by Jon Jacks
‘But now you’re back! That’s the main thing!’ When Gillian’s dad grins, the tiredness in his face vanishes. ‘Everything’s okay again!’
Everything is not okay, I want to scream.
How can I just up and leave and destroy all this joy?
But at some point, I’m going to have to return to Heartache High.
Damn damn damn!
Damn you Gillian!
*
Home is one of those low, neat little houses that looks like a bungalow at first glance, until you realise there are dormers sticking out of the roof.
Does that still count as a bungalow?
I don’t know.
It says well-off, but not wealthy.
Says well-tended, but not house-proud.
Then again, you can read a lot into a house and get it all wrong.
It doesn’t help that I’m seeing it all from a wheelchair. Enthusiastically and seemingly inexhaustibly pushed everywhere by Heddy.
I’ve insisted time and time again that I don’t need the wheelchair, but the doctors even more firmly insisted that I’d only be allowed home if I took everything slowly, giving my body time to recover properly.
In many ways, the doctors’ insistence on the use of the wheelchair are a boon to me.
For a start, whenever I’m put in a position where I’m unsure how to act or know what to say, because Gillian isn’t alongside me offering advice, I just make out I’m a little dizzy, a little tired a little confused.
Of course, everyone’s very understanding.
‘The main thing is, you’re back Gillian!’ Dick says proudly. (That’s her dad’s name, Dick.)
The main benefit of the doctors’ orders to me, however, is that it gives me a ready excuse for me to be wheeled along to my ground floor bedroom for ‘a brief rest’.
Truth is, anyway, that Gillian’s weakened body does need more sleep than normal to recuperate.
Once I’m on my own, I can return to Heartache High.
How ironic is that eh?
I can’t wait to get back to Heartache High.
There’s another irony too.
Even back at Heartache High, I’m mostly confined to my room.
It’s the only way I can concentrate on living Gillian’s life for her.
The only time when I can take a break from my Heartache High bedsit is when I’m in Gillian’s bedroom.
At last, I can take a walk out on the lawns, visit the refectory (not that I’m hungry, but the company’s great), meet up with Jassy and Dave – and, of course, get together at last with Iain.
‘So, how’s it going being Gillian?’ he asks with an inquisitive grin as we finally part from a long kiss, an even longer hug.
‘Nowhere near as well as I’d hoped; I wish I’d never offered to help.’
‘You’d be surprised how much it’s helping Gillian.’
I pull back, give him a pouting look, like I’m suspicious, I’m hurt.
‘What’s with all this concern for Gillian? Am I really missing out on something here?’
He gives me his warm, reassuring grin, pulls me close once again.
‘Why would I take an interest in her when I’ve finally got you?’
‘Well, there’s her figure, her hai–’
‘All of which you’ve got too, Miss Fishing-for-compliments.’
‘Hah! I know I’m not anywhere near her perfect eleven out of ten.’
‘A perfect eleven who, like anyone else here, still pines after the one she’s left behind! You telling me I’ve got to explain Heartache High’s unwritten rules to you? You and me, we’re the lucky ones.’
‘Yeah, okay; I can hardly argue with that, can I?’
It’s a good excuse for another clinch, another kiss.
Hey, I miss him, right?
‘You’re helping Gillian more than you can guess,’ he says. ‘She was like really fixated on this Paul guy. Even more than most people here are; moping around like it was the end of the world. Now, though, there’s a bit of life in her. Jassy’s even got her practising playing the virginal now she–’
‘The virginal? She’s playing music while I’m locked up in her body?’
When it came to playing music at Heartache High, you were restricted to the sort of instruments Mozart would have considered dated. That said, it was surprising how popular the rapid, tinkling tones of the virginal were here, particularly amongst the girls.
‘Hey, locked up? I thought you said it was a perfect eleven body?’ he chuckles mischievously.
I punch him in his chest mischievously.
Truth was, Gillian spent an amazing amount of time with me.
It was exciting for her, after all.
Even the bits I found boring and repetitive.
Like having dinner. Or breakfast.
Sitting alongside me, Gillian would beam brightly, as if it were the most ecstatic experience she’d ever had.
Sometimes, it strangely felt incredibly intrusive for me, having her sitting next to me hour after hour.
And here’s me, living in her body, right?
Like that’s not intrusive?
*
Thing is, anyway, it’s handy to have Gillian around.
She can advise me on how her dad and Heddy would expect her to behave in certain situations.
For instance, trying to play the part right, I’d almost innocently asked, ‘Where’s mum?’
I didn’t know, of course, that Gillian’s mum had died years ago.
It’s an easy mistake to make, yeah?
We’re fortunate, then, that Gillian’s views of what’s going on in the real world aren’t as restricted as they had been for me when I’d first started trying to wrest control of my body back from the succubus Panthia.
I suppose that’s because I’m not trying to prevent Gillian from breaking out of her compartment am I?
Just the opposite; I want her to realise she’s got an opportunity here to open up her way of thinking and spread out from that little piece of her mind she’s locked herself away in.
*
‘What’s it like living with a family who aren’t your own?’ Iain asks curiously, a serious frown creasing his face. ‘I mean; doesn’t it make you curious about how your own mum and dad are getting on?’
Yes, it had made me wonder.
Had mum and dad noticed any changes in their wonderful daughter?
‘Hey, have you noticed. dear, that Steph seems an awful lot more flirtatious with the boys than she used to be? You don’t think she’s been taken over by a seductive succubus, do you?’
Thing is, one of the unwritten rules of Heartache High that Iain mentioned earlier is that, thankfully, the parents you’ve left behind rarely if ever enter your thoughts.
It would be way too painful if they did.
Trouble is, there was something about the way Iain had brought this up that made me wonder if he’d been worrying himself; perhaps about how his own parents had taken his disappearance.
‘So, is that what’s happening?’ I ask. ‘All this thing with me living with Gillian’s family? It’s starting to make everyone else worry about their own parents?’
He looks a bit taken aback, like he’s surprised I’ve figured this out from his seemingly innocent comment.
He briefly looks ashamed; then nods.
‘Yeah; I mean, there’s an especially good reason for me to worry about mine, isn’t there? What with me just seemingly vanishing after a trip to London?’
‘Iain, I don’t think the succubae would have managed to survive for centuries if they hadn’t come up with some way of ensuring our parents aren’t fooled into thinking everything’s hunky-dory, yeah? For a start, you went with Panthia, yeah, who everybody believes is me, right? So she’s going to come back with a suitable story that accounts for whatever Lamia decides to do now she’s taken over your body. My bet is, Lamia will have shown up back at your home for a while anyway; coming out with all these reasons why sh
e was moving to London. And she’ll have enough important people in her clutches to get it all officially okayed too.’
‘Yeah, suppose so,’ he agrees reluctantly, hanging his head miserably.
He looks up at me hopefully.
‘You know, while you’re there, you could look in on your family–’
‘And yours too you mean, right?’
He grins.
‘Yeah, that’s an idea…’
*
Chapter 5
‘Gillian; this can’t go on.’
There; I’ve said it to her.
She’s with me in my room. We can talk pretty freely, with me giving it my full concentration, as the real Gillian back in the real world is ‘resting’ in her bedroom.
‘Please, please Steph! Just a bit longer, enough time for you to find Paul and–’
There’s an urgent knock at the door.
I automatically look towards the door of my small dormitory room.
When I see Gillian hasn’t heard the knocking, I realise it’s really someone knocking on Gillian’s bedroom door.
The knocking’s loud enough to have woken the real Gillian.
(Even when Gillian sleeps, a small part of me has to remain in contact; I can’t completely disengage. What would keep her alive if I did?)
‘Gillian?’ Heddy’s shouting from beyond the door. ‘There’s someone to see you!’
Heddy tries to open the door. It doesn’t budge; I’d locked it when I’d first come back to the room.
‘It might be Paul!’ Gillian exclaims excitedly, grabbing my knee.
‘This would be the Paul who never talked to you at school, yeah?’
It’s cruel, right? Saying it like that?
I regret it as soon as I’ve said it.
I’m just a little cranky, that’s all.
A little tired.
‘Yes, Heddy?’ I say as Gillian, my voice unintentionally drowsy. ‘Sorry, I’ll just unlock the door.’
‘It’s some of your friends,’ Heddy calls out from beyond the door. ‘I said I didn’t want to wake you; but they said it was urgent.’
‘Friends?’
The Gillian sitting alongside me says it like anyone else would say ‘Aliens?’ or ‘Vampires?’ if they’d been told that some otherworldly creatures had popped round for a chat.
It makes me wonder once again; did Gillian have any friends?
‘What do they want Heddy?’ I cry out as I make my way to the door.
‘It’s about Paul; they say he’s in trouble.’
*
Heddy wheels me into a living room heavy with perfume.
There are three pretty girls seated in the chairs and on the sofa.
The one sitting on the sofa is quite striking, making the most of everything she’s got with well-chosen, expensive clothes and expertly applied makeup. I don’t think she’s scrimped on the hairdo either.
As we enter, they all stand, all rush over to me with excited shrieks of greeting.
‘Gillian! You’re better–’
‘We’ve all missed you–’
‘It must’ve been terrible–’
‘Oh no!’ Gillian wails alongside me. ‘These aren’t my friends.’
‘They are now,’ I say frankly. ‘Probably because you’re famous – well, at least locally anyway.’
The local papers hadn’t been able to resist headlines like ‘Miracle girl’ and ‘Coma girl comes back to life’.
‘Yeah, that would be just like them!’ Gillian just about snarls. ‘Tell them to go.’
‘They’re here to tell you something about Paul, remember?’
Fact is, I’m not a little intrigued as to what this Paul looks like.
I mean, what sort of boy turns down a goddess like Gillian?
*
Everyone’s fussing over me.
I’m just sitting there, giving them all the wan smile that everyone thankfully interprets as a sign that I’m all just a bit overawed by everything that’s going on around me.
‘Okay; so we give them five minutes max, right?’ Gillian says.
The girls return to their seats.
They’re all looking at me expectantly.
‘Gillian, quick,’ I say. ‘What are their names?’
‘Oh, from the left – Kath, Dedi, Verity.’
‘Er, hi everyone,’ I say tiredly. ‘Glad you could all come.’
Each of the two girls seated on the chairs look slightly surprised that I’m being so welcoming. Dedi however, the one primly seated on the sofa, has a sort of imperious expression that seems to say she would expect nothing less.
‘You said Paul was in trouble?’ Heddy says from behind my wheelchair.
Obviously, I can’t see her, but going by her tone I’d say she’s glaring at the girls with the sort of face Medusa used to turn people to stone.
Stranger still, Dedi and Verity stare at Kath like they’re thinking of the best way of murdering her and disposing of the body.
‘Oh, er that was me,’ Kath admits nervously. ‘I was just, er, a little worried tha–’
‘We told him to call round Gillian!’ Dedi interrupts, smiling brightly. ‘To see how you were.’
‘Why would he be interested?’
Once again, it’s Heddy who delivers the penetrating question.
I really like Heddy; I really wish I’d had a sister like her!
‘Well, he’s concerned, obviously. We all are.’
Before Heddy can deliver any sort of retort, the doorbell rings.
‘That will be him now!’ Kath says with obvious relief.
‘I’ll get it,’ Heddy says, striding off towards the front door.
We all wait there, all smiling at each other inanely.
‘When do you think you’ll be well enough to come back to school?’ Dedi asks.
‘Soon; but not just yet,’ I say.
Alongside me, Gillian is apprehensive, eager. She’s can’t keep still in her seat, like she thinks that if she stands up she’ll be able to see Paul enter through the door before anyone else.
Heddy’s the first to walk in through the room’s door.
‘Gillian,’ she says, her voice quavering, ‘it...it’s Paul.’
The boy who follows her into the room is incredibly thin, his face gaunt, his hair lank and greasy.
Wow!
This is the guy who turned down Gillian?
*
Chapter 6
‘Oh my God! Paul! What’s happened to him?’
Gillian is distraught.
‘I told you I felt something was wrong with him!’
I take it from Gillian’s heartfelt comments that Paul doesn’t normally look this way.
‘This way’ being wasted, exhausted looking. Like he’s been ill, very ill.
‘But even I didn’t think he’d look like this!’ Gillian weeps.
Paul walks over to me, a sickly grin on his face.
‘Hi Gillian!’
Gee, I really don’t want him to kiss me!
Is it catching?
That’s how bad he looks!
I have to fight to stop myself grimacing as he lightly kisses me on the cheek.
‘I thought I should call round; when I heard what had happened to you.’
He grins as he says it, a grin that I figure once emanated confidence and charm but now only manages to give the impression he’s more bone than skin.
‘He never bothered calling before!’ Gillian’s gone from sorrow to anger.
Is that what she wants me to say to Paul?
Thankfully, good old Heddy says it all for me.
‘Look you lot; if you don’t mind me saying, I find all this a bit strange that you’re all so suddenly worried about Gillian. You can hardly say you used to call round before, can you, eh?’
‘But Heddy, that’s just it; everything’s that happened to poor Gillian made us realise just how awful we’d all been to her, poor girl!’
Dedi has that en
viable knack of apologising while making it all sound like she’s just done you a favour. There isn’t a hint of contrition on her face that I can see.
It was jealousy!’ Kath blurts it out like it’s been worming away at her conscience for years.
‘How could we compete?’ Verity gushes with a similar sense of relief.
Dedi fleetingly eyes them with contempt. Paul sits down beside her on the sofa, affectionately taking her hand.
She smiles back at me. A triumphant smile; Hey, look Gillian; I’ve got the boy you couldn’t! Who’s jealous now? Who’s the one who can’t compete, eh?
Sure, it’s an awful lot to read into a smile.
But are you honestly telling me you’ve never met a girl who can put so much damned information into a simple smile?
Is this what this little meeting is really all about?
Is it nothing more than a way for Dedi to show she’s got dibs on Paul?
‘Of course Gillian,’ Dedi says brightly, ‘we all realise that it was so ridiculous of us to think of you like that!’
‘So that’s it, is it?’ Gillian sighs miserably to me. ‘All this time I’ve been worried about Paul; and he was out having fun with Dedi.’
*
‘Did you believe all that? That he looks that way because he’s on a detox?’
Everyone’s left.
And I need to work some things out with Gillian.
I hate lying to the wonderful little Heddy, but I’ve had to tell her I’m tired again; that I need to go back to my bedroom.
What made it particularly hard to use this pathetic excuse once more was that, yet again, it had been Heddy who had dared to ask what had been on my mind throughout their entire stay; ‘What’s happened to you Paul? How did you get like that?’
Yeah, Heddy’s great isn’t she?
We could all do with a Heddy to ask the sort of things we’re all way too polite to bring up ourselves.
Dedi had answered for him.
‘Oh, it’s just one of those diets that gets rid of all your toxins; he’ll look better for it soon, isn’t that right Paul?’
He agreed with her like she was asking if night-time was darker than daytime. ‘Sure, sure.’
Like me, Gillian isn’t buying it.
‘Not unless she’s got him on a detox that removes his liver! He looked half-dead! Could be that now she’s got her claws into him, she’s making sure nobody else is going to come chasing after him!’