by Amy Brent
The thought sent a surge of heat through me. There was no doubt in my mind. He had been looking at my breasts, and it only fueled the feelings that have been building up in me for the past week.
I didn’t get a chance to dwell on it. The minister of the church stepped up to the podium to begin service. A sense of peace came over me as I showed Gage which hymnals to flip to. Church seemed like the only place that I felt at peace anymore. No one cared who I was. No one cared about the past decisions I had made. It was just utter calm and assuring to know that there was something out there in control of the universe. Because I had no fucking clue what I was doing.
Tears filled my eyes at that. I wiped them away quickly before anyone could see them as hymnals ended. The minister took the podium again to talk about the one word that instantly made me regret letting Gage tag along for church.
“I want talk about temptations of the flesh,” the minister started, flipping his bible open. “How can we win this war against lust?”
My cheeks burned hotly. I couldn’t bear to look over at Gage who shifted in his seat next to me.
“We live in a sex-saturated culture. It seems impossible at times to keep your faith against sexual immorality, but it can be done, ladies and gentlemen. It can be done. Think of what the Lord would want if you find yourself struggling against lustful and impure thoughts.”
Oh, I had tons of lustful and impure thoughts this past week. Plenty of those thoughts revolved around Gage bending me over the dining room table, or reaching across the couch to kiss me madly. The thought of him fucking me on the washer in the middle of a spin cycle had crossed my mind, too. I lusted after this man more than I’d ever lusted after anyone.
Waiting for marriage had been tough with Scott. He had pushed me at every single turn to go further, but I had resisted until our wedding night. I had expected that night to be romantic, everything that I hoped my first time would be, but it had hurt like a bitch. Then, it was over with Scott breathing heavily against me while I cried into the blankets.
Lust had never crossed my mind throughout my relationship with Scott. I never felt this burning desire to touch him or to press my lips against his for a kiss, with hopes that it would lead to something else.
And yet with Gage, I felt that yearning deep in my soul. Every inch of me ached for his touch. We were sitting so close to each other in the pew, but I couldn’t reach out to touch him. It was though electric sparks were dancing between us when I looked up to find Gage’s eyes focused on the minister intently.
“Matthew 5:28,” the minister said. “But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”
Gage looked right at me, then. My breathing increased to the point I was afraid that everyone in the pew could hear me sucking in gasps of air. I glanced around to find that everyone was looking ahead, unaware of what was going on between the two of us.
Was I imagining this?
He leaned to the side, his arm brushing alongside mine. I swallowed thickly as his musky cologne filled my senses, but I kept my eyes forward for good reason. The temptation to kiss him was strong. Kissing an older man, my father’s best friend of all things, would undoubtedly create a stir in the small tight-knit church.
“What are you thinking about over there?” he whispered hoarsely.
The husky timbre of Gage’s voice caused those butterflies in my stomach to take flight again. The intensity of it was too much as I squirmed in the pew seat with my eyes focused on the minister.
“Nothing,” I whispered back.
“Are you sure about that?”
I looked over at Gage who also had his eyes riveted forward to keep from drawing attention to us. My eyes widened when I caught sight of the perfect, hard erection line in the crotch of Gage’s pants. Holy fuck. My heart slammed into my ribcage. Just like I had always imagined; Gage was obviously well-equipped when it came to that department.
Curling my fingers into fists, I sucked in a deep breath to calm my fraying nerves. This was Gage Devlin. My father’s best friend. A man old enough to be my father. Yet, I wanted this man more than anything. Damn the consequences.
Church concluded after an hour-long service that thankfully strayed to other subjects than lust. I rose from the pew with a relieved breath to put some much-needed distance between Gage and me.
“I’ll go check on the kids,” Gage said. “I’ll meet you outside in a few minutes.”
I managed a weak nod in his direction while I tried to navigate through the crowd. Mrs. Fields, the woman who knew Gage, came up to my side in the church lobby before I could slip outside.
“I’m sorry, dear,” she said, smiling kindly at me. “I didn’t get to catch your name before service started.”
“Oh, it’s fine. I’m Amber.”
The smile on Mrs. Field’s powdered face became expectant. “Amber who, my dear?”
“Roselynn,” I said through a clenched jaw. “I’m Amber Roselynn.”
“Oh, you’re Beau Roselynn’s daughter! Wonderful man, your father. I’d vote for him if he was here in Montana.”
I took a step toward the door. “I’ll make sure to pass the note on to him. You’re too kind.”
“Hold on.” She clasped my forearm with a liver-spotted hand. “I want you to know, my dear, that there are other options than divorce. Counseling through the church can—”
“Mrs. Fields.”
I practically fainted in relief when Gage surfaced from the inside of the church. He placed a protective hand on my shoulder as he looked over at Mrs. Fields with what I recognized as a shit-eating grin.
“They need you in there,” Gage said. “Something about getting the potluck together. There are a few crockpots that aren’t working.”
That instantly diverted the older woman’s attention. She lifted a hand from my forearm with an exasperated sigh.
“What would this church do without me?”
“Thank you,” I whispered, blinking back tears once she was gone. “This is why I rarely go out in public anymore.”
Gage’s fingers tightened against my shoulder. “Don’t let their opinions get to you. They’re old-fashioned. Her opinion really doesn’t count because your father belongs in Colorado.”
“It still hurts though, Gage. I came out here hoping that I would get away from that image a bit.”
“Image?” Gage repeated, frowning. “What sort of image are you trying to get away from?”
“You know,” I mumbled, wiping the few tears that fell from my eyes. “The image my father has crafted with the media. We’re a churchgoing family that has all the right values, old-fashioned ones. The values where staying married was how you worked your problems out.”
“Fuck that,” Gage said. “I don’t care what anyone in this church says. If a man lays a hand on you, then no one has the right to tell you to stay in a marriage where you are getting beaten. No amount of counseling through the church will save you.”
“Not everyone believes that, though.”
Gage’s arm wrapped around my shoulders. He drew me into a half-armed embrace that instantly set my blood on fire. I gladly snuggled up against his side to inhale his cologne, but also that unique masculine scent of his, underneath it all.
“All right,” he said, rubbing my shoulders with a small smile. “Let’s get the kids. Maybe grab some lunch down the road?”
“That sounds good to me.”
I fanned myself with a hand despite the bitter cold. We waited alongside the church for Ethan and Lily to emerge from the church basement. It took all my strength to not reach out and grab hold of Gage again. He felt so warm and strong beneath that heavy jacket of his.
To distract myself from that feeling of heat again, I watched as churchgoers walked by us with curious and lingering looks. I shifted anxiously in my pair of heels while Gage played with a button on his jacket. Unable to stand their looks any longer, I turned away to look over at Gage, who loo
ked up at me with a frown.
“Why is everyone looking at me?” I asked. “Does everyone know who I am? Or is there another reason?”
“Some might know who you are,” Gage said, watching them as well. “I think they are wondering why there is young and beautiful woman standing next to me in the church parking lot.”
He called me beautiful. It seemed so silly to feel excited over such a little thing, but I felt my stomach fluttering all over again. We were skidding on thin and treacherous ice. I imagined that despite the chill of the ice, the water underneath it was hot.
Ethan and Lily emerged from the church basement a few minutes later. I smiled at Ethan as he walked up with Lily’s hand in his. I had insisted on dressing him in a little church outfit of khaki pants and white shirt that now had flecks of blue paint on both articles of clothing.
“Ethan got his shirt dirty,” Lily announced, pointing to the paint. “I told him not to get dirty because Mommy used to tell me the same thing, too.”
Ethan’s bottom lip quivered when he looked up at me with guilty eyes. I gathered him into my arms with a small smile.
“It’s okay, Ethan,” I said. “You aren’t going to get into any trouble. It’s daycare. You’re supposed to get messy.”
“You were eight years old when Mom told you that,” Gage said, pulling on the edge of Lily’s ponytail in warning. “You were old enough to know better, then. Let’s get some food down the road.”
Lily’s eyes brightened in excitement. She grabbed Gage’s hand happily as he pulled her around the SUV. I quietly buckled Ethan in his car seat, half-listening to Lily’s excited chatter in the back seat as Gage drove along the curvy and snow packed road.
The tension between us was thick. I could feel electric sparks in the air between us when I glanced over to find Gage’s eyes flicking away quickly. Of all the things the minister had to talk about it, he had to bring up the one subject that was on both our minds.
Keep it cool, Amber. This is your dad’s best friend. You don’t want to get involved with another man. Not when you aren’t even officially divorced yet.
Even if the temptation was great, I couldn’t go into that one place that I truly wanted to be. I wanted to be in Gage Devlin’s bed. I wanted to be wrapped up around the man in the most delicious ways imaginable because I knew he could show me pleasure like I’d never imagined. Just seeing his hard cock through the fabric of his pants had lighted a fire deep in my belly.
I needed him, and that scared me more than anything in the world.
Chapter 9
Gage
The restaurant was alive with kids when I managed to find an empty parking space a few feet away from the entrance. I was thankful for Lily’s chatter in the back seat because she was unaware of the tension between Amber and me. The entire sermon had been about the one thing that I was struggling with the most since having Amber in my home, the desire to take her into my bed for a wild and hot fuck that my body craved desperately.
And Amber wanted it, too. I could sense it in the way her body had heated up alongside me in the pew, or the way her eyes had found my arousal through my pants. I didn’t even feel embarrassed about my reaction. It was more arousing to know that Amber was aware of my reaction, but didn’t pull away. She seemed to lean in more.
We walked along the parking lot with Lily and Ethan between us. I caught a young man’s eyes lingering on Amber as she walked by his car, completely oblivious to his interest in her. I didn’t lie when I said that everyone wanted to know who the beautiful and petite blonde woman standing next to me in the church parking lot was. I had hesitated going to church for the first time in years.
Marcie had been the one who was in church every Sunday morning. She respected my desires to stay clear from religion, though. My parents had been strict with religion since the day I was born. I couldn’t remember a day that didn’t go by without God being beaten into my head with a ruler when I didn’t want to follow the rules. Life was exactly like that. Some invisible force got to beat you on the top of your head whenever you did something wrong, and I felt that slap on the back of my head when I felt my eyes going to Amber as she walked alongside Ethan.
The waiting area in the restaurant was crowded, but I prompted Amber to follow me past the hostess stand. She followed me through the crowded dining area, past a large play area for kids, and to a more reserved area of the restaurant. I motioned for Amber to slip her jacket off by helping Lily out of her own jacket.
“Are we going to get kicked out?” Amber asked anxiously. “We blew right by the hostess stand there.”
“My dad owns this place,” Lily informed her, gladly ridding herself of her heavy snow jacket. “Dad, can Ethan and I share a plate of chicken fingers? They are really good.”
“Of course,” I said, and nodded my permission for Lily to leave the table.
She took Ethan’s hand when Amber took his jacket off to tug him in the direction of the play area. Amber watched the both of them go before looking over at me.
“I don’t own this restaurant,” I said. “A part of it, yes. They always have a table for when Lily and I make it down here. No need to wait.”
“That makes sense then, why no one ran after us when we walked by the hostess stand.” She glanced over to where Ethan and Lily entered the play area. “I don’t know if I feel comfortable with them playing over there by themselves.”
“There are employees who sit in there to watch over the kids,” I explained, taking a seat in the booth with a relieved sigh. Sitting in those hardwood pews was hell on my back. “Sit down, Amber. I promise that the kids are fine. There are people watching over them.”
I patted the booth next to me. A ghost of a smile touched Amber’s lips as she slid into the booth alongside me. She tucked the fabric of her skirt underneath the back of her thighs. The tension was radiating off of her in waves as she watched Lily and Ethan play.
Not that I blamed her. I was supposed to be watching over her, taking care of her, and yet I was lusting after her in all the wrong and right ways. I couldn’t even remember the last time I felt this attracted to a woman, other than Marcie. I even felt a stab of pure male pride whenever I caught a few lingering glances at Amber from other tables. It occurred to me then that I missed having a woman in my life, but it didn’t feel right, either.
Marcie wouldn’t want me to be alone for the rest of my life. She had been very adamant about that toward the end of her cancer treatments. It would be okay to move on when I felt good and ready. No one would judge me, as long as she took care of our daughter.
This morning, I had overheard Lily in Amber’s room as they talked about hair products. It was the first time since her mother’s funeral that Lily had squeezed herself into a dress willingly. Her hair was still a tangled mess, though. She refused to let anyone brush it.
“Thank you,” I blurted out, suddenly grateful for Amber’s presence in our house. Even if it were for other reasons, I felt as though Amber was starting to help fill in those cracks in our house.
Amber looked over at me in surprise. Her wide blue eyes had that lost and sad quality to them as usual.
“For what?”
“For helping Lily this morning,” I said. “You know how long it’s been since I’ve seen her dress like a girl?”
Amber’s smile turned sad. “I’m sure it’s been awhile. She mentioned that her mother used to be the one who got her ready for church every morning.”
“That was their routine.” Guilt filled me, then. “I had pushed her away from church, though. I don’t like going.”
“Why is that?” Amber asked.
“I don’t know. I guess it stems from my childhood. I used to get hit a lot when I was in Catholic school.”
“I’m sure it was for good reason,” Amber said, giggling. The sound of it warmed me over. “You didn’t have to go. I would’ve been fine going by myself. Believe it or not, I can handle the snowy roads around here.”
“I pr
omised your dad that I’d keep a close eye on you and Ethan,” I said. “Who was going to save you from Mrs. Fields, the nosy neighbor?”
Her face contorted into a grimace. “Good point, I suppose. It was an interesting church service.”
“Interesting,” I agreed, trying to keep my voice steady. I was walking into dangerous territory here with Amber, but I couldn’t help it. There was something about her that kept drawing me in.
I needed to change the subject before Amber drifted away into her thoughts again. She did that a lot, I noticed. It seemed more intentional at times, as though retreating to her thoughts was the only thing keeping her sane. Then again, she had grown up in the spotlight of the American public as a congressman’s well-behaved daughter. She kept a majority of her feelings to herself because it had a tendency to get dissected.
“The choir was also interesting,” I said. “Don’t you think?”
Amber blinked at the topic change. She tilted her head to look at me with a surprised laugh. “What about it?”
“I don’t know.” I shrugged my shoulders. “I wish some musical stars these days would take a lesson from the choir here. I listened to Lily’s iPod the other day to find that most of those singers are auto-tuned.”
“I tried out for choir one time,” Amber said. She laughed at the look on my face. “I’m serious. I totally did. It was my mother’s idea because she wanted me to be more involved with the church to have friends.”
“Now, I’m curious about what happened,” I said, leaning on an elbow to gaze at her. “I don’t peg you as a singer. Your father never mentioned your singing abilities, either.”
“That’s because I don’t have any singing abilities. The choir teacher told me that God gives everyone special talents, but he wasn’t sure that singing was one of mine. He was actually confident that mine wasn’t singing.”