by Kristen Echo
Sounds of the television in the adjacent room filled the silence from hers. The thin walls provided no barrier. She quickly checked her bank account and cried harder. She shut off the phone and buried her face in a pillow. Then the walls shook as the bed next door slammed against it. Her neighbors were having sex. Their moans and grunts couldn’t be drowned by the television. The day couldn’t get any worse.
Chapter 10
Banging on the door woke her at the crack of dawn. Gwen squeezed the pillow hard, mustering the courage to face him. She didn’t need to answer to know who stood on the other side. Spencer refused to be ignored. She dragged herself out of bed, not bothering to fix her hair or clothing. There was no point in hiding her sad state.
Once she opened the door, he burst into the room looking equally haggard. He wore jeans and a t-shirt. His hair poked in all directions as though he’d been pulling at it all night.
“What the fuck are you doing back here?” He paced the tiny room like a caged animal.
She tugged at her tank top, trying to cover her bare legs. “Not many alternatives.”
The room was hot. Having an extra person so close wasn’t helping. She hadn’t been expecting company. Her bag lay open on the luggage stand and her clothing from the previous day was scattered across the floor. Gwen sat on the edge of the bed. The mattress creaked and whined under the strain.
“You should be at my place,” he said, as if that option made sense. “Why did you leave?”
The better question was why had she ever been there in the first place? All day she’d been tormented by her decisions and the consequences of her actions. With no one to blame but herself, she’d come to terms with what had happened and had forgiven herself. But that didn’t mean she had to forgive him. She narrowed her eyes and didn’t answer.
He stopped pacing and leaned against the wall next to a cheap painting of a rose. She focused on the petals and ignored him.
“For fuck sakes,” he shouted, drawing her attention. “Talk to me.” Spencer scrubbed a hand over his face as his blue eyes roamed her body.
The tank top barely reached the top of her thighs. He stared at her legs. The suggestive way he licked his lips made her uneasy. He sat and pulled her onto his lap. Holding her hostage. She tried to wriggle away, but he was too strong. After a minute, she stopped fighting.
He buried his face in her hair. “Don’t run again. Unlike when we were kids, I’ll chase you till the ends of the Earth.”
Her body stiffened. She’d run for good reasons. “You’re a piece of work. No. You’re an asshole.”
“I’ve been called worse. One doesn’t become a billionaire by always being a nice guy.”
She harrumphed and looked away. “Could have fooled me.”
“I’m not trying to.”
“Bullshit,” she snapped. “You said you don’t play games, but you’re playing me and my sister. It’s my own stupidity for trusting you. I’m not even sure why you’re here. You’re too busy for anything meaningful.”
“Don’t tell me what I have time for,” he barked. “And you’ve got things twisted around.”
“You’re the twisted one. I should have remembered you’re not the faithful type.”
He gripped her chin, forcing her to look at him. “Explain. I’ve been nothing but honest and true with you.”
“Why lie?”
“I’m not fucking lying. What is it you think I’ve done?” His nostrils flared. “I’m not with your sister. Not the way you’re thinking. I’m not interested in anyone but you.”
“Right.” She pulled his hand from her face. “Next you’ll say you weren’t dating other women when we were together before too. I know what you were doing all those nights you were too busy to see me.”
“I wasn’t with anyone else. Is that why you dumped me? Because you thought I cheated.” He tipped his head back and stared at the ceiling. A long exhale followed. “For the record, I never cheated on you. Never.” When he looked at her again, he had the nerve to look hurt.
“You’re a really good liar. I’d consider believing you, if I hadn’t seen you with my own eyes. Hadn’t heard you confirm it. And I guess you’re calling my sister the liar.” She pointed her finger against his chest. “Well, screw you. I believe my sister.”
“Let’s conquer one issue at a time.” He cupped her cheeks. “What did you see? When we dated years ago, tell me what made you decide to skip town.”
“You act surprised, but I’d been talking about heading west for a while. Besides you, nothing else in my life was any good.” She’d met Spencer when her emotions were all over the place. Things at home had been rough. Her sister wouldn’t talk to her and her father acted like a zombie, following her mother’s death.
“Leaving without saying goodbye shocked the hell out of me. We had a date, and you left me waiting around the rink like a chump,” he accused.
“Oh, I showed up. Even got there early. Then your buddies cornered me.” Having two massive hockey players back her against the wall and proposition her had been scary. Swatting their hands had been nothing compared to their crude comments.
“What happened? Who hurt you?”
Gwen swallowed hard. They hadn’t touched her, but their words inflicted enough damage. “Tanner and Rick called me a whore and offered to pay me to sleep with them. Said they’d double what you paid. It was gross. Then they explained you were sleeping with other girls and bragging about what a great whore I was. Said you wouldn’t care if they double teamed me. The jerks got right in my face and laughed about how I gave you my virginity. I can’t believe you told them.”
“I didn’t” he seethed.
“Well they knew and claimed you boasted about it being money well spent. I pushed them away and dismissed their hurtful words.” She’d never taken Spencer’s money, but she’d let him pay for everything. Suddenly, the chivalry seemed like payment. It made her feel cheap and used.
“Those two were jealous because my girl was the nicest, most understanding and most beautiful,” he explained. “All the guys wanted to date you, but you were mine. Until you left me. Did you leave because of those dipshits?”
“No. I didn’t believe them until you walked in holding hands with another girl. I hid behind the drink machine. You smiled at each other and your cheeks were flushed. The girl was hanging all over you and hugged you tight. Not a we just met kind of hug.”
“You got it wrong. We—”
“I trusted you when you ditched me over and over for school and hockey. You had a busy schedule,” she continued. “But I’d often wondered if you were tempted by the girls at university. Someone smarter and less of a mess.”
“Never. Gwen,” he pressed his forehead against hers. “I liked that you needed me.”
“Teenage insecurities got the better of me, I guess. After that girl went to the canteen, those pricks approached you. They told you your whore was here to see you.”
He cringed but said nothing.
“You didn’t defend me. You laughed and asked which one. I was mortified. Then you all had a good laugh at my expense.” She covered his mouth when he tried to speak. “I snuck out without you seeing me. When I got home, I broke down. My dad was scared I might do something foolhardy. He bought me a ticket to visit his sister on the coast, hoping a change of scenery would shake me from my funk. I got on the bus the next day.”
The move had been tough but worked to reset her mind. Gwen ended up going to college in Vancouver and never looked back. Thinking Spencer had somehow paid for her affections had plagued her, and she’d refused to date anyone with money since. A tear slid down her cheek and he wiped it away.
She smacked his arm. “I hate you.”
He held her wrists as she tried to hit him again. “You don’t. Gwen, I swear I never cheated. Never wanted anyone else but you.”
“Then why say those things?”
He shook his head. “I said the wrong thing by calling women whores. But we were kid
s, and we called all the girlfriends whores back then. Doesn’t make it right, and I’m sorry.”
“The girl?”
“My cousin. She was going through a breakup and I thought introducing her to some new guys might help. She needed a friend. I figured the two of you might get along. Why would you believe those idiots? I loved you,” he said.
Her heart felt like it might beat out of her chest. “You had never said those words? How was I supposed to know?”
“I’d never been in love before. You stole my heart the second we met. You had to know I was crazy about you. We were navigating those first love waters together. At least, I thought you knew how I felt.” He scratched the stubble on this chin.
“I didn’t.”
“Without the words, I showed you I loved you. It was more than sex; we made love. You should have talked to me before running away.”
All the pain and tears could have been avoided if they’d been better at communicating. Gwen closed her eyes. “You should have told me you loved me, so I wouldn’t have doubted you.” She opened her eyes and locked them with his. “It wasn’t all you. I could have tried harder. If I’m being one hundred percent honest, I needed to get away. Hating you gave me the push I needed. Dad had been telling me to go to his sisters for months. Living in the house without my mom was killing me.”
“I saw you struggling, but we could have moved together in the fall like we’d talked about.”
She dropped her arms and he let go. “Spencer, we were young. You had all sorts of big dreams. We talked about a lot of stuff that never would have happened.”
“But it could have,” he protested.
“Your life was full, and you were making connections. I would have only held you back. If not that misunderstanding, there would have been others. I needed to break free.”
“The only reason I didn’t call to check up on you was because I hadn’t wanted to wake your dad or sister. The next day your dad told me you’d moved and wouldn’t give me your aunt’s number. You left like what we had meant nothing. If it wasn’t for summer classes, I would have traveled across the country to bring you back and demand answers. I wanted to. This thing between us is real. I never got over you.”
“I never stopped loving you either,” she admitted. “But it doesn’t change things. You’re dating my sister. That’s not something I can move past when I’m here to rebuild things with her. She’s my family. Cherie and Wes are my priority.”
He gripped her face between his hands. “Nothing is going on with me and Cherie. I want you. I want the life we should have had.”
His mouth swallowed her protest. He kissed her hard. His lips bruised hers. She gasped, and his tongue invaded. He wasn’t gentle. He pulled her hair and bit her lip. His raw need flowed into her, reaching down to her toes. She clawed his arms and tugged his shirt. Gwen wanted nothing more than to let things progress and be with him. But that couldn’t happen.
She gripped his biceps and pushed him away. They couldn’t do that anymore.
“You should go,” she whispered.
“After everything we discussed, you can’t mean that.”
“I mean every word.” She climbed off his lap and headed for the door. Her fingers traced her puffy lips. “Our conversation about the past changes nothing. I would always have left; that incident propelled the inevitable. You’re a good guy, not an asshole. I’m sorry for thinking the worst. I was wrong.”
“You believe me?”
“I do,” she conceded. She believed his side of events, but her sister’s words continued to flash like an emergency sign in her head. Cherie liked him. Getting closer to Spencer could ruin the fragile relationship she was rebuilding. No man was worth losing her family.
It was one or the other. She couldn’t have both.
He joined her by the door. “Come home with me. This is only the beginning for us.”
“I can’t.” She shook her head and a wayward tear fell.
“I won’t let you stay here. If you don’t feel comfortable staying with me, let me set you up someplace else.”
She stared at the disgusting carpet, considering his offer. His money came with strings. She refused to hurt Cherie by accepting his help. “Thank you for the offer, but I’ll be fine here for a few more days.”
Spencer kissed the top of her head and hugged her. “I’m not letting you go. Gwen, I’ve loved two women in my life and you’re one of them. My feelings for you run as deep today as they did then. I’m not afraid to put myself out there. I love you.”
His proclamation pierced her resolve. She’d only loved twice, and she still loved Spencer with all her heart.
“I’m sorry. I don’t want to be with you,” she lied, twisting the doorknob. Until she could fix things with her sister, Spencer was off limits. It was simple. She had to look ahead. “Please go.”
Chapter 11
Gwen had pushed Spencer out the door without telling him the truth. Watching him walk down the hall with his head hung low had broken something inside her. She’d made a lot of poor decisions in her lifetime, but she’d never regretted any as much as that one. She had to right that wrong, but she needed to talk to Cherie first.
The days of being ignored were over.
After a long and cold shower, she hopped on the first bus. It turned out to be the wrong one. The extra-long trip gave her a chance to prepare what she wanted to say. By the time she arrived at her sister’s condo complex, she had a plan. Gwen crossed her fingers and called her sister for the third time.
As expected, Cherie never answered. Gwen adjusted her large sunglasses as she peered up at the wall of windows. The sun hid behind the clouds as she rang her sister again. The phone went to voicemail over and over. She never left a message.
Waiting outside, she tapped her flip-flops against the concrete and debated her next move. She hated bringing Westlyn into this, but she had no choice. She dialed her number and waited.
The phone rang four times before she answered. “Hi,” she yawned.
“Morning, my girl. How are you?”
“Sleeping,” she rasped. “It took me a long time to fall asleep.”
Gwen rubbed the back of her neck. “I’m so sorry I woke you up. How come you couldn’t sleep?”
“Kept seeing his smile in every corner of the dark room. At first, I try to hold on to the vision as long as I can. Then it hurts too much. I wish he’d stop haunting me. Turning on the lights doesn’t help, but I’m alive. So, there’s that.”
“Did you take your pills?”
“My head is fine. It’s my heart that won’t heal,” Wes snapped. “I don’t want to talk about this anymore. Can I go back to sleep?”
“I won’t press you,” she answered, wishing she could make everything better. “Can you check if your aunt’s home? She’s not answering my calls.”
“Fine.” A long moment of silence followed. “She’s home. I’m sorry she’s ignoring you. Want me to give her my phone?”
“Don’t be sorry,” she replied. “It’s not your fault and I don’t want to put you in the middle, but can you tell her I’m outside? She can either—”
“Why didn’t you say that earlier?” Wes huffed. “I’ll buzz you in and then I’m crawling back under the covers for the rest of the day.”
“You’re the best. I love you,” Gwen said as she approached the building entrance.
A minute later, she stood in front of her sister’s home. Staring at the chipped pink nail polish on her big toe, she tapped at the door. No one came. She knocked louder.
Wes answered and hugged her mother. “She’s in the kitchen. I don’t want to be involved, so I’ll catch you later.”
Gwen held her daughter, drawing strength from her presence. “I missed you.”
“You can let go anytime,” Wes pleaded.
“Again, I’m sorry I woke you,” Gwen said, releasing the squirming teen.
“It’s cool,” she yawned and stretched her arms above her head. �
��I’m working at the Northcote’s tonight and tomorrow morning. If it all goes well, he’ll give me more hours when he leaves for the NHL Draft this weekend. So, we’ll see each other lots.”
“I… um… won’t be there. But I think it’s great you’re working,” Gwen added.
Westlyn’s eyes widened. “Where will you be? What’s going on? Are we moving again?”
“Whoa… relax. I moved out, and I’m back at the motel. Things between Spencer and I are complicated, and it’s best I not live under his roof.”
“Mom, can’t you stay there and keep your distance? The house is massive. It shouldn’t be hard.” Wes twirled a lock of hair around her finger. “He seems into you. I mean, you guys were laughing lots. I think he’s a super nice guy.”
“He is a good man, but I need to talk with Cherie. Get some rest.” She hugged her daughter and watched her amble towards the guestroom. “Have a good sleep.” With sweaty palms and a lump in her throat, she stepped into the bright kitchen.
Her sister sat at the island, facing her. “Hi,” she said, crossing her arms over her designer blouse.
“Hello,” Gwen croaked and cleared her throat. “Let me start by saying I’m not mad, or angry or sad. I’d like to talk. I understand I’m not your favorite person, but I’m trying. Can you at least meet me halfway?”
“Fine,” Cherie huffed and wrapped her hands around a tall glass of water. “What do you want from me?”
Gwen sat on the stool next to her sister. “I want to clear the air. Bury the hatchet and get to know you. We are family, but you keep me at arm’s length.”
“Whose fault is that?” Cherie reared her head back.
“Mine,” she conceded. “I left and created the divide, but we worked past these issues years ago. You can’t keep—”
“Yeah. You left without a care for anyone but yourself. It’s always been that way. You care more about strangers than your own relatives. You are the most selfish person I’ve ever met,” her sister yelled, tossing her hands in the air.
The need to defend herself rose, and her mouth popped open, but she stuffed it down. They needed this heart to heart. Even if it got ugly.