Alexis saw the look on his face and for a fleeting moment couldn't decide if she liked him looking at her like that or not. There was no reason to fear Anthony looking at her with desire, she knew. And a part of her had thought she wanted him to look at her like that. But seeing the look was different than just thinking about it. Suddenly she became aware that perhaps she also wasn't ready to move on with someone into physical intimacy after all.
It was a moment of silence for them both, as they each made their own observations. Then Anthony had to break the silence - it had to be done.
"Were you laughing at my singing, Allie?" he asked with a light hearted tone in his voice, and then pointed the large wooden spoon he had been using, right at her. "Think carefully before you answer because I hold the batter to your pancakes."
Alexis laughed at him, so happy that he could always place humour when it was needed to break an awkward or serious moment.
"Hmm, perhaps I shall keep quiet and just get us some plates and some coffee?" she teased him back, and saw him smile also.
~~~~~
"When do you think you will head back, Allie?" Anthony asked her as they started eating their breakfast. "You can stay as long as you want to - you know that, right?"
She looked at him, thankful that of all the people who could have approached her when she was so vulnerable that day, he was the one who had.
"I have to go back on the train tomorrow afternoon, to go back to work the next morning." As she said it, she saw a moment of seriousness cast over his face, and was touched. "What do you usually do on your days off? Other than rescuing damsels in distress?"
He smiled at her, the serious moment past.
"I begin wars with rose bushes, can't you tell?" he said and laughed. "Usually there is a bit to do around here with the garden and there is always maintenance to be done, so that keeps me busy on my days off."
He paused a while, looking at her and watching her while she ate, remembering how difficult it had been to watch her eat when he first met her - the way she would cut everything into tiny little pieces. She was certainly a much better eater now, he thought to himself. And it showed in her face - and body. She had been too slender when he had first met her, but he had noticed when she came into the kitchen in the dress, that her body and face were both starting to fill out with a more healthy shape - and more curves.
"Although if we have the same days off, I could be tempted into catching a train five hours up the line," he said, still watching her face to see how she would react to the idea.
Alexis stopped and looked at him.
"Really?" she asked, feeling timid all of a sudden. "You would want to do that?"
"Yes, of course I would. I miss our sleepovers - do you still have the same room, with the two beds?"
She nodded, smiling broadly.
"I do."
"And would you still promise not to peak?"
She laughed out loud.
"Well I can't promise that - but I promise to try."
"That sounds acceptable. Now, what would you like to do today?"
~~~~~
They spent the day together, pottering in the garden and watching movies in the evening. Alexis found herself nervous as bed time got closer. Anthony had not said anything to make her nervous, but throughout the day, now and then she remembered the way he had looked at her when she had entered the kitchen that morning.
Thinking about it through the whole day, she knew she didn't want to be sexual with anyone yet - would not want that perhaps for a long while. But looking at him now - as he watched a movie with her - she knew inside of her that he wasn't going to try that … not for a long while, anyway.
Primarily he was her friend, and she wanted to be just as good a friend to him. And that was enough.
"I am going to head off to bed, Allie," he said, giving her a hug. "I shall see you in the morning."
Alexis watched him walk off to his room, and she made her way to hers. And she smiled. This was okay. Spending time with a man and not sharing her body with him - it was okay. It was better than okay - it was nice.
~~~~~
Alexis was at home 24 hours later, back in the guest house and feeling a sliver of loneliness at being on her own again, but at the same time, appreciating that she could be alone, without someone invading her space.
The next day at work she felt invigorated - so alive compared to how she had been in the years before. Anthony was going to come up and see her on her next days off - five days from now - and she was looking forward to that.
When she was almost finished work for the day, a woman came through checkout and shocked Alexis when she said, "You are her. You are the one I shared my husband with for three years."
Alexis didn't have to look up from the scanning she was doing of the woman's items, to know who was standing in front of her. She took her time and kept scanning, and tried to not look up, but after a period of silence, found herself curious.
When she raised her eyes she saw before her a woman who was obviously wealthy - everything about her oozed money and power. She was like a female version of him, Alexis thought to herself.
"I must thank you, really. After you disappeared and the police became involved I learned a lot, not only about you, but also about the things he made you do to him. You must be a strong woman - I could not have done anything like that, but I know how intimidating he can be. And you doing it for him saved me from being asked to, I suppose. So I don't harbour any resentment toward you, Lexi. In a way you saved me. But I am sorry that you went through what you did," the woman said, and Alexis looked into the woman's eyes and was surprised to find herself believing her sincerity. "I hope that you have now found happiness. I have moved on from him also. He and I both agreed that he obviously needs something … different. Keep happy, Lexi. And stay strong."
Then she was walking out. That was the first and last time Alexis ever met Diana Kokiri.
~~~~~
"Really?" Anthony asked her as they lay in their individual beds in the guest house on his next visit to see her.
Alexis had just relayed to him what Diana had said to her, and he was enjoying listening to her speak. It hadn't escaped his attention that she now spoke with so much animation, like she was a completely different person from when he had met her.
"How incredible, and unexpected. Were you afraid when you realised who she was though?"
"I was frozen. I didn't know what she might do there in the store - in my workplace. And I don't know if she was sincere - I have doubts that she could be, really - but it doesn't matter. That chapter is over with now."
"But why do you think she happened to be in your supermarket, Allie? Of all cities, and all supermarkets. Do you think that she knew you were there, and came to find you?"
Alexis had thought about that also, and Anthony saw a worried look cross over her face.
"I don't know. It does seem a huge coincidence, that she would walk into the supermarket I am working in - and not even in her city - doesn't it."
They both lay silent, similar thoughts going through each of their heads.
"But what if you saw him again, Allie? What do you think you would do then?"
Alexis took time to think about that - as she had many times in recent weeks.
"I would hope I am a stronger person now - but I guess I shall never know."
No more was said after that but Alexis lay awake long into the night - well after she heard Anthony's breathing change, indicating he had found sleep. She didn't want to be, but she was worried about whether Diana would tell Lincoln where she was … and whether he would come after her. Although at least now the police would believe her if something happened - probably.
~~~~~
The next morning Anthony prepared to catch the train back to his hometown, with some regret in his heart. He had spent two nights with Alexis again - doing their established 'sleepover' thing, which he did enjoy. They had seen a movie together, eaten out togethe
r, and talked a lot.
Now they could be open about being together and didn't have to hide from the outside world, she always walked with him to the train station to see him off right at the train, rather than him leaving her in the guest house.
Alexis walked beside him in the approach to the train, trying to will her mind to not think sad thoughts. He was a good friend, and that was something to celebrate, not be upset about in any way.
When they reached the platform he turned to her and put his arms around her, before kissing her on her forehead, as he always did. But this time he held her just a bit longer and a bit tighter, and Alexis relished the feeling. She wouldn't push him - she would never push him - but she openly admitted to both of them how much she liked being in his arms. She didn't want to hide that.
"I have to go, Allie, but I'll see you in a couple of weeks, right? You will come down and stay with me?" he asked, looking into her face and seeing her nod, with a sad smile on her face.
"I will. Definitely," she replied and when he looked at her then he knew his heart was mending properly … finally … from Cynthia's death. Flowing on from that realisation was him reaching up to touch the cheek of the woman in front of him, and leaning in to kiss her softly on the lips. He wasn't quite there yet, but he knew he was close to being ready to move on, and he knew Alexis was ready too. He would never push her but he knew how she felt. She hadn't been pushy toward him, but she had gently let him know how she felt, and what she would like.
He pulled away and saw surprise on her face. He could also see determination - determination to accept the kiss for what it was and not react - or overreact - to it.
Alexis pulled right back and smiled at him.
"Have a safe trip home, Anthony. I will see you again soon."
~~~~~
Two weeks later she was on the train herself, looking forward to seeing him but also apprehensive as she didn't really know what the kiss had meant - if anything. But she would let him lead. And if nothing immediately happened, then before she left to come home again, she would ask him directly if he wanted things to change. She wouldn't go on forever, wishing he would just tell her. She would never again wish for a man to tell her what he wanted her to do.
Anthony was at the train station, waiting for her, when she stepped down from the carriage. It surprised her as he had not done that before - always she just walked up to his home and saw him there.
Immediately upon seeing her, he walked up to her and put his arms around her, and kissed her lightly and quickly on the lips again, before pulling away and guiding her in their walking.
"I want to take you somewhere new," he said softly, and Alexis just nodded and let him lead the way.
Half an hour later she found herself being guided into a cemetery, and in her gut thought she knew where they might be going.
"Allie, this is Cynthia," Anthony was saying, as he pointed to a young gravestone. "Cynthia, this is Allie," he continued, making Alexis laugh inwardly although she didn't want to do so outwardly, fearing it would be disrespectful for the love he had lost. "Cynthia, I've brought Allie here today so you can meet her, because I still love you, and I know I will never forget our time together," he said, now looking at Alexis even though his words were obviously directed at his lost love, "but now the time has come for me to move on. And I want to do that with the beautiful woman with me here - Allie."
Alexis felt tears come to her eyes. The way he was speaking, and the way he was talking to her and Cynthia, seemed too beautiful to her - like she should not be part of this. But she remained quiet as he continued.
"Allie, please tell me you feel the same way as I do. If you don't that is okay - I love … having you as a friend. Nothing will change."
Anthony saw her break down then and thought he might have misread … everything. But although she didn't speak then, he did see her nodding at him, while she turned away and tried to hide her tears. Instinctively he pulled her close and held her against him.
They stood together like that for a long time, drawing strength from each other, and then finally pulled apart.
"I'm still not ready for sexual intimacy, Allie," he said and she nodded at him, knowing she might not be there yet either. "But I would very much like to keep trying the kissing thing."
She laughed at him - it was such an … Anthony … thing to say. And she nodded again, still speechless.
He held her again before holding her hand and guiding her out of the cemetery and back to his home. They said nothing for the journey, both feeling nervousness inside of them.
Once in his home he switched to normal, relaxed mode, and nothing more was said of a serious nature. It was good for Alexis. She needed to know she would not be forced - pressured - into doing something she might not want to, and Anthony was aware of it also. It made things easy between them, both working so hard to not pressure the other.
After an afternoon of talking, eating, and spending time in the garden, they settled down on the sofa and watched a movie together. When it finished he turned it off and they sat together, looking at one another.
"I meant it when I said I can't share that kind of intimacy yet, Allie," Anthony said one more time, just wanting to be absolutely certain she didn't assume they would sleep together that night.
"I know. I feel the same, Anthony. I don't want to rush there. There is no need to…"
Anthony, despite best intentions, could hold back from kissing her no longer, and leaned in and kissed her lips, again softly. He did so again, and again, and felt her move and change quickly and considerably in the intensity of her kissing. Alexis became aware of it and eased off, desperate to move it back a notch so they were just beginning their kissing exploration again.
When they pulled apart, she saw from the clock that they had been kissing for an hour. For a whole hour she had enjoyed his lips on hers, and he had not asked her for anything, and had not touched her in any other way. Anthony looked at her during this revelation and saw her smile at him, and then blush, and he knew he was going to enjoy moving through this phase of their relationship. She was right - there was no need to rush.
"I am going to go to bed. Your room is made up and ready for you," he said, standing up and kissing her on her forehead before leaving her. Alexis sat in the living room for a while longer, processing the feeling of having been kissed for so long, before making her way to her bedroom and drifting off to sleep.
~~~~~
Over the next two days they did much of the same - watched movies, kissed, ate, kissed, gardened … kissed. It was freeing for both of them - for Anthony easing into feeling like it was alright for him to move on from Cynthia. For Alexis, knowing she could move into another relationship without having to indulge in things she didn't want to - and at a speed that was easy on her.
"I will come up to see you week after next," Anthony said to her as they stood at the station, ready for her to get on the train that would take her back to her home.
"I look forward to it," Alexis replied, and for the first time, initiated a kiss herself. Looking at his face, she knew it was okay for her to reach up with her hands and pull his face down to hers, and kiss him, openly and without any hiding.
Anthony smiled inwardly at her doing it - he knew it was a big step for her, to be able to be the initiator, and he felt a slight sense of pride toward her for starting to move into another level of confidence with him.
They stood like that - kissing and holding each other - until the conductor announced all passengers should be on the train. Then she was gone, leaving Anthony painfully looking forward to the next week and a half passing.
~~~~~
The pattern continued for the next two months - him travelling to see her for two nights, and then her doing the same. During that time they still only kissed, but it felt incredibly safe and … right.
On the second night of one of his visits, Anthony walked out of the bathroom, having had a shower, to find her standing at the window. She had
all of the lights off but the curtains open, letting lights of the city flow into the room. He walked up behind her and placed his hands on her hips, moving in so his chest was touching her back, and felt her lean back toward him.
Alexis felt him there and knew that she could allow herself to accept that she was calm and safe with him. She had nothing to worry about with him. He was a good man. He would not hurt her. He would not ask her to hurt him.
She reached back and took his hands in hers, pulling his arms around her so they rested over her belly, and they both stood like that, looking out over the city together.
Anthony knew he was at the point he had needed to reach. He didn't know if she was. And he was afraid of pushing. Alexis was in the same position, and she was enjoying standing there, right in that moment, with his arms around her like they were.
Naturally she tilted her head, making her hair fall away to one side, and Anthony couldn't help but kiss her neck where it was bare. Only lightly, but it was enough to sense her feelings. He kept kissing her there, while holding her tight, his mouth moving all over the area of her neck that was exposed skin.
Alexis remained still except for the natural swaying that was happening in her body. Her focus was on the feelings of his lips on her skin, and she made no move to get away from that. She wanted him to do that for however long he wanted to - she would not stop him.
Anthony felt himself longing for her - now he had reached that point of wanting and acceptance, he was very aware of her body and how it was reacting to him kissing her as he was. When he felt her turn herself around and face him, he looked at her and waited to see if she really wanted this herself, or if she just wanted to please him. If the latter, he didn't want to move things forward. But when she looked up at him, she reached up to kiss him on his lips and he knew in the depth of his gut that she was doing it not to please him, but purely because it was something she truly wanted - for herself.
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