by A. E. Wasp
“Yeah. I know what that’s like.” Bryce risked reaching a hand out to touch Dakota.
Dakota popped out of the chair like it was on fire. “And then you happened. You came out of nowhere and just crashed into my world. And you held out the world to me and said I could have it if I wanted. Jesus.”
“I meant it. I still mean it.” Bryce’s fingers clenched on the arm of the chair.
“Shut up for a second. Stop. Just stop being so you for a second.” He smiled to let Bryce know he didn’t mean that in a bad way. “You showed me how scared I had been. How small I had let my world and my dreams become. I couldn’t see beyond my farm. And now, since you, I find myself wanting more. Wanting things that terrify me.”
“Meeting you,” Bryce stopped himself and took a deep breath. In for a penny, in for a pound as his mother would say. He was going to put all his cards on the table today. “Loving you,” he continued, “smashed me to pieces. I barely recognize my own thoughts anymore. Talk about wanting things that terrify you. Every time I look at you, I think things that terrify me.”
“But you did decide to retire, right?”
“Yeah. I did.”
Dakota moved around the room, picking up anything loose on the bookshelves or file cabinets and setting them down again.
“It’s not just for me, right? I mean, I know you think you, you love me,” he stumbled, “but I’m not worth giving up all that.” He gestured vaguely in the direction of the stadium.
Bryce walked over to him, taking a stapler out of his hands, and placing it back down on the desk. “You are completely worth it. But, no, it wasn’t only about you. Not directly. More like what you represent.” He pulled Dakota back to the chairs.
“So what made you decide?”
“Thanksgiving. Seeing everyone together and how amazing it was. For months before I came here, even before I hurt my knee, I found myself thinking, God, I’m so tired. Just tired to the bone. Physically tired. Tired of being alone. I’m so tired of missing my family. Missing every celebration and milestone. I miss hanging out with them for no reason. And I’m tired of lying to myself about what I want.”
“You mean sex with men?” Dakota smirked.
Bryce didn’t take the bait and reached for Dakota’s hand. “Falling in love. Settling down and raising a family. I’m so jealous of Julie and Amy. I told myself that I wasn’t getting involved with anyone again because it was too hard to do while I was playing. If I couldn’t make it work with Nikki, how could I make it work with anyone?”
“I’m impressed you guys stayed friends.”
Bryce laughed. “It wasn’t easy, trust me. It took work and determination on both of our parts. I still love her. Just not in the way she needed me to.” Poor Nikki. He didn’t deserve her friendship, but, God, he was glad to have it.
“There’s a good chance we would have fallen apart even if I wasn’t gay. Do you have any idea what the divorce rate is for professional athletes?”
Dakota shook his head.
“Somewhere between seventy and eighty percent.”
“I don’t blame you for not wanting to go through that again.”
“That’s the biggest thing meeting you made me realize. Well, second biggest thing.” He smiled at Dakota. “It wasn’t fear keeping me single.”
“Then what was it?”
“I’d never met anybody who made me want to settle down. Until now. Until you.”
Thirty-Nine
Dakota
Dakota heard the words Bryce said, but he didn’t believe them. Bryce wasn’t going to throw his career away for Dakota.
Sure, Bryce thought he was in love, but he was thinking with his dick. Dakota was the first guy he had ever been with, that was all. That always felt like love. Dakota had made that mistake.
“Okay, I’m trying this new thing where I try not to run away from scary things. And I’ll have to believe you when you say that. But, truthfully, I don’t get it. Why me? You could have anyone. You have everything. What can I possibly give you?”
Dakota held his breath while Bryce tangled their fingers together.
“You gave me myself,” Bryce finally said with a squeeze of Dakota’s hand. “A better, more complete me than I imagined I could be. You make me a whole person.”
Dakota tried to pull away. “That doesn’t make any sense. You’re amazing. From what I’ve seen you’ve always been amazing. Look at what you’ve accomplished!”
“You said I showed you how small your world was, right?” Bryce asked.
Dakota nodded. “Basically. Yeah.”
“Well, you showed me how small my world was; how limited it was. You opened up this whole new world of ideas. I’ve spent the last twenty years working on my body; focused on being perfect in one thing. You make me want to look at my soul.”
Dakota blinked at him. “What? How?”
“All those talks we’ve had? All the books I’ve read since I’ve been here? You’ve given me words and concepts for things I’ve felt without recognizing what they were.”
Dakota wanted to argue that Bryce, but he knew too well how excited Bryce got when they went off on long discussions about anything even remotely metaphysical. Bryce devoured the books Dakota’s parents had collected as fast as he could, often waking Dakota up to discuss some random thought that had popped into his mind.
Bryce blushed. “I know it might sound ridiculous, but I want you to talk philosophy, and religion, and art with me. Being with you changed the way I saw the world.”
A blush spread up Dakota’s cheeks. Bryce leaned in as if to kiss him, and Dakota leaned away. He wasn’t ready for that yet.
If Bryce kissed him, this discussion would be over because kissing Bryce wiped all thoughts from Dakota’s head. They had to finish this talk; the time for avoiding talking about the future had long passed. “I don’t know what to say.”
“Just believe me when I say I want you. And for more than just the incredible sex.” His eyes sparkled.
“It is good, isn’t it?” Dakota slid his hand from Bryce’s and stood up. He had to walk off the nervous energy singing in his veins.
“None of that changes the fact that I don’t know what I want to do with my life now. I don’t even know if I want to stay on the farm.” He hated admitting that. After fighting so hard for it, to say he’d considered walking away now that it was an option made him feel like a quitter.
“That’s just another thing we have in common,” Bryce said. “We’re both in the same place right now. I don’t know what I want to do either. We’re both looking into a future where anything could be possible, and we have to decide how much of the past we take with us.”
“You’re a millionaire. You could do whatever you want.”
“So could you.”
“With your money,” Dakota said bitterly.
“I have enough to share,” Bryce smiled.
Dakota could tell he was trying to lighten the mood, but it was so hard for Dakota to wrap his mind around a life where the money didn’t need to be taken into consideration.
Regardless of how Bryce waved it away, the money was an imbalance between them. Dakota didn’t want to be dependent on anyone.
“I appreciate the sentiment, I do. But let’s face it, I only have this embarrassment of choices if I’m with you. What happens if we end up not working out? Most relationships don’t. Then where am I? Without you, I’m just a farmer with a GED, no work experience, and no money.”
Bryce gave an exasperated sigh.
Dakota looked down at the floor not wanting to meet Bryce’s eyes. Suddenly, Bryce was standing in front of him, tilting Dakota’s head back with a finger under his chin.
“Without me, you’re brilliant and kind and loving and intelligent. God, Dakota, you’re the first person I ever met who didn’t want me because of my money. You make me crazy.” He tightened his grip on Dakota’s chin, shaking his head back and forth.
Dakota grabbed his wrist. “I’m scar
ed of it,” he confessed in a soft voice. “What if part of me does want you for your money?” That thought had kept him up more than one night.
Bryce shook his head vehemently. “No. You don’t. I know what it looks like when someone is using me for my money. You haven’t even let me buy you a coffee. Thinking about how money could take a load off your shoulders, how it could make your life easier? That’s normal. You can’t not think about it.”
“I don’t want you to think less of me. I don’t want you to see me as some child you have to take care of.” Dakota pulled himself up straight. He wasn’t quite as tall as Bryce, but he wasn’t a small man. And, yes, he was younger than Bryce, but he wasn’t a child.
“Believe me, when I look at you, I don’t see a child.” Slipping a finger through Dakota’s belt loop, he walked them over to the desk. Sitting on the edge, he pulled Dakota between his legs.
Dakota sighed. He was going to give in to Bryce. All that was holding him back was pride and fear. The same things that had held him back his whole life.
Bryce curved his hands around Dakota’s hips. “I won’t apologize for having money. And if we are together, yes, I’m going to spend it on you. The same way I do for all the people I love.
“I’m going to want to take you to Mexico, and I’m going to want to save the things that are important to you like the farm and the orchard. Or pay for college or pole dancing lessons, whatever you want.”
Dakota ran his hands up Bryce’s arms to his strong shoulders; shoulders Dakota wanted to rest all his burdens on. “It seems unfair.”
“If it makes you feel better, I’m giving you back the house and the land that you’re farming.”
“What?” Bryce hadn’t mentioned anything about it since the lawyer’s office. Dakota had given up on finding another will. If he was completely honest, the thought of not being responsible for the land was kind of freeing. If he had inherited the orchard, he would have had to sell part of it off to pay the taxes.
“The papers are all drawn up. If you want it, it’s yours. If you don’t, that’s fine, too. And if you want the job of orchard manager, it’s yours as well; whether we’re together or not. It’s a good job, comes with benefits.”
Dakota trailed his fingers up Bryce’s neck. “You want to be my boss with benefits?”
“I want to be your husband.” Bryce slapped a hand over his mouth, eyes wide. “Pretend I didn’t say that.”
Dakota had to kiss him then. He was so in love with this man. No matter what shitstorm they had to face, he would face it with as much grace as he could. Which probably wouldn’t be much, truthfully. Luckily, Bryce was graceful enough for both of them.
“Let me give you the world,” Bryce asked when they broke the kiss.
Dakota smiled wide, opening his mouth to sing, but Bryce knew him too well.
“Don’t,” he said covering Dakota’s mouth with his hand.
“We make each other better,” Bryce said. “You challenge me with the way you think. I think you’re perfect. I don’t want you to change, I want to show you everything. I want to go back to every place I’ve ever loved and see it again with you. I need you.”
“You have your family and friends.”
“And they’re great. But it’s not the same. I want you all for myself. I want to love you more than I love anyone, and I want you to love me more than you love anyone else.”
Dakota sighed. “I do, damn it.”
Bryce’s arms tightened around him, pulling him in closer to his body.
“I want to stop moving and settle. Being with you makes wherever I am home. It would make the road home.”
Bryce slipped his fingers under the hem of Dakota’s t-shirt. Dakota grabbed Bryce’s tie, letting the silk slip through his fingers. “You look really fucking good in a suit.”
“I look good out of it, too.” Bryce grinned in a way that promised good things for Dakota.
“I want you, too,” Dakota said. “And I know it sounds selfish, but I want to let you take care of me. I want to stop worrying for once.”
Bryce pulled Dakota in for another kiss. “You may not have noticed, but I love taking care of people. It makes me happy. Let yourself have this. Let us have this. Don’t throw it away because you’re scared. We could be amazing together.”
He tried to pull Dakota in for another kiss and sighed when he felt Dakota resisting. “What now?”
Dakota knew it was his fear of being abandoned stopping him from jumping in with both feet, but he couldn’t seem to stop himself from worrying, from looking for some sort of promise of forever in a world that couldn’t come close to guaranteeing that.
“We barely know each other. What if I curse when I’m driving? Or what if I take forever to decide what to make for dinner and leave my underwear around?”
“I already know you do all of those things.” Bryce fought to hold back a smile.
“I know. I’m sorry, I’m being so difficult about this. It’s not you, specifically. I swear. You’re great.”
Bryce reached up and played with the soft curls of hair at the nape of Dakota’s neck. “I don’t know much about love, but I don’t think you notice those things until you are already out of love. I don’t think they make you fall out of love.”
Dakota shivered at his touch. “I think that the things that are going to end a relationship are there in the beginning and they don’t go away. What if we’re not seeing them?”
“Because we’re blinded by our explosive sexual chemistry?” Bryce slid his hand down the back of Dakota’s jeans, making Dakota gasp.
Bryce took advantage of his open mouth and kissed him until he could barely breathe. He pulled away but kept his hand firmly on Dakota’s ass. “If that’s so, then the things that make a relationship work out are there in the beginning, too. You don’t create them,” Bryce said.
“So you think those things are here for us? The good things?” Dakota asked.
“I know they are. Although, I still don’t know how to change a tire.”
“That’s okay. I can’t ice skate.” He pulled Bryce’s arms tighter around him.
Bryce leaned back with a shocked expression. “What? Not even a little?”
“Not without leaning on an upside down garbage can, if I remember correctly from the last time I went. I think I was seven.”
“Well, we are going to have to do something about that.”
“Okay.” Just like that, Dakota made up his mind.
“Okay what? You’ll learn to ice skate?” Bryce grinned.
“Okay, let’s do this thing. Let’s be a couple. Officially.”
The joy in Bryce’s smile made Dakota’s heart skip a beat.
They heard the faint roar of the crowd, and the buzzer signaled the end of the game. “Guess they won,” Bryce said. “God, I don’t want to go back out. I know we’ll have to face the music, but I wish it could wait.”
“Can we just sneak out?” Dakota asked.
“I drove. And we promised the team we’d meet with them after the game. We can’t just abandon our friends.”
There was a knock on the door. “Guys?” Dylan called.
Bryce pulled his hand out of Dakota’s jeans, and they stepped away from each other. “Come on in,” Bryce called. “It’s your office.”
The door opened slowly. “Everything good?” he asked.
“You tell me,” Bryce said. “What’s it look like out in the world?”
“Going only by Twitter, it looks like you’re going to be getting a lot of phone calls very soon.”
Bryce patted the phone in his pocket. “Already happening.”
“But you two? You’re good?”
His question surprised Dakota. The man seemed actually concerned and not even a little freaked out. One person at a time. That was the only way to deal.
“We’re good,” Dakota answered him.
Dylan looked at Bryce with a little hope in his eyes. “So, will you be sticking around these parts for
a while?”
“Yeah, probably. I’m retiring.”
“I figured.” He pulled his wallet out of his pocket and handed Bryce a card. “We’d love to work with you some day. There’s a lot we could do together.”
“I will. I promise. You’ve got a lot of talent out there.”
“Thanks.” He smiled at the compliment. “I want to do my best by them. They work hard for shit pay.”
Bryce’s phone rang. It was Jake, so he answered it. “Hey. What’s going on out there?”
“So far, it’s pretty calm. We’re getting looks, but no one has said anything yet. How’s things with you? Did Dakota forgive you for being an ass?”
Bryce laughed. “Eventually. After I got an earful.”
“You put him in a tough spot, dude.” Jake sounded a little mad.
“Yeah. I know. I’m an idiot.”
“Nah. Just in love. Love makes idiots of us all.” The sound of the crowd grew louder. “Look, why don’t you two grab a taxi or a horse or whatever people drive around here and go home. We’ll meet with the team briefly. Ophelia is ready to cry to get us out of here quick if we need it. What?” Jake said to someone else.
“Oh, and Josh says he can vomit on command, should it come to that. You might want to let Amy know about that trick.”
Bryce laughed. “Okay, give me a second.” He covered the phone and looked at Dylan. “Would your guys be upset if I skipped the meeting right now? I promise to spend more time with them later. It’s been a hell of a day.”
Dylan waved his concern away. “No problem. Especially now that I know you’ll be around. Can I help with anything?”
Bryce dug his keys out of his pocket. “Can you get these to Jake and show us a quiet way out of here?”
“Of course.”
Bryce nodded. “Jake? I’m going to put the coach on the phone. He’s going to get the car keys to you, okay?”
“Deal. And if anyone asks about you and the farmer, no comment from us?”
“Please.”
“McWilliams is going to kill you,” Jake said, laughing.