by A. F. Dery
“No, she’s right. I mess up everything I do and I don’t deserve all you’ve given me,” Kesara said, in a low voice that was gradually rising. “I would pitch myself over the balcony but that would only make everything worse, so instead I’ll just sit here while Graunt pokes at me and accept it as my just recompense.” Her eyes were wet and she was by this time swaying a little where she sat.
Thane gave Graunt a black look. “Would you mind meeting me in the study, please, Graunt?” he asked, in a mild tone entirely contradicted by his face.
Graunt only just managed to stop herself from smiling as she dropped an exaggerated curtsy. “Whatever milord wishes,” she said humbly, pleased at the way his eyes narrowed in annoyance as she left the room.
Thane shut the door behind her and she heard a low murmur of voices through the heavy wood. He was saying something reassuring, Kesara had again begun to cry.
She hastened to the study when she heard them fall silent and Thane appeared shortly afterward.
“She’s about to drop over from exhaustion and you’re nagging at her,” Thane said curtly. “I don’t understand this. You wanted me to accept the bond, didn’t you? You had to know that meant Kes would be part of my life. And yet, you seem intent on driving her mad. What is it you want, exactly, will you tell me that? How did you expect all of this to play out? Did you think I’d stick her on a shelf somewhere?”
“Oh, calm yourself, boy,” Graunt said, clicking her tongue against her teeth. “I don’t object to the Mirror. I’m just making certain she doesn’t try anything so idiotic a second time. If it takes a little guilt, it’s a small price! She’s far too valuable to be disposed of lightly.”
“And the incident from yesterday?” Thane folded his arms across his chest and watched her expectantly.
Graunt chuckled low in her throat. “It was nothing personal. You know it’s a bad idea to try to interrupt me at table.”
“She thought you had been attacked.”
Graunt gave the suggestion of a shrug. Thane continued to watch her until she sighed.
“Did you expect me to become something else, now that there is someone else around?”
“No, old mother,” Thane said, going behind the desk and sitting down heavily. He rubbed at his eyes. He looks tired, Graunt thought, noting his pallor, the darkness around his eyes. The rabbit’s night out wore on him, methinks. “Look, you may not believe it, but I believe that she’s doing the best she can. She had herself convinced that she was compelling me through the bond somehow to do things I didn’t want to do. She didn’t think I would kill her, which is the only way she knows of to break the bond, so she was going to do it herself. She thought- much as you so often do- that what she was doing in my best interest whether I felt that way or not. Right now she’s so tired she can barely stand after what she went through last night-”
“Seems to me you had quite a night yourself,” Graunt observed.
Thane ignored that. “And so I’m sure you see that your harping isn’t actually all that helpful. I’d already spoken with her. I think that particular crisis has passed.”
“Well, I was just making sure of it.” Again, Graunt shrugged. “Can’t hurt, making sure.”
“We’re never going to agree on this, are we?”
“No,” Graunt grinned at him. “I don’t think we are. Her intentions don’t matter to me so much as her actions, and it would have been disaster to have her bleed herself out now. Trouble is coming, my lad, and we will need every advantage to face it, however rabbit-brained that advantage may be.”
Thane frowned. “What trouble do you mean, Graunt? Have you heard something?”
“I’ve heard many things,” Graunt said, settling back in her chair and lacing pointy fingers over the folds of her belly. “The High Lord grows restive with Lyntara, right over his border but untouchable. There’s been talk of Raiders right here in Himself’s own territory, feeling things out.”
“Raiders? Here?” Thane’s frown deepened, the effect truly gruesome. It warmed Graunt’s heart and she suddenly wanted to pat him affectionately on the head, but she restrained herself.
“Yes indeed, my lad. The High Lord tries to get rid of them quickly and destroys the evidence, but of course, word still gets out. It’s a grave insult to one of his stature to find Raiders in his own backyard.”
“Hnh,” Thane murmured, looking deep in thought. “Perhaps his request wasn’t a mere test of my abilities after all. He wants to get rid of the bodies without anyone noticing.”
Graunt, unsure what that was about, merely shrugged. “He has been sending some of his diplomats to the outlying villages where the Raiders have come, supposedly to boost their morale and undo any damaging effects caused by the Raiders, but I have it on good authority that they are accompanied by troops and it’s actually to make sure the townsfolk are scared stupid about nattering on about what has happened to them.”
“That makes no sense, he has to know that wouldn’t work,” Thane said, startled. “And I’ve never known him to use such tactics on civilians.”
“He’s never been in this position for as long as you’ve ruled, Thane,” Graunt chided. “So that doesn’t mean much. You know as well as I that if it becomes more than merely the gabble of servants that Raiders have come here, it will chip away at the Union’s respect of him. He has been so exalted by you lot precisely because he is strong enough to live next door to Lyntara and maintain his country’s independence. He suddenly doesn’t seem so high and mighty if he is actually at the brink of invasion.”
“The Union exists to benefit all who belong to it. That includes the High Lord. Why did he not seek help? He knows he could trust me to keep my mouth shut about it.”
“Who knows what he is thinking? But the fact remains that troubled times are upon him, yet he still took the risk of convening together the Court here anyhow.”
“He must be confident that the threat is contained for now. He would lose far more face to be attacked with all the Union leaders present than if it happened between meetings,” Thane said thoughtfully. “No chance of keeping such a scuffle quiet with all of us here looking over his shoulder the whole time. Although that would explain the early convening: it is less likely Lyntara would predict it, since they are usually timed like clockwork.”
“So what will you do now, Lord Eladria?” Graunt asked, watching him through half-open eyes.
“The same thing I was going to do anyhow. I will meet with the High Lord privately and see if he takes me into his confidence. I am supposed to go to him this afternoon.” But Thane’s eyes were troubled.
“You are worried that he has not confided in you already,” she pointed out.
“It is strange he has not asked for my help before now. Yes, it would look bad for him to admit to Raiders being here, but it wouldn’t be the end of the world. Why the secrecy? Why bully one’s own people to keep them quiet, ineffective as that obviously is?”
“Obvious to you, my lad, but perhaps not so much to one who is used to getting whatever he wants and not having to dirty his hands with the commoners.”
“That is a little unfair, Graunt,” Thane objected, as she knew he would. “His country is far larger than Eladria, and he oversees all the business transactions of the Union besides. He couldn’t be reasonably expected to have the time to spend much of it outside of his own walls.”
“Ah, but reasonable or not, he certainly has a reach that stretches far outside of them,” Graunt said slyly. “I’ve also heard he has been sending emissaries far past the borders of the Union since his little Lyntaran problem started.”
“Seeking new members for the Union, perhaps? That’s not so surprising, under the circumstances,” Thane said, but his expression was grim. “Odd how none of them found their way through Eladria, though. I would know if they had.”
“Looks like the High Lord didn’t want to impose on the famous Eladrian hospitality,” Graunt murmured, all sweetness. “Or else he doesn’t tr
ust you as much as you thought he did.”
“Too many questions,” Thane muttered. “What does this signify? If I am no longer in favor, why would he not just tell me so? But he has been behaving as though nothing has changed.”
“Favor and trust are two different things, Thane. Perhaps not to an Eladrian mind, but the High Lord is a far cry from an Eladrian.”
Thane nodded, but his eyes were staring off into the distance.
“I can see you have plenty to chew on, my lad,” Graunt said, heaving herself onto her feet. She pulled up her hood to obscure her face and hunched her shoulders. “I think it’s time for another cup of tea for old Graunt.”
Thane nodded again and rose to his feet, moving around the writing table to bow and press Graunt’s hand. But she could tell he was distracted, performing the actions by rote as he tried to make sense of what she had told him.
Good boy, Graunt thought with satisfaction as she showed herself out. Never one to bury your head in the sand. Think it over, devise your plan. Soon you will have to act whether you want to or not.
Kesara awakened shortly after midday with grainy eyes and a scratchy throat. A dull ache pounded in her temples and she groaned, throwing an arm over her eyes to block out the sunlight streaming in through the cracks in the curtains.
The answering sting in the arm she was using reminded her sharply of recent events and successfully vanquished whatever bid she could have made for more sleep. All at once she remembered Lady Malachi, and in remembering her, she recalled the other Mirror too.
Elsbeth, it was, Kesara reflected, staring up the ceiling through heavy eyelids. She did remember the other woman from her time in Ytar as being a younger, lower ranking Mirror, as those things were reckoned. She’d been in much better shape then than she seemed to be now, of course. They had never had much occasion to interact, but she knew the other Mirrors watched her, some hoping to learn something from her somehow that might increase their own value (and thus their odds for a well-off winning bidder and a more comfortable life), and others merely from jealousy, as though hoping to catch her tripping up somehow to report back to their teachers. She knew that these had viewed her as a kind of pet of the Triumvirate, the three women who oversaw all matters to do with Mirrors and their bonding rights, because they had taken a direct hand in Kesara’s training as soon as it was recognized that she was something “special.”
Unbeknownst to those jealous sisters of hers, “special” was not a word any Mirror in her right mind would want to have applied to her. Kesara thought that perhaps she would have made more friends among her sisters if they’d realized she was being whisked off to busy surgeries and gory battlefields to test and challenge her abilities rather than being spirited away to fine mansions and seaside villas as they seemed to imagine must be the case for someone “special,” but of course, it was against the rules to discuss any specifics to do with missions, even when they were only for training purposes. Confidentiality was a concept diligently hammered into each of them from the time they could talk.
Unfortunately, in the ensuing silence imaginations could run wild and with them, the kind of jealousy and petty rivalry that retrospectively seemed ridiculous taking place in a group of veritable slaves who had every reason to band together rather than rip each other apart. Though we were never taught to think of ourselves that way…Thane’s influenced me more than he realizes.
She still found herself feeling eager to finally meet privately with the other Mirror. The situation with Lady Malachi had been strange, to say the least, but the truth was that she had been wanting more and more since she bonded with Thane to speak to another bonded Mirror. The memory of her own bonding still warmed Kesara’s face when she thought of it, and it had been haunting her dreams with a frequency and clarity that she could only describe as frustrating. She refused to let herself think of whether Thane might be experiencing the same thing and longed to know if this really was a normal experience, and when or whether these…effects…would fade. She wasn’t sure how she would feel about the answer but it was something she felt she needed to know.
Elsbeth may not have been permanently bonded to Lady Malachi, but she had to be bonded with someone. Kesara had seen the obsidian bracelet on her wrist, almost but not quite obscured by a gray sleeve. It was a tradition for bonded Mirrors to wear a bracelet to signify their bonding. They were usually welded on so it was impossible for them to be removed, just as the bond could not be broken as long as the Mirror lived, and the material that comprised them was supposed to signify the relative value of the Mirror in the eyes of her refrere. This could end up having less to do with the sum paid for the Mirror’s bonding right and more to do with her refrere’s personal opinion of her, so the material itself was more of a symbolic gesture than anything else rather than a wholly accurate gauge of a Mirror’s “worth.”
Kesara had never thought to mention it to Thane before she’d seen Elsbeth and the High Lord himself had mentioned her own lack of bracelet, but she felt a kind of horror at the idea of doing so now. It feels like asking for a gift or something, Kesara thought uncomfortably. It’s one thing when the other person already knows it’s expected, but in Eladria, no one would even recognize what it was for, so what’s the point?
It may also have had something to do with a certain nervousness she felt at what the bracelet might be made of. Thane of course wouldn’t be aware of the tradition, but even if he were made so, what if he did not think all that much of her? She knew she was being foolish, given the things that had so recently passed between them, but…still, she feared.
I just can’t believe that I would mean more to him than what I can do, Kesara thought sadly. He would never have looked twice at me if it hadn’t been for that headache…
She wasn’t sure why that thought made her so sad. She shook her head to clear it, pounding and all, and hauled herself reluctantly out of bed.
Laying around dwelling on things wasn’t going to change any of it and sleeping seemed out of the question now. Elsbeth should surely be rested by now, perhaps they could have tea and Kesara could check on Lady Malachi while she was there. She felt a new twinge of pity for the young woman now that she knew what she did.
She’s been through so much. I’m glad I was able to help her. Whatever passed between Lord Malachi and Thane, she was not the one truly to blame for it.
Kesara quickly dressed, fixed her hair and washed her face. Apart from a faint redness around her eyes betraying her continued fatigue, she thought she looked much the same as she ever did. She hoped Thane wouldn’t catch her leaving and try to send her back to bed. He worries too much. It was just a scratch anyway. Her thoughts sounded defensive even to herself.
As it happened, she’d worried for nothing, because Thane was nowhere to be seen when she left her room. She retrieved a piece of parchment from the table in her room and left a note on her way out, not wanting to trouble him any more than she already had, and slipped out of the tower rooms without running into anyone. Even the Eladrian guard in the corridor showed no reaction and asked no questions as she left, not that she would have expected him to.
She made her way back to Lord Malachi’s tower without interference and ran into one of the same servants she’d seen earlier that day near the entrance.
“Excuse me, but would you know if Mistress Elsbeth is up yet? I hoped to speak with her,” Kesara said politely. The servant took a look at her gray dress and nodded.
“Yes, I believe she is. She’s been keeping out of the way, though. Lord Malachi won’t even let her into the room with Lady Malachi again,” the servant said in the hushed tone of a practiced gossip. “If you like, I’ll let her know you’re out here. I was just on my way in.”
“That would be good, thank you so much,” Kesara said with a smile. The servant nodded again and hurried off into the tower.
A few minutes later, Elsbeth appeared in the hall. The other Mirror still looked gray and drawn and for all the world as though sh
e were ill, but she was steady on her feet.
“Greetings, Mistress Jonril,” she said with a slight bow. “I’m very sorry not to have approached you before. This assignment has required all of my strength and more.”
Kesara inclined her head politely in return and studied the younger woman thoughtfully, surprised by her frankness. Most Mirrors would rather eat dirt than admit to being overtaxed, no matter how obvious that may be. “I understand, Mistress Marin. Please, call me Kesara, at least privately. There’s no need for formality out here.”
“Of course, Kesara,” Elsbeth said agreeably. “Please call me Elsbeth.”
“I remember, ” Kesara said smiling. “We never talked much, back in Ytar, but it’s good to see a familiar face and another sister.”
“I appreciate your assistance with Lady Malachi, Kesara. She has been unwell for some time. I heard what the physician had to do.” Here Elsbeth winced. “I don’t think I could have borne that. It was very generous of Lord Eladria to send you.”
“He is a generous man,” Kesara agreed. Inwardly she was rejoicing. My coming here last night made exactly the right impression. Then she recalled Thane’s initial reaction to the news and quickly amended, To everyone but Thane, anyway.
“I must admit to being surprised you ended up bound to Lord Eladria,” Elsbeth continued. “No one could understand why you’d run off the way you did, with the bidding going as well as it was, but even if you thought to do better on your own, the High Lord himself could have done much better by you for certain. He is head of the entire Union, you know. You never would have wanted for anything.”
Kesara blinked at that, taken aback. “The High Lord? He’s never been an option, Elsbeth. I never even came this far north until Lord Eladria brought me here.”
“Oh, didn’t you know?” Elsbeth looked surprised herself now. “The High Lord had at least one of his emissaries to Ytar bidding for you. I believe he was even winning, before you left. He seemed very interested in having a Mirror, and very interested in having you in particular. Not that anyone with any sense wouldn’t be.” She paused, frowning a little, as another servant walked quickly past them. She watched the servant go, but didn’t continue speaking.