conway, the leader of the group of protesters. How lucky was I that she had decided every morning to use her precious time screeching to the top of her lungs about how I was a homewrecking whore with no morals or values. You would think that she was related to Tami for how hard she went for her. She’d rallied a crowd of people just as miserable as she was to help destroy my life.
I couldn’t help but be disgusted by it all. Yes, a life was lost but Tami had been a junkie, a terrible mother and an even sorrier excuse for a wife. Now she had people who wouldn’t have given a damn about her when she was alive, crying out for justice in her death.
“Ugh!” I rolled over in the bed, my head ringing to the point that I could almost feel it in my ears. Suddenly, my stomach jumped, and a sour taste settled on my tongue. With the speed of an Olympic sprinter, I was on my feet and rushing to the bathroom again.
For the fourth day in a row, I was starting my day with my head in a toilet bowl. I didn’t know what stomach virus or flu that I’d caught but I was so ready to get over it.
“Oh god, it hurts!” I whined with one hand on my head and the other on my stomach. I wasn’t sure which I was referring to because they both hurt just as bad.
It wasn’t until my head was once again hovering over the toilet bowl that I thought about something else...When was the last time I’d had a period?
Mentally, I ran through the past few weeks, trying hard to remember when it last began and ended. I couldn’t recall anything more recent than over a month ago.
Oh. My. God.
I stood and almost tripped over my own feet as I hurried to the mirror to look at myself. Outside of looking and feeling like I had caught the flu, there was nothing different about me. I hadn’t gained any weight. In fact, it actually looked like I’d lost some. Turning to the side, I pulled the fabric of my robe tighter around my frame and stared at my belly.
Could I be pregnant?
“You are most definitely pregnant. I would estimate... about seven or eight weeks.”
My lips parted in awe as I stared into my doctor’s face. Although she was smiling, I could also see that she was also a little worried at the same time.
“You can go ahead and ask,” I groaned, dropping my head in my hands. “I know what you’re thinking. I can see it all in your eyes.”
“So it’s what I think? This is Ink’s baby?”
With my head still hanging low, I nodded.
“Yes.”
“Well, are you going to keep it?”
“Yes.”
She expelled a breath. “This is going to be a long and hard road for you. You might want to consider leaving the city for a while. Just to get away from it all. It’s important that you have a healthy pregnancy.”
I understood what she was asking but there was no way I could do that. Even though I was giving Ink his space for now, I knew how much he needed me. We talked, texted, and video-called each other almost every moment of the day. The only reason I hadn’t been over recently was because of Tamiyah and then I got sick. Even so, he begged me to come and told me every night that he missed me.
We finally had that talk that he wanted to have the night he was arrested. He said he wanted me to marry him—fuck being a girlfriend. He didn’t want me to tell him what I felt about that until after he beat his case because he didn’t want me to feel pressured. But I already knew what I would say. I would jump at any opportunity to be Ink’s wife. I knew it the moment that I first laid eyes on him. No matter how much I wanted to play it tough, being with him felt right.
“I won’t be leaving. Not any time soon anyway.”
She gave me an even but careful look, one you would give someone if you thought they’d lost their mind but wanted to be careful not to offend them.
“I understand,” she replied. “Well, in that case, I’ll be your obstetrician instead of just your GYN and we will journey through this together.”
She forced herself to smile and, again, I felt stupid as hell.
30
Ink
* * *
“I really miss Mommy.”
Dropping my head, I looked into Tamiyah’s tear-filled eyes and had to swallow down my own emotions. I wasn’t a bitch but there was something about seeing my daughter about to cry over her mother’s death that cut me to the core. Especially with over half of the country convinced that I was the one who killed her.
If I went down for that, Tamiyah would lose both of her parents. Sometimes I wondered if she would grow to hate me. Or was the man I’d shown her that I was in the first five years of her life enough to show her that I couldn’t have possibly done anything to destroy her life? No matter what evidence popped up, that was what I held onto. Drunk or not, there is no way I would’ve killed my daughter’s mother. Never.
“Come here, Miyah,” I said and patted my lap.
She sniffed back her tears and slowly walked over before sliding onto my lap. I grabbed her around her waist to steady her and then gave her a hard look as we locked eyes.
“You’re still young but I want to be real with you because a lot is happening that you don’t understand and I don’t know how long we have until our lives change again.”
Her eyes rounded with worry and I wanted to stop but I had to get it out.
“Mommy is gone because someone hurt her. We don’t know who did it, but we do know who didn’t. Daddy would never do anything to hurt you and Mommy was an extension of you. I loved her, she was one of my closest friends, and I’ve almost known her my whole life. No matter what you may hear from anyone, know that I would never have hurt Mommy in any way.”
Her bottom lip began to tremble, and she dropped her head. I couldn’t see her eyes but when I saw tears drop and darken the edge of her pale blue shorts as they landed, I hated that we even had to have that conversation.
“I heard Uncle Kale talking and he said that he thought you did hurt Mommy. It was when he came to pick me up. He said that he talked to Mommy before she died and that’s how he knows.”
My body tensed and, though I’d been trying to hold a blank expression, I could tell by how hard my jaw was clenched that I was failing at that. Kale was talking reckless as hell in front of my daughter and I didn’t appreciate it. It was bad enough that he’d said the shit at all but to say it in front of Tamiyah was more than fucked up.
“A lot of people are like Uncle Kale, unfortunately. They believe that because they don’t really know me. Not like how you know me. When you hear people say things like that, remember that you know me better than anyone. Your heart will tell you what is true.”
She took some time and thought about that while nodding her head.
“I feel sad because I didn’t get to say goodbye.” Her eyes filled with tears again. “People say goodbye at funerals, but Mommy never had one. Why couldn’t I say goodbye?”
Tamiyah wasn’t the normal child and even at only five, she was very advanced for her age and could comprehend a lot. That made it hard sometimes to remember that she was still so young and the way she processed her grief was so much different from how I did mine.
“We can have one of our own. Just me and you. We can do something for Mommy so that we can both say goodbye. That sound good?”
She smiled through her tears and nodded.
We
spent the rest of the morning getting things ready for our memorial service for Tami. I took Tamiyah to the floral shop and let her pick out the flowers that she wanted for her mother. She decided on blue hydrangeas and asked for some real ones along with another bouquet of artificial flowers so that they wouldn’t go bad. Afterwards, we went to another store where I gathered wood, nails and a nail gun to create a sign. Tamiyah found a glue gun, glitter and some sparkly stuff that she wanted to use to decorate the wood.
We were in the car heading back to the house when Sage called me. Since I’d been spending the day with Tamiyah, who obviously needed me, I hadn’t hit her up since the day before, but I couldn’t say that I wasn’t excited to see her name light up on car’s touchscreen.
“Daddy, it’s Ms. Sage!” Tamiyah exclaimed, reading her name. “Can I say hi?”
I was smiling and didn’t even know it when I nodded ‘yes’ and answered the call.
“Hey, I got Miyah in the—”
“Hi, Ms. Sage!” she interrupted.
Sage laughed. “Hey, Miyah. How are you doing today?”
“I’m good! Me and Daddy are buying stuff for my mommy’s memorial.”
There was a short moment of silence before she spoke up again. In that time, I was wondering what she was thinking but I was positive that she understood the reason why we were doing that.
“That’s really nice. And very necessary,” she added. I was sure that part was for me.
“Did you want to come?” Tamiyah asked but, before I could say anything, Sage answered.
“No, babes, I can’t this time. I think that is a very special moment that you and Daddy should share together.”
Addicted to You Page 17