by Derek Landy
"Maybe we should move, pretend we know what we're doing."
"That's a good idea."
They started to walk very slowly, still looking straight down.
"How's the magic coming along?" Tanith asked, keeping her voice low.
"I moved a shell."
"Hey, congratulations!"
Stephanie shrugged modestly. "It was only a shell."
"Makes no difference. Well done."
"Thanks. What age were you when you first did magic?"
"I was born into it," Tanith answered. "Folks were sorcerers; my brother was always doing something. I grew up doing magic."
"I didn't know you had a brother."
"Oh yeah, a big brother and all. You have any brothers?"
"I'm an only child."
Tanith shrugged. "I always wanted a little sister. My brother's great, I love him to death, but I always wanted a little sister to talk to, to share my secrets with, you know?"
"I wouldn't mind a sister either."
"Any chance of that happening?"
"I can't see what would be in it for my parents. I mean, they have the perfect daughter already
— what more could they want?"
Tanith laughed, then tried to cover it up with a cough.
"Found something?" Skulduggery asked from behind them.
Tanith turned, looking serious. "No, sorry. I thought I had, but no, it turned out to be, uh . . .
more floor."
Stephanie hugged herself, trying to stop her shoulders from shaking with laughter.
"Okay," Skulduggery said. "Well, keep looking."
Tanith nodded, turned back, and nudged Stephanie to get her to shut up. Stephanie clamped a hand over her mouth and had to look away when she saw Tanith's face straining to hold her own composure.
"Cow," Tanith muttered, and that was it — the floodgates opened, and Stephanie doubled over with laughter that echoed throughout the warehouse. Tanith pointed at Stephanie and backed away. "Skulduggery, she's not being professional!"
Stephanie's laugh proved infectious, and Tanith was soon on her knees. Skulduggery and Ghastly just looked at them.
"What's going on?" Ghastly asked.
"I'm not entirely sure," Skulduggery answered.
They looked at Stephanie and Tanith and shook their heads. "Women," they said together.
Stephanie wiped the tears from her eyes and looked around at Skulduggery, and then something fell from the ceiling and landed behind the detective without a sound.
Her laughter vanished as she stood. "Behind you!" she yelled.
Skulduggery wheeled, gun in hand, and everyone froze. They looked at the man. His uniform, though identical in design to that of the Cleavers, was of startling white.
"Stand down," Ghastly said to it as Stephanie and Tanith ran up to join them. "We are working with the Council of Elders. Stand down."
The White Cleaver didn't move.
"What do you want?" Skulduggery asked.
A moment dragged itself by, and then the White Cleaver raised his arm and pointed straight at Stephanie.
"That's all we need to know," Skulduggery said, and fired, four shots to the chest and two to the head. The White Cleaver jerked with each impact, but it was clear that the bullets didn't penetrate his coat, and the two to the head ricocheted off the helmet, leaving dark scratches against the white.
"Damn," Skulduggery muttered.
Stephanie stayed back as Skulduggery, Tanith, and Ghastly closed in on their new adversary.
The helmet denied them any chance of knowing where he was looking, but Stephanie knew he was looking right into her eyes.
Tanith attacked first, feinting with a low kick, then snapping it up high. The Cleaver didn't fall for the ruse and slapped the high kick away as Ghastly attacked from behind. The Cleaver spun with a kick of his own that caught Tanith in the gut, and he ducked under the punch that Ghastly sent his way. Ghastly jabbed, his fists blurring, but the Cleaver absorbed the blows and his hand shot out, catching Ghastly in the side of the neck. Ghastly staggered, and Skulduggery thrust out his palm and the air rippled.
But instead of being pushed backward, the Cleaver moved through the ripples without being affected. The uniform, Stephanie thought. Unfazed, Skulduggery threw a punch that the Cleaver caught.
Skulduggery was flipped over, but when he landed, he had reversed the grip. His foot sneaked out, striking the Cleaver's knee, and now Skulduggery was the one doing the twisting, and the Cleaver was the one who flipped.
While he was in midflip, however, the Cleaver got his free hand to the ground to cartwheel back to his feet. A pause followed, and Stephanie's three friends reappraised their opponent.
Tanith took her sword from beneath her coat and slid it from its scabbard. Ghastly let his jacket slip off, and Skulduggery put away his pistol, freeing his hands.
"You don't have to do this," he said to the Cleaver. "Tell us where Serpine is, tell us what his plans are. We can help you. You are not going to lay one finger on Valkyrie Cain, but we will help you."
The Cleaver's answer was to reach behind him and draw his scythe.
Skulduggery grunted in dissatisfaction.
The Cleaver darted toward them before anyone could react, using the scythe like a pole vault to swing himself up, kicking both Skulduggery and Ghastly in the chest at the same time.
They went stumbling back and Tanith came in, sword flashing. The Cleaver dodged back, whirling his scythe to parry the blade.
Sparks flew as the metals clashed, sword against scythe, and such was the ferocity of Tanith's assault that the Cleaver didn't notice Ghastly until it was too late.
Ghastly's strong arms wrapped around him, pinning his arms to his sides, making him drop the scythe.
Tanith moved in for the kill, and the Cleaver's leg blurred in a crescent, his boot heel slamming into her wrist as she neared. She hissed in pain and dropped the sword, clutching her wrist.
The Cleaver rammed his heel into Ghastly's shin and whacked the back of his helmet against his nose, then kicked both legs into the air and over his head, slipping out from under Ghastly's arms. His hands went to the ground and he continued the movement, sending both boots into Ghastly's face.
Ghastly fell back, and the Cleaver held the handstand for a moment, then dropped back to his feet as Skulduggery came at him.
Skulduggery summoned fire and hurled two handfuls into the Cleaver. The flames didn't catch, but they did throw him back, and Skulduggery threw a lightning-fast jab that he followed with a right hook. He didn't seem to mind that he was hitting a helmet, and Stephanie noted with satisfaction the way their opponent was sent stumbling.
The Cleaver recovered quickly, however, and they started trading punches and kicks, elbows and knees. She watched them block and lock and counterlock, all the while moving around each other in an elaborate and brutal dance.
"Stephanie!" Skulduggery called out as he fought. "Get out of here!"
"I'm not leaving you!"
"You have to! I don't know how to stop him!"
Tanith snatched her sword off the ground and grabbed Stephanie's arm. "We have to go," she said firmly, and Stephanie nodded.
They ran back the way they had come. As they were passing into the office, Stephanie glanced back and saw the Cleaver spin with a kick that sent Skulduggery to the floor. In one fluid movement, the Cleaver got a toe under the staff of the scythe, flicked it up, and caught it, and then he was running after her.
Stephanie burst into the dark alleyway. Tanith pressed her hand against the door as she closed it
— Stephanie heard her mutter, "Withstand" — and a polished sheen spread across its surface.
"That'll hold him for a minute," she said.
They ran for the Bentley. The Cleaver pounded on the door behind them, but it wouldn't open, and it wouldn't break. The pounding stopped.
They reached the Bentley, and Tanith looked at Stephanie. "Do you have the key?"
A
window exploded, high up near the warehouse's roof, and the White Cleaver dropped and landed in a crouch in the middle of the alley, shards of glass raining down with him. He straightened up, unfolded his arms, and raised his head.
Tanith stood between the Cleaver and Stephanie, holding the sword in her left hand. She cradled her injured right arm by her side. The Cleaver twirled his scythe slowly.
Skulduggery and Ghastly leaped through the broken window. The Cleaver turned, and Ghastly crashed into him.
"Start the car!" Ghastly yelled.
Skulduggery pressed the keyring and the locks sprang open with a beep, and they jumped in.
The engine roared to life.
"Ghastly!" Skulduggery shouted. "Let's go!"
Ghastly slammed a punch into the Cleaver and rolled to his feet, but the Cleaver kicked out and Ghastly stumbled. The scythe flashed, the staff whacking against Ghastly's jaw. He dropped to his knees.
"Ghastly!" Stephanie screamed.
Skulduggery opened his door and went to get out, but Ghastly raised his eyes, shook his head.
"We're not leaving you!" Skulduggery shouted.
The Cleaver stepped up to Ghastly, ready to swing the scythe.
"You've got to," Ghastly said, ever so softly.
He lowered his head and clenched his fists, his eyes closed. As the Cleaver swung, the ground seemed to latch onto Ghastly's knees. It spread instantly, turning his legs to concrete, then his torso, his arms, his head, his entire body in the time it took the scythe to cross the space between them, and when the Cleaver tried to take his head, he could only chip at the neck.
Stephanie instinctively knew what he'd done — this was the last Elemental power, earth, the power Skulduggery had described as purely defensive, and purely for use as a last resort.
The White Cleaver looked directly at Stephanie as Skulduggery put the car in gear. They left them there — the White Cleaver and Ghastly — and sped through the city streets.
Chapter Twenty-six
The Last Stand of . . .
eachan Meritorious waited in the shadow of Dublin's Christ Church Cathedral, watching the world go about its business. There were times when he felt guilty about hiding magic from the masses, when he felt sure that they would embrace the wonder and the beauty if only they were given the opportunity. But then he would come to his senses and realize that humankind had enough things to be worrying about without a subculture that they might see as a threat to their very validity. As an Elder, it was his job to protect
the outside world from truths they weren't yet ready to know.
Morwenna Crow walked up, her dark robes flowing over the grass. She was as clean and as elegant as the day he had first met her.
"It's not like Skulduggery Pleasant to be late," she remarked.
"Sagacious said he sounded urgent," Meritorious said. "He may have run into some difficulty."
Morwenna looked around the corner of the cathedral, to the busy street beyond the railing. The bright lights, amber and yellow, framed her face. She seemed almost angelic. "I don't like meeting out in the open like this. We're too exposed. He should know better."
"Skulduggery picked this place for a reason," Meritorious said gently. "I trust his judgment.
He's earned that much, at least."
They turned as Sagacious Tome appeared beside them, fading up from nothing.
"Sagacious," Morwenna said, "did Skulduggery say why he wanted to meet us here?"
Sagacious looked nervous as the materialization completed and he became solid. "I'm sorry, Morwenna, he just told me to make sure both of you were outside the cathedral."
"This had better be good," she said. "We don't have a lot of time to spare these days. Serpine could strike anywhere, at any time."
Meritorious watched Sagacious smile sadly.
"That's very true," Sagacious said. "And if I may, I just want to take this opportunity to let you both know that in the times when we were friends, they were great times indeed."
Morwenna laughed. "We're not dead yet, Sagacious."
And then he looked at her, and his smile turned to something else. "Actually, Morwenna, you are."
The Hollow Men converged and Sagacious faded to nothing. Meritorious didn't even have time to register the betrayal before he saw Serpine striding toward them, holding the Scepter. The Elder instinctively conjured a protective shield that made the air glimmer, but when the crystal flashed, the black lightning came right through the shield like it wasn't even there. Then there was — nothing.
The Administrator charged through a crowd outside the Olympia Theatre, drawing a chorus of angry shouts and curses. He stumbled but managed to stay up, managed to keep running. He glanced behind.
He couldn't see anyone pursuing him. He didn't think he had been seen, but he couldn't be sure.
He had been standing by the car when Nefarian Serpine had appeared. He had seen Meritorious explode into dust and ash, seen the black lightning strike Morwenna Crow as she tried to rush her enemies.
He had ducked down, terrified. Tome had betrayed them. Tome had betrayed them all. So the Administrator had abandoned the car and started running.
He had to get back to the Sanctuary. He had to warn the others.
Chapter Twenty-seven
No Calm Before the Storm
Skulduggery had given her money, and Stephanie had gone in to pay while he refilled the Bentley's tank. As she waited for her change, she looked at the chocolate bars on display and tried remembering the last time she'd eaten chocolate. She always ate chocolate when something bad happened, but these days chocolate just wasn't enough.
Everything was going wrong. Tanith was injured, Ghastly was nothing more than a statue, and now they had the White Cleaver to worry about. It was getting to the point where Stephanie didn't know why they were bothering to fight anymore, although she'd never say that to Skulduggery. He seemed to think she was like him — never give up, never surrender. But she wasn't. The only reason she didn't tell him this was that she liked the way he thought of her, and she didn't want to disappoint him. But the truth was, the Valkyrie Cain he thought he knew was a lot stronger than Stephanie Edgley could ever be.
She walked back outside. Skulduggery was slotting the petrol nozzle back into the pump.
Tanith had gone to soak her hand in the same healing solution she had told Stephanie to use.
Now that they were alone, Stephanie didn't quite know what to say. Skulduggery screwed the petrol cap shut and stood there, perfectly still. With his hat on and his scarf hiding his jaw, it could have been a mannequin standing there for all the difference it made.
"I'm sorry," Stephanie said.
He looked at her.
"If it wasn't for me, Ghastly would be . . . he'd be with us. It's my fault he had to use the earth power." She fought to keep her voice from trembling. "How long will he stay like that, do you think?"
Skulduggery took a moment. "I sincerely don't know, Valkyrie. It's the most unpredictable power we have. He could be stuck as a statue for a day, a week, or a hundred years. There's no way of knowing."
"I've ruined everything."
"No — "
"That Cleaver was after me. Ghastly was forced to — "
"Ghastly wasn't forced to do anything," Skulduggery interrupted. "It was his choice. And it wasn't your fault. Serpine sent his assassin after you to hurt me. It's what he does."
"He sent him after me because he knew I wouldn't be able to defend myself. He knows you're looking after me; he knows I'm your weak spot."
Skulduggery tilted his head. "Looking after you? Is that how you see this? You think I'm babysitting you?"
"Well, aren't you? I've got no magic, I can't fight, I can't throw fire or run on ceilings. What use am I to you? I'm weak."
Skulduggery shook his head. "No, you're not. You haven't trained in magic or combat, 342
but you're not weak. Serpine underestimates you. Everyone underestimates you. You're stronger than they
know. You're stronger than you know."
"I wish you were right."
"Of course I'm right. I'm me."
Stephanie heard a phone ring as Tanith walked into the light of the forecourt. She had wrapped a bandage around her wrist. The magical properties of the healing mixture would already be working to reduce the swelling and mend the damage.
Tanith held her phone to her ear. Stephanie didn't like the way her face seemed to slacken as she listened to whatever was being said.
She hung up without replying. "Skulduggery," she said softly. "You have your phone on?"
"Battery's low," he said.
"They've been trying to contact you. The Administrator, the Sanctuary."
"What's wrong?" Stephanie asked.
"The Elders," Tanith said, her voice empty. "Sagacious Tome betrayed them. The Elders are dead."
Stephanie's hand was at her mouth. "Oh God."
"Tome's been working with Serpine all along.
He's a traitor. Like Bliss. They're all traitors. Skulduggery, what are we going to do?"
Stephanie looked at him, praying that he'd come up with a great new plan, a scheme to ensure victory and a happy ending. He didn't answer.
"Did you hear me?" Tanith continued, the emptiness in her voice giving way to sudden anger.
"Are you even listening? Do you even care? Maybe you don't. Maybe you want to die again, maybe you want to join your wife and child, but hey! We don't want to die, okay? I don't.
Valkyrie doesn't."
Skulduggery stood there. A mannequin. Silent.
"Do you think we stand a chance against Serpine?" Tanith asked. "Tome? Bliss? That Cleaver?
Do you really think we stand a chance against all of them?"
"What do you suggest we do?" Skulduggery said, his voice slow and steady. "Stand back and let Serpine grow stronger? Stand back and let him recruit more allies, let him open the door and let the Faceless Ones come through?"
"He's winning, okay? Serpine is winning this war!"
"No such thing."
"What?"
"There's no such thing as winning or losing. There is won and there is lost, there is victory and defeat. There are absolutes. Everything in between is still left to fight for. Serpine will have won only when there is no one left to stand against him. Until then, there is only the struggle, because tides do what tides do — they turn."