by Rhonda Bowen
“Why do you want to do this?”
That was the one question that Jules was completely prepared for.
“Because it’s what God wants me to do,” Jules said. “I can feel it in my bones. No decision that I have ever made in my life has felt as right as this one. I feel like my life has finally come into focus and that I am fulfilling the purpose He has for me.
“I read somewhere that, if you were meant to cure cancer or write a symphony or crack cold fusion and you don’t do it, you not only hurt yourself, but you hurt the whole world, including the generations to come. It’s like spiting God, who created you with this gift, this way to move the world closer to Him.
“I don’t want that to be me. I know that this is what I was meant to do. So I have to do it.”
Jules breathed out another deep breath. “Is that good enough for you?” she asked defiantly with a smirk.
“Jules, I always knew this was what you were supposed to do, from that first day you told me in the café at the hospital,” Germaine said smoothly.
Jules’s mouth fell open. “So why did you just spend twenty minutes giving me the third degree?”
He grinned. “I just wanted to make sure you knew.”
Jules couldn’t help but smile. But only moments later, a look of worry crossed over her face.
“I’m scared, Germaine,” she said quietly. “What if this fails? What if I can’t find any clients? What if I can’t make any money out of this? What if I default on my loan and end up going bankrupt? Or worse, what if I ruin some artist’s career?”
“Hey,” Germaine said. She pulled her eyes from the ground and turned to look at him.
“It will be fine,” he said softly but firmly. “I’m not saying it won’t be difficult, but you will get through it. You know why? Because this is not your plan, it’s God’s, and God’s plan can’t fail, right?”
Jules smiled again. “Right.”
“So quit worrying,” he said, pulling her into a quick hug, as he kissed her temple reassuringly. “You’ll be fine.”
Okay, I definitely have to tell him.
Jules took a deep breath.
“Germaine?”
“What’s up?”
His eyes glowed in the dusky afternoon light, taking her breath away. They were beautiful. He was beautiful. In fact, she didn’t know if it was the way he was totally supporting her or because she was missing Easy, but everything about him from the inside out was looking beautiful at that moment.
She couldn’t believe she had ever thought him capable of the evil she had accused him of. And she also couldn’t believe that it had taken her losing him, for her to find out that she was completely in love with him.
She opened her mouth to tell him just that, but just like before, she couldn’t make herself say the words. What if he rejected her again? Then who would she go to? Who would she talk to when she knew no one else would understand? Even if they were never together again, at least this way she would always have him as a friend.
She couldn’t tell him. The possibility of losing him was too great, and she didn’t know if she could take it.
“I’m ready to go home now.”
He looked at her curiously for a moment before rising from the sand and reaching a hand down to help her up. Jules accepted it, and soon found herself following him back to the car.
So much for that. It looked like this was as much love as she was going to get.
She could feel her heart breaking all over again.
Chapter 32
“I’m sorry, you said what?” Maxine asked in disbelief, as both she and Tanya looked at Jules as if she had grown another head.
Jules picked up another box and began to walk down the hallway to her new place.
It was moving day. In a lot of ways it was also moving-on day. Less than two weeks had passed since Easy’s funeral, but already things were heading back to business as usual.
Jules and Maxine had finally agreed on an apartment in Jules’s building and were in the process of moving in Maxine’s stuff and transferring Jules’s things from the old apartment. Tanya had been a bit cheesed that Maxine had chosen to move out, but eventually she got over it enough to help them make the transition.
They had started out early that Sunday morning with ‘Dre, Truuth, Germaine, some guys from church, and even Davis, who was in town for the weekend. But as soon as most of the heavy furniture had been moved, the guys split, leaving the girls to finish up with the small stuff. That had left a lot of time for them to talk about everything under the sun, including what had happened with Jules and Germaine the weekend after the funeral. As she recalled the afternoon’s events, Jules conveniently left out the part about her quitting her job. They were her girls, and she loved them, but she wasn’t ready to tell them about that yet.
“I told him I was ready to go home,” Jules said shamefully.
“Why?”
“I don’t know,” Jules moaned, dropping the box into the already crowded living room of the new apartment. Everywhere she looked there were boxes upon boxes that they would eventually have to unpack. Today was going to be a long day.
“Jules, why didn’t you just tell him how you felt?” Tanya asked. “Aren’t you the one who has been pretending not to pine over Germaine for the past couple of weeks?”
“I’m not pining over him,” Jules said.
“Girl, please,” Maxine said, rolling her eyes and leaning against the door frame. “With the two of you it was like a constant game of musical chairs; once one of you came into the room, the other would leave, and you were usually the one doing the leaving.”
Jules pouted, but said nothing. She knew what Maxine said was the truth.
“Jules, I don’t understand what the problem is,” Tanya said. “Don’t you love the guy?”
“Yes,” Jules whined.
“So why not just tell him, so the two of you can live happily ever after and spare the rest of us from having to do the song and dance around the both of you? It’s just like me and ‘Dre. If we had never talked to each other about how we felt, we never would have ended up together as happy as we are.”
Jules shot a look of annoyance at Tanya. Ever since she and ‘Dre had finally gotten it right, she had started acting like the relationship guru. She seemed to have forgotten that it had taken years for her and ‘Dre to get together, and it never would have happened without some creative maneuvering from both Jules and Maxine.
“Okay, Miss New Love, you need to stop, because you know you and ‘Dre would have never gotten it together if it hadn’t been for me and Jules,” said Maxine, echoing Jules’s thoughts.
Tanya blushed and escaped the room to get the last set of boxes.
“As for you, Jules,” Maxine said, turning back to her confused friend. “You need to figure out what you want. Stop waiting for life to happen to you and do something. God opened a door for you by keeping this man in your life; now it’s your turn to decide whether you’re gonna walk through it, or walk away. Either way, it’s time for you to make a decision.”
Jules knew Maxine was right. But it was easier said than done. She still would rather have Germaine as a friend than not have him at all. And that was what she was risking by telling him how she felt.
In addition, there was also the humiliation of having someone tell you he didn’t love you the same way you loved him. That was something Jules’s pride could definitely live without.
“Whatever,” Jules said, waving the topic away and going into the kitchen to grab a bottle of water—the only thing that was in her new fridge. “Enough about me. What’s happening with you and my niece?” Jules asked, glancing at Maxine’s belly, which seemed to grow a little more each time Jules saw it.
“Apryll is fine,” Maxine said, taking a sip from her own water bottle. During her last ultrasound, Maxine had found out that the baby was a girl, and she had already named her. “I had a checkup earlier this week, and the doctor says everything is okay.�
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“What about Truuth?”
“What about him?” Maxine asked.
Jules raised an eyebrow at the sharpness in Maxine’s tone. “Come on, Max. Tanya told me about the big fight you guys had at ‘Dre’s house after the funeral.”
“Well, then Tanya needs to learn to keep her big mouth shut.”
“Hey!” Tanya protested from the doorway. “Judging from the way you were carrying on that evening, so do you!”
“It’s not just that, Maxine,” Jules continued. “I saw how he was when he was here earlier. The two of you barely said a word to each other.”
Maxine crossed her arms over her chest stubbornly and looked off through the window, refusing to meet either Jules’s or Tanya’s eyes.
“Maxine, we’re just trying to help,” Tanya said in her usual coddling tone. But Jules put up her hand to stop her. If they kept treating Maxine like a baby, she would continue acting like one, and right now she had to start thinking about her own kid.
“What’s the deal, Max?” Jules asked simply.
Maxine turned even more of her back to them and still remained silent.
“You can sulk all you want, but we’re not going anywhere,” Jules said. She took a seat on a box by the wall and began to get comfortable. Knowing how stubborn Maxine was, they could be there for a while.
Maxine turned around to look at her two friends, all the fight gone out of her.
“We broke up,” she said calmly. “That’s what happened.”
The room was so silent, Jules was sure she would have heard an ant crawl across the floor. It seemed that even the traffic and the wind outside had come to a stop.
“What?” Tanya whispered in disbelief. “That’s impossible!”
“Maxine, you guys have been together for more than three years,” Jules said, when she finally found her voice. She wasn’t sure what she had expected Maxine to say, but that definitely wasn’t it.
“Yeah, well, that’s over now,” Maxine said quietly. “And I don’t want to talk about it.”
Without another word she walked across the living room into the bedroom and closed the door.
Tanya and Jules looked at each other, dumbfounded, as they heard the lock click behind her.
It was after 10:30 when Jules stepped into the Sound Lounge. She had been ready since nine, but had spent an hour panicking and praying about what would happen when she got there. At 10 p.m. Maxine told Jules she was driving both her and Apryll crazy and kicked Jules out of the apartment. And so here she was.
It was the first time she had been inside the new Lounge. She had passed by a couple times and seen the workmen doing renovations. Maxine, who had been there for the relaunch, had told her the place looked great. Unlike the old venue, it was completely outside the club district, but Jules preferred it because it was closer to Scarborough, and she liked the area better. This was the first time she would actually see the inside.
A slow smile spread across Jules’s face as she took in the lights, setup, and décor. Germaine had definitely been inspired.
It was a good night, and it took Jules a while to move through the crowd over to the bar. Slipping onto a stool, she made herself comfortable. She suspected that she was going to be there for a bit.
“Merry Christmas, beautiful, haven’t seen you here in a while.”
“Merry Christmas to you too, Owen,” Jules said, trying not to laugh at the Santa hat perched on the side of her bartender-friend’s head. It had been so chaotic the last couple weeks that had it not been for the decorations and lights everywhere, she would have forgotten that Christmas was only a couple days away.
“What can I get you?” he asked, serving a drink to a customer beside her. From the crowd Jules could tell that he was pretty busy.
“Just the usual,” she said.
“Cool. One cranberry juice coming up,” he said, already reaching for a glass from under the bar. “Do you want me to tell him you’re here?”
Jules shook her head. “No, that’s okay. You already have your hands full.”
Owen passed her a drink, and shot her a quick smile before slipping off to the other side of the bar where the patrons were getting impatient.
Jules took a sip and turned her attention toward the stage where a slim Filipino girl was singing her heart out to the backing of a full band. Jules thought she recognized the girl from Canadian Idol, but she couldn’t be too sure. She wouldn’t be surprised if that was the case though—on new music night at the Sound Lounge, anybody could show up.
Jules had to admit that a big part of her was proud of the way Germaine had bounced back from all that had happened. In the months since the fire, not only had he recreated the Sound Lounge at a new location, but he had also managed to establish its reputation as a hot spot for live music. If the review she had read in the Metro Toronto daily was anything to go by, the Sound Lounge was definitely doing better than it had been before.
The thought of that, however, seemed to stir the butterflies in Jules’s stomach and make her even more nervous. Germaine was a success now. Before he had been just a guy with a struggling music store and a dream. Now he was a businessman, in every sense of the word, and she had noticed that it had made him more confident. What would he want with a girl like her? Especially one who had already disappointed him.
Taking another sip from her drink she scanned the room quickly. Even in the dusky lights it wasn’t long before her eyes found him. It was always like that with him. It didn’t matter how large the mob, she could always pick him out of the crowd.
She watched as he chatted casually with some guys near the stage and then moved through the crowd, working the room, making sure that his patrons were satisfied. As if feeling her gaze, he suddenly looked up and caught Jules staring at him. Her stomach flip-flopped anxiously.
“Lord, please don’t let me throw up,” Jules murmured.
Tearing her eyes away from him, she swallowed the rest of her drink in one gulp and turned back to the bar, where she found Owen smirking at her.
“Guess he found you,” he said mischievously. He looked down at Jules’s empty glass, which she had rested on the bar but which she was still gripping tightly.
“Need a refill?”
Jules nodded, not able to calm her nerves enough to work up some words. She squeezed her eyes shut and breathed in deeply, praying for help.
She opened her eyes and slowly took a sip from the new drink Owen had placed in front of her. As the cool, tangy liquid scorched a course down her throat, she felt her nerves settle a bit.
“Hey,” Germaine said, coming up to the bar and giving her a quick kiss on the cheek.
“Hey,” she said with a smile, as she tried to ignore the burning effect his lips had had on her skin.
“Haven’t seen you here in a while.”
“Yeah, well, I’ve been hearing a lot of hype about this little joint, so I thought I’d check it out for myself,” Jules said easily.
Germaine chuckled. “So, what’s the evaluation, Ms. Jackson?”
“It’s all right,” Jules said, trying to act nonchalant.
Germaine cocked his head to the side and looked at her knowingly.
“Okay, fine, it looks great,” Jules admitted grudgingly as Germaine smirked. “But it does have a familiar air to it.”
“Really,” Germaine said, dodging her eyes.
“Yes, really,” Jules said, shifting her head so her gaze met his. “It reminds me of this little place I once went to in the West End. I don’t know if you’ve heard of it. It’s a spot called Leroy’s?”
“This place looks like Leroy’s?” Germaine asked, pretending to look confused. “Whatever do you mean?”
Now it was Jules’s time to give him a look.
“Okay, okay, you got me,” he conceded with a grin. “But I couldn’t help it. You know how much I love that place, Jules.”
“Yeah, I do,” Jules said, smiling. His eyes were doing that sparkly thing they did when
he was excited, and she found herself getting excited too.
She didn’t even realize they were staring at each other until the person sitting on a stool nearby bumped into Germaine as she got up. As Germaine turned aside to wave away the woman’s apology, Jules took the opportunity to catch a breath and refocus.
“So it looks like you’ve been doing really well for yourself,” Jules said a couple moments later. Germaine had taken the seat the woman had vacated, and they were both looking out at the stage and the crowded Lounge.
“I’ve been blessed,” Germaine said humbly. “God just brought everything together for me. I never could have done this on my own.”
She was wrong. Germaine’s success hadn’t changed him. He was still the same humble guy he always was. He still trusted God for everything.
“Yeah, well, you deserve it,” Jules said simply, as she glanced over at him. “I know you really worked hard.”
“Thanks,” Germaine said, meeting her eyes. “That means a lot coming from you.”
Jules felt herself falling again. She didn’t know if it was the lights from the chandeliers or the golden yellow of his crisp button-down shirt, but she was sure she could see those little golden flecks dancing in his deep hazel eyes. And she was almost sure they were hypnotizing her. Maybe that’s why she was finding it so hard to look away.
She took a deep breath. It was now or never.
“Germaine, there’s something I wanted to say to you—”
“Yo, G, we got a problem with the sound,” a skinny guy in a shiny red shirt and a fedora said to Germaine, cutting Jules off mid-sentence. Jules recognized him as one of the guys from the band.
“What’s up?” Germaine asked. His body was still facing Jules, but his eyes were on the guy, and his voice was all business.
Jules listened as the guy explained that one of the monitor boxes had burnt out, and they couldn’t continue playing unless they had a replacement. She glanced on stage and noticed that the band had indeed taken a break.
“I think I have a backup somewhere in the storage area. Give me a second, okay?”
He turned to Jules apologetically. “Jules …”