by M Purcell
creature on earth could ever make, sending shivers down my spine. The room shook so furiously that the walls seemed to be moving in and out, as if a beating heart. I thought the chandelier, which was swirling and rattling violently, was going to come crashing down upon me. Now the brilliant light began fading away….I yelled to it, "Wait!...please wait!" The light spoke softly to me, "What is it you wish of me, my duty is finished here." It was now a small ball of pulsating light hovering a short distance from my head.
"I need to know, why did you come, why did you save me?"
"It was your wife's love for you that saved you, and her faith and love of God."
"But how, she died over fifteen years ago. How could she know, how could she help me now?"
"The cross which was around your neck, she wore it for many years before bestowing it upon you, one of no faith. During those years, it became very powerful, nourished by her love, her faith and purity. She was a righteous woman, a true servant of god. When she gave you her cross, there was a brief moment when there was a small breach in her amor of faith. It resealed itself almost instantly with the power of her faith, but not before the evil one could sneak in and plant two fiendish seeds within her."
"What are you saying?...That the devil did something evil to my wife that day she gave me her cross? But why.... why her, why not I...I was the one with no faith?"
"It was precisely for that reason that he came that day. He had already known that your soul would be his one day. Having no faith, he had planted a seed in you long, long before that day. You were to be one of his instruments here on earth, and you would have been, if not for your wife's love. It was so strong for you that her own faith was slowly preventing the devil from have his due."
"You said that the devil had planted a seed in me long ago, how...when...surely I would recall such a moment?"
"You were a small boy. It was on a day of Halloween. He was in your town for other reasons that night. However, when you ran into him, he felt your weakness and lack of faith. You were a perfect tool for which he could work his evil."
"The priest...oh my god...it was the priest. He was Satan. But I am not an evil man. I've always tried to do good for my family and the community."
"That is what he would have you believe, the truth be told now. You were a young boy who wanted the best for his family. You wanted to be wealthy for noble reasons, but you lacked the faith that would have helped to temper your quest. He saw this and changed your noble desire to one of greed. You felt the power of greed even then, as a small boy. You felt the power as you as you ran off with your bag of flour, your thoughts were on the new power you felt flowing within you. Greed works for the devil, and although you may not have thought yourself an evil man, your actions would promote evil throughout your life."
"And my wife, you said when she gave me her cross that she had a moment of vulnerability. Please....please tell me, what did the devil do to my poor beloved Lorinda?"
"The devil's hate and desire for vengeance upon your wife were matched only by that of his hate for god, and all that is good. Not only was she a symbol of those things, she was an instrument of them, the exact opposite of all he stood for. Furthermore, her power of good was slowly undermining his power of evil over you. He could not kill her for she was too strong in her faith, but he could take advantage of her instant of weakness. As powerful as she was, she could not prevent the evil one from using that one tiny instant of weakness. Although it was only in the wink of an eye, it was enough time for him to do his evil deed and change both of your lives forever."
"Jesus....lord forgiven me. I would rather have died than ever hurt my beautiful wife. I loved her...loved her so deeply. If I had known...if I could have stopped this horrible thing, surely you believe me that I would have?"
"I do, for your love for her was true. Perhaps the only true love you ever felt after your parents were killed."
"What were the two seeds that he planted in my Lorinda. What did he do to her.....because of me?"
"The first seed he planted was to make her unable to bear children, he knew your strong desire for an heir. He also knew how it would turn you resentful towards your wife if she could not give you one. The second seed was of a more insidious and diabolic nature. He was not able to kill your wife that day, or surely he would have struck her down instantly. So he planted a seed of illness within her instead, an illness that would slowly and painfully drain the life from her, and also put her faith to the test as she waited to die."
"The...ca..ca..cancer, h...h...he was the cause? The devil gave my wife cancer, made her suffer all those years because of me?"
"In part yes, because she was having an influence over you. But more directly because she embodied everything that he despised. If he could have, he would have done the same or worse to anyone as pure at heart as your wife was."
Tears were streaming down my face as the truth about my life was told to me, there was no hiding, no running, no denying that every word was true. I could barely stand to be in my own skin. I felt nothing but revulsion of myself, of how I not only wasted my own life, but the lives of so many others. All the time I held the power to so, so much more for them.
"Please..., please forgive me god, please forgive me Lorinda. Is there anything that I can do....I know I cannot change the past, but certainly if I have any future, I might work to regain my faith? I might be able to make amends for even a small part of the wrongs that I have done"
"Yes my son, it is not too late for you, but your soul is tarnished deep. It will take time and hard work for you to make up for the deeds you have done to others and to yourself. You have taken the first step by asking the lord to forgive you, thereby acknowledging his existence, which one must have some faith to do."
"I wish that I could tell my wife how sorry I am for all the pain and suffering that I caused her. To make her see that I am going to change."
"She knows my son. She is with god now and at peace. Do not mourn her any longer, she will live an everlasting happiness. Her pain and suffering was no match for her faith, although she did feel pain, her comfort that came from her own inner strength was strong."
"Do you think...one day...I might join her? Is it possible for that to happen?"
"With faith, all things are possible. You have taken the first step of a very long journey, only time will tell what lies in store for you now my son. Nothing is without chance as long as you are a mortal being. Just as you can be sure that the evil one lurks close by, he is not one to give up easily. You were his. You had made a pact with him long ago as a child. Be cautious my son, not to fall prey to his trickery again. And your wife's cross, it still holds much power for you."
The ball of light started to fade away before my eyes. I felt as if I had been given a second chance, but I was also riddled with the guilt of so many years of deceit, not only to myself but to all those in my life. I felt as if I were a broken toy, being held together loosely by spots of glue.
"Hold your faith close to you at all times..." Was the last thing the ball of light said to me.
Then…suddenly… all was quiet, the only scent I could smell was that of my own unpleasant sweat, as my clothing was soaked with it. I turned my head this way and that, I saw nothing out of the ordinary, nothing unearthly. Slowly, I arose and looked at the clock on the wall, hardly five minutes had passed since I began my silent vigil at the window of my living room. Was it all a hallucination, a figment of my overactive imagination, a photo developed by a tortured mind, swimming naked and unprotected, drowning in the pool of madness? I ran to the sink in the modest kitchen that was afforded to a single apartment such as this. Frantically, I splashed cold water up into my face. I was afraid to look into the small mirror. It had been hanging on the wall beside it. I did not want to see the image of the man I knew would look back at me.
As I walked back to the living room of my flat, I heard voices coming from the hallway. Unsteadily I bent slightly to peek through my
doors peephole into the hallway, I could see very clearly a little girl and two older women. The young girl was of about eight or nine years old. She had beautiful long blonde hair and was wearing what appeared to be a uniform of some sort.
She wore a small brown skirt and vest with a white blouse, white socks and small black shoes with a little buckle around the ankle. There was an emblem embroidered onto the sleeve of the blouse. In one hand she held a brown paper bag with string handles. The bag had a small logo of what seemed to be a small animal of some kind, perhaps a dog or bear. Her other hand was being held protectively by an older woman in her early thirties. She was dressed conservatively in a blue knee length skirt, and matching jacket. Under which she wore a light blue blouse with the collar pulled out. Her hair was as blonde as the young girls, but not as shiny. It was covered with a blue bonnet, she wore conservative blue dress, and shoes with a modest heel. The woman was most likely her mother by the proud look on her face.
The other women was much older, Mrs. Beckerman, my neighbor down the hall still wearing her pink pajama’s, under a pink night robe. She was yawning with a cup of coffee in one hand and a cigarette in the other. Her hair was up under a women’s sleeping net, with a handful of stray hair poking out of