by Radclyffe
“I’m sorry about Victor, but I’m so very glad that you survived.”
“Thank you,” Vance whispered. She had once hoped to hear similar words from her father, but hearing them now, from the woman she was coming to treasure, meant even more.
“You’re trembling.” Gently Mae moved Vance forward, stood, and stepped from the tub. “Let me get a blanket.”
By the time Vance climbed out, Mae had a blanket ready to wrap around her shoulders. “You’ll get cold, too,” Vance protested. She took one edge of the blanket and drew it around Mae so they were both covered. “I don’t know how it is that I end up telling you things I never speak of with anyone else.”
“Because,” Mae said with a small smile, embracing Vance within the confines of their makeshift shelter, “I want to know.”
Vance rested her cheek against Mae’s hair. “I’m so glad.”
“Come to bed,” Mae said. When Vance tensed, she shook her head and kissed the hollow at the base of Vance’s throat. “I want you to hold me. That’s all.”
Vance wanted more at the same time as she feared it, and because of that uncertainty, she was grateful that Mae did not demand greater intimacy. “Are you sure? What about the others?”
“Lord, Vance,” Mae said with a laugh. “You don’t think it matters to anyone who shares a bed here, do you? No one will take note, and even if they did, what of it? Unless you don’t want anyone to—”
“No,” Vance said fiercely, silencing Mae with a kiss. “I just don’t want to cause trouble for you.”
Mae felt the sudden threat of tears again, unable to recall when the last time had been that anyone had worried about her. “The only trouble for me would be if you left me now, seeing’s how I have a terrible need to be with you.”
Vance rested her forehead against Mae’s. “And for tonight, just holding will be enough?”
“It will be just right.”
When she settled in bed on her side and Mae came into the curve of her body, Vance discovered that Mae was correct. Nothing she’d ever known had felt so right. Mae’s heart beat against her breast, Mae’s thigh fit perfectly between her thighs, Mae’s breath caressed her throat like a soothing balm. She wrapped her arm around Mae’s shoulders and cupped the back of Mae’s neck, caressing her gently. “I don’t know that I’ll sleep tonight,” Vance said. “You feel too wonderful to miss a second of being with you.”
“You don’t have to worry,” Mae murmured, melting into Vance as if they had been in one another’s arms a thousand times before. “This won’t be the last time.”
With that assurance playing through her mind, Vance closed her eyes and slept. For the first time in a thousand nights, she did not dream of death.
Chapter Seventeen
Jessie paced to the window and flicked the curtain aside, even though there was nothing to see outside in the dark. From the sounds of men shouting in the street below, she wasn’t the only one wide awake. “Lord, Kate, I don’t know how I’m going to sleep tonight. It would’ve been better if you’d stayed with your parents.”
“No, it wouldn’t,” Kate said calmly as she leaned over and turned down the oil lamp before unbuttoning her dress and slipping it off over her head, leaving only her chemise and stockings. She sat on the edge of the bed to remove her undergarments. “I would lie awake worrying about you, and you would undoubtedly stay awake doing just what you’re doing now, and neither one of us would have changed what’s going to happen.”
“Kate, I—” The protest died on Jessie’s lips when she caught a glimpse of Kate slipping naked beneath the rough cotton sheets. Unsettled in an entirely new way than just seconds before, she leaned against the window casing, her arms crossed. “You could be safely tucked away at home right now instead of climbing into an uncomfortable bed in a noisy hotel.”
“Jessie,” Kate said quietly. “It’s somewhere in the middle of the night. It’s been a hard, frightening few days for you and I’ve missed you terribly. How you could think that I would let you sleep alone now escapes reason.” She patted the bed beside her. “I know it’s because you’re worn out and scared for Jed that you could even question why I’m here. For now, just accept that I need you.”
“You need me.” Jessie said the words as if they had been spoken in a strange language. “Sometimes it scares me how much I need you.” As she had the first afternoon that Kate had spent with her, Jessie crossed to the bed, unbuttoning her shirt as she walked. As she had that day as well, she unbuckled her gun belt and hung it on the bedpost.
“I love you,” Kate said, watching Jessie unbutton her pants and step free, marveling just as she had a little over a year before at how beautiful and strong she appeared. She moved over to make room as Jessie removed her long johns and settled beside her. “And I need you terribly. It’s all rolled up in what we share.”
Jessie gathered Kate into her arms and buried her face in Kate’s hair. She lay silently for several minutes as Kate stroked her back and her shoulders and her chest. She breathed in Kate’s scent, listened to her heartbeat, concentrated on each small point where their bodies touched. As the essence of Kate filled her up inside, she sensed the bruised and bleeding places starting to heal. She wasn’t aware of her tears until Kate’s fingers brushed over her cheek.
“Tell me,” Kate whispered.
“When they started shooting I couldn’t really believe it. I knew what was happening, but I couldn’t take it in. They were trying to kill me, on my own land.”
Kate’s heart was seized with a sudden chill. She knew firsthand the dangers that nature and accidents wrought upon the unsuspecting or unlucky. She had learned to accept that part of the life she had chosen. Now she added human treachery to the forces that threatened Jessie and their life together. Anger mixed with her fear and worry. “Will you be able to catch them?”
“I don’t know. If they were only stealing a few to sell to the army or a passing wagon train, they could be a hundred miles away by now. If they’re aiming to cut out a big part of the herd and drive them south to market, we’ll run into them again.”
“And if you do?”
Jessie answered instantly. “Then we’ll hold them accountable for what they did to Jed.”
“You mustn’t go out there without more men.”
“Don’t worry, there won’t be any shortage of hands willing to go.”
“There’s nothing I can say that will prevent you from going, is there?”
“Don’t ask it of me, Kate. You know I will do anything I can to make you happy, but…”
Kate pressed her fingers to Jessie’s mouth. “Shh. I’m not asking. I wouldn’t. As much as I would like you to stay home where it’s safe and let Jed and the men take care of these problems, I know that you can’t. And I know that you might try if I asked you.” She leaned close and kissed Jessie’s forehead, then her eyes. “Which is why I won’t.”
“Thank you,” Jessie whispered.
Kate doubted that Jessie would ever know what it cost her to say those words, but loving Jessie meant letting her be Jessie, so Kate kissed her softly and held her more tightly. “You’re welcome.”
Jessie raised up on her elbow so she could look into Kate’s face. “Your mother was different with me tonight. Almost like…she was saying it was okay. About us.”
“It is okay, darling,” Kate murmured, fisting her hands in Jessie’s hair. Jessie had long since removed the leather tie she usually used to hold it back, and it fanned out just above the spot where her collar touched the back of her neck. In the day, in the sunlight, it shone like the gold that the miners chased in the hills and rivers that surrounded them, but as it streamed between her fingers, it felt like the finest silk. Caught up in the vision of sunlight and heat that was her lover, Kate pushed Jessie onto her back and followed. She stretched out along Jessie’s smooth, lean form, settling into her, body to body and heart to heart.
“Kate,” Jessie murmured hoarsely. “I don’t know if I can—
”
“You don’t need to.” Kate kissed Jessie’s mouth, her throat, her breast. “I will.”
With a groan, Jessie closed her eyes and arched under Kate, willing to be commanded. Kate’s were the only hands she trusted to guide her. Kate was the only person with whom she could be less than strong, less than sure. She trembled as Kate lavished attention on her breasts, her belly, her thighs. She cried out softly when Kate’s mouth found her and again when she dissolved beneath the heat and relentless tenderness of Kate’s caress. When Kate returned to her arms, Jessie pressed her face to Kate’s throat. “When you love me, I’m not afraid anymore.”
Kate framed Jessie’s face, softly tracing Jessie’s cheekbones and jaw before kissing her gently. “You are my home.” She kissed Jessie’s breast above her heart. “This is my life.” She smiled and shook her head. “I guess stubborn is the other side of strong, and you’ve got plenty of both.”
Jessie grinned and bumped her hips, rolling Kate over. She played her finger down the center of Kate’s chest. “I’d say we’re pretty even there. You were the one with the gun in her bag all set to do in that snake in the Nugget.”
“That just shows I have good sense,” Kate replied primly. She caught her breath unevenly as Jessie’s fingers skimmed lower, dancing between her thighs. She clutched Jessie’s arm as a quiver of excitement shot through her. “I miss lying with you at night when you’re out on the trail.”
“I’m careful, Kate,” Jessie whispered, slowly working her way down Kate’s body. She rested her cheek against Kate’s stomach and looked up, studying Kate’s face in the moonlight. “I’m always careful because I want to come back to you.”
“Promise me you always will,” Kate gasped.
“I will. Always.” Jessie eased inside her with the joy of a lost voyager returning home. Slowly at first, then—as passion eclipsed wonder—with deeper, more demanding strokes, she carried Kate to the peak and over. When Kate’s quiet moans of contentment stilled, Jessie slipped out to hold her again. “When I wake up in the morning and see you lying next to me, I don’t think I could love you more. When I look across the yard and see you on the porch, carrying water or stacking wood or any of the other dozens of things you do, I don’t think I could love you more. When I’m with you like this, when you’ve touched me in the places no one else sees, and you’ve let me touch you back, I don’t think I could love you more.” She kissed the tip of Kate’s chin, then her lips. “Every day, I love you more.”
Kate wrapped her arms around Jessie’s shoulders and pulled her down tight against her. With her mouth against Jessie’s ear, she whispered fiercely, “You are my heart. I love you so.”
“As soon as Jed can travel safely, I want to bring him back to the Rising Star,” Jessie said. “I want him to be looked after with his friends around him.”
“Of course. I’m sure I can do whatever needs to be done.”
Jessie shook her head. “I’m not asking you to do that. I can—”
“You can, and you will. But not alone.” Kate gave Jessie a small shake. “Heavens, didn’t we just have this conversation a few weeks ago?”
Jessie smiled and snuggled against Kate’s shoulder. “Might be we need to have it a few more times.”
“As many times as it takes,” Kate said drowsily. “Go to sleep, darling.”
“It will be morning soon. I’ll try not to wake you.”
Softly, Kate laughed. “You always say that, but I always know when you leave me.”
Jessie smiled. “I’m glad.”
“So am I.”
*
At the crack of gunfire, Vance shot upright. When another volley reverberated, closer this time, she threw herself over the wounded soldier beside her. “Stay down! Enemy fire.”
The ground heaved with the force of cannonballs gouging its surface, and the torn earth rained down upon her, a deadly shower of mud and blood. She groaned as fire scorched her flesh, and she pressed the body beneath her down more forcefully.
“Vance, what is it?” Mae cried, awakened from a sound sleep by Vance’s shouts. She pushed instinctively at the heavy weight pinning her to the bed, then relented when she realized she might hurt Vance unknowingly. Instead, she forced herself to lie still and stroked Vance’s back. She cradled Vance’s head against her breasts, shaken to find that Vance’s hair was soaked with sweat and her body ice cold. “Oh, sweetheart, it’s all right. It’s outside. Some fool is shooting outside in the street.”
“Shooting,” Vance said urgently. “Someone is shooting.”
“It’s outside,” Mae repeated. The room was growing light, so it had to be close to dawn. She caught Vance’s chin in her hand and forced Vance to look at her. She waited until Vance’s dark eyes cleared and focused on her face. “No one is shooting at us. We’re safe. You’re all right.”
Vance frowned, struggling to orient herself before memories of the previous evening returned and she realized where she was. Then she became aware, all too acutely, just exactly where she was—lying naked on top of Mae’s similarly naked body. With a start, she rolled away onto her back, her chest heaving with the remnants of her nightmare and an altogether different kind of excitement. She’d never experienced the touch of another’s body all along the length of her own before, and Mae was lush and warm and arousing.
“You here with me now?” Mae asked as she reached for Vance’s hand. Abruptly, pain stabbed at her heart when she realized she was lying on Vance’s left side and there was no hand to find. She rolled closer and reached across Vance’s stiff body until she could clasp her fingers. “Vance, honey?”
“You see why I shouldn’t be lying with you,” Vance said, forcing each word out through a throat tight with anger. “I could’ve hurt you.”
“I was the one who almost hurt you,” Mae pointed out in what she thought was a reasonable voice considering the swell of fear that coursed through her at Vance’s words. It had been a long time since anyone had frightened her. Hurt her body, perhaps, but not her heart. She stroked Vance’s face. “I’m not hurt.”
Vance turned her head away. “You could’ve been. I do things sometimes in my sleep.” She laughed unevenly. “I broke an antique lamp one night and had a hard time explaining that to my father in the morning.”
“I’m not china, and I don’t break easily.”
“That’s not the point, Mae.” Vance withdrew her hand from Mae’s grasp and pushed herself up on the bed. “I’m the one who’s broken. I’ve got no business being here.”
“What is it you think I need, Vance?” Mae said, heat in her voice now. She sat up, too, unmindful of the sheet falling away and leaving her body bare. “I haven’t asked you to do anything for me. I’ve been taking care of myself for quite some time.”
“And I’m not asking you to take care of me.” Vance swung her legs over the side of the bed, waiting until she felt steadier before she stood.
“Lord,” Mae sighed. “I’m not offering to. What I had in mind was sharing a little comfort and a little pleasure.”
Vance said nothing, because she knew it would be far more than that for her. “I appreciate it.” She stood and scanned the room, trying to recall where she’d left her pants. “I should get over to the office to check on Jed. I shouldn’t have left Caleb alone there all night.”
“It hasn’t been but a few hours,” Mae pointed out as she rose and pulled on her robe. “And you needed some rest.”
“I’m sorry I disturbed yours.” Vance pulled on her shirt and started working the buttons through the holes.
“You didn’t.” Mae pushed Vance’s hand aside and buttoned her shirt. “I’ve seen what your spells look like now. Awake and asleep. Is this as bad as they get?”
“No.” Vance looked past Mae to the gray light outside the window, feeling very much the same inside. Drained and desolate. “Sometimes they’re worse.”
The thought of being visited by such horrors made Mae’s eyes dim with tears, but she quickl
y blinked them away, knowing that they would only hurt Vance’s already bruised spirit. “Don’t seem all that terrifying to me.”
Vance smiled wearily. “I don’t believe that I’ve ever met anyone like you.”
Mae tilted her head back and met Vance’s gaze. “I’ll take that as a compliment since you seem to be short on those right now.”
“I don’t know why you would trouble yourself with me.”
“I know you don’t.” Mae brushed a kiss across Vance’s mouth. “That’s probably why I do.”
“I do need to see to Jed.”
“And I need to be sure that everyone here is tucked safely away.” Mae smoothed her hands over Vance’s shirtfront. “I like the way you felt in my bed last night. I want you to come back.”
“You’re a beautiful woman.” Vance played her fingers lightly over Mae’s neck and underneath the edge of her robe to skim her collarbone. “A kind and tender woman.”
“Vance—”
“Shh.” Vance stepped away, letting her hand fall to her side. “I liked the way it felt to be in your bed last night. I’d like to come back, someday when I’m not empty inside. When there’s something for me to give you.”
“Maybe there already is,” Mae whispered, “only you can’t see it.”
Vance nodded seriously as she collected her coat. “Maybe you’re right. I hope you are.”
“Don’t stay away because you don’t know how it will turn out,” Mae called as Vance walked to the door. “Some things you only learn by doing.”
“I’m not certain I’m as brave as you, Mae.” Vance shook her head. “In fact, I’m quite certain that I’m not.” She glanced over her shoulder as she reached for the doorknob. “I lost more than my arm.”
“I don’t know what it will take for those horrors to be undone, as much as they can be,” Mae said, resisting the urge to go to her, to prevent her from leaving. “But I know you didn’t lose the best part of you. You might have to trust me on that for a while.”