by Amy Tasukada
Masuo wiggled his butt. “It’s supposed to tingle.”
Hayato put a generous amount on his fingers. The thick liquid wasn’t bad at all once the strong scent mellowed out. Hayato pressed a finger against Masuo’s hole.
“Does it tingle?” Hayato asked.
“A little. I think I’ll feel it more if you actually stick it in me.”
“Hmm.”
Hayato teased a little more before finally slipping a finger inside. It went in easily, and Masuo let out a little choked noise. His muscles twitched, and Hayato slid out his finger before pushing in a little farther.
“I want to hear you,” Hayato said.
“Someone might…”
“Isn’t that half the fun?”
Hayato kneeled, pulling Masuo’s cheeks apart before diving his tongue inside. Masuo let out a rolling moan so loud it echoed in the small space. Each grateful cry from Masuo’s lips sent a wave of pleasure through Hayato as well. He wanted to lavish ecstasy on Masuo so he’d understand how desperately Hayato needed him. How thankful he was Masuo was a part of his life. At first, Hayato might’ve shouted out his words of love so they wouldn’t break up, but they were true. Their love, unbreakable—more so than ever—and the sheer, pure pleasure of each shallow groan escaping Masuo’s mouth proved their bond.
“I want you in me,” Masuo panted out between grunts.
“I am in you.”
“Bastard,” Masuo said under his breath, making Hayato grin.
He stood and poured another generous amount of lube on his cock. He pressed the tip to Masuo’s entrance but didn’t slide in.
“Why don’t you tell me exactly what you want,” Hayato said.
Masuo’s legs trembled, his eyes shining with lust. “Impale me with your cock.”
The toilet in the stall beside them flushed, and Masuo’s cheeks reddened, but in that second, Hayato entered him fully, and Masuo was back to moaning like they were the only people in the world. His back arched, meeting each of Hayato’s thrusts. He was balls deep in Masuo.
Their lovemaking was hard and raw and everything Masuo wanted. Hayato didn’t need to remember the day. He could lose himself in Masuo, and he did everything to push them both over the edge. Masuo clenched his muscles around Hayato, and the tingle from the peppermint lube did not go unnoticed. It teased Hayato’s cock as shamelessly as Masuo’s moans. Hayato could feel himself drawing close, his thrusts becoming frantic and losing the slow, punishingly deliberate rhythm against Masuo’s most tantalizing spot.
“Claim me,” Masuo cried.
The words alone drove Hayato over the edge, and Masuo followed quickly after. Hayato gasped for breath and held on to the stall wall for support.
“That was so incredibly sexy.” Masuo grabbed some toilet paper.
Hayato nodded, but as he sank to the floor, everything hit him at once. Masuo would be on the next train going to the parlor, starting the day that would probably be one of his happiest, and then what would Hayato do? Hayato would continue reliving one of his worst days. He swallowed hard, almost regretting that Masuo had found him.
“Hey, you okay?” Masuo squatted to meet Hayato’s gaze.
Masuo’s sandy eyes filled with worry. Hayato looked away, tugging on his fuzzy coat sleeve. He wanted to say he was fine, but the lie wouldn’t leave his mouth.
“My treasure…”
Hearing their decided pet name for each other hurt worse. Hayato closed his eyes tight, hoping to stop the pain inside his heart from leaking out.
“What’s wrong?” Masuo squeezed Hayato’s knee.
“It’s…” How could he even begin to explain everything? “Will you come with me somewhere?”
“Sure. We can go tomorrow.”
Hayato’s lip trembled, and Masuo met his gaze. Masuo wrapped his arms around him, and inside that secure hug, Hayato broke. He let out an agonized cry fueled by the pain of twenty years.
“It’s okay.” Masuo squeezed Hayato’s hand. “Tell me what’s bothering you?”
“I can’t visit my mother’s grave alone.”
19
Hayato’s words reached out like an icy hand and throttled Masuo’s thoughts. It left them atrophying in the space between his brain and his mouth. He could only stand there dumbfounded while Hayato struggled to stifle his cries echoing around the small restroom. Tears stained his cheeks. Masuo embraced him, hoping it would somehow convey all the words of comfort he couldn’t piece together.
He had been so wrong. Hayato didn’t drink to forget their evenings but to forget his mother’s death. A wound that was raw and festering no matter how many years had passed.
“I can’t do it alone. I thought I could, but I can’t. I just can’t.” Hayato buried his head in Masuo’s arms.
Masuo squeezed Hayato tighter, hoping it helped somehow. Masuo’s heart ached. He didn’t want Hayato to hurt.
Then it hit Masuo like a lightning strike. He felt helpless and at a loss for how to help because he wanted Hayato. He wanted to be Hayato’s North Star. His light in the cruel darkness. His one and only.
Today.
Tomorrow.
Forever.
“I love you,” Masuo said. The words felt freeing, like stepping off a cliff knowing Hayato would be there to catch him.
But Hayato kept crying. Had he not heard Masuo’s words? Wouldn’t knowing Masuo loved him help? Masuo swallowed and rubbed Hayato’s back.
“I love you,” Masuo repeated louder. “You don’t have to go alone because I’ll go with you.”
Hayato pulled back, his eyes swollen and red. “You have the opening. You won’t make it back in time. Her grave is outside the city.”
“You’re more important to me than the opening.” No words felt truer as Masuo said them.
“But you’ve been planning it for weeks. You don’t have to do this.”
“That’s what you do for people you love. You make sacrifices when they need you.”
Hayato didn’t move. He didn’t speak, but Masuo would stay by his side as long as it took. They loved each other and could work through their problems together.
“I’ll try to get you back in time.” Hayato’s voice sounded meek.
“You set the pace for this. Don’t worry about the time.”
Masuo stood and held out his hand to Hayato. He let out a deep sigh that carried more weight than Masuo could understand, but Hayato took his hand.
“Let’s do this,” he said.
Hayato cleaned himself up, and they got back on the train.
The crowds thinned more the longer they stayed. Eventually two seats opened up, and they went from standing next to each other to sitting side by side.
“Sorry it’s taking forever. Mom grew up outside the city. Dad thought she’d want—” Hayato bit his lip.
They were in public, so embracing would be out of the question. Instead, Masuo stretched out his legs and pressed his polished black shoe next to Hayato’s. He smiled, though it was marred with worry.
Masuo’s great-grandmother had died when he was a kid. They hadn’t been close, but he’d always enjoyed hearing the happy memories his mom would share. Maybe it would help Hayato to focus on the good.
“You said your mom taught English?” Masuo asked.
“At the high school.”
“English was my worst subject.”
“I was pretty good at it. When I was young, I wanted to be a teacher like her. Not so much after she…” Hayato sighed. “I would hear English and think of her.”
“That would be difficult.” Masuo wanted Hayato to think of happy memories, not hard ones. Maybe he’d been going about it the wrong way. “I’d like to know more about her.”
“She was always dressed nicely.”
“She’s where you got your fashion sense?”
A faint smile crossed Hayato’s face. “She was way more into brands than I am. She’d buy fashion magazines, then buy knockoffs once they hit the department stores. I buy whatever
I think looks nice. I don’t think I ever saw her without lipstick. She would always kiss my dad on the cheek before he left for work, and she’d leave a lipstick mark on him. When we were little, Subaru and I would giggle about it, and my dad would pretend he didn’t know why.”
Masuo laughed. “She must’ve been a great mother.”
“She was. Well, when she wasn’t sick.”
The announcement for the next station sounded, and Hayato stood. “This is our stop.”
They got off the train at one of the towns outside Kyoto. They picked up some flowers and incense along the way to the cemetery.
The morning sun warmed Masuo’s face. The chirping birds flew around the leafless trees. It might’ve been any sunny winter’s day, but somehow, so far away from the city and his parlor, it felt surreal.
Masuo glanced around, checking the street was abandoned before taking hold of Hayato’s hand. Their fingers laced together, and Hayato held on tight. Maybe Masuo shouldn’t have needed to look around before showing his affection. When he’d freaked out on the stairs, Hayato hadn’t cared what the manager thought about their clasped hands.
“Subaru and I usually come together,” Hayato said. “This year I tried to convince myself I could do it alone. I was stupid to think I could.”
“You’re not stupid. Sometimes people need help.”
Hayato’s fingers curled, crinkling the plastic wrap around the flowers he held in his other hand. “I need to learn how to do things on my own at some point.”
Masuo raised a brow, but Hayato didn’t say anything more for the next few blocks.
The black pillar graves rose on the hill ahead. Hayato didn’t let go of Masuo’s hand until they reached the cemetery entrance.
Hayato grabbed one of the offered wooden buckets and filled it with water, while Masuo washed his hands and mouth.
“It’s this way,” Hayato said.
They plodded along down the rows of pillars until Hayato came to a stop. The grave had a few overgrown weeds among the stones. Together they cleaned the grave, pouring water over the black pillar stone, then scrubbing it clean.
Hayato lit the incense and put the flowers in one of the vases flanking the center stone. Hayato clapped, saying a quick prayer before Masuo repeated the motions.
Hayato took in a deep breath and stared at the grave. “I’m actually the age she was. In May, I’ll be older. How is that supposed to work? I can’t be older than my mother.”
Masuo pressed his lips together, not sure how to respond. He took a step closer to Hayato so Hayato would know he was there, but Hayato kept staring at the grave like it had opened a black hole.
“She was sick that whole year,” Hayato said. “I mean she’d been sick on and off, but not like this. She had to stop working. She would lie in bed, speaking so low I could barely understand her. She’d hardly eat. We’d have to beg her to take a few bites. Dad had to leave us cash so we could go to the store and make dinner. That’s when Subaru started getting his big-brother complex.”
“It must’ve been hard.” Of course it had been hard, but what else could Masuo say?
Hayato curled his fingers into a fist. Masuo swallowed, but his mouth remained dry. What kind of boyfriend was he if he couldn’t comfort him?
“Then all of us were home for New Year’s, and she seemed to perk up,” Hayato continued. “She didn’t go to the shrine with us or anything, but she ate New Year’s food at the table. She even watched a movie after. I thought she was finally getting better. But then Dad had to leave for a three-week-long business trip and school started back. Subaru and I left. She was alone. No one was there to stop her.”
The gravity of Hayato’s words pressed down on Masuo like a weight. His eyes narrowed. This wasn’t the story of a sick mother fighting for her life in a hospital or some freak accident. This was something far worse. Masuo squeezed Hayato’s shoulder.
Hayato wet his lips and held on to Masuo’s hand even tighter. “We came home from school after that first day back, Subaru unlocked the door, and she was hanging there. A puddle of urine on the floor under her. Subaru tried to block me from seeing. Yelling at me not to look and pushing me out, but I had already seen. I never told him. He got a neighbor to phone our aunt and then the police. They left the door wide open for anyone to see. They didn’t care. She was our mother, and they didn’t care.” Hayato drew in a deep breath, the anguish in his eyes like a knife to Masuo’s gut.
“And here I am. I’m her age. I share her blood. I’m predisposed to depression the same way she was. I might do the same thing. What’s to stop me? If we hadn’t all left her alone, she might still be here.” Hayato wiped away the silent tears running down his cheeks.
“I’m sorry.” Masuo clutched Hayato’s hand, but nothing Masuo could say would make Hayato feel better.
Masuo could only offer a space for Hayato to express his thoughts and offer support so Hayato knew Masuo wouldn’t leave.
It took a long while before Hayato spoke again. “I couldn’t have come here without you.”
Hayato’s eyes softened, and a comfortable warmth spread through Masuo’s chest. Maybe he hadn’t done much, but Hayato’s words made him feel a little better.
“Thanks for bringing me here and telling me about her,” Masuo said.
Hayato shook his head. “Now you have a good story if someone asks about the worse date you’ve ever been on.”
“No. I would never say that.”
“Let’s get you back to your grand reopening before you try to convince me this was a good date.”
20
Hayato strolled into Masuo’s parlor as he closed for the day.
“You’re late today,” Masuo said.
“I was saving the best for last.” Hayato propped the metal briefcase on the prize counter and grinned. “With all that sweet grand reopening money, you can fill me up with your load.”
Masuo couldn’t hide his chuckle. “Should we head to the back?”
“Hopefully there aren’t any big, scary police back there.”
Masuo flushed. It was too easy to tease him. “Thanks again for helping out with the reopening when we got back to the city.”
Warmth flooded over Hayato. “Well, you helped me this morning. It was only fair I stepped up to help you. I was the reason you were late to your own reopening.”
Masuo opened the office door and went to collect the cash.
Hayato uncuffed himself from the briefcase and dug through his inside pocket for a collection of goal coins printed with the parlor’s logo. Each in the stack contained the symbol for Masuo’s parlor, and such a large stack almost made Hayato worry he’d run out of space in his briefcase.
Masuo came out of the safe closet with two stacks of cash in hand and an even bigger grin across his face. “Not bad, eh?”
Hayato laughed. “Very funny. Now go get the rest.”
Masuo’s smile faded to a frown. “That’s all there was.”
“When did you last empty the money machines?”
“An hour ago.”
“For the amount of coins here, you should have at least double the cash.”
Masuo rubbed the back of his neck, a deep wrinkle marring his brow. “I don’t know what to tell you. You can check the safe if you don’t believe me.”
Hayato didn’t need to check. He trusted Masuo, and the man looked like his nerves had been tossed in the fryer. There was no way he was trying to skim off the top.
Hayato grabbed one of the stacks and flipped through the bills. Nowhere near enough, and Endo had taken more interest in Masuo’s numbers than any other. Hayato had hoped to bring her a total to prove Masuo knew what he was doing, but the numbers were so low Hayato couldn’t hide them under the other parlor totals.
“All the advertising must’ve attracted a cheater,” Hayato said.
Masuo’s jaw dropped. “What?”
“It’s the only explanation.”
“But nothing seemed out of the ordinary.”<
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Hayato squeezed Masuo’s shoulder. The little comfort had helped Hayato back at the cemetery; hopefully it would help Masuo now, but he pulled away. Hayato’s insides coiled like a snake.
“I can’t believe I was stupid enough not to notice.”
“The good ones are hard to spot.”
“Fuck!” Masuo kicked the edge of his desk, the golden coins scattering.
“Don’t stress too much. The cheater probably won’t try again for a few days. You’re good at setting up plans, so plan for when they come back.”
“They’ll come back?”
Hayato shrugged. “Maybe. It worked the first time, so they’ll probably try again. If they’re smart, they’ll wait a few days. If they’re dumb, they’ll come back tomorrow.”
Masuo paced the length of the small room, muttering to himself. He’d been able to say the right thing whenever Hayato needed him, but Hayato couldn’t do the same for Masuo when the roles were reversed. That alone put Hayato on the horrible boyfriend list.
With so much of his day shrouded in shadows, Hayato couldn’t let his grief ruin Masuo’s day too. Hayato stepped into Masuo’s path and held him by the shoulders. Masuo’s muscles coiled tight.
“You’re a good businessman,” Hayato said. “Today is a cursed day. Keep your eye on people hitting the jackpots tomorrow, and if it feels like they’re too lucky, pull the plug and kick them out.”
“But what if they’re not cheating?”
“It doesn’t matter. Too many jackpots are bad for business anyway.”
Hopefully the strategy would recoup enough of the profits that Endo wouldn’t request a formal meeting. If it happened again, she’d think one of them was skimming. She’d already made Masuo a target, and it wasn’t like she respected Hayato enough that he could convince her it wasn’t Masuo’s fault.
Masuo’s lips flattened into a thin line. “The bastard’s going to pay when I catch them.”
“On the positive side, this is the biggest load you’ve brought in. Tomorrow I bet it will be even bigger, right?”
“Yeah…”
“What?” Hayato held a hand to his ear. “I couldn’t hear you.”