On the way home, Candy kept shooting Dana worried glances, as if she expected her to cry. It was all she could do to hold herself together.
But as soon as they walked in the door, she lost it and burst into tears. Candy reached for her and she put her head against the other woman’s shoulder and bawled her eyes out.
Candy kept saying, “It will be okay,” but Dana knew that was just something to say. How was it going to be okay? How was she going to survive this?
After her horrific crying jag, she dried her face and blew her nose. Somehow, someway, it was going to be okay. She would do whatever it took to get through it, even if she bordered on falling apart.
Struggling to stay strong, she mentally prepared herself to call Eric and arrange a meeting with him. Relaying her news over the phone didn’t seem right. She needed to tell him face-to-face that he was going to be a father.
Chapter Four
Eric couldn’t fathom why Dana had called and insisted that he come to her house to see her. She’d claimed it was extremely important. In fact, she sounded nervous, even a little frantic, not at all like the easy-breezy bohemian girl he knew her to be. Her tone of voice had worried him. But this whole thing worried him. He didn’t want to see her again. No, that wasn’t true. He’d been thinking a lot about her since their date, and he’d been tempted to go back to the diner. But how could he do that without wanting her again? And if they got together again, then a relationship might ensue that he wasn’t ready for. So he’d stayed away purposely, retreating to his cautious shell.
But now here he was, after work, parking his car in front of her house and hoping this wasn’t a ploy on her part. A ploy for what? To seduce him back into her bed? No, he doubted that was it. Dana wasn’t the game-playing type. Something was wrong, something she obviously felt the need to share with him.
He took the side gate to her place and found her sitting outside at her patio table, waiting for him. She looked pale and anxious. Fragile, he thought, his breath jerking from his lungs. She reminded him of Corrine when she’d first discovered that she was ill. Was Dana ill? Was that why she’d called him?
He wanted to turn and run, but he moved forward.
“Hi,” she said softly.
“Hi,” he replied, and noticed that she had a pitcher of ice water and two glasses on the table. Obviously she wasn’t inviting him inside. Whatever she was going to say would be spoken here.
He sat across from her, and she poured him a glass of water. She poured one for herself and sipped it. Eric didn’t reach for his. He wasn’t thirsty.
“Tell me what’s going on, Dana.”
“I...”
His fear and worry increased. “Tell me, please.”
She scooted in her chair, as if she were buying more time. “Okay, here goes.” A slight pause, then, “I’m pregnant, Eric.”
A haze of white flashed before his eyes. Was she suggesting that the baby was his? No. No way. They’d used protection. They’d been careful. It just wasn’t possible.
Was it?
God, he hoped not. He prayed that the baby belonged to someone else. But if it did, then why was Dana telling him about it and not the other man?
He grabbed his water and swigged, afraid of what she was going to say next.
“The condom we used was expired, so I think that’s how it happened. It probably had a tear in it or something. I didn’t even think to check the date until...” Her words drifted into the breeze.
Eric just sat there, his mind spinning. His heart was palpitating, too. “It was me? It’s mine?”
“Yes, of course it was you. Who else would it be? I haven’t been with anyone since we were together. Or before that night, either.” Her voice hitched. “I’m five weeks along.”
He drained his glass. Their date had been five weeks ago. “And you’re going to keep it?”
“Yes,” she said again. “I haven’t told my mother and grandma. I just haven’t been able to bring myself to do that yet.”
He nodded numbly. He didn’t know what to do or say. He was forty-two years old and was having a baby with a girl nearly half his age. He didn’t want to tell anyone, either.
Finally he managed, “I’ll give you child support after it’s born. I’ll pay the deductible on your health insurance, too.” Then he stopped to consider the type of job she had. “Do you even have insurance?”
“No, but I’m going to apply for state aide and see if I fall within the guidelines.”
That sounded iffy to him. What if she didn’t qualify? Or only qualified for partial coverage? “I’d rather that you had insurance. Just choose a provider and get some online quotes. Then I’ll pay for the policy.” He would have to dip into the last of his savings to cover it, but at least he still had a little money put away. “I want to be sure that you get consistent care.”
“Thank you. I figured you’d offer to help however you could. You’re a responsible man.”
“Apparently not responsible enough. I feel terrible about being the one who did this to you.”
“We really screwed up, didn’t we? Especially me. Inviting you into my bed and providing an old condom.”
“It’s not your fault any more than it’s mine. But I can’t offer to marry you, Dana. I wish I could create the perfect scenario for you, but how can two people who barely know each other enter into a union like that? We’d be setting ourselves up for a really difficult situation.”
“I know. I thought about that, too. How we hardly know each other. I didn’t expect you to propose to me. Marriage isn’t the answer.”
He looked into the vastness of her eyes. Today they were a panicked shade of blue. He could see how scared she was of going it alone. “You vowed that you would never be a single mother.”
“It’s strange, isn’t it? How life throws challenges at you? How a person’s worst fears can come true.”
It didn’t seem fair, her being put in that position. He wanted to make it better for her, but short of marriage, which they’d just agreed wasn’t the answer, he was at a loss to help her. “I’m so sorry, Dana.”
“I’ll be okay. I’ll do whatever I can to make the best of it. I just need to focus on being a mom.”
Eric had no idea how he was going to focus on being a brand-new dad, especially at this stage of his life. “I’m going to have to figure out a way to tell Kaley, just as you’ll have to tell your family.”
“I’m going to wait a while. I need time to build up to it.”
“Have you told anyone else?”
“Candy knows. She was with me when I took the home pregnancy test. She went to the doctor with me, too.”
Was that going to be his responsibility later? He hoped not. He’d seen far too many doctors and labs and hospitals during Corrine’s treatment. He knew this wasn’t the same thing, but he still didn’t think he could deal with it. “I’m glad Candy went with you.”
She clutched her stomach. “Do you think I’ll make a good mom?”
“Of course you will.” He was glad that she didn’t say anything about him being a good dad. He wasn’t making an emotional commitment to the baby, not like he’d done with Kaley. He feared that he didn’t have it in him to be that kind of father again. Kaley was his heart. This baby was a mistake.
A poor little mistake.
“Candy wants me to keep living here. I want to stay, too. It will be cramped once the baby comes, but it’s a nice safe place. I can make my bedroom into a nursery and sleep in the living room.”
He knew that he should offer to create a nursery at his house, too, so the baby could spend weekends with him, but he couldn’t see himself taking care of an infant again.
He couldn’t see any of this. Although he wanted to do right by Dana, he felt like a zombie, going through the motions.
She said, “I’m going to keep working, of course. I’m going to stay in school, too, but I’m going to take online classes instead so I won’t have to get a babysitter while I’m at school. I’ve been thinking about what you said about me being an interior designer. I might look into that.”
“I meant what I said. You’d be good at it. It would be a nice career for you.”
“I think so, too. And I can always waitress in between.”
Eric thought about his coworkers and wondered what they would think of the situation he’d gotten himself into. He definitely wasn’t the type of guy they would expect to be in this sort of predicament.
He considered Dana and what she was facing. It was going to be far more traumatic for her. She was the one who had to carry the baby, to give birth, to be the primary caregiver.
“I’m not kidding myself,” she said, as if she were thinking the same thing. “It’s not going to be easy trying to pull this off. But I figure it happened for a reason. Everything does, don’t you think?”
No, he didn’t. Otherwise his wife would still be alive. “My daughter tends to think that way. Ever since she found her birth parents, she’s been hung up on fate.”
“Do you think she’ll think our baby is fate?”
Their baby. It almost made them sound like a couple. But they weren’t. He and Dana would be living separately with Dana raising a child they’d conceived on a first date. How could that be fate? “I have no idea how she’s going to react.” He only knew how uncomfortable he was going to be revealing what he’d done and who he’d done it with.
“When are you going to tell her?”
“I don’t know. This weekend, maybe. She’s supposed to be coming home to visit me. I was going to take her out to her favorite sushi bar.”
“That’s nice. Can I see a picture of her?”
“What? Why?”
“Because she’s going to be the baby’s big sister.”
He couldn’t argue with her reasoning. What she said was true. Dana and the tiny life in her womb were connected to his daughter. One night of passion and he and Dana had created a child. It boggled his brain. When he was young and eager to start a family, he would have been thrilled to have made a baby so quickly and easily, but he was older and of a different mindset now. None of it made sense, not for him or for Dana.
He opened a file on his smartphone and showed her an image of Kaley.
“She’s beautiful. She looks as if she could be your biological child.”
“She’s part Native on her birth father’s side. That was instrumental in the adoption.”
“I wonder what this baby is going to look like.”
“Maybe it will favor you.” He watched her hair blow across her cheek, thinking how pretty she was. “Or maybe it will favor both of us.”
Dana smiled a little. “They’re going to do an ultrasound at six weeks and give me a copy of the picture afterward.”
“Are ultrasounds routine this early on?”
“They are with my doctor. He likes to do one at the beginning, then another one later when the baby is more developed.”
At this stage, Eric imagined that the fetus was going to look like a peapod or some other odd shaped little thing. “Is Candy going to the ultrasound appointment with you?”
Dana nodded. “Candy was pregnant when she was married, but she lost the baby. She told me on the day we discovered that I was pregnant.”
“I’m sorry for her loss.” Candy seemed like a good friend to Dana.
“I’ll introduce you to her one of these times.”
“I’m just glad she’s there for you.”
“Me, too. It helps me not to feel so alone.”
Struggling to give her comfort, he reached across the table for her hand. She curled her fingers into his, but the contact wasn’t as encompassing as it should have been. He wasn’t any good at this.
“Are you sure you’re going to be all right?” he asked.
“I’m certainly going to try.”
He didn’t know what he was going to do, other than combat the expectant-father panic. “I’m really sorry, Dana.”
“You don’t have to keep apologizing.”
“I feel like I made a mess of things.”
“That’s just because you’re nervous. So am I. We just need more time to let it sink in.”
“Then if there’s nothing else left to discuss right now, I should head home.” He needed to sit quietly and breathe. His heart was punching the crap out of his chest.
“Okay.” Her hand drifted from his. “I’ll be in touch.”
“Let me know about the insurance quotes.”
“I will.”
She walked him to the gate in the corner of the yard. They didn’t hug goodbye. They didn’t do anything but stand there, awkward as you please. He’d obviously failed to comfort her, the gentleness he’d offered much too fleeting. He definitely needed to go home, but he lingered a moment longer.
Finally he opened the gate and passed through it, glancing back one last time—at the beautiful young woman carrying his child.
* * *
Kaley arrived on Saturday. They went out for sushi and Eric worried the entire time, trying to figure out how to tell her his news when they returned to the house. On the drive back, he stared out the windshield.
His emotions were a freaking mess. Maybe he shouldn’t tell Kaley this soon. Maybe he should wait until closer to the baby’s birth.
No, that wasn’t a good idea. It wouldn’t be right to keep it a secret from his daughter. But damn, he wished that he’d never gotten himself into this situation.
And Dana. Sweet Dana. How difficult this must be on her. He remembered her saying that her being a single parent would crush her family and that she would be crushed by it herself, too.
So what did that make Eric? The man who’d crushed her?
He parked in the driveway, and he and Kaley went inside. He looked at her, thinking how lovely and grownup she was. Grownup enough to accept his news? God, he hoped so.
He took another look at her and realized that she had a similar style to Dana’s. She favored gypsy-type clothes, too. Not as wild as Dana’s, but similar nonetheless. Of course she and Dana were only eight years apart. They were practically the same generation.
“Kaley,” he said.
“Uh-huh?” She removed her sequined flats and left them by the front door. Her sweater had a row of sequins on it, too.
He said, “I need to tell you something.”
She tucked her hair behind her ear. Her long dark hair was sleek and straight with a hint of red that shone in the sun, courtesy of her birth mother.
She furrowed her brow. “Is something wrong? You’ve been kind of spacey all day.”
Yes, something was very wrong. “Sit down, okay?”
“Now you’re scaring me.”
“It isn’t scary.” Not the kind of scary he knew she was thinking, like when Corrine had gotten sick.
She plopped onto the sofa, and he took the chair opposite her. “Okay, Dad, shoot.”
He started off easy. “I went out on a date with someone.”
“Really? Oh, that’s great.”
No, it wasn’t. “I had relations with her, too.”
“Relations? Seriously? That’s so corny.” She laughed. “So you slept with her? That’s cool.”
Again, it wasn’t great or cool or any of that. “She’s pregnant, Kaley. We messed up and she got pregnant.”
His daughter’s eyes went wide. She was stunned into silence.
He hastily added, “The protection was old and it failed.”
More silence.
Eric felt as if he was heading to the gallows. Off with his head for be
ing the man who’d crushed Dana and confused Kaley.
“You’re having a baby?” she finally asked.
“Yes. She wants to keep it.”
“Two old people having a kid. Who would have thought...”
Oh, cripes. Here came the rest of his admission. “She isn’t old. She’s only twenty-six.”
Kaley’s eyes went wide again. Super wide. “Dad. Oh, my God. Dad.”
“I know. It’s crazy. She’s a waitress at a diner where I used to eat, and she invited me on a date, and then I stayed the night with her. It was just that once. I knew she was too young for me. I knew better.”
“When is the baby due?”
“I don’t know.”
“How can you not know?”
“She didn’t tell me and I didn’t ask. All I know is that she’s around five weeks and they’re going to do an ultrasound at six weeks.”
“It’s still really early.”
“Our date was around Valentine’s Day. It was the gallery opening I mentioned to you.”
“Oh, yes. I remember that. So what’s your baby mama’s name?”
His baby mama? He didn’t like that phrase. It was too carefree a depiction. “Dana.”
“Is she nice? Will I like her?”
“Yes, I think you’ll like her.”
Eric could see her expression change as she mulled it over, an intrigued light glittering in her dark eyes.
“This is actually pretty exciting, Dad. I mean, first I meet my birth parents and now I’m going to have a little brother or sister. Are you and Dana going to start dating again?”
“No, Kaley, it isn’t like that.”
She gaped at him. “You’re having a baby together, but you’re not going to pursue a relationship?”
“I told you, she’s too young for me.”
“Come on, what’s age? Only a number.”
“I hate that saying.”
“’Cause you’re being a grump. At least try to rejoice in the baby you created.”
“I don’t know how to be a father again.”
LOST AND FOUND HUSBAND Page 5