by Alice Gaines
They still hadn’t said anything to each other about the future by the time Michelle lay in the bed waiting for Alex to join her. It was well after midnight when he appeared on the threshold to the bathroom, silhouetted by the small light in there. He stood there for a few seconds, his forearm resting against the doorframe, and then he hit the switch. Before her eyes had adapted and she could make him out, he’d picked up the blankets and slid in beside her. They lay for a bit, their sides touching. It was a pretty small bed, after all.
He sighed. “It was a great party.”
“It was.”
“Mom and Dad looked so happy,” he said.
Of course, they did. Thirty-five years married and together for some time before that. They had plenty to be happy about.
“I’m glad you came,” he said.
“Me, too.” Rolling over, she ran her arm around his ribs and rested her head on his shoulder. “You can’t let people like Mr. Quinn get to you.”
“I know. It’s just irritating.”
He was a lot more than irritated, if only he’d admit it to her. Obviously, his learning disability made him feel he couldn’t keep up with other people intellectually. In reality, lots of people would feel they didn’t fit in a crowd like the one at the party. She could make all that clear to him if only he’d trust her enough to tell her what made him so insecure.
She’d given him an opening earlier. Now she lay next to him in bed. Not exactly a situation where you could maintain emotional distance, but he managed quite well.
“I leave for Boston tomorrow,” she said. God, please make him say something.
“Yeah.”
“I guess you’ll be getting to camp soon,” she said.
“Back to the grind,” he said. “Plus the kids I’m mentoring.”
“I read about that. You adopted a whole elementary school class.”
He put an arm around her and tugged her closer. “In a bad part of town. If they stay in school, I’m going to send them to college.”
“See? What you do is important.”
“Do you really want to talk about this?” he said.
“No.” Well, yes, she did if talking meant coming up with a solution that would keep them together, but that didn’t seem likely to happen.
He rolled onto her, resting his weight on his arms. “It’s late.”
She stroked his face. In the near-darkness she couldn’t make out the color of his eyes, but her memory supplied their deep blue. “Not too late.”
That declaration earned her a smile and a kiss. One last chance for lovemaking, and she wouldn’t waste it with sadness. Twining her arms around his neck, she moved her lips under his in a way that could only serve as prelude to intimacy. He slanted his mouth over hers to seal the promise, and they went deeper. Tugging her under to currents of desire at once forbidden and familiar.
She should have known better than to wear a nightgown, but then, he had pajama bottoms on. For now, the material did little to lessen the friction of her breasts against his solid chest. And in a moment, she could detect the hard length of his erection against her hip. If nothing else, she’d have these images imprinted on her mind to pull out and remember that for a few days, she’d held the man of her dreams in her arms and he’d made love to her as if they could be together forever. He couldn’t make the sex more wonderful for another woman. The laws of nature wouldn’t allow it. He might let her go, but surely, he’d never be able to erase their time together out of his memories.
As always, their connection took on a life of its own and he moved from her mouth to her jaw and laid a path of caresses down the length of her throat. She loved the way he kissed her neck, as if he were famished and couldn’t get enough of her. She stroked his head and his back as he went lower still, and in a moment, he’d closed his lips around one nipple, taking the cloth into his mouth as well.
Such an amazing lover, he created a web around her. Heat and his firm body against hers. Eventually, he reached to the hem of her gown and pulled it upward. She had to sit so he could tug it over her head, and then he tossed it aside to land wherever it wanted. Now his hands roamed everywhere, his long fingers massaging and pulling her against him. And she let him do it, giving him complete freedom. He’d make her explode into tiny pieces and then put her back together, a different person than the one he’d crawled into bed with.
Eventually, he reached the ultimate destination, and he took the time to kiss her inner thighs and even nip them gently. He’d kissed her most intimate flesh before, so she should have been prepared for heaven when he parted her lips and found that scrap of flesh that begged for his loving. But nothing could lessen the shock that travelled along her nerves as he stroked the spot with his tongue.
Oh, so good. And hot and sweet all at once. She could only lie and allow him to continue, urging her higher and higher. She let her mind drift off into the hottest erotic images she could imagine. Alex. Always Alex. Inside her, big and hard. Stretching her to take all of him.
He didn’t have to be imagined, though. He was here, creating all the delicious sensations. She could have him, maybe not for forever but for now.
She reached down and stroked his hair. “Now. I’m ready. Please.”
He immediately reached to the bedside table for a condom. Once he’d put it on, he rose up over her, poised to enter her. Sliding a hand between their bodies, she grasped him and guided the head into her. He entered her slowly, letting out a long groan of pleasure as he did.
She opened her eyes to record the moment, and found him looking back at her. Their gazes locked and held. Without words, they communicated. No matter what happened in the morning, this connection was real. She was losing him, if she’d ever had him, but for right now, they belonged to each other.
Too intense. She might cry if he continued to stare into her like that, and she would not spoil their last time together with tears. So she closed her eyes again and let her body take over, sealing out any unhappy thoughts.
He began to move. Slowly at first. Deep passes, nearly out of her and then back in. Each time he did, he jostled her nub, and the friction started her climb to the inevitable. She’d climax, and she’d have him inside her when she did. The ultimate, not a fantasy.
His face rested against hers, his lips near her ear. “Michelle. Oh, God, Michelle.”
“Alex,” she whispered as she stroked his shoulders and his back. Wrapping her legs around him, she could bring her hips up to meet his thrusts, and the pressure against her most sensitive flesh grew. She could hardly breathe because of the intensity of feeling, but she moved with him.
He increased the pace, thrusting harder and deeper. She could only take it all because he’d aroused her completely. He’d created a need for exactly this and more.
“Come for me, baby,” he whispered.
“I will.”
“Damn, I wish this could last.”
She wouldn’t answer that, even if she could find the voice to. She wouldn’t even think about what would happen next. She’d only take what he was giving and respond with all her mind and her body. And her heart.
Then, with a moan, he became more frantic with his thrusts. Each one impaling her and sending currents of arousal through her body. He’d surrendered to their joining, and she should do the same.
By now, the pressure against her clit had become almost unbearable. She needed the orgasm as much as he did. She continued tilting her pelvis to get more contact, and in a moment, the thread holding the tension snapped, and the climax claimed her.
She shouted as it rushed through her, and then the explosions started, her muscles gripping him rhythmically. He released a cry, too, and went rigid in her arms. They hung suspended together in bliss for long seconds, and then he collapsed against her. Though the orgasm had ended, she continued to flutter around him. Sweet aftermath. Utter satiation. He’d done it again—made love so completely, she’d lost herself in it.
After a few minutes of perfec
t bliss, he rolled onto his side, leaving her body. As usual, he reached for her, drawing her into the warmth of his embrace.
He kissed her forehead. “Thank you.”
What did she say to that? “You’re welcome” would be stupid, given that she’d had at least as much pleasure as he had. “No, thank you.” A little better, but still inadequate. She didn’t say anything but lay silently, basking in his warmth. Maybe for the last time, but she was only human. She’d take whatever she had left with him.
Chapter Ten
Michelle sat at the little table in the cottage, staring at the withered lupines and listening to her phone with half her mind. She’d put on her robe after answering the call because, although Professor Rainey couldn’t see her all the way from the East Coast, discussing a job offer felt too weird to do in the nude. Across the room, Alex had propped himself up on his elbow and watched her, absorbing every word of her side of the conversation.
“Well, Dr. Dennis,” Professor Rainey said. “The search committee deliberated long and hard, but eventually we settled on our first choice, after all. You.”
“Me?” What a stupid thing to say to the man who’d just told you you’d won a faculty position at a world-class university. But nothing else formed in her brain.
On the other end, Professor Rainey laughed. “Yes, you. That is, if you’re interested.”
“Interested? I’m overjoyed. Kind of speechless, actually.”
Alex sat straight up in bed, pulling a sheet around his waist. “Is it…”
She nodded and silently mouthed, “I got the job!”
“That’s why I love making these calls,” Professor Rainey said. “We were all highly impressed with your research and publications. And you gave a great talk when you were here.”
“Thank you, sir.” God, if cell phones had cords, she’d be twirling it around her finger about now. She’d won the job. She’d honest-to-God won the job.
“You’d better get used to calling me Hal now,” Professor Rainey—Hal—said. “We’re going to be colleagues.”
Colleagues with one of the top people in her field. And the rest of the faculty were just as impressive as Hal. Oh my God.
“We’re going to need to talk to you about details,” Hal went on. “Salary, lab space, student support, that kind of thing.”
“Of course.”
“But I think you’ll find all three quite generous.”
“I’m sure we won’t have any problem there,” she said.
“Good. Can you come for a visit on Wednesday?”
She did a little mental geography. She’d be back on the East Coast then. Cardmouth wasn’t far from her home in Boston. She could drive there. “Wednesday works.”
“I’ll have my administrative assistant call with details,” Hal said. “See you then.”
The call ended, but she sat for a moment holding the phone to her head out of sheer disbelief.
Alex moved, though. With linebacker speed, he crossed the room and pulled her from the chair to envelop her in a hug.
“Congratulations, Michelle,” he said. “I knew you could do it.”
“Yeah, wow. It was kind of a long shot. I’m a bit young for a job this good.”
He cupped her chin with his hand and gave it a squeeze of encouragement. “It’s because you’re freaking brilliant.”
“And an obsessive workaholic.”
“The two things go together.” He put his hands on her shoulders and eased her away from him.
Which, of course, meant she had a full view of him naked. The beautiful, beautiful body that had given her so much pleasure and then sheltered her as they slept. All that would end now unless one of them did something.
They hadn’t discussed a future. They’d both acted as if their affair—no, their love, damn it…could only exist in this specific place and time. Was this really the end? Would they not see each other again for eight years and meet up as strangers?
“Alex, I…” Say something. Anything, damn it. Just open your mouth and say something.
He took her hands in his. “I’m really proud of you, Mickey. You’re going to do great things.”
“Funny…I thought…maybe after being here…you and I…” Pathetic, but at least she’d tried.
He didn’t answer, and for a moment, the two of them stood in silence. She couldn’t dare any more. Rejection would be too horrible to live with. To know that she’d offered herself and he’d turned her down.
He toyed with her fingers, not looking at her face. “It’s been amazing. I’ll never forget our time together.”
Definitely not what she’d wanted to hear. No “I love you. Let’s be together. We’ll make things work.” He was ending whatever they’d had. She’d known this would happen. She’d consciously decided to indulge herself in a fantasy. It had turned out fabulous beyond her wildest dreams, but now the bubble had popped, and she’d have to live with the aftermath.
“I’ll be going to camp in New Jersey, and you’ll be starting a new job at Cardmouth,” he said. “We’re both going to be incredibly busy.”
“I won’t be that busy,” she said. God, she sounded like she was begging. She had some pride, and she’d just laid it on the line for him.
“You have a big responsibility now,” he said. “Not just to your research but to all the students you’ll educate. It’s important work.”
Ouch. She had a responsibility to science and to students, according to Alex. That would matter more than her own heart. Not only had he given her a big, fat “no,” but he’d couched it in terms where she’d seem selfish to argue. She searched his face, doing her best to read him, but his expression said nothing. He certainly didn’t seem happy to be sending her away, but his features gave no clue he was suffering the kind of pain slicing through her at the moment.
“Yeah, I guess you’re right,” she said.
“Hey, we’ll keep in touch,” he said. “You’ll come back for visits now, right?”
This situation left her only one thing, other than the sinking feeling in her stomach and the lump in her throat. Dignity. What she’d hoped to establish when she’d gotten off the plane at SFO and the only thing she could cling to now. It wasn’t much, but she’d take it.
“Sure,” she said. “Right now I’d better shower and pack.”
“Yeah, me too.”
She deliberately didn’t watch him walk around the room, still naked. Instead, she went into the bathroom and stood at the sink, gripping the sides. Behind her, he moved through the cottage—the place where he’d first humiliated her and then years later had made sweet, sweet love to her. Now, he was leaving her, and her heart continued to beat even though it felt like lead in her chest. She stared at her face in the mirror, willing it into an unreadable mask. She wouldn’t show him a single tear. That, at least, she could manage.
Eventually, he appeared in the doorway, wearing his pajamas and robe. “Mickey?”
She turned and gave him the best imitation of a smile she could muster. He stared at her for a few seconds, and for that long she could finally read something in his expression. Loss. Confusion. Hurt.
Then, he straightened. “See you in the kitchen in ten.”
“Right.” Casual again. No big deal. Her heart wasn’t breaking, not the least little bit.
When he turned to leave, she called after him. “Alex.”
“Yeah?”
“Would you ask Kyle to drive me to the airport?”
For a split second, he recoiled as if she’d struck him. What did he expect? Cheery hugs at the terminal? He had to know that wasn’t going to happen. He recovered quickly, though.
“Will do,” he said. And then he was gone. Really, really gone.
…
When Alex entered the kitchen, he didn’t go to the stove to kiss his mother or to the coffee pot like he usually would. Instead he stood on the threshold to make the announcement. “Hey, everybody, good news.”
His mother turned her face bea
ming with a smile.
“Michelle got the job at Cardmouth,” Alex said.
“That is great,” his father said from his seat at the table.
“When’s she going to appear so we can congratulate her?” Chase added.
“In a bit,” Alex said. “She’s packing.”
Mom put her hands on her hips. “Is that all?”
“All what?” Alex asked. Playing innocent, although that would only delay the inevitable. He knew damned well his mom was asking about him and Michelle.
“Is that the only news you and Michelle have,” Mom said.
“Seems to me that’s enough for one morning.” He went to the coffee pot and poured himself a mug. He wasn’t going to try kissing his mom. She probably wasn’t very happy with him right then.
He couldn’t blame her, at least not too much. He’d never made her any promises, but she’d had her heart set on him setting up house with Michelle and bringing her into the family. He’d tried to discourage her, but he hadn’t done as good a job on himself. His body had taken over from his brain, allowing him to ignore reality. Michelle had a higher purpose in life than making some football player happy. Now it was taking her away from him, and he’d just have to deal with the reality. That’d be easier if it didn’t hurt so damned much.
An awkward silence filled the room. Not quite as miserable as the terrible moment in the cottage when he and Michelle had stared at each other and realized they were looking at the end of something beautiful. But this situation was tense enough. Somehow he’d figure out a way to get through this day.
“You can borrow my BMW to take her to the airport,” Chase said. Always helpful, that one.
“She wants her brother to.”
A pot clattered on the stove. His mom was definitely not happy.
“Are you just going to let her go?” Chase asked.
“I can’t exactly hold her against her will.” Maybe he could, if he confessed everything—that he loved her and wanted to be with her. But if he did continue to be with her, she’d discover he wasn’t anywhere near to her intellectual equal. She’d insist that didn’t matter, but she’d be wrong. It would matter, and he’d never be as smart as he’d need to be to have a real partnership with her.