A Frothy Fiasco: A Cozy Mystery (Sweet Home Mystery Series Book 3)

by Constance Barker

  Trevor looked at me with big eyes of exoneration. He was here with me, so it looks like he will be getting a green line on his picture. And Toe…

  I looked around, and Toe was no longer at his table. I looked out front and his truck was gone too. Oh, crud.

  Chapter Seven

  It was cool and quiet at the Hog Heaven Brew & BBQ early on that Monday evening. Yes, it’s the home of the roller-skating pig. Well, it’s the logo on their big neon sign out front, anyway. I’m not sure that one sighting at a gas station, which was probably unrelated to the thefts anyway, was worth the trip. But it was a nice getaway for Jules and me. We walked past all the tables and sat at the end of the bar.

  “Good evening, ladies! I’m Schooner. What can I get for you today?”

  The bartender was a young, tan, beach dude with a West Coast surfer slur. His sun-bleached hair was almost shoulder length, and I would have traded my hair for his in a heartbeat if I could. It had a luxurious bounce as he bobbed his head to the music from his one ear bud.

  “One frosty mug of summer lager and a glass of Chardonnay.”

  “The regular 14-ouncer, or the 22-ounce Brew-ha-hog? It’s just a buck more.”

  The name wasn’t particularly ladylike, but I knew the first one would go down fast. “Hit me up with the big one, dude.”

  He smiled and nodded. “All right…yeah.”

  “He looked cuter and older from the door, Lily. We can move to a table if you want to.” Jules looked beautiful in her blue dress and curled jet-black hair framing her ivory face. But why would she be looking for a guy if she’s dating Tony?

  I had stopped home to shower and change before we made the trip to Sabina. Jules wanted to go as “hot chicks” instead of “working wenches,” so I threw on a red dress and heels. We were both a little over-dressed for Hog Heaven, but it was nice to feel like a girl again.

  “One hog and one wine.” Schooner set down our beverages in front of us on cocktail napkins, which the overflowing foam from my beer soon saturated.

  “Lovely,” I said, somewhat sarcastically.

  “Menus?”

  “Please.”

  Schooner grabbed two menus off the back bar behind him and presented them to us, opened to the dinner section. “The special today is The Three Little Pigs in Blankets. It’s a Polish sausage, Italian sausage, and Andouille sausage, each wrapped in a crepe and topped with blueberry syrup, fresh raspberries, whipped cream, and chocolate chips.”

  I did my best not to gag. “Thank you, Schooner. Give us a few minutes.”

  “Just wave when you’re ready, ladies.” Then he was off to the other end of the bar, his head bouncing all the way, presumably on beat to the music in his ear.

  We began poring over the large menu, and I was going to ask Jules about Tony; but she got her question out first.

  “So, why are we here, Lily? Is it the sawdust on the floor or the tattooed bikers at the pool tables that attracted you?”

  “Well, they are known for their ribs and pulled pork sandwiches, and I heard the tattooed bikers will give you a whirl on their bikes if you give them a smile and a wink.”

  Jules scrunched her nose.

  “But actually it was something Toe said when Eli was questioning him.”

  “You shouldn’t be eavesdropping on other people’s conversations, especially not police interrogations, Lily.”

  It wasn’t easy to keep from laughing. “Please, Jules. I’m Essie’s niece. ‘Nosy’ is my middle name.”

  “And the eighth Dwarf,” Jules added, as she began to laugh hysterically at her own joke. She raised her hand up and slapped the bar. I guess it was funny. Well, not really. Jules, keep your day job.

  “Ready to order ladies?” Schooner saw Jules raised hand.

  I looked at her, and she showed me the item on the menu that she wanted. For the first time since I was a kid I felt compelled to point to our desired selections rather than say them out loud.

  “My friend will have this one here, and I’ll have that.”

  “One Sir Oinks-a-lot, and one Big Fat Pig.” Schooner said with a nod.

  Now you know why I pointed. “Oh, and a big glass of ice water for each of us too, please.”

  “Coming right up, ladies!”

  “So, where were we?” I asked.

  “Ummmm…ah!. So, what did Toe tell Eli about this place?”

  “Oh, yeah. Well, he just said he saw a guy and a woman at the gas station where Harvey had his iPad stolen. She was short, and the guy was wearing a baseball cap with the logo from this place, and he had a ponytail and a moustache. They rode a motorcycle.”

  “But the iPad was in Toe’s truck, so that guy couldn’t have been the thief.”

  Good point. Frack! “But I didn’t know that yet when I asked you to come here. So, now it’s my turn to ask you a question.”

  “Sure. But you already know everything about me, Lily.”

  “Do I?”

  “What do you mean? Of course you do.”

  “Well, what’s going on between you and Tony?” I smiled and raised my eyebrows twice suggestively.

  Jules looked at me like I was speaking to her in Swahili or something.

  “Jules, the little Jenkins boy saw him coming out of your house the other day. I’m your best friend. You can tell me about it. He’s a great guy. Why are you hiding it?”

  “Lily…”

  She was at a loss for words and looked confused.

  “Lily, Tony has never been to my house. Of course I would tell you. I tell you everything. And I told you that I’m not interested in him. Since when have I ever lied to you?”

  “I’m sorry, Jules. I didn’t mean to imply… It’s just that the boy said he saw him coming out of your house, and I was actually happy for you. I just wanted to know more. But maybe Brad doesn’t know which house is yours. That’s all. It was an honest mistake.”

  “Brad? That’s the little boy that was climbing trees next to my house when I came home from work on Saturday. I invited him in for a glass of lemonade and cleaned him up a little before he went home for supper.”

  “So…he does know where you live. Now I’m really confused.”

  “One Sir Oinks-a-lot for the black-haired beauty, and a Big Fat Pig for the blonde bombshell. And two ice waters. Enjoy!”

  The timing was good. My beer had one swallow left, and Jules downed the last inch of her Chardonnay.

  “Thank you.” Why couldn’t they just call them a barbecued pulled pork sandwich and the same with cheese? “Oh…say, Schooner. Do you know a fairly tall biker with a moustache who wears a Hog Heaven cap and has a ponytail? He left his sunglasses at my coffee shop, and I wanted to see if I could find him.”

  Schooner laughed a little, “Are you serious? A million bikers come in here, and they all got moustaches. And we never had any caps, until a few days ago.”

  He turned around and squatted in front of the cabinets below the back bar. He opened the door and pulled something out.

  “Did the ponytail look like this?”

  He put on a brand new cap with the roller-skating pig on the front—and a long, fake ponytail sewn on the back.

  “Let me see that.”

  He handed over the cap with a light-brown tail, and I examined it. “How chic.”

  “But I don’t think anybody’s wearing them yet. We just got them a couple days ago.”

  “How much?”

  “Eighteen dollars.”

  I looked at him, at first in shock, and then batted my eyes a little hoping for a “hot chick” discount.” No such luck. Schooner just shrugged.

  “Hey, it’s real horsehair. I’d give you a deal if I could.”

  “That’s fine. I’ll take it. Just add it to my bill.”

  Schooner walked to the POS screen to put it on our bill, doing a drum riff in the air and bouncing his head as he went. That’s when I noticed that the other end of the cord to his ear bud was just hanging there, not connected to anything. />
  “Schooner…why are you wearing an ear bud that’s not hooked up to any music?”

  “Aw, someone poached my mp3 player the other day when I was here working. I haven’t been without it for a couple of years or so, so I’m kinda lost without my music. It helps a little to have something in my ear. Kinda crazy, I know.”

  That’s odd…but then maybe not. People steal all the time. Just strange that two small towns were being hit at once with small time criminals.

  We enjoyed our sandwiches and chatted about everyone and everything. It was really great to spend some uninterrupted time with my best friend.

  “Well, I gotta get up at 5:00 so I can get coffee brewing for the Campfire girls, Jules. Can I get you another glass of wine?”

  She shook her head, and took a big gulp of her water. “You know,” she said, crunching a cube of ice, “these small bar ice cubes really would be a lot easier to work with. I can crush them easily with my teeth. You wouldn’t have to spend half an hour banging a bag of those big cubes against the wall every morning.”

  I looked enviously at the shiny stainless steel Ice King behind the bar. “Yeah, that would sure be nice. Let’s get outta here. Thumbs up or down on Schooner? Big tip or small?”

  “Thumbs way up, Lily. A little weird, and not the kind of guy I would ever date. But great service, he knew his drink and food specials, and a lot of fun too.”

  “I agree.” I plunked down three 20s for the meals, the drinks, and the cap, which I put on my head as we got up to leave. “Thanks, Schooner!”

  He waved from the other end of the bar and thanked us as we headed for the door.

  I opened the door to leave just as a woman was coming in. She was barely five feet tall, if that, and stunningly pretty with dark hair and blue and white checkered blouse tied below her ample curves. The patrons seemed to know her.

  “Cindy Lou! How do you do?” one of the bikers hollered.

  She looked at me like she recognized me, or maybe she just recognized my cap. “Jules…”

  “I’m way ahead of you.”

  We went out the door and started walking close to all the motorcycles to find the warm one that she just pulled up on. There was just one Harley that had been recently ridden, and it was hot, not warm.

  “This one has been ridden for a long ways, probably at highway speeds,” I said. “You memorize the first four number on the license plate, and I’ll memorize that last part, Jules.”

  The drive back to Sweet Home was leisurely and pleasant.

  “Well, Jules, maybe this trip was a whole lotta nothing, as far as the theft investigation goes…”

  “I don’t think so, Lily. I just have this feeling that we learned a few things that are going to help us unlock this mystery. There was a small theft here too – Schooner’s mp3 player. And if they just got the caps, maybe we can figure out who the man with the ponytail is.”

  “And if the ponytail is phony, maybe the moustache is too.”

  “Exactly. And maybe Cindy Lou is his girlfriend. You know, you and I make a good team, and together, we’re going to be the ones to break this case wide open.”

  Chapter Eight

  The week flew by, and it was finally Friday. The early morning rush was over, and it was time to put my feet up and treat myself to a latte and a banana nut muffin. Hildie’s banana bread had always been my favorite, and it was even better as a muffin. But I’ll have to settle for a regular cup of coffee today since the espresso machine is on the fritz again. As usual.

  “Essie and I are going to get our hair done, dear. Can you handle it alone till after lunch?” Hildie knew that I could. The shop was empty except for Harvey, and Toe wasn’t due for another hour or so.

  “Take your time, ladies. I think I can manage.”

  Harvey had fallen asleep in his table in the corner, and I settled into my makeshift recliner made of two café chairs.

  “Good morning, neighbor!”

  Jules made a rare entrance through the back door, filled a mug with hot water, and grabbed a couple of vanilla chamomile tea bags. Then she pulled up two chairs—one to sit on and one for her feet—and joined me for a break.

  “Neighbor?” I asked, a little curious. I hadn’t heard that greeting from her before. “You mean ‘stranger.’ I haven’t seen you since our dinner at Hog Heaven. You must have been working overtime at the clinic.”

  “Yup. And one day in Orlando to complete the house sale. But ‘neighbor’ is the right word. I just signed a lease on 1,800 square feet of commercial space next door. Our back doors are only three steps apart!”

  I just looked at my friend. She was filled with excitement, and her smile was almost too big for her face. I waited for the rest of the story, waving my hand to get her to resume.

  “So,” she continued, “the printing press will be delivered and set up in a few hours. The back of the place is move-in ready for the print shop. Then, once I get settled, I’m thinking about renovating the front and opening up a little stationery shop with school and office supplies, and maybe I’ll offer some private printing services too. I’ve got a nice little office there for writing and designing, and, before long, the first issue of the Sweet Home Gazette will roll off the press. And every Wednesday will be the issue with all ads and coupons.”

  “Wow. Things are moving quickly. You didn’t waste any time. What about the clinic?”

  “Well, I gave them my two-week notice, but Sandy said they have someone who’s looking for the extra hours, so I can just be on stand-by for two weeks. So…how are things going here at the Cabana?” She knew that business had been brisk lately, but she still had a look of concern in her eyes.

  “Fan-tastic! The flood of visitors has really kept us hopping, the espresso machine—when it’s working—has brought in the younger adults, and your blenders have been a big hit. Cold drinks are almost half of our business lately.”

  “That is really great, Lily. I’m…”

  “But wait. I haven’t told you the best part yet. You know Moira and Carmen’s Campfire booth that I was hoping we would break even on?”

  Jules nodded. “Yeah. What about it?”

  “Well, Tuesday was the first day—the morning after our date with Schooner.”

  Jules rolled her eyes.

  “They sold 200 cups in two hours! That’s $200 for the Campfire Girls, and $400 for the Coffee Cabana, mostly profit.”

  “Wow, Lily. That’s amazing! Are they able to keep up that pace, or was it just the first-day novelty?”

  “Keep it up?! The next day we were ready for the rush with six full air pots, and they sold over 300 cups. That’s like three cups every minute. And we’re getting a lot of new people in here after work, because our name and address is on the sign over there and on all of our cups. Hank nearly dropped his teeth when I ordered 14 cases of coffee this week. I literally bounce out of bed at 5 a.m. now. I can’t wait to get here. But then I’m pooped by 9 o’clock in the morning.”

  “Holy macaroni, Lily! That’s unbelievable. I might have to take back that offer for free advertising in my paper.”

  “No problem. But we’ll both have to keep some time open for our detective work. There are some developments in the theft cases since we last met.”

  “You’ll have to bring me up to date over lunch. Did Eli run that motorcycle license plate?”

  “Yeah. Some nurse in Orlando. Cynthia something. She’s clean, though. No record. I think it was the girl we crossed paths with at the door. But my posse has seen her around town a few times, sometimes with the guy with the ponytail. Eli thinks there might be something to it.”

  Jules did a double take. “Posse? You have a posse? What’s next…an entourage?”

  “No Miss Smarty. Trevor came up with the name. He and some of the kids he hangs with are keeping tabs on the adults around town and watching for any suspicious activity.”

  Jules shook her head. “Alright then. So this guy and girl. I bet that’s the same pair Toe saw at the
gas station.”

  “And Eli said there were some people who saw a guy with a ponytail around the Tastee Freeze when June Thatcher’s money was snatched. There were reports of a motorcycle too. But some people also saw Toe’s truck in the vicinity.”

  “Hmm.” Jules didn’t like hearing that. “It’s not looking good for the old boy.”

  “I know. Well, if you just take a look at Essie’s board, you’ll be pretty much caught up. There’ve been three or four more thefts, and Eli says that there have been some in Sabina too. Probably more, like Schooner’s mp3, that don’t get reported. It’s still all pretty much pocket-sized items, so the kids are still under suspicion too.”

  The street was slowly filling up with bikes and in-line skaters as Jules perused the bulletin board. “It looks like you might have a mid-morning invasion coming soon. I’ll help you out.”

  “Thanks, Jules.”

  “And this board has really filled up.”

  “Yeah, I think Essie’s got everybody now.”

  “It looks like all the kids have some red and some green lines.”

  “Except the Carver boys. Bob and Penny never let their nephews out of their sight. Model citizens, those boys—and that whole family.”

  “I think I’d jump in front of a bus if a man loved me as much as Bob loves Penny—I mean, the way he fawns over her all the time. Doesn’t she get tired of that?”

  “I guess not. She’s just as crazy for him.”

  “Does he still glue ‘Pennies for Penny’ all over his golf cart? That thing must weigh an extra ton.”

  “Yep. He always has his tube of superglue in case he finds another penny.”

  “Well, anyway, it can’t be one of these kids doing all of the thefts, because they all seem to have alibis for where they were during one theft or another. Maybe…” Jules walked up to the front window and looked out at all the kids, deep in thought.

  “Maybe what, Jules?”

  “Maybe they’ve formed some kind of gang. Look at them—half of them are on their phones or texting all the time. Maybe it’s a network of thieves, and they take turns being the look-outs and the burglars. And they’re not all on-duty at the same time.” She turned around and joined me back at the table.