by Alice Gaines
He sucked in air as his heart pounded in his chest. What the F had he been doing? He sure as hell hadn’t given any thought to the subject. For the love of everything holy, this was Mickey. He’d hurt her so badly eight years ago she’d run away and hadn’t come back. Messing with her body amounted to messing with her head, and he ought to be the last person doing that.
She fumbled behind him for a few seconds, but even when she’d finished, he didn’t turn back to face her. What on earth could he say? Of course, part of him wasn’t sorry. Part of him wanted no more than to take her back in his arms and finish what he’d started. Even without a condom. This was nuts. He was never this careless with a woman’s body and her feelings.
“I’m sorry,” he said finally. Not very profound but the only thing that came to mind.
“Don’t be, Alex. You didn’t do anything wrong.”
He finally got up the courage to look at her. Her chest still rose and fell with rapid breathing, as did his, and her eyes had the sleepy look of sexual excitement. His probably did, too.
“I’m not supposed to mess with my best friend’s kid sister,” he said.
“I’m not a kid anymore, and I wouldn’t call what we just did messing,” she said. “It seemed consensual to me.”
When he didn’t answer, she put her hand on his shoulder. “It was, wasn’t it?”
He covered her fingers with his own. “Of course.”
“Then, why feel strange about it?”
Because something was wrong here. Her posture, her smiles, everything she said had an undercurrent to it. They hadn’t worked things out between them, but she seemed determined to get him into an intimate relationship with her. Intimate physically but not emotionally. He might do that with other women, but he wouldn’t do that with her. If she truly had loved him all those years ago, she wouldn’t want something casual now. She should want complete and open honesty.
And there things got even more complicated. She might have an ulterior motive for the physical between them, but he had a secret he’d hidden from her for their entire lives. Maybe he could have trusted her when they’d been so close. Hell, maybe he could now, if she’d play honestly with him. But as long as she hid behind her everything’s-peachy-keen facade, he didn’t dare open up to her. A really and truly screwed up situation.
“We’d better get back before Kyle comes looking for us.” He got to his feet and held out a hand to help her up. “I don’t want him putting me on a spit and turning me slowly over the fire.”
Chapter Five
Standing at the periphery of the barbecue, Alex was still processing everything he’d done with Michelle under the live oak when Kyle approached him. Michelle’s brother wore sauce stains on his apron and a let’s-get-serious expression on his face. They hadn’t talked much since Michelle had arrived, although Kyle had said a lot with looks if not with words. The conversation would begin now, it appeared, and Alex hadn’t had a chance to formulate any answers.
Kyle sidled up next to Alex. “You and Michelle got left behind in the vineyard.”
“Mom’s doing,” Alex said. “And Chase was too busy helping you to come get us.”
“You might have asked me.”
“You were even busier than Chase.” Plus, Alex had hoped he and Michelle could return without getting anyone’s attention. Obviously, though, Kyle had noticed.
“You took a long time getting back,” Kyle said.
“We didn’t realize immediately we’d been left. We kept looking for a ride.” Not exactly true, but he was certainly not going to go into detail about how he and Michelle had spent the time.
“It doesn’t take that long to figure out everyone else has left.”
“It does to make phone calls, and then we weren’t exactly sure of the way back.” Not true, either, but plausible. All the rows of vines looked pretty much the same.
“You got lost?”
“For a few minutes,” Alex said. “Interrogation over?”
Kyle didn’t say anything for a moment, and Alex scanned the crowd doing his damnedest to act as if nothing was roiling his gut. He’d broken a cardinal rule between friends. He was supposed to be Michelle’s knight in shining armor, not her seducer. Even if she was doing more of the seducing than he was.
“You know I love you like a brother,” Kyle said finally.
“I feel the same about you, man.” Which made not telling Kyle the truth hard, to say the least. Painful, even. But what could he say? Your sister came on to me? She’s trying to get me into bed, and she’s doing it so well I can’t resist? He wouldn’t share that with her brother any more than he’d tell Kyle the whole sad story about Michelle and Phil Cavanaugh in high school.
“But you don’t have the best track record where women are concerned.”
Alex glared at Kyle, what Michelle used to call the Blue Stare of Death. “Gee, thanks.”
Kyle put a hand on Alex’s shoulder. “I don’t mean anything by it. I’d happily switch my love life for yours.”
Alex’s dating records probably did look good from the outside. The male ideal of lots of beautiful women gracing his arm and his bed. In reality, it pretty much sucked. With Zoe, even the bed-gracing part had ended while they pretended to try to work things out. When he got back to New York, he could try again with another woman and end up with another disaster.
“You can date as many women as you want with my blessing,” Kyle said. “Just don’t make my sister another notch in your belt.”
Holy crap. Had Kyle actually just said that? “I would never do that to Michelle.”
“You might not mean to,” Kyle said.
Alex stepped aside just enough to pull Kyle’s hand off him. “You know me better than that.”
“Okay, let’s have it all, then.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
Kyle’s jaw set in a firm line. “Eight years ago, she took off from here like a bat out of hell, and I think you know why.”
“Why don’t you ask her about it?”
“Because I’m asking you.”
Alex hadn’t talked about the incident with anyone, not even Michelle, although Lord knew he’d tried. You didn’t exactly tell a man about discovering his teen-aged sister about to give her virginity to a creep. Still, the subject of Michelle’s flight would continue to come up if he didn’t satisfy Kyle somehow. It was putting a dent in their friendship.
“We had a fight,” Alex said. “I said some things that hurt her.”
“Fight about what?”
“Her choice in men.”
Kyle’s eyes went wide. “Men? She was seventeen, for God’s sake.”
“Boys…one in particular.” Shoot, his face was probably red now. The whole thing was embarrassing.
“Who?” Kyle demanded.
“I don’t have the right to tell you,” Alex said. “You’ll have to ask her.”
Kyle’s eyes narrowed. “Go on.”
“I got pretty heated.” In fact, he’d lost his head…completely gone out of control. Something he never did. “I called her a bunch of names.”
“Such as…”
Loose. Fast. Easy. Acting like a whore. Each word still felt like something sharp piercing his chest. And then she’d shouted that she wouldn’t have been looking for affection if Alex loved her the way she did him. Or something like that but much less coherent between her sobs. Then he’d called her a stupid kid who didn’t know her ass from a hole in the ground. Shit.
“Just some hurtful stuff,” Alex said. “I made her cry, and then she ran away.”
“That’s it?”
“I told her she’d better get over her crush on me because I didn’t feel that way about her.” A whitewashed version of what had happened, but close enough to truth. “I knew you wouldn’t approve of us dating.”
“I don’t approve of you making her unhappy, either.”
“I stopped her from making a big mistake.” Alex stared back at Kyle. “
You could thank me for that, at least.”
Kyle’s spine lost a little of its starch. “I guess.”
“And she’s back now. We’ll work things out.” If he ever managed to penetrate the shell she’d built around herself. A barrier he’d created between them with his outburst. He’d have to tread carefully with her after treating her with such cruelty.
“I hope you do fix things,” Kyle said. “I’d like to have the three of us close again.”
“Me, too.” Alex and Michelle could never share the innocent friendship they’d had as kids. Maybe no grown man and woman could maintain the sort of emotional intimacy they’d had without getting physical about it. He couldn’t turn back the clock, but maybe he could strike a balance—get Kyle to accept the new reality. Once Alex had proved himself worthy.
“Just don’t hurt her again,” Kyle said.
“I don’t plan to.”
“Okay. I’d better get back to pouring wine.”
Kyle left Alex to continue stewing. He couldn’t reject Michelle again, even if he’d wanted to. But if he went further with Michelle, he’d have to figure a way for Kyle to accept them as a couple. He was walking an emotional tightrope without a net.
…
Michelle’s plan was coming along smoothly. Her dream of having Alex for her lover. She almost had to pinch herself to make it all seem real. But now they’d had two encounters, the second more intense than the first. They both had to know now where they were headed. They’d share a blissful few days together, and then he’d go back to his job and she to hers. She will have made her point about being a desirable woman, not the sad teenager he’d considered beneath him. And she’d have memories to keep for the years of crushing work she had ahead of her.
God, could the man kiss. Nothing awkward or forced about the movements of his mouth over hers. Instead, he drew her in, coaxing passion from her before she even knew what was happening. And then, he’d cupped her breast with such an expert touch.
Of course Alex would be a good lover. He’d had enough experience. He’d know how to make sure he gave his partner as much pleasure as he got. Still, she’d never expected anything like the reality of him.
Jim appeared at her side. She would have noticed him approaching if she hadn’t had her head in the clouds. In his hand, he had a plate of food with a mountain of ribs and chicken next to piles of potato salad and coleslaw. He nodded his head in the direction of one of the picnic tables. “You haven’t had anything to eat.”
“You’ve been watching me?” she asked.
“Emma has. She sent me over.”
Of course, Emma had kept track of her and Alex. Emma had arranged for them to be stranded in the vineyard. She’d keep tabs on them to see if her maneuver had worked. It sure had.
“Go ahead,” Jim said. “Dig in.”
“Thanks.” The delicious odors of barbecue had her stomach growling. He was right—she hadn’t eaten a thing since they’d arrived. She followed Jim to the table and sat next to him. He’d also brought napkins and flatware, and for a moment, she could enjoy her food with no more thought than how delicious it all tasted. The cool salads contrasted with the spice of the meat, and a sip of wine only added to the pleasure.
“Are you having a good time, honey?” Jim asked.
“Fabulous.” Oh, boy. He didn’t know the half of it.
“The whole family’s happy to have you back. Even Chase, who never admits to caring about anything.”
She had to laugh. “I haven’t seen Chase doing any cartwheels.”
“He’d never let you see. Doesn’t mean he’s not doing them inwardly.”
Chase had never hung around with Kyle, Alex, and Michelle as a kid. He was a more studious type than his brother. Of course, the reason Alex favored climbing things and playing ball was clearer now. At the time, it had all seemed like great adventure when she hadn’t been at her own studies. Tagging along after two guys and feeling like an honorary guy as a result.
“So, tell me about this job at Cardmouth you’re up for,” Jim said.
She wiped her mouth with the napkin and then used it to take some sauce off her fingers. “It’s a real academic job. Tenure track and all.”
“Think of it…our little Mickey a college professor,” Jim said. “No, a university professor.”
“If it happens.” She still wouldn’t allow herself to believe she could land a position that great, although the possibility bubbled up inside her from time to time. They had, after all, asked her to come for an interview.
“Did you get any feedback from them on where you stand?” Jim asked.
“My talk went well. I had a lot of positive comments afterward. They seemed impressed by my research.”
“That’s a good sign.”
“It’s a teaching job, too, and I haven’t done much of that since grad school.” She took another sip of her wine.
“Do you like to teach?”
Odd no one ever asked what she liked to do but rather what she’d done and what she hoped to accomplish in the near future. “I do. I love it when a student’s face lights up when they understand something.”
Jim covered her hand with his. “Then, you’ll be good at it.”
“The first several years will be rough. They’ll expect me to get a grant. I’ll have to set up a lab and get my research program into gear.”
“Not much time for a social life.”
“No.” She pushed her plate away. She’d had more than enough to eat.
“Would you mind if an old dude gave you a little bit of advice?”
“Old?” She put her hand over her chest. “You?”
“I didn’t get these gray hairs for nothing.”
“Shoot.”
“Make room for love. If there’s anything I’ve learned in this life it’s that without a special person to share your dreams with, they don’t add up to a whole lot.”
“Sure. Yeah. I’ll date eventually.”
“Ah, yes. Eventually. Do you know how many people never take a honeymoon because they think they’ll get around to it later?” Jim said. “Don’t be one of those.”
“I need a husband for a honeymoon.”
“My point exactly,” Jim said. “And I’ll tell you something else…”
Whatever the something else was, she’d hear it in a second. When Jim talked, everyone listened, and for good reason.
“You always find time for something if it’s important. Most often, people stay away from love out of fear.”
“Fear?”
“Nothing puts you more at risk than loving someone. What if you give your all and get nothing back? Scary.”
In a way, something like that had happened to her when she’d confessed her love to Alex. Her declaration must have surprised him because she’d never told him about her crush on him. Out of fear, as Jim said. Fear that Alex would reject her. That fear had turned out to be well grounded in reality. She’d laid herself emotionally bare, and Alex had put her in her place.
“But you have to take risk in life if you’re going to be happy,” Jim was saying. “I don’t want to think of our Mickey ending up alone.”
Fine for him to say. He and Emma had been blissfully happy for decades. The two of them had been made for each other. “You didn’t have to put yourself on the line for Emma, did you?”
“There you’re wrong, young lady. I loved her for months before I dared let her know.”
“You? Afraid of approaching Emma?” she said.
“Positively terrified.” His features turned into a wistful smile as if he were staring back all those years. “She was the most beautiful girl in the county and popular with everyone. She was dating the mayor’s son…a man everyone assumed would go into politics and take the world by storm.”
“Really?” Emma was certainly lovely, but it was hard to imagine a time when she didn’t belong with Jim.
“I was a bookish skinny kid with a low-paying job at a publishing company.”
&
nbsp; “The one you own now?”
His smile turned into a grin. “I started my own company and became their competitor.”
“So you and Emma didn’t date in high school?”
“I only saw her when she came home from college for holidays.” Jim tapped a finger against the table. “One day, I got up the courage to ask her out for coffee. Over espressos I told her how much I admired her and asked if things didn’t work out with Mr. Wonderful would she go out with me.”
“Were you frightened?”
“Quaking in my boots,” he said. “Turned out the other guy had fallen for a girl at his college. I didn’t know that. If I hadn’t said something to Emma, she would have found another Mr. Wonderful, and I wouldn’t have my family.”
“That’s a great story, Jim, but I don’t know how it applies to me.”
“I had to work night and day, seven days a week at the company to get it to where it is now,” he said. “I made time for love and building a life together. And then raising two sons. It can be done.”
Maybe that worked for Jim and Emma. After all, they’d had the traditional marriage, with Emma taking care of the household and doing most of the childcare. Where would she find someone to play househusband? Besides, Emma had loved Jim, and she hadn’t found that special person yet.
Across the picnic area, Emma stood at the head table and waved toward Jim.
“I’ve been summoned,” Jim said as he rose. “You think about what I said, okay?”
“I will.” She’d think about it. Doing something was another matter. Still she watched her surrogate father as he went to join his wife.
The trumpet player from the mariachi played a fanfare, drawing everyone’s attention to where Jim now stood with his arm around Emma and his glass raised for a toast.
“We want to thank all of you for coming,” he said. “And especially Kyle, for throwing this terrific party.”
Kyle waved back.
“I haven’t seen many of you for years,” Jim went on. “And you probably wish it had been years and years more.”