What would it feel like to have him kiss her, touch her, make love to her? Could he help evaporate for good her nightmarish memories of abuse at the hands of her husband?
“We can go slowly, as slowly as you desire. I won’t even try to make love to you fully this night.” He kissed the bare skin above the swell of her rapidly rising and falling breasts. “Simply let me share with you a small measure of mutual passion. For a woman of such intelligence, do you not wish to know how it could truly be between a man and woman? How it should be?”
She bit her lip, teetering on the edge of a monumental chasm. To say yes would alter her plans, she knew. She had the safety of her role as Lily’s governess. The reason the job was perfect was because of his injuries. He’d categorically stated he didn’t invite company. What if becoming his lover jeopardized her job? It would be dangerous to have to apply for other positions in England. The chance of her being recognized would grow if she had to find a position elsewhere.
Then there were her feelings. Already she felt far too much for Christian. What if she lost her heart to him? Once he grew tired of her, once he married—he would have to marry due to his title—how could she watch him be with a wife?
But, on the other hand, must she say no to him? She might never get the chance again to feel a lover’s gentle touch and not be afraid, to face her fears and regain her courage. For once in her life, she should do and have something just for herself—to think only of herself.
She knew many men and women had affairs that had nothing to do with the heart. Physical pleasure did not have to involve love. Could she separate the two? She’d been forced into the bed of a man she did not love and found no pleasure, only pain. But then Peter had never been concerned with her pleasure, only his own.
She looked deep into Christian’s eyes and saw only gentleness and understanding. Christian would be different. She knew going to bed with the Earl of Markham would likely be an experience she’d never want to forget.
But that was exactly what concerned her the most. At some point the affair would end and she’d have to forget.
An idea formed in her head. What if she controlled the end of the affair? She could stop their liaison before she fell in love with him.
A rush of confidence surged in her.
She’d do this for her.
And she’d do it for Christian too. Her inner voice told her he needed this as much as she did. They both needed to heal.
Sarah couldn’t get the words to form, so she merely bent down and pressed her lips to his. He tensed beneath her touch and she instantly pulled back, a puzzled expression on her face.
He gently cupped her cheek. “You merely surprised me. I was hoping that you’d trust me enough, but I know the courage it takes on your part to allow me this privilege. Thank you.”
“I know you won’t hurt me. But promise me you’ll go slowly.” She felt her bottom lip tremble. “I don’t know how brave I can be all at once.”
Christian stood, his body rubbing hers, sending shocks of warmth over her skin. “You’re beautiful,” he whispered. “I won’t take it too far tonight. Just say the word and I’ll stop. I’d never force you to do anything you don’t feel comfortable doing. You know that, don’t you?”
She rested her head on his chest and listened to his heart pounding steady and true under her ear. “I trust you,” she whispered.
She felt his body shudder in response. She felt him harden against her stomach, and for an instant fear returned and she wondered if she was doing the right thing.
He ran a hand over her back. “I can’t help my reaction to the feel of your body. But I promise you, tonight is only about your pleasure.”
To show her acquiescence, Sarah pulled back and shrugged the robe off her shoulders, letting it slide to the floor. She felt naked even though she still wore her shift.
Her arms rose and she wrapped her hands around his neck. He groaned and drew her close, until her sensitive breasts flattened against his solid chest. “I want you to introduce me to pleasure.” Her husky entreaty seemed to make him harden further. She heard him draw a sharp breath.
“I can’t imagine a task I’d enjoy more.”
When she raised her face to his, his breath fanned warmth against her mouth.
“I choose you to be my lover, Christian, nothing more. I won’t become your mistress. This ends when we reach England. I shall take up my role as Lily’s governess and nothing must taint that. Any gossip and I leave.”
At this moment he’d promise her almost anything. Her enticing offer to become his lover was music to his ears. He would do nothing to destroy the honor she was bestowing on him.
She’d known passion with no other man. He’d make damn sure she became addicted to his kisses, to his touch, and then he would set out to win her. She would become his wife.
He hoped that once she grew in confidence, once she healed, she’d not look at the battle-scarred shell he was and think differently of him. What if she decided to look for a man who was more attractive? Deep down inside he constantly struggled with feelings of inadequacy.
No woman had ever freely given her body to him since he’d been burned. Was Sarah doing so because she thought she was damaged too? What would happen when she realized she wasn’t? Her scars were internal, and once mended she’d still be a beautiful, intoxicating, sensually experienced woman. Men would flock to her. He inwardly grimaced. As if they didn’t do that now; Sebastian was enticed with just one look.
Christian, however, would be forever burned and forever judged by his scars, except with Sarah. With Sarah in his arms, he’d completely forgotten about his burns.
She was watching him with fire blazing in her beautiful blue eyes. “I feel selfish. What about your pleasure?”
He lowered his mouth and gave her a chaste kiss. “I’ll anticipate how good it will be when you finally allow me inside your body, sweetheart.”
Tears welled in her eyes, and his heart skipped a beat in response. He took her mouth once more in a gentle kiss. Her arms slipped to his shoulders and she ran her hands down his back. Still kissing her, Christian lifted Sarah in his arms and turned to lay her gently upon the bed. As she lay there, he took his time to remove the rest of his clothes. She watched him hungrily.
“You’re beautiful too.”
“Thank you.” He took her hand and brought it to his lips. He stood next to the bed and stared down at her. A tiny flitter of fear sliced at his confidence.
He cleared his throat. “I’d like nothing more than to light the lamp and see you clearly. However, you might like less light. Should I draw the curtains?”
She vigorously shook her head. “I want to see that it’s you, know that it’s you.” She gave him a wicked smile and reached for him. “Besides, I’ve seen your burns, and I still think your body is magnificent.”
“Truly? They don’t repulse you?”
Her heart welled at the vulnerability she saw in his eyes. When she was young, Christian Trent, the Earl of Markham, had never doubted that any woman would find him maddeningly attractive. It must have been devastating; a crushing blow to his pride, to have his body marked so.
She knew.
She clambered off the bed and, with more bravery than she felt, slipped the straps of her shift off her shoulders and let it slide down her body to fall at her feet. She stood naked before him. Then with a big gulp she turned, so that her back was presented to him, and lifted her hair.
She was scarred too.
Angry curses exploded from Christian’s mouth, yet his fingers, as they traced the whip marks that crisscrossed her lower back, were gentle, as if trying to erase all her pain.
“He did this to you?” His voice was choked with a mixture of horror, seething anger, and pity.
She nodded, her mouth gone dry. “Does it make me less attractive in your eyes?” She held her head high, her shoulders tightening, waiting for his answer.
His answer was a press of soft lips on her bare
back. “No. To me you’re even more beautiful.”
Only then did she turn. Christian took her hand in his and drew her onto the bed. They lay down next to each other, their breaths short and sharp.
The simple contact of skin against skin had a stunning effect on her. Their erotic intimacy made Sarah whimper and want to press her full length against him.
Christian took her mouth and kissed her thoroughly, slanting his mouth over hers, thrusting his tongue in deep to meet hers, while leaving her in no doubt that he wanted her, scars and all. For the first time in her life, she felt desire sweep through her. The aching need for something she could not recognize rose to consume her. She broke away from the kiss and said in wonder, “Oh, Christian, I never knew it could be like this.”
He knelt above her and whispered, “There is so much more to pleasure. I’ll teach you everything.”
Sarah lifted herself up off the bed and kissed his lips in answer.
Christian gently pushed her back down. Resting on his arms above her, he took a few moments to drink in her beauty. She shivered under his gaze. Her honest and open vulnerability kindled a tender ache in his chest, while the rest of his body thrummed with desire.
He would not disappoint her.
Christian wanted her fully and utterly aroused. He kissed the smooth milky skin of her throat and ran his tongue along the delicate arch of her collarbone until his mouth found her sweet, ripe breasts. He teased her nipple, lapping as would a cat with cream, until she arched her back, keening. When his lips finally closed over her nipple, tugging and suckling it fully in his mouth, she gave a cry of surrender.
He moved further down the bed, kissing her stomach, his fingers trailing over her soft skin until he was positioned between her thighs.
He felt tension invade her limbs.
He crooned softly, “Relax, Sarah. I promise I won’t hurt you.” He looked up from between her thighs and saw a stab of fear in her eyes. “You’ll enjoy what I do next. But if you don’t, tell me and I’ll stop.” He reached and took her hand.
She curled her small fingers around his and, not even hesitating, simply nodded.
Sarah’s tension mounted when he didn’t immediately touch her. She could feel him sitting between her opened thighs, and she knew what he was looking at.
He was looking intimately at her. Peter liked to look in the same way as well. She swallowed back the bitter memories. He was not Peter.
“Perfect. You’re so very lovely.”
But her nerves came screaming back to life when his fingers finally stroked a path up her inner thigh. At first it was a light, teasing touch, sending wicked heat racing across her skin. But soon both his hands trailed up and down her splayed thighs, making her muscles clench. He kept touching her lightly until she felt her body respond further to his petting. Her limbs weakened and she felt herself sink deeper into the mattress.
“I love the way your body responds to mine.” The masculine sensuality of his voice diminished her embarrassment.
With one final stroke, his fingers reached the tangled nest of fair curls between her thighs, and she lifted her head in apprehension.
He admonished her. “Close your eyes, sweetheart,” he commanded. “Just relax and feel and accept the pleasure in my touch.”
One hand knowingly spread her thighs wider, while he ran one fingertip through the wet heat of her swollen inner lips, pressing against her cleft. Sarah gasped into the silent room but continued to allow his playful touch to roam over her feminine softness. Already her body recognized her need better than she herself did.
She could feel his fingers and hear the sound as he glided over flesh already swollen and slick with moisture. Her hips desperately wanted to move as he stroked, firmer and faster. Her body became tight once more, but not from nervous tension.
“Are you ready for more? Do you want more?” His voice was husky and deep.
“Yes. Oh yes.”
She felt him part her feminine folds, and then a finger probed the entrance to her body. He bent and kissed her thigh, sending delicious shivers up her spine. “You’re so wet for me,” he whispered against her skin.
Then she could feel him inside her. His finger gently entering her wet heat made her breath flee her chest altogether. His finger was set to tease, first withdrawing a fraction before returning, and then he seemed to press even deeper. At his gentle but firm ministrations, the rush of sensations sent spasms shivering over her body, and a low moan escaped from her lips.
At her encouragement, one finger became two. “Can you feel your body’s response to me? You like it, don’t you? I knew you would,” Christian stated with satisfaction. “Relax, enjoy, and let it happen.”
Let what happen—an orgasm? She’d never had one in her life. The rollicking sensations he was igniting in her blood thrilled her.
His thumb found the small nub of her sex and he rolled it back and forth, using the moisture from her arousal to glide purposefully over the intimate heart of her.
Her body was swamped with feelings. Sarah arched and gave a harsh cry.
Christian murmured in approval. “Touch yourself. Your breasts are tingling, your nipples are hard. Feel them. Take pleasure in your body’s arousal.”
She refused to feel scandalized by his words. She gave herself over to him and his sensual skills. She tentatively reached up and ran her fingers lightly over her breasts. The peaks throbbed, her nipples were taut, but it was the ache low in her body that gave her an exquisite agony.
Her breaths were coming in little panting gasps and Christian rose on one arm over her and took her nipple in his hot, wet mouth. Her hips lifted completely off the bed, so high she felt his rampant erection.
She got an urgent need to feel him too. She reached between them and wrapped her fingers tentatively around his rigid length. He was like velvet granite in her hands, smooth yet scalding hot. She moved her hand further down and cupped him. His sacs were taut and hard, fit to burst. She molded and lightly squeezed them, as he’d done to her breasts. Then she let her fingers play, running up the length of his shaft to tease the slick slit at the top. He groaned against her breast.
Lifting his head, he looked deep into her eyes. “Grip me tighter. Move your hand on me in time to my fingers within your body.”
At her first glide up and down his hardened length, he took her mouth in a drugging kiss. His tongue slid deep into her mouth, mimicking the urgent thrusts he was making with his fingers. She tightened her hold on him and moved her hand in a rapidly increasing rhythm.
Soon he was moving his hips in time to her sliding hands, and she matched him, moving her hips just as frantically. She could feel something happening within her body, primal and addictive, calling out to every fiber of her being.
Her whole body was a mass of shudders. Her mouth broke away from his, desperate for air. She felt hot, weak, and yet all powerful at the same time. “Oh, God …!”
“Don’t fight it, let it come,” Christian encouraged her, his voice hoarse and almost desperate against her mouth.
She could feel his fingers probing more insistently, felt his arousal seeping onto the hand with which she pleasured him, and when his thumb once more caressed her slick, hardened nub, flames fanned over her body. She was straining for something, “Please … Christian …,” she heard herself scream.
Finally something scorching and frenzied broke over her, and she shook and shuddered as hot bursts of indescribable pleasure jerked her body taut. A firestorm of sensations saw her flying above herself, her back arched, her body pushing against Christian’s hand, caught in the bursting inferno of shattering release.
Through a vibrant haze of color, she heard Christian give a deep, gravelly groan before his mouth once again took hers in a searing kiss. Then his hips flexed and his hot seed jerked from his body onto her still convulsing stomach.
He collapsed beside her, his ragged breaths matching her own.
Her mind was blank. She couldn’t process th
e feelings rioting within her chest. Never had she imagined how exquisite intimacy with a man could be. Pippa had tried to tell her, to describe the exhilarating joy and sense of satiation she would feel with the right man.
She turned her head to look at Christian. He was watching her with a look of satisfied triumph. He reached for her hand and squeezed it. “Are you all right?”
She blinked and tried to hold back the welling tears. She had never felt so good. She could barely get out the words. “It was lovely. I really wasn’t sure I’d enjoy it, but …”
He raised her hand and placed a loving kiss on her palm. Then he rose and, grabbing a cloth, walked to her basin and wetted it before returning and gently cleaning his seed off her body. Then he lay next to her, pulling her tight into his arms, spooning her in front of him and stroking his very talented fingers over her curves.
“Was it what you had imagined?”
She shook her head. “No. It was more. It was as if my body wanted to escape my skin. I was flying.…”
He smiled tenderly. “Does that mean you’re not opposed to more? Lovemaking can be even hotter, even more explosive.”
Her mouth curved in a rueful smile. “I don’t see how, but I trust you to introduce me to more.”
At her words, Christian groaned and nipped her shoulder. “I’d like nothing better than to stay here all night and show you how much better passion can get, but I don’t want to overwhelm you on the first night.” He pulled away and pressed a kiss to her back. “It’s not every day a woman experiences her first orgasm.”
Sarah felt fractured, exposed, but still safe. In a small voice she asked, “How did you know?”
He rolled back against her and held her tight. “I saw it in the wonder and surprise and delight written on your face. You don’t hide your emotions. For a man making love to a woman, that sight is irresistible. A woman can easily tell when a man is aroused, but women have been known to fake their excitement.” He rose to peer over her shoulder at her face. “Never hide your passion from me. It arouses me completely.”
A Kiss of Lies Page 13