“Well it’s your fault!” she spat. “I told you to go.”
“I’d never leave you.”
“And get yourself killed? Are you insane? What the hell did you think you were gonna do? Why would you do that?”
“I guess…I just wasn’t thinking.”
“No, you weren’t. And you almost died. We all did. What the fuck are we going to do?”
“The only thing left,” he said, staring at the flames. “We have to finally tell Dante.”
Chapter 19
Until We Meet Again
“Ready?”
Alex nodded at Father Thomas. He cleared his throat and opened his bible. They stood in a small grove in the private garden of the school’s church, close and intimate. The way Alex wanted. Though she’d never had a real image in mind, the setting turned out to be perfect.
It was just before nine in the morning, yet it appeared much later, much darker. The fog that hung over the area gave a serene, sombre ambience to the scene and the one lamp that adorned the area was on, lighting father Thomas from above, giving him a sort of luminescence as he spoke the words. Alex didn’t really process them, though she heard them. She just hoped this was something Nick would’ve loved.
“Was anyone else coming?”
Alex didn’t look up but shook her head. It took a little too long for Father Thomas to begin again, and when Alex did look up, he had noticed something behind her.
“Yes, there is,” Michelle said, huffing, coming up beside Alex. “Sorry I’m late.” Alex locked eyes with Michelle’s, who encircled her fingers through Alex’s free hand. “I didn’t want you to be alone.”
Alex couldn’t reply, the lump of emotion and gratitude in her throat preventing any speech. She simply gripped Michelle tighter and leaned her head against her shoulder. Father Thomas continued, finishing in a few moments, and then indicating to Alex that it was time. Alex sniffed and readied the plaque in her hand. She had made it for today, in the hope that Father Thomas would allow her to leave it in the garden so that she may come and see it every now and then. He had agreed. No one else would know it was there and Alex wanted to keep it that way. And then, though she had no more tears left to cry, her sorrow felt as if it lifted slightly as she placed the plaque into the flowers.
Father Thomas clasped her hands briefly, said hello to Michelle and then took his leave, telling them the garden was theirs for as long as needed.
“Oh, Michelle, thank you so much. I thought you were leaving?”
“I am. I changed my flight to today. I didn’t want to tell you just in case you told me not to. I’ll only be gone a week or so, but I just couldn’t leave without being here for you.”
“Mish…you didn’t have to do this.”
Michelle brushed her cheek. “Of course I did.”
Alex took note of Michelle’s eyes, how they didn’t leave hers. Or the tongue that swiftly travelled over her top lip. “You’re amazing,” Alex breathed.
“I’m just helping my friend.”
Alex stepped in to Michelle’s embrace, finding herself resting her cheek on her shoulder, pressing the tip of her nose into Michelle’s neck. At the contact, Michelle brought Alex in closer. Alex breathed in her scent, making a memory. Honey and mango.
Her instinct was to tell Michelle she was going to miss her but found she couldn’t get the words out. Strange that neither had stepped back.
“Thank you again,” Alex said instead, her lips flicking over Michelle’s skin as she spoke.
Michelle finally stepped back at the sound of her voice, and tried to hide a shiver that Alex didn’t miss.
“You’re more than welcome, sweetie.” Michelle smiled, pressed her fingers to her lips and blew her kiss before walking away, presumably to her car. Alex couldn’t help but notice the swiftness she moved with compared to the peaceful stillness they had held each other with. Maybe it was too weird for her? Oh well, Alex would have to put that out of her mind. Parent teacher evening was tonight. She had work to do.
Closing her eyes and picturing the boy she loved so much, the man she would always miss. She took in the words she had chosen to be inscribed on the plaque and before she walked away, did what she came to do. The hardest part of all. She said goodbye.
Nicholas Leslie Slade
A friend to those who knew him.
A hero to those who loved him.
*
“All right, bye now,” Alex said, exhausted. “Have a good evening.” Alex looked at the classroom’s wall clock as she ushered out the parents. She ticked off the list of parents in her head. That was nearly everyone. Only the Battys left. They never did manage to arrive on time.
They stepped very quietly into the classroom as Alex finished tidying up after the long day of meetings.
“Mr and Mrs Batty?”
They looked extremely fidgety, Alex noted. Swapping glances, hurried whispers.
“Hello, Miss Hensley,” Mr Batty answered. “We’re very sorry about being so late. Things have been…rather hectic lately.”
“Well, I’m glad you’re here. That’s what I wanted to talk to you about. Please sit down.”
“We’re not staying.”
Alex blinked. “I’m sorry?”
“We came to let you know we are pulling Amy out of school for a while. And also to apologise…your husband or boyfriend must be very understanding. You using so much spare time to call and check on us.”
Husband or boyfriend? What an odd thing to say. And bordering on inappropriate. Alex folded her arms and felt her brow crease. “I don’t have either, Mr Batty, so it’s a non-issue. My free time is just that. I called because I’m concerned, and quite frankly, I still am. Pulling her out? May I ask what’s wrong?”
“She has come down with some, well, illness. We will be taking her to a specialist in Melbourne—” He stopped abruptly as his wife elbowed him in the ribs. The woman looked annoyed, even shocked. This was clearly something he wasn’t supposed to reveal. What’s going on?
“I’d like to help, if possible.”
“There’s nothing you can do, but thank you all the same. It’s time for us to go. Sorry again for all the inconveniences.”
Alex shook his hand and then reached for his wife’s. “Ouch!” Alex snapped her hand back as a stinging pain pierced her skin. She glanced up and saw them moving quickly out the door, not aware anything had happened. Alex looked at her palm, the top pad of her hand sported a deep but short cut. What the hell?
Then it hit her. The wife’s ring. She hadn’t held anything in her hands. Alex noticed that when she couldn’t stop fidgeting with her fingers. So her ring must’ve been accidentally turned around from the movements. Fuck, that hurt.
Alex used the first aid kit in the class room to bandage herself before leaving. She noticed she wasn’t the last one in the building, so she wouldn’t have to lock up, but hers was the only car in the parking lot. And wouldn’t you know it, the only streetlight has gone out. She could only just make out the gleam of her car. Alex crossed the cement to it, and stopped. She turned her head as the trees around her started to whistle and crinkle. The way they do when a breeze passes over the leaves.
The air was still. There was no breeze. Yet the whistling grew louder. The leaves sounded as if they were being tossed to and fro. It was so dark, Alex couldn’t make out if they were actually rustling. But strangely, she had the sensation that the trees themselves were moving. Getting closer.
Alex shook off the feeling of unease and got into the car, trying her best to drive as carefully as possible, even though her instinct was to floor it.
Finally home, Alex stepped into her apartment and flicked the light switch. And again, several times. “Oh, you’ve got to be kidding me.”
The bulb must have blown. Hadn’t she just changed it a month ago? I’m never buying that brand again.
With a sigh, she pulled her phone from her bag and turned the torch app on, shining it down the hall. Alex took a singl
e step and stopped. Just in front of her, her breath formed a mist, visible in the light of the torch. The air had turned crisp in an instant. Alex rubbed her hands up and down her goosefleshed arm, her teeth chattering.
Jesus. Light first, then a hot shower.
Thanks to her torch, she had no trouble replacing the bulb and bathing the room in light once again, but the room grew no warmer.
Alex ran the shower as hot as she could stand it, stripped off and stepped under the gushing water, drenching her hair and body in the warmth. Once done, she wrapped herself in the towel and picked up her toothbrush. The mirror was fogged up from the hot shower, and Alex reached up a hand and wiped off a section of steam with her palm. She twisted, grabbed a towel off the floor to wrap around her still-dripping hair, put toothpaste on her toothbrush, and turned back to the mirror. She stiffened. Leaned in a touch closer.
There were finger marks spread in a diagonal pattern across the mirror’s surface. Moisture had gathered around the edges and dripped down. But the condensation surrounding it hadn’t changed.
It was as if Alex had scraped her fingers across the mirror, not the palm of her hand. Maybe I’m misremembering. She shook her head and put it out of her mind. She was such a space-head lately and it had been a weird night. The cut on her hand still ached terribly, the stupid light bulb blowing, the leaves rustling with no apparent wind, hell, even the hair wrap was on the floor when she could’ve sworn she’d hooked it on the door knob.
Sleep, that’s what she needed. And Dante. And Michelle, she thought, trying to get comfortable in the doona as the wind howled outside, knocking branches against her window. The tap tap tapping was going to get annoying unless she got to sleep fast.
Chapter 20
Say It Ain’t So
London
Ohmygodohmygodohmygod! Nicole woke, sucked in her breath and held it, and flailed to get out from under the covers. She kicked off her sheets in the darkness and launched herself for the en suite, crumbling to her knees in front of the toilet. She pressed her forehead to the edge of the seat afterwards, closing her eyes and trying to maintain her breathing. She decided to wait for a few minutes. She’d learnt the hard way yesterday. Just when she thought she had finished, she’d headed back to bed and hadn’t made it four steps before being sick again.
She tried to be as quiet as possible so as not to wake anyone. She had only started studying the material Dr Sarsky had prepared for her, but she’d been unable to concentrate on it to the extent he was used to expecting from her. Her drive, her gumption, just wasn’t there.
Keeping this from him was eating away at her, mostly because it wasn’t something she could keep hidden until it went away. The time was coming when she would have to fess up. And what then? Dr Sarsky had done so much for her, to help her get to England where she could study, away from her troubles in Sydney and Trent Miller. What would he say when he finds out? Would he be upset? Why wouldn’t he? She was upset with herself. Upset, angry, terrified and yet…hopeful.
After several minutes of calm, she ventured back to bed, and noticed her phone was buzzing. She flicked the call to answer. “Hi, Mum.” She managed to get out the greeting in as best a tone she could, and then just let her mother talk. Her throat was like sand, and she didn’t trust her voice for anything longer than that just yet.
“Hi, darling. I hope it’s not too late to call. I just haven’t figured out the time difference yet. So sorry we missed your call earlier. We were out. How’s things? Everything going all right?”
Nicole cleared her throat to hopefully prevent it from croaking at an inopportune time. “Uh, things are… Well, they’re good. But um, I—I have to tell you something.”
“What’s the matter, sweetheart?”
It took an age for Nicole to answer, the swell of fear in her chest feeling like bile rising higher in her throat. It was on her mother’s second “Hello?” that Nicole finally spoke. “I’m pregnant.”
If the silence before was long, this was an eternity.
“Oh dear, you’re not really, are you? Nicole, how could you let this happen? You’re supposed to be there studying, not acting like you’re on a spring break!”
“No, it wasn’t here. It…it happened before I left.” She was sure her mother didn’t really care when it had happened. Just the fact that it had happened at all would be enough for Nicole to receive a lecture.
“How long?”
“Maybe four months. I think?”
“When we were away on our cruise? Christ in heaven, didn’t we raise you better? What were you thinking?”
“Mother, I was using protection. It didn’t matter.” Nicole didn’t want to have this conversation, though she knew there was no avoiding it. Her mother’s tone was filled with both disappointment and something else…a touch of disgust?
“Fine, whatever. You’ll just have to get it taken care of.”
“What? No! I can’t.”
“Of course you will. You’re too young and right in the middle of an important career move to deal with this. I’m looking up clinics for you right now. You’ll be looking at a few hundred pounds I’d say.”
“Mum, no. I’ve already been. I just…I just couldn’t go through with it.”
“Oh, don’t tell me that. Don’t you dare tell me that.”
“Mum, I’m sorry.”
“You’re sorry? What sort of thing is that to say? Think of your future, think of everything you’ve worked for. It’s one thing to make a ridiculous mistake. But to turn your back on the chance to make it right is insanity! Don’t tell me this guy has gotten into your head that he’ll support you from half a world away. Who is he?”
“He hasn’t… He’s not… Please don’t mention him.”
“And why shouldn’t I? This is his responsibility, too, so what does he have to say for himself?”
Nicole closed her eyes and gripped her phone harder, her voice dropped an octave. “Mum…please.”
“I don’t know what fantasy you think this is. If he cared about you at all he would be there, he would do what’s best for you and him. What do you and this lowlife know about raising kids? What money have you got?”
Lowlife? “Mother! Shut. Up.” It was not vomit, but fury that welled up in her now.
“Excuse me?”
“Don’t call him a lowlife. Just stop talking.”
“If he isn’t supporting you, that’s exactly what he is. A real man would know the right thing to do—”
Nicole threw her phone across the room, cracking the screen. She covered her mouth with both hands and screamed, screamed so hard her throat ached. She leaned forward with her face in her hands. Angry, afraid and sorry all in one. She knew her mum was coming from a place of shock and disappointment. She had expected that. But when she started talking about Nick, Nicole hadn’t been prepared for it. She could have said whatever she wanted about Nicole and her choices. But when it came to Nick, Nicole would not stand for her mother’s putdowns.
She threw herself on her bed and screamed once again into the pillow. Then the tears came. And finally, sleep.
When she awoke again, this time with sunshine streaming through her window, she felt safe enough to head downstairs. Dr Sarsky—he’d told her to call him Alan, since they’d be working so closely, but she hadn’t yet gotten used to it—and PJ sat at the table. They’d been talking, but their conversation halted as soon as they saw her.
“Sit down, love,” said PJ.
Nicole stood still. She looked from one to the other.
“It’s all right.” Dr Sarsky—Alan—held a hand out toward an empty chair. “We just want to talk.”
Nicole sat down, not moving her eyes from the surface of the table, but she soon realised how juvenile she was being. I will not act like a child! With a swallow, she steeled herself. She squared her shoulders and looked up at them, giving them the respect they deserved. “I’m pregnant. I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you before, but I only found out after we left
Sydney. I felt so guilty after everything you’ve done for me to hit you with this. I—I didn’t know what to do…”
“Hey, hey…” PJ put a comforting hand on her shoulder. “C’mon, now. None of that. You don’t think we know what it’s like to be young and have a revelation you’re too afraid to tell people?”
“PJ has a good point. Look, I understand. You think you’re the only girl trying to generate a career this has happened to? We’ll sort this out. For now, though, a few questions. Are you absolutely sure you’re pregnant?”
“Yes, I had it confirmed.”
“Well, that’s out of the way. First, have you told the father? Was it that boy that came to the airport?”
“Airport?” PJ asked.
“Yes, you remember the video footage on the news? That was him,” Alan replied.
“Oh my godfather. Well, I didn’t get a good look at it. Just bits and pieces. So that means…”
“He’s dead.” Alan said the words in a solemn tone. “What was his name, dear?”
Nicole tried to speak, to move her head. Something. But all that came were tears.
PJ stood and gave her a hug. “Oh, hon, I’m so sorry.”
Nicole nodded. “Nick. He didn’t want me to leave, but he also would never have stopped me from taking this opportunity. So he begged me to let him come too. And then…”
And then Trent Miller had thrown him into the wall, collapsing the roof on top of him. Alan relayed the rest of the story to PJ. He’d been there, after all. He knew. Well, he knew half the story. Dr Sarsky believed Nick had died in the collapse. And so, in between him describing what happened, what he’d seen, and PJ shaking his head and gripping her hand, all Nicole saw in her mind was flames. The true reason Nick wasn’t there with her. He had risen from the debris and faced Miller and the wolves. He had fought and won. But his need to save others had proven his undoing. Dying in a fire to save Alex and others.
“And he never knew he was going to be a dad? Absolutely tragic.” PJ had tears of his own ready to spill out of his eyes.
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