by Amira Rain
I knew Desmond was afraid about the what ifs. What if the fighting became too intense for me? What if I somehow became separated from my fellow Gifteds. What if I became overcome by dizziness or morning sickness and couldn't continue, or even collapsed in the midst of fighting.
Honestly, this last one was kind of a what if fear that I myself had been thinking of, though as the days went on, it was becoming less and less of a concern, as my bouts of dizziness and morning sickness had all but disappeared. Now the only time I really started to feel gross was if I went way too long without a substantial meal, something I'd been very careful not to do.
Bottom line, I was determined to fight if and when the Angel dragons attacked the city, and I felt ready and able to do so. I just didn't know when to revisit the issue with Desmond. A big part of me never wanted to, even though I knew I'd have to at some point, and I was pretty sure that he might bring it up at some point. I got the feeling that we were both just wanting to revel in our happiness for the time being.
In contrast with Desmond, Eric had been fully supportive of Emma joining in a possible future fight once she felt like she might be ready, which she almost did after taking part in numerous successful Gifted training sessions. She was actually already proving to be one of the best levitators in the city, even able to use her power to levitate two "Angels" at once and hold them both aloft for at least ten seconds, which was about double the length of time that most Gifteds were able to do, even after a few years of continuous practice.
Brianna remarked more than once that it was as if she'd just been saving up all her power during the time that she hadn't been able to use her gift.
At the beginning of our third week of Desmond and I not discussing the possibility of me fighting, I decided it was time. Over dinner, he'd told me that Angel dragons from different camps had been spotted massing just ten miles south of city limits, making him almost certain that they'd be launching their attack soon. Desmond's plan was to try to not even allow them to enter the city, killing as many as possible before they even reached it.
"In fact, once my scouts report to me that it looks as if they're more or less all gathered in one spot, I may decide to launch an attack on them. It would be ideal to take them out before they can get anywhere near the city. Even with that, though, there might still be problems. Some of them could just go around us during the fighting and make a beeline for the city anyway.
“And if that happened, everyone here would be incredibly under-defended, with so many of our Gifteds and dragons having advanced to fight the Angel dragons. Part of me thinks it may be wisest to just let them attack us, though without letting them breach city limits. I need a day or two more of thought and a few more reports from my scouts."
While we cleaned up after dinner, I contemplated how I was going to phrase what I intended to say. Basically, I was going to tell Desmond that I intended to fight, no matter where the fight took place. I just didn't want to say it in any kind of a hostile, belligerent way that would make him think I was just being stubborn, instead of having carefully thought through my decision.
Once we'd finished loading the dishwasher, I told him I wanted to talk to him about something.
"Maybe we should get comfortable on the couch, though, first."
Just then, his phone began going off, and he pulled it from his pocket, apologizing.
"Considering that an attack seems imminent, I need to answer all calls immediately from now on."
I said I understood, and after answering, he just listened for a few seconds. His expression was fairly unreadable, however, I thought I saw him pale just slightly, though I couldn't be sure. He'd also clenched his strong jaw, and I could now see muscles working in it, like he was grinding his teeth.
After a few more seconds spent listening, he finally spoke.
"Call every single member of our elite to the north, Eric. Half of our guard right behind them, and the other half are to be spread throughout the city. I'll be right there to join you."
He hardly needed to tell me what was happening, but after ending the call and pocketing his phone, he did anyway.
"Darius Archer is leading all the Angel dragons toward the city. They'll be here within minutes."
*
Before I could respond, Desmond continued. "I want you to stay right here in the tower, no matter what happens. Because it's new construction, it's been built to be Angel-proof and Angel dragon-proof. There's so much titanium and steel in the frame, it would take a thousand of their dragons ramming it at once to even make it sway. You'll be completely safe here. Now, I need to go. I'll call you when-"
"But, Desmond, just wait. I want to fight, too. I'll call Brianna and see where the other Gifteds-"
"Not a chance. You're staying right here, Madison, where you'll be completely safe. I can't lose you, and I can't even take the chance of losing you. Or our baby, either. I won't have you out there in the fight, pregnant and all, risking-"
"But if you insist on me not fighting while I'm pregnant, then when will I start fighting? I get the feeling that you'd rather I never start."
"You're damned right about that. But I definitely won't have you starting right now, not when you're still a fairly new Gifted, and not when you're pregnant. I want you to stay right here in this tower."
Becoming so worked up I was trembling slightly, I folded my arms across my chest.
"Is that an order, 'Commander?”
"It is." As if daring me to challenge him, Desmond paused for a long moment before continuing. "I have to go. I'll call you as soon as I'm able to. Just stay right here, Madison."
"And bake a cake or something while everyone else is fighting?"
"Just stay right here."
Stern expression softening just slightly, he took my face in his hands, planted a firm, lingering kiss on my lips, and then pulled away, looking deeply into my eyes.
"I love you, and I can't lose you. I don't think I would survive it. So, even if the chance of you getting hurt or killed in the fight is very small, it's still a chance I'm not willing to take. Please stay right here."
He gave me another kiss, and then he was gone, racing out of the apartment.
Arms still folded across my chest, I paced around the kitchen briefly, not knowing what in the hell I was going to do. On one hand, I understood. I got what he was afraid of. Something could go wrong; and I could be killed; and he could lose yet another person he loved.
But on the other hand, I wanted him to understand that simply living life came with risks. I could die in a car accident while driving to see my grandma. I could be hit by a bus while out and about in the city. I could even die from some sudden, incurable illness.
God forbid that any of these things would ever happen, but they could. And I couldn't just stop driving a car, or going out in the city, or breathing in air where people were coughing nearby. Life was all about calculated risks, I thought, all about weighing risk to benefit and making sensible choices. But a person couldn't just stop living. A person couldn't sit wrapped in bubble wrap all day. That didn't seem like much of a life to me.
Besides, I felt compelled to make my life choices out of love as well. And my love for my grandma was making me feel strongly that I wanted to be part of helping defend the city so that the Angels and their dragons could never reach Quincy.
Also, while I paced around the specious kitchen, another thought occurred to me as well. It was about what Emma had said to me weeks earlier, the day she'd tried to levitate at practice but hadn't been successful. She'd said that I wasn't responsible for whether or not Desmond became scared of losing me, or had to face that fear, and this advice had never seemed as relevant or as important as it did at present.
It seemed to me that if I took on the job of making sure that he never had to fear losing me, it would be one that would keep me busy indefinitely, not to mention that being successful at that job might entail me having to forgo doing things I wanted to do, and me not reaching my fu
ll potential as a Gifted.
Becoming increasingly conflicted and agitated, I continued pacing around the kitchen. Just like he didn't want to lose me, I didn't want to lose Desmond, either. Completely aside from the fact that he was the father of my baby, I loved him deeply by this point, and I'd even started to have thoughts about us spending the rest of our lives together.
I wasn't sure I wanted to blow that possibility by making him push me away again, which I was almost sure he'd do if I went ahead and participated in the battle. I knew that surely, me doing that would make him so afraid of losing me that he wouldn't be able to handle continuing with our relationship. He'd just simply close off his heart again.
I'd been pacing around for maybe two or three minutes when my phone went off, and I pulled it from my pocket, seeing that it was Emma. She began speaking the moment I said hello.
"This is my chance, Madison. I've been waiting to tell Eric how I feel until I could really prove myself as a Gifted and be truly worthy of a man like him, and now I have that opportunity. There are already Destroyers down in the streets, waiting for any Angel dragons that might get in.
“Brianna and some others are already down there with them, and I'm going to go down there, too, as soon as the lady who's going to watch Jake comes up. If you look out a window, you might even be able to see some Gifteds and Destroyers getting into fighting formations already."
I'd already been flying over to a window before she'd even said that, and now I looked out onto the street far below, not able to see much, but at least able to see some large, dark shapes that I knew were dragons.
"I'm not sure if I'm going to stay down on the street, or...." Emma paused, then made a shushing sound. "It's okay, sweet boy. A nice lady is going to come over to play with you and read you a bedtime story soon. Anyway, Madison, I'm not sure if I'm going to stay down on the street, or go up in the air like some of the others sometimes do."
"What do you mean by 'go up in the air?'"
"Oh, I mean on one of the Destroyers' backs...probably Eric's. It's a good fighting position, though usually just for Gifteds with fighting experience, but I feel like I'm ready. I can levitate Angel dragons out of the way while Eric goes in for kills on others. I don't even care if it's gruesome...I'm not squeamish, and I'll just try to help in any way I can."
I'd heard that Angels could only be killed by shifters, which is why the United States government alone hadn't been able to stop them. The shifters had to decapitate the Angels via direct bites to the throat. I'd also heard that this was the only way shifters could kill other shifters, so I had no doubt that Emma suspecting things might get gruesome was correct. And normally, like Emma, I wasn't very squeamish, but since I'd become pregnant, I had been, at least a little. In fact, just the thought of decapitated dragons, and blood, and gore, was making me a little nauseated right then.
Moving from one of the kitchen windows to the counter, I began opening a package of saltine crackers, because they usually helped.
"Emma, do you really think the Angel dragons are going to get into the city? And if so, how many of them do you think there will be?"
I knew she couldn't possibly have the answers to my questions. I knew that. I didn't even know why I'd asked them, other than the fact that the full-body trembling I'd developed before Desmond had left seemed to be getting even worse, somehow beginning to make me feel desperate for any answers that might help me make a decision about what I was going to do.
In response to my questions, Emma said she didn't know, as I'd suspected.
"But I do have a gut feeling that the Angel dragons are going to get into the city, at least some of them. There are just too many of them for that not to happen. But as to exactly how many might get in...really no clue. All I know is that if there's even a chance that I could be needed, I'm going to try to help.
“I love this city, especially lately, since I've kind of begun a whole fresh start, and I don't want the Angels to even come close to reclaiming it again...not least of all because I want to keep this sweet little chub I'm holding perfectly safe. Also, I still have relatives in Mason and some of the other little towns and cities to the north, and I don't want the Angels or their dragons to get anywhere near them. I just want to help keep everyone in the whole area safe."
So did I, but I also didn't want to lose Desmond. Just the very thought was making my chest ache as I nibbled saltine crackers over the sink.
Chewing a cracker, I didn't respond to what Emma had just said, and on the other end of the line, I could hear Jake fussing, and her shushing him. Jake's little noises and squawks made me think of my own baby, yet to be born, and how I wanted a safe, free city for her, and how I wanted to be able to bring her to visit her great-grandma in a city that was also safe and free as well.
However, at the same time, I also wanted my baby to have her father in her life, and have two parents who were a couple and in love. Or, who were at least still speaking to each other. And I knew that if I joined Emma and the others, if I fought, if I even stepped a few feet out of the tower, Desmond and I speaking to each other might very well become a thing of the past.
The deep connection we'd forged might become a thing of the past. Desmond would become to me exactly who'd he'd been the day after we'd first slept together. Just someone who'd made my heart race before his own heart had gone cold.
Deep in thought, I continued leaning over the sink with my phone to my ear, and several moments went by before Emma spoke again.
"I think Jake's babysitter is here. I'm going to hand Jake off to her, and then I'm going to take the elevator down to the ground floor. Most of us Gifteds are meeting there. Are you going to stay where you are, or are you going to be joining us? I completely understand either way, but if you are going to join us, I'll tell everyone to wait."
Half-hidden behind an open cookbook beside the sink, the little white, pink, and yellow flower my grandma had given me the day the government agents had taken me to Chicago suddenly caught my eye. Experiencing a sudden sense of calm, I reached out a hand and touched its tissue paper petals. They were so delicate, so fragile.
"Madison, are you still there?"
Brushing a few cracker crumbs off my shirt with my nausea easing, I straightened up from the sink.
"I'll meet you down in the lobby. I'm going to fight."
CHAPTER 17
The fight could not have possibly gone any better. The first maybe ninety-nine per cent of it, anyway.
It all took place over the course of an hour or two, though it felt just like a blip of time. After joining Emma and the other Gifteds in the lobby, we went outside and joined several Destroyers who were to be our "guards," essentially playing defense while we Gifteds played offense, taking out Angel sorcerers who were storming the city, gliding a foot or two above the ground with remarkable speed, how they did when fighting.
Emma and other levitators levitated them while they zapped, making them miss their marks. Other zappers including me, then zapped them, making them drop to the city streets, where we zapped them again, repeatedly, until Destroyers could decapitate them. Our dragon guards prowled the perimeter of our fighting formation, breathing fire at Angels who got too close.
About midway through the fight, when the streets had been cleared of Angels for the moment, a few Destroyers swooped down to take some of us Gifteds up to help in the battle that was taking place in the darkening evening sky. Eric, who was a large dragon with a russet-colored hide not far off from his hair color, was among these Destroyers, and Emma and I hopped up onto his broad back and were soon right in the thick of things, hundreds of feet above even the tallest buildings.
I'd never had a fear of heights, not even great heights, and even taking glances down at the city, I didn't become dizzy or disoriented at all. It helped that Eric was a masterful flyer, keeping Emma and I perfectly balanced on his back at all times. Also, his back was so wide that even if he had lurched us around a bit, there was more than enough wiggle ro
om for Emma or me to even fall over without any real danger of falling off.
Because of these reasons, I didn't feel like we had anything to fear as far as making any unexpected trips to the ground. Honestly, I felt pretty much like we were riding in an airplane. Just one without a body and closed windows, which did make things a bit breezy and chilly, to say the least.
Emma, however, seemed to be having a different experience. She'd flown on Eric's back twice recently and had an okay experience each time, though not an outstanding experience. She'd told me that she hadn't exactly been terrified about being up so high, mostly because she trusted Eric to keep her safe, but she hadn't really had a very good time, either, getting a bit lightheaded and shaky.