Christmas Under the Northern Lights

by Annie O'Neil

  ‘She has a crush on a lad in the class above her and he already has a girlfriend.’

  Cooper looked between the pair of them. ‘Kids get crushes on people who aren’t available all the time. Why give Cayley a hard time about it?’

  ‘The girlfriend—’ Audrey began, then backtracked. ‘Bear in mind we’re talking about twelve and thirteen-year-olds here—raging hormones, first loves—’

  ‘That early?’ Cooper asked before he could stop himself.

  He’d been so busy having fights behind the bike shed with the bullies who’d taunted him about his parents he’d not had time to worry about falling in love. To be honest, he wasn’t entirely sure he’d ever made the time.

  Yes, he’d had girlfriends. Here and in Glasgow. But he was pretty sure something all his exes would agree on if—God forbid—they ever got together and had a chinwag about him, was the fact that he’d never invested enough time in any of them. He’d cared about them—of course. But had he ever made a one hundred percent emotional investment? Nope. Getting too close to people meant disappointing them in the end. That or discovering they never wanted you in the first place.

  Loving someone with all his heart only led to pain. His grandmother being the latest case in point.

  ‘Whether or not it’s true love isn’t the point,’ Audrey said, with a bit more bite than he would’ve expected.

  ‘Okay. So, what is the point?’

  ‘The bullying. They’re saying she’s been cheating with the boy when she hasn’t. And they’re saying she’s—’ Audrey threw an apologetic look in Helen’s direction. ‘They’re saying she’s her father’s daughter.’

  Ah. The penny dropped. ‘They’re bullying her about something she has no power over?’

  Audrey nodded, her brow crinkling as their eyes met. His heart strained against his ribcage as he looked into her eyes. She wasn’t looking at him. She was looking directly into him. Into everything that had made him the man he was today—including the young Coop emerging from behind the bike sheds, wiping away the blood before the teachers saw. And the boy rearranging his features to look as though he didn’t have a care in the world when all he wanted was parents who had his corner. Who loved him.

  ‘So, what are your thoughts?’ he asked, his voice a bit rougher than usual.

  Audrey lowered her voice after a quick look back towards the stairwell. ‘I think she could probably do with a week or so off school. It’s been going on for some time, and she’s become very anxious. She’s lost weight...isn’t sleeping well. It’d be best to do something before she’s properly unwell—’

  Helen interjected. ‘I know I should’ve kept a closer eye on her, but I’ve had to do double shifts to get some money in for Christmas, since we’re not getting any from her father.’

  ‘What?’ Cooper only just managed to contain a blast of rage. ‘Brian isn’t paying his maintenance costs?’

  Helen shook her head. ‘We’ve not even got through the divorce proceedings yet. I’m so behind on everything, I—’ Her face screwed up tight and the tears began to flow. ‘I’ve been trying so hard not to have anything else in Cayley’s life change, but with the mortgage and the bills and Christmas coming, I guess I’ve let it all get on top of me.’

  ‘Brian should be sending you money whether or not a judge has decreed it,’ Cooper said. Unable to stop himself, he barrelled on. ‘A man has a child—he needs to accept responsibility. Not leave someone else to sort out the pain at being rejected.’

  The words were out before he could stop them. So much for keeping his cards close to his chest.

  Both women fell into a thoughtful silence.

  Damn.

  It wasn’t like him to put a knife to his own chest and bare all. He yanked the tinsel from around his neck and stuffed it in his pocket. ‘Apologies, ladies. Topic’s a bit too close to the bone.’

  ‘I know, Coop,’ Helen said gently, throwing a quick glance in Audrey’s direction before continuing, ‘And we’re all so proud of you. The man you’ve become despite everything.’

  Again he felt that flare of fury. And this time it was coupled with the heat of Audrey’s inquisitive gaze.

  Terrific. Now there was yet another person added to the list of people who would judge him because of his past. His parents’ reputation as the island’s drunks would always be a yoke round his neck. It was why he’d left. Why he’d found it hard to return despite how much he loved his gran.

  That loyalty speech he’d given worked both ways. She’d sacrificed a lot for him. Raised two sets of children when she should’ve only had to raise one. It had been her turn to be looked after, but he’d found the memories too painful. Doubly so when he considered how badly trying to outrun them had panned out.

  He shoved the thought into a dark corner.

  ‘Are there any counselling services here on the island?’ Audrey asked, tactfully turning things back to where their attention should be: on Cayley.

  Cooper gave her a grateful nod. He could’ve done with someone like Audrey to talk with back in the day. Or a counsellor. Anyone to take the burden off his gran.

  Her method had been to set him to a task. An un-chopped wood pile being the most frequent chore. Or a job down at the Puffin, scrubbing pots. Loading boxes at the woollen mill. Burning off his rage had worked for him. Mostly. Talking probably would’ve taken care of the rest, but of all the things he and his gran hadn’t done it was talk. As if acknowledging just how badly things had gone with his parents would have shattered them both.

  He quickly flicked through the list of resources he kept on his phone. ‘There’s someone at the school. I’ll give her a ring and see if she can pop over here in her lunch hour and have a chat. There’s also a specialist who comes over once a fortnight, so long as the weather’s all right for the ferry.’

  ‘That sounds great,’ said Helen. ‘I just—I want to help her. Take away the pain. But—I feel like this is partly my fault. That there’s something I must’ve done to drive Brian away, you know?’ Helen wiped away a fresh wash of tears with a tissue Audrey handed her.

  Helen’s admission drove a stake into Cooper’s heart. It had never once occurred to him that his grandmother might’ve been carrying the burden of guilt all those years. That the reason she’d never pushed him to come back was the sorrow she’d felt that her son had treated his children so badly.

  It doubled the love he felt for her in an instant. Love he wished like hell he’d shared with her. More proof, if he needed any, that he wasn’t fit to love anyone properly. Not with his broken bag of emotional tools.

  ‘Hey, shush...’ Audrey gave Helen a hug. ‘You’re doing the best you can in a bad situation.’

  Helen blew her nose again and did her best to put on a brave face. ‘I’m really sorry, but I’ve got to get to work. The counselling sounds good...but once a fortnight doesn’t sound all that brilliant. Do you think that’s enough?’

  ‘It’s early days yet,’ Audrey soothed. ‘It sounds like the local counsellor is a good resource. If you add a talk or two with the specialist to that, you could probably avoid putting her on medication,’ Audrey said.

  Helen’s eyes widened. ‘Do you think she’ll need that?’

  Cooper shook his head when Audrey sent him a questioning look. ‘I’ve not seen her, obviously. But I trust Audrey’s judgement. If she’s up for a wee chat with me now, I can do a quick exam to officially sign her off school.’

  Helen made a frustrated noise in her throat. ‘I hate to think of her missing all her classwork. I know she’s struggling with maths as it is.’

  ‘I can help her,’ Cooper said.

  Helen gave him a suspicious look. ‘Aye, that’s nice, Coop, but I’d really rather have someone who’s...you know...going to stick around for a while. She’s had so much change already.’

  Cooper wanted to protest. Say his plan wa
s to stay for good this time. But something stopped him. Something that felt an awful lot like the truth.

  He wanted to stay here. Wanted to make up for all those weeks and months—years, really—he’d stayed away when he should’ve been here with his gran, giving her that loving payback she’d so very much deserved.

  An angry, orphaned teenager had probably been the last thing she’d wanted. His parents had died just as she’d retired, and he, more than anyone, knew how much she’d wanted to travel the world. But she hadn’t. She’d stayed right here in Bourtree to look after him. And then he’d buggered off to Glasgow to seek his own fortune.

  He might not be able to help his grandmother any more, but he could help Cayley.

  ‘I’ll do it, Helen.’

  Audrey looked up from the paperwork she’d been filling out as if something in his voice had caught her attention. His desire to make good on a promise, no doubt.

  From the smile appearing on her lips, it seemed she respected a man who made good on his word. But before he could get off track, wondering who or what had let Audrey down, his phone buzzed. It was Dr Anstruther, sending along the details for another house call to tack onto their list.

  ‘Okay. So that’s settled. Shall I have a word with Cayley to see how we stand?’

  Audrey opened her mouth to say something, then clamped it shut, waving away his questioning look. ‘You go on.’

  A few minutes later he was drawing his talk with Cayley to a close. The poor girl was obviously stricken with an intense case of anxiety.

  He’d seen far too many doctors write out prescriptions as a first response, but he hated to put children on medication, preferring to see if he could build a support system around them instead. Obviously in extreme cases he’d do whatever was necessary, but he could see little glimmers of hope for Cayley, and felt reassured that being around supportive people might help her.

  His secondary role as maths tutor would be a handy way of ensuring she was getting on all right. And the fact she’d already opened up to Audrey was a good sign. Even if she hadn’t said more than a few words, sometimes giving the body’s nervous system a bit of a rest was the best way to make a change.

  ‘So, you think you’re up for talking to someone a couple of times a week?’

  Cayley nodded shyly, her eyes not meeting his. ‘Is Audrey free? Maybe she could talk with me instead of Miss MacIntyre or...?’

  Cooper laughed. ‘You mean instead of me?’ Luckily, he didn’t take this stuff personally.

  Cayley nodded again, her brown eyes peeping up at him through her thick fringe. Bless. He didn’t blame her. If he was having trouble the last person he’d want to talk to was—well...anyone, really. Saying that, he too could easily imagine sharing things he’d kept locked in his emotional black box with Audrey. Which was weird. Because if there was one thing he was not, it was a sharer. Maybe, just like Cayley, he needed someone in his life who would listen—and, more to the point, someone who wouldn’t judge.

  ‘Audrey’s here for a few weeks, but I’m afraid she’s going to be busy with her district nursing work.’

  ‘And you?’

  ‘I’ll be around.’ It was as close as he could come to a long-term commitment right now.

  A silence fell between them.

  Oh, hell.

  ‘Look, Miss MacIntyre’s free for a chat this afternoon if you like. And I’ll be seeing you a couple times a week to go through your maths homework while you’re off school. I’ll also see about an appointment with the specialist counsellor who comes over from Glasgow. The main thing is we want you to know you’ve got a team of people around you. All here to listen.’

  Cayley’s mouth screwed up in the same tight moue her mother’s had when she was about to cry.

  ‘Hey, now, Cayley. Easy there, pet. I know things have been rough, but we’re getting you help.’

  The tears came. Desperation kicked in. He was used to lads straight in from bar brawls, not weeping tweens. Weeping tweens who were going through some remarkably familiar childhood trauma. He’d bashed through it with his fists and an axe. Cayley was too fragile to go that route. And, to be honest, it wasn’t a route he’d recommend.

  ‘Look. I’ll have a word and see if Audrey’ll pop in when she can, all right? She’s just not a counsellor, that’s all. I thought someone who’s used to speaking to children who’ve been through what you have might be a bit more useful.’

  ‘But Audrey does understand about broken hearts!’ she cried. ‘Her fiancé cheated on her just like Dad cheated on Mum.’

  Wait a minute. What?

  Oh, hell. The poor woman. While the knowledge gave him little solace, it certainly gave him added insight. And a strange feeling of camaraderie.

  So it wasn’t just him who hit the road when the going got tough. He’d bundled all his sorrow and rage into a machine-like focus to become the best A&E doctor he could. Helping people and then disappearing out of their lives. Audrey was only just figuring out how to process the pain. Poor lass. It definitely explained why a London girl had appeared out here in the middle of nowhere just a few weeks before Christmas. It might also explain her aversion to Santa. Not that there was an obvious way to connect the dots on that one, but...

  Cayley wove her fingers together under her chin. ‘I was hoping she might be able to help me. You know...teach me how to take control of my own destiny like she did after her engagement broke up.’

  ‘I see,’ Cooper said, trying to appear as if the news wasn’t brand-spanking-new to him.

  Audrey had been engaged? As mad as it seemed, he already hated the guy. And that was without knowing a thing about him. Once he did he was pretty sure he’d dislike him even more. Audrey was a woman to love. To cherish.

  ‘I’ll have a word with her. See if perhaps the two of you can have a hot chocolate or something.’

  Cayley’s eyes brightened. ‘Seriously? You’d do that?’

  ‘I’ll ask her, sure. But no promises. Okay?’

  ‘Okay.’ Cayley solemnly nodded. ‘Thank you.’

  ‘You’re very welcome, young lady. I’ll ring your mum later on today, but in the meantime you rest up and take care of yourself—all right?’

  She gave him a grateful smile and nestled back under her duvet, her eyes already half closed as the comfort of knowing help was at hand eased her into much-needed sleep.

  As he wrapped things up with Cayley’s mum, Cooper had more questions than answers occupying his mind—and most of them were about Audrey.

  CHAPTER FIVE

  AUDREY CLIMBED DOWN from the big four-by-four, stretched and shivered. The heating system in the car was still faulty and it had been a long day. Rewarding, but long. She knew that instead of the patient roster being ‘a bunch of geriatrics needing their bedding changed’—as her ex had liked to describe her patients—there was a huge variety of reasons patients were unable to get to a doctor.

  What had struck her most was the disappointment from the patients they’d also seen yesterday that Cooper wasn’t dressed up as Santa again. Maybe she should’ve dialled back her grumpiness. It wasn’t as if everyone else needed to be miserable because she was. And...to be honest...now that she was away from her life in London, she was beginning to see how blinkered she had become.

  Wedding plans. Getting herself on high-profile surgical rosters so she could impress Rafael. Making sure she didn’t embarrass Rafael at any of the seasonal soirées they’d been invited to...

  There had been an awful lot of energy devoted to pleasing Rafael. Her father had often told her that loving someone meant celebrating the person you were, not changing who you were to fit someone else’s plans. Why hadn’t she remembered that when Rafael had opened that tell-tale blue box?

  Cooper had been in an equally reflective mood in the car. Something told her his silence stemmed from what Helen had said about the i
slanders being proud of Cooper becoming the man he was ‘despite everything’.

  Despite what?

  He definitely had issues with his father. That much was clear. He despised bullies—which spoke well of him as a man—and he honoured the responsibilities that came with being a parent. He hadn’t really mentioned his mum. But he’d clearly adored his grandmother.

  Audrey would’ve been better off falling in love with someone like him than Rafael.

  Er... What?

  Falling in love with anyone was strictly off-limits right now—especially Cooper. Work wasn’t off-limits. She could think about that. And Cooper only professionally. Obviously.

  Earlier in the afternoon Cooper had actually managed to convince Jimmy Tarbot to leave his house and come to the church hall for his insulin check and injection. There, more to her surprise, Jimmy had been cornered by an earnest-looking man with some questions about lighting for the Nativity.

  She’d caught a glance of complicity passing between Cooper and the man as Jimmy had launched into a detailed explanation about the inner workings of the lighting system. A shared smile at a job well done. When Cooper had caught her questioning look he’d muttered something about Jimmy being on the stage management team at school.

  In the car, he’d withdrawn into the brooding silence he sometimes cloaked himself in when they weren’t with patients. Now they were about to get something to eat at the Puffin Inn. Maybe she should just ask him.

  Yeah, right. And then maybe she should pour her heart out to him about how she’d just been through the most confidence-crushing experience of her entire life. About as likely as her voluntarily jumping into the elf’s costume still hanging in the back of the car.

  ‘I’ve been thinking,’ Cooper said as he came round to the front of the Jeep.

  ‘Oh?’ Audrey said warily. Hopefully mind-reading wasn’t one of his skills.

  ‘About Cayley.’

  Ah. Good. She could talk about their patients all day if he wanted. She, too, had been worrying about the poor girl. ‘Did you hear from the child psychologist over in Glasgow?’