by Pamela Clare
“It’s not your fault, Laura. You didn’t leave her. She was taken from you.”
“You . . . really believe that?”
“Yeah, I do.”
“You forgive me?”
“There’s nothing to forgive.”
Tears Laura had held back for what seemed an eternity poured from her, grief and regret as sharp as pain cutting through her. Strong arms lifted her up, carried her to her bed, held her together until pain gave way to numbness and numbness to exhaustion—and sleep.
* * *
UNABLE TO SLEEP, Javier lay in the darkness, feeling gutted, torn between his need to do all he could to help and comfort Laura and a bitter rage that simmered in his chest. Memories of the night they’d raided Al-Nassar’s compound moved through his mind frame by frame. Al-Nassar lying almost naked in the dirt. Women huddling together with their children, some holding babies. Laura looking fragile and pale in the helo.
Now he knew why she’d seemed so weak. She’d been only about eight weeks away from having had a baby and hemorrhaging.
What he wouldn’t give to go back in time and have the presence of mind to ask her if anyone else was being held captive. He’d take Laura’s baby and get them both safely on that Hercules. But that was just a fantasy. He’d barely had time to rescue Laura as it was. Had he delayed any longer, the combatants who had fired those RPGs would probably have hit them and brought them down. But what kept him awake was wondering what had happened after they’d left.
Where was Laura’s baby now?
* * *
JAVIER JOLTED AWAKE to the sound of his cell phone ringing. He opened his eyes to find Laura snuggled up against him and still asleep, clearly exhausted. He reached for his phone, saw that it wasn’t yet oh-dawn-hundred. He hadn’t even had three hours of sleep. Then he saw the number.
Shit.
He’d known this was coming.
He muted the phone, slipped from the bed, and walked out into the hallway, shutting the bedroom door behind him. “Hey, Boss.”
“Want to tell me why I saw you on prime-time news last night playing bodyguard for Laura Nilsson?” Lt. O’Connell sounded pissed. “Word is all over base—hell, it’s all over town. I just got a call from the commander, who was out for his four A.M. run and wants an explanation.”
How in the hell was Javier going to explain this?
He decided to keep it simple. “Laura and I are old friends. I was in Denver to hang with Nate West, and when that car bomb went off, I just had to help her. I was there when the shooter opened fire and was able to save her life.”
“Let me get this straight. You violated OPSEC by fraternizing with a civilian you rescued while part of a classified mission, then you made matters worse by exposing yourself in the media when you decided to moonlight as her bodyguard. They’re going to drag you in—”
“No, sir, I didn’t.”
“You didn’t what?”
“I didn’t violate OPSEC. I knew Ms. Nilsson long before that rescue mission. To this day, she has no idea that I’m the one who pulled her out of there.”
“You expect me to believe you haven’t told her?”
Six years on the Teams together, and O’Connell had the nerve to talk to him like this? “Have I ever lied to you, man? Have I ever lied to you?”
Not that Javier hadn’t wanted to tell Laura. Last night, he’d had to bite his tongue to keep from telling her that he’d been there, that’d he’d carried her out, that he’d seen how terrified and confused she was. But he’d upheld OPSEC and kept his mouth shut, even when he’d known that telling her would have helped her forgive herself.
“So you’re friends with the Baghdad Babe.”
“Don’t call her that, man. I fucking hate that. I really do.”
“More than friends, maybe. That’s the kind of thing a guy might tell his buddies, especially given how famous she was.”
“Some guys, maybe, but not me.”
“Did West know?”
Everyone knew that Javier and Nate were best buds. “Not till this week, sir.”
“Now I understand why you were gunning so hard for Al-Nassar.”
“That mission went off without a hitch.” No one could say that Javier’s feelings for Laura had compromised that op in any way.
“Did you know she was alive?”
“If I’d even suspected she was alive, I’d have raised hell to get her out of there long before that mission.”
“How did you get mixed up in her shit? You’re supposed to be recuperating, preparing yourself for a return to active duty, not starring in the latest episode of Celebrity Bodyguard.”
“Is there a reg somewhere that says I can’t help a close friend when she’s in trouble? I’m staying with her because she needs me right now. She’s terrified, man. I don’t know about you, but I didn’t pull her out of that compound just to let these assholes kill her on our soil.”
“Ms. Nilsson has the Marshal Service and the FBI to protect her. It’s their mission. Your mission is to recover and rejoin your platoon.”
“True. But who saved her life last night? I did.”
Boss drew a deep breath. “Okay. I’ll call the commander back, explain it to him like you explained it to me. But I can tell you right now, he’s not going to like it. I just hope he doesn’t revoke your leave and haul your ass back here for a disciplinary hearing. You’ve been a huge pain in the ass lately, you know that?”
That sounded more like the O’Connell Javier knew.
“Thanks, Boss. Sorry he woke you up and chewed your ass.”
“You’d better be. And, Cobra—good work. The guys are proud. They’re kind of attached to Ms. Nilsson themselves.”
The call ended.
Javier turned to find Laura standing behind him.
“You’re in trouble for helping me, aren’t you?” She watched him through worried eyes still swollen from crying, her hair in long tangles, her feet bare.
How much had she heard? Not much. If she’d overheard him talking about rescuing her from Al-Nassar, she’d be staring at him wide-eyed and full of questions.
“Naval Special Warfare just doesn’t like its operators on prime-time news.”
“Oh, God. I’m so sorry. I didn’t even think about that.”
He drew her into his arms, held her close, caressed her hair. “Don’t apologize, bella. That wasn’t your fault.”
“Is everything going to be okay?”
“Yeah, it’s going to be fine.” He didn’t want her worrying about this. “The sun’s not even up. Let’s get some sleep.”
CHAPTER
17
LAURA AWOKE, SAW bright daylight through her blinds. Beside her, the bed was empty, the sound of running water telling her Javier was in the shower. She stretched, yawned, body and mind strangely lethargic. It wasn’t until she saw the abrasions on her palms that she remembered.
She sat bolt upright, her pulse tripping.
Someone had tried to shoot her yesterday. Someone had tried to kill her, wounding Janet in the process. Javier had saved her life and . . .
Laura had told him about Klara.
Oh, God.
He hadn’t reacted the way she’d thought he would. Like her mother and grandmother, he’d refused to blame her, offering her comfort and understanding she didn’t deserve.
You forgive me?
There’s nothing to forgive.
She remembered how caring he’d been, holding her while she cried her eyes out, carrying her to her bed, staying with her through the night. Some of her lethargy lifted.
She got out of bed, grabbed her bathrobe, and walked out to the kitchen to make coffee. She’d just gotten off the phone with University Hospital when Javier stepped out of the bedroom wearing only jeans, his short hair wet.
He poured himself a
cup of coffee. “Was that the hospital?”
She set down her smartphone. “Janet has been upgraded from critical to fair.”
“I’m glad to hear that.” He leaned against the counter, his gaze meeting hers, his brown eyes warm. “How are you?”
“I’m fine. I’m okay, I guess. I don’t know.”
In truth, she felt awkward, exposed, nervous. Javier had seen a part of her no other man had seen. It was one thing to be sexual with a man. It was another to break into pieces in front of him. But Javier had seen the shattered core that she’d kept hidden, and he had accepted her, comforted her. He’d even seemed to understand.
Still, she couldn’t help but wonder. Did he feel some kind of obligation toward her because of Dubai? “You don’t have to stay, Javi. I don’t want you to waste—”
“Shh.” He pressed his fingers against her lips. “I’m right where I want to be, bella. Why don’t you take a hot shower while I make us some breakfast?”
* * *
A HALF HOUR later, Laura sat down to a cup of hot coffee and a plate loaded down with a breakfast burrito and freshly sliced cantaloupe. “This smells delicious. Thanks.”
They spoke of inconsequential things while they ate—their favorite things to eat for breakfast, how well they’d slept, the weather.
It was Laura who finally brought it up. “I’m sorry I fell apart like that.”
“Give yourself a break. You’ve been through hell. There aren’t many people who could even imagine what it was like.” He reached across the table and took one of her hands in his. “It can’t be easy keeping Klara secret. I feel honored that you trusted me. No one else here knows, do they? Not even your friends.”
She shook her head. “I feel so ashamed. What I did—”
“You survived against all odds. There is no shame in that.”
She looked up at him. “I thought you would think less of me.”
“You thought I’d leave. That’s why you told me, isn’t it? Somehow you truly think you did something unforgivable.” He narrowed his eyes. “Sorry, bella, but you can’t shake me off that easily. But I have to ask . . . Where is Klara now?”
Laura found herself telling him about her long battle to find her daughter and bring her home. How she’d decided to work through the Swedish foreign ministry rather than the U.S. State Department to better protect her privacy. How they’d found Klara living with Al-Nassar’s younger brother. How they hoped to arrange a welfare check with Klara soon. How everything was stacked against her when it came to custody.
“Even if they’re able to get DNA and the DNA proves she’s my child, the fact that I’m a non-Muslim, a woman, and a foreigner means that the courts will likely rule against me. But I’m not giving up. Klara is a victim, too. She was abducted straight from my body, and I won’t feel whole again until she’s safely home.”
Javier laced his fingers through hers. “You’ll get her home.”
Laura nodded, fighting back her doubts, refusing to acknowledge any other possible outcome, regret swamping her once more. “If only I’d told the men who rescued me that she was there . . . If only I’d remembered . . .”
“I can’t stand to see you blame yourself. I know what war is like. Even if you’d remembered she was yours, even if you’d told the squad leader, there’s no guarantee they could have made it out with her alive. You did all you could.”
She looked up from their twined fingers. “Have you ever left a man behind?”
Javier opened his mouth as if to speak, but nothing came out. He didn’t need to say a word. The answer was plain to see on his face.
* * *
STILL REELING FROM all that Laura had told him, Javier spent the afternoon in his own special hell, wanting desperately to tell her that he’d been the man who’d rescued her. If she could only see that night from his point of view, she’d quit blaming herself. But if he told her, he’d violate OPSEC and turn himself into a liar.
He was in enough hot water already.
Then the paper called, Laura’s editor insisting she drop everything to do an interview. The asshole didn’t seem to give a damn about what Laura had been through, as far as Javier could tell. He just wanted the paper to have the most complete coverage, given that Laura worked there.
By the time McBride called to say one of his teams had seen a man with a spotting scope on the roof of the building across the street, Javier was restless, pissed off, spoiling for a fight. Thinking the worst, he left Laura, who was still on the phone, with Deputy U.S. Marshal Mike Childers, who had taken Killeen’s place, and met McBride, only to find the spotting scope was actually a telephoto lens and the sniper was a shooter of a different kind.
He fought to keep his trap shut while McBride cuffed and Mirandized the bastard. McBride’s team had apprehended the guy in the act of trying to take photos of Laura through her living room and bedroom windows. Now he lay on his fat belly on the black rubber roofing, arms behind his back.
“You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have a right—”
“You can’t arrest me! I’m a photojournalist! I—”
“A photojournalist? You’re nothing but paparazzi. What kind of whiskey tango fuck-ass editor wants to publish the shit you call photos? You were spying on her, man. You’re no better than a peeping Tom.”
McBride shot Javier a warning glance and went on. “You have a right to an attorney. If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be appointed for you. Do you understand your rights as I have explained them to you?”
“You’re gonna make headlines, buddy.” The man twisted his head around and glared at McBride. “Arresting a reporter for trying to report the news—you’ll be lucky if they don’t sue your ass! Ever hear of the First Amendment?”
Javier bent down, looked the cabrón in the eyes. “Remember that part about staying silent? You should try that shit out, dawg.”
McBride stepped back, making room for a cop who began to pat the photographer down. “The First Amendment doesn’t give you the right to trespass on private property, and trying to photograph someone inside the privacy of their home sure as hell isn’t journalism.”
The cop pulled something out of the photographer’s vest. “A lock-picking kit? Is that how you got up here? That’s a felony.”
“I keep that in case I get locked out of my car.”
“Yeah, right.” Javier wanted to kick the man’s ass. “Tell that to the jury.”
McBride turned his back on the photographer and walked a short distance away, motioning for Javier to follow. He stopped, turning to face Javier. “You need to chill. I don’t blame you for being angry, but I can’t let you harass people in my custody no matter how badly they deserve to have their asses kicked.”
“Got it. Sorry, man.”
McBride lowered his voice. “How is she?”
“She’s coping.”
It bothered Javier that none of Laura’s friends knew the full weight she was carrying on her shoulders. How lonely these past two years must have been for her, keeping her heartbreak and worry for her little girl to herself, living with a sense of guilt and shame that should never have been hers to carry.
“Does she know about Tower yet?”
Javier shook his head. “I’ve kept the TV off, and she’s been staying away from her laptop except to connect with her mom through Skype. She hasn’t read the papers either because I recycled them.”
“Good call. How much does she know about Killeen?”
“She’s called the hospital twice to get an update on Killeen’s condition, but they won’t release any details. The last we heard, doctors had upgraded Killeen to fair. That seemed to ease her mind.”
McBride squinted against the bright sunlight, his gaze fixed on the city beyond. “Killeen was good at her job. I hate to think he
r career might be over.”
Javier knew from experience the regret McBride was feeling. Killeen had been wounded on McBride’s watch, and he would carry that with him. “She knew the risks, and she asked to be assigned here.”
“Yeah.” McBride didn’t sound convinced.
Neither was Javier.
Javier had spoken those words more times than he could count—for wounded men, maimed men, dead men. He’d said the same thing about himself.
Just words.
“West tells me you might be facing a disciplinary hearing for getting yourself involved in Laura’s situation.”
“West has a big damned mouth.”
McBride grinned. “I just wanted to let you know that I’d be happy to speak on your behalf if it comes to it. I still have a few connections inside NSW.”
For a moment, Javier didn’t know what to say. “Thanks, man. I appreciate it.”
“You let me know.”
“Will do.”
Nearby, two uniforms escorted the photographer across the roof toward the exit, one of them carrying the bastard’s hardware.
“I swear if you break my camera, I’ll sue for every dime you got!” The photographer was still shouting by the time they all reached the street seven stories below, his threats now laced with profanity. “I’ll have your fucking badge!”
As they walked past, Javier couldn’t stop himself. “Motherfucker.”
* * *
LAURA HAD JUST hung up from talking with Alex at the paper when her cell phone rang again. Thinking it was Alex calling to clarify something, she answered without checking the display. “Hey.”
“Hello, Laura. Am I catching you at a bad time?”
“Gary.” He was the last person on earth she wanted to talk to.
“You’ve been ignoring my calls.”
“You ignored your promise.”
“I was just doing my job. You’d have done the same thing.”
“I’m sorry you think so.”
“Hey, you came to me, remember?” His voice was soothing, as if he were speaking to an upset child. “You asked for help in countering Tower’s allegations, and I did my best to provide that. By showing that footage, I generated sympathy for you. Yes, it helped boost our ratings, but all that means is that more households got your message. What’s wrong with that?”