And age? Status? Perhaps around his age - 23? 24? But with regard to status it was impossible for him to guess. She looked like she had no money, and had not come from money. But when she did speak she gave no indication of having had no education or at least teaching in good manners, so he did not think she had grown up very poor. And the way she ate - the level of control she had displayed during both meals they had enjoyed together, in cutting every piece of food into the smallest size before she ate it - was that from the way she was raised in childhood? Or something she had started to do later in life?
He then remembered her reaction to seeing his house when they had first arrived - the degree to which she had seemed so awestruck by it even though it was just a normal old house. As if she had never been in a house before, in her entire life. And Anthony found himself wondering, how could that be? Even in the biggest cities he knew there were regular houses - plenty of them - so what had intrigued her so much about it?
Suddenly he heard and saw her giggle at something that happened in the movie, and he smiled at the sight and sound. What a complex person she was. Certainly in one day - and not even a whole day yet - she had taken him on a journey of learning and wonder. And now they sat in his home together, doing such a mundane thing as watching a movie together, and he realised the degree to which he was somewhat perplexed by the whole situation. The day had begun as normal - getting up far too early in the morning to go into work at the supermarket bakery, and then leaving once the day's work was done, still fairly early in the morning. He couldn't even remember now what he had intended to do when he left work, as it was only a few minutes after walking out the door of the supermarket that he had almost run into her.
He looked at the time on the old clock on the mantelpiece and knew that soon he would have to go to bed. It was a tempting thought to call in sick and not go to work in the morning, but he would not do that. He could not let his boss or work colleagues down, and there was never a downtime in that bakery. He looked at the movie and judged that there was probably only another half hour left to go before it finished, so settled back quietly and resolved he would go to bed once it finished.
When the credits started running, Alexis found herself relieved of a wide array of emotions. The movie had made her cry at one point, thoughtful in some moments, but laugh in many. And she had needed that - desperately.
She sat up and stretched before turning her head and seeing Anthony sitting quietly, looking at the screen before turning to look at her also.
"I shall have to leave you now as I need to go to bed, Allie," he said quietly.
Alexis looked at the clock and then at him with curiosity.
"It is only 8 o'clock. Why do you go to bed so early?" she asked and he smiled at her.
"I have to start work at 3 o'clock, so that all the baking is done before the supermarket opens at 8. Are you feeling alright?" he asked, still not sure if he should leave her alone or not, but she nodded at him.
"Yes, watching a movie was a good idea. I feel much better now, thank you."
Anthony stood up to leave and saw her stand also.
"Do you want me to…" she started to ask and he could see the same question on her face that she had asked him when they had first arrived at the house earlier that day.
Before he replied he made sure to keep his tone quiet and not as forceful as he had responded earlier - the sound of which had seemed to have been what had sent her into a trance.
"Allie, you are a guest in my home. I invited you here because there is nowhere else for you to stay tonight, or tomorrow night. What I want from you - what will give me peace of mind - is simply knowing that you are safe and you are okay. Please don't offer that again. Not only is it not … required … but it doesn't sit well with who I am. I don't know you, but I don't believe that you are not worth more than that, so don't offer yourself to me - or anyone else," he said and could see thoughtfulness pass over her face, as if she understood the individual words but just couldn't quite understand what he just said - what he meant. "You are welcome to put on another movie if you wish…"
Alexis looked at him, not knowing what she wanted or how she felt - especially with him not seeming to need anything from her - but certainly the thought of being able to spend a whole night in a bed without any fear was appealing to her.
"No, I think I shall go to bed also. I do feel tired."
They looked at each other and he started to turn away.
"Anthony," he heard her say, and turned back to her, to see her move forward and tentatively put her arms around him loosely, making him respond by putting his arms around her, equally loosely. "Thank you for helping me," she said and when she pulled back he could see tears in her eyes again. "You are a very kind man."
After giving her a soft smile he turned and walked away, down the corridor to the bathroom, turning off most of the lights as he went, but leaving the main hallway one on.
Alexis waited until he was in the bathroom with the door closed, before she walked into her bedroom and closed her door. There she sat on the bed and waited until she heard the bathroom door open again, and then another door close further down the hallway. Only then did she open her bag and pull out the new toothbrush and toothpaste she had bought the day before, and make her way into the bathroom for her final activity of the day before returning to her room, taking off only her jeans and jersey, and climbing into the bed in her t-shirt and underwear, to finally let herself drift off.
~~~~~
Sun was streaming through the window even though the curtains were pulled, and it took a few minutes for Alexis to remember where she was. The sleep that she had experienced in the night had been incredible, and this bed that she was lying in, felt like it had been made just for her. She had a natural instinct to jump out of bed and start doing things - something - anything - but caught herself in time to let herself have a small smile to herself that today she might be able to do not much at all - and certainly nothing to a schedule that was set by someone else.
She lay in bed as long as she could before she knew she would have to jump out to go to the bathroom. When she approached her bedroom door she stood still and listened carefully. She did not hear anyone around, and knew that Anthony had said he would be at work early, but she put on her jeans and jersey just in case, and then tentatively tiptoed across the hallway to the bathroom. While in there she looked at the deep claw-footed bath longingly - she couldn't even remember the last time she'd had a bath - not in privacy by herself, anyway. Certainly over the previous 48 hours she had only washed briefly in public bathrooms, from small hand basins. Yes, she thought to herself, she would ask Anthony later about the possibility of having a bath. Possibly he would even expect her to just have one without asking, given how generous he had already been with her, but it was inside of her to not make any assumption like that, and to wait to ask properly … or to be told.
After visiting the bathroom she walked lightly into the kitchen, thinking she might be alone in the house, and found herself startled when she saw him sitting at the dining table.
"Sorry to scare you. Are you alright?" he asked softly, taking in the fact that she was once again wearing the same clothes as the day before.
"I…" she stuttered as she tried calm down after her initial shock, to find words. "I thought you were going to work."
He laughed at her softly.
"I did go to work, Allie. It is 10 o'clock - I have already done my six hours of work, and have been home for almost an hour," he said and slowly saw her gain understanding of what he was saying. "Would you like me to make you some coffee?"
Alexis nodded and then remembered her manners before he could stand up.
"No! Gosh, no, Anthony, I can make myself a cup of coffee. Would you like another cup?" she asked and saw a look of pleasant surprise pass over his face.
"Yes," he said quietly, already seeing a difference in the demeanour of the woman in front of him. "Thank you."
Alexis go
t to work, finding her way around the large kitchen, and brought the two cups to the table, putting his down in front of him before she sat down opposite him. It felt strange, like it was an intimacy … but she knew it was strange feeling only because she couldn't remember anything this … normal … in her life for so long.
She fought for words in her head, determined to begin working on the biggest regret of her life - her inability to converse easily with people.
"How was your work?" she asked and he felt like he was under a bit of a spell all of a sudden, like he was with a different person from the day before.
"It was fun. I always love my work. I brought home some unsuccessful cake though - surviving bits of an unfortunate casualty in my baking this morning," he said as he laughed softly. "So I am sorry but you might be forced to eat ugly-but-tasty cake later," he continued, not thinking about his choice of words, and immediately saw a cloud pass over her face. When he played back his wording in his mind and realised his reference to force, he could have slapped himself, so had to quickly think of a way to cover the reference up.
"Sorry. I wouldn't really force you to eat it - in fact now that I think of it I don't think I shall even share it. I want to keep it all for myself … sorry, no cake sharing today," he started to say in a mock thoughtful state, and did manage to get a smile out of her as she relaxed, making him relax also.
They sat in silence for some time, Alexis finding the view out of the window attractive and enticing. Following her view, Anthony spoke.
"Do you want to see my back yard? I can give you a tour if you like. I am not much of a gardener, but I do prefer to eat what I grow, when I can."
She nodded and stood up with him, intending to follow behind him before realising that he was purposely making her go first. It flustered her, but also pleased her, because she knew that was how things were meant to be in polite society - a man should let a woman go first - and she was not sure how or why she had let someone convince her in recent years that she deserved otherwise.
Out in the yard, Anthony took his time, showing her all the spoils to be had in his small but sufficient garden. Pointing out his beans, peas, greens, fruit trees and berries, he intermittently looked at her face and was pleased to see her in awe once again, as she had been when they had arrived at the house the day before.
"It isn't much, but it's home, and it's enough for me," he was saying and Alexis smiled broadly at him.
"It's perfect," she said, for the first time seeming to be a completely open and easy going person.
"Thank you," he whispered softly, feeling a bit blown away by the difference in her, but at the same time wondering if this confident mood was here to stay or he could expect some more unexplainable moments ahead. "Allie, do you want to have a shower? Or a bath? If you do, please do so. I have a good water system here and there is usually a decent amount of hot water," he started to say, not wanting to alarm her again at the thought of what he might want from her. "I already had my shower, when I came home from work, so you can use the bathroom for as long as you want. There is shampoo and stuff in there. And if you want to change your clothes, I will be doing a laundry wash soon, and anything we hang out soon should dry today if this weather holds, so would be clean and dry for your trip tomorrow."
Alexis looked at him, suddenly feeling the weight of the grime on her, and nodded shyly.
"I will do that, thank you," she said quietly. "Now?" she then asked, surprising him because it sounded like she was asking … if he wanted her to wash now. It gave him a hint that there was a very good chance that side of her that had revealed itself so strongly yesterday, most definitely was still there - it might be hidden for the moment but it was there, and it was very likely to come out again.
"Whenever you wish to, Allie. Honestly - if you want to have a bath now, you can. If you want to have a shower now, you can. If you want to have either later, you can."
He watched her face as she seemed to transform again - as if firstly trying to get her head around the fact that she was allowed to make the decision herself. Then, upon realising that, taking time to actually make the decision.
"Yes, I will go and have a bath now, if you are sure," she said and looked at him for confirmation, but he purposely stood there with as much of a blank look on his face that he could produce, forcing her to still make the decision and not bow down to him like she seemed to want to do. Finally, seeing that he was not going to say anything, she nodded at him and smiled shyly. "Okay, I am going to have a bath."
Anthony watched her turn and walk away, thinking to himself - even without any knowledge of psychology - that she had a long way to go to even start to undo whatever had been done to her in recent years.
Alexis looked through her bag and found all clean items to throw together a different ensemble. It wouldn't be pretty but it would feel good to have something different on - anything different on. Then she went through to the bathroom and found herself growing steadily excited as she began to run the bath. She sat on the edge of it, watching the water flow, and felt herself starting to become mesmerized by it, but couldn't stop herself.
She roused herself to turn the taps off and undress, before climbing in and sinking down into the water, going right down so that even her face and hair were submerged. When she came up she instantly felt more invigorated and not wanting to get out to have a separate shower, shampooed and rinsed her hair in the bath water and massaged in the conditioner before relaxing back and letting the feeling of potential freedom flow over her. Picking up soap from the end of the bath she grabbed a facecloth and started to actually wash herself, not caring about the colour the water was turning with two days of travel coming off her.
As she closed her eyes and washed, her mind started to wander back … and all of a sudden she felt like she was transported. She was in her own bath and he had instructed her to clean herself - properly - thoroughly - and then come to him in the bedroom, where he would be waiting for her. She must be thoroughly clean and she must be hairless where he wanted her to be. There could be not even the slightest presence of stubble, and there could be no dirt - she must be scrubbed so clean that there was only fresh skin showing, and no dullness of dead skin cells.
As Alexis thought about all of this, she started unknowingly scrubbing at her skin with the facecloth. But she had to shave. Where was her shaver? She was confused now, not knowing where it was - not knowing where she was - and she started to panic. What would he do if she was not shaven? What would he do?
She suddenly got out of the bath and walked to the door, not understanding why there was no shaver there. Where else would there be a razor, because she had to shave…
Anthony watched the time on the clock as he sat in the lounge, feeling a little unnerved by knowing she was in the bath. He had removed his razor and blades, and anything else that gave him a bad feeling about her having access to when she had this ability to go into a trance and become different - like she was a different person.
When thirty minutes had passed his nervousness reached a new level and although he didn't want to intrude on her or cause her any stress, his level of concern now surpassed any regard for her privacy, and he went to the bathroom with full intention of at least simply knocking and asking if she was alright.
He stood at the door, uncertain of whether it was right to disturb her or not, but as he was about to call out, just to ask if she was okay, the door opened.
Looking downward when she opened the door, she saw his feet and did not rightly comprehend who was in front of her, and he saw her, naked, drop to her knees and sit still with her head down.
"Oh, no you don't," he said to her, and saw that she would not respond to that tone. He grabbed a large bath towel from the rack and put it around her first, before putting on a voice of command. "Allie, stand up!"
Immediately she did so, but he still had to hold onto the towel around her - she just didn't seem aware of anything going on. When she was at eye level with him agai
n he saw that her eyes were now glazed over. He took in the sight before him. She had bathed but she had conditioner thick in her hair, and she was just … 'gone' … for the moment. He waited to see if she would just snap out of it but when she didn't he cringed inside, not knowing what to do.
He tried the same thing he had done the day before.
"Allie! Look right at me!" he said to her firmly, his voice verging on yelling, but she just did not respond so easily as she had the previous day.
He looked around him, feeling helpless. He was still holding the towel around her and he didn't want to let that go, out of respect, but her clothes were a distance away from them … and her hair was slick with the conditioner. Finally his frustration got the better of him.
"FUCK!!!" he yelled loudly, beyond the point of being able to think straight and decide what was the right thing to do in this weird situation he had found himself in.
Surprisingly, the level at which he had yelled finally seemed to reach her. He was trying to hold the towel securely around her with one hand, while using his foot to reach out to her pile of clean clothes on the floor, to try and drag them over so he could at least dress her. He had almost gotten them right over when he heard her voice.
"Anthony! What are you doing?!" she exclaimed and finally took hold of the towel herself.
He looked at her, relieved but at the same time horrified at what it must look like to her, with him being in the bathroom with her.
"Allie, are you back? Please tell me that you are really here!" he said more forcefully than he would have preferred.
"What…?" she started to ask and then realised she had blacked out again - she could not remember the previous … however long it had been … since she had gotten into the bath.
Painful Deliverance Page 4