by Sky Corgan
A stupid part of me wished he would come around just for me, but I knew that was an unrealistic expectation. I was still a child. Dominick didn't see me in a romantic way. He never had, and I was almost certain he never would.
While the man whom Tammy was dating was nice, I secretly began resenting him for taking Dominick's place. Though I hadn't wanted them to be together, I had never really taken the time to think about what would happen if someone else came into Tammy's life. Dominick had been around for as long as I could remember. I couldn't even imagine him not being there.
There are two heartbreaking days in my history I will never forget; the day my parents died, and the day Tammy announced her engagement to Marcus Johnson. I remember the joy in her expression as she told me almost the second I had stepped inside the house after getting off the school bus. She was practically jumping, her cheeks rosy with excitement, her green eyes glimmering in a way I had never seen them before.
“Kim. Guess what? Guess what? Guess what?” she said to me, fighting back a squeal. Considering that one 'guess what' had not been sufficient enough, I could only assume it was something good.
“What?” I asked, smiling back, though I was confused.
“Notice something different?”
I scanned her up and down. Her perfect straight black hair looked no shorter. Her outfit definitely wasn't new. I looked at her nails to see if she had gotten them done. That's when I noticed the ring. My mouth dropped open.
“Oh my God, Tammy. Is that what I think it is?”
“Yes!!!” She cried out, wrapping her arms around me and twirling me around. I was only thirteen at the time, so I was still light enough for her to pick me up, just barely though. “Marcus finally proposed!”
“I'm so happy for you,” I replied genuinely, though in the back of my mind, my thoughts were racing as to what would happen to us. Ever since our parents died, it had just been Tammy and I. It would be strange having a man in the house.
“I know, right?” She set me down and then quickly straightened out her outfit. “Dominick is on his way over. I haven't told him yet. Act like you don't know anything. I want him to be surprised too.”
“Alright.”
I hadn't really thought about how Dominick would take the news. While he obviously hadn't been happy about Marcus and Tammy dating, he had accepted it. I figured he would accept this as well. What choice did he have?
I waited outside for him, thinking about what this new engagement meant for my life. I liked Marcus, but how comfortable would I be with him living with us. Would a lot of things change? Tammy and I usually watched movies together on Monday nights and spent as long as we could in our pajamas on Sundays. Were those traditions now limited to the time before Marcus moving in? There would definitely be an adjustment period.
Dominick pulled up in front of the house in his old Datsun. The thing was on its last leg. It looked about as bad as it sounded, with orange paint that was chipped in so many places that the thing looked spotted. He called it the Frankenstein car. Every time it died, he said he would do whatever it took to bring it back to life. The car had been in the shop more times than the number of years I had been alive. My sister always joked that there was no floorboard, and that he moved the car with his feet like Fred Flinstone.
Dominick strode up the driveway with a smile on his face. He took the porch steps two at a time and then leaned over to muss up my hair.
“Hey kiddo,” he said in his husky comforting voice.
“Hi,” I replied shyly and then followed him inside.
Unlike she had been when I came home, Tammy had a straight face when she laid eyes on Dominick. They greeted each other with a hug, and then she offered to get him something to drink, and we went into the living room to sit down.
The conversation started casually enough. Dominick asked how we'd been and what we'd been up to. Tammy kept extending her hand and placing it on her knee, an obvious display of the ring, though Dominick missed it completely.
Finally, when she got sick of waiting for him to see it, she said, “Do you notice anything different about me?”
“You look more beautiful than the last time I saw you,” he replied without hesitation. While it was a sweet sentiment, it made my heart sink into my stomach. He loved her still. He would always love her, no matter what.
“No, but thanks for the compliment.” Tammy grinned, though I could sense she felt a bit uncomfortable from his comment.
“Then I'm out of guesses.” He reclined.
The elated smile crept back across Tammy's face as she disclosed the good news. “Marcus proposed.” She held out the ring.
I watched Dominick's face like a hawk then, my eyes seeking any change of expression.
He leaned forward and gave the ring an appreciative nod. “A diamond fit for a princess.”
If there was any negative emotion inside his heart, he hid it well. He took the news with the same regard as if they were talking about the weather. When he started asking her about the details of the wedding, I relaxed. Everything was going to be okay.
With one less thing to worry about, I decided to go outside for some air. Since Tammy and I lived together, she could fill me in on the details later. I was sure the wedding would be all I would hear about up until it happened. It wasn't imperative that I subjected myself to it now. Besides, Dominick and Tammy so rarely got to be alone, I thought it was politer to leave them to themselves.
When I went on the front porch, my mind returned to thoughts of how the marriage would affect my life. In a way, it was kind of like living with a single parent who was about to remarry. Tammy wasn't just going to abandon me. She had been playing the part of Mom since our parents died. Would Marcus step in and try to be my dad or would our relationship be something else?
The door opened, and Dominick stepped outside. I thought about saying something to him, but I didn't. I don't know why at the time. Nothing seemed to be wrong. I had even heard him and my sister laughing as she walked him to the door. While the walls of our house weren't thin, sound still carried through, especially where I was sitting beside the dining-room window.
Dominick simply stood there for a moment, staring out into our yard. Then I saw the light glistening in his eyes. When the first tear cascaded down his cheek, my heart completely shattered. The broken pieces clung to the walls of my stomach, afraid that he would see me.
It had all been an act, the way he had seemed so cool and composed in front of my sister when she had told him the news. He had been sitting there dying inside, but he had done it with a smile on his face, never allowing us to see his true feelings. If he knew I was watching him cry, it would only add to the injury, so I did my best to stay as quiet as a mouse, to blend into the wooden swing I was sitting on.
By some miracle, he didn't turn my way. He inhaled deeply and walked off of our porch. His long strides made it seem like he wanted to run. When he got into his car, that's when he really broke down. He wrapped his arms around the steering wheel and sobbed into them. As I watched his back heave, I couldn't contain my own sorrow. I wept with him, trying to be quiet as so not to draw my sister outside. I wasn't crying for myself or because of worries over the future. I was crying for him.
For the first time ever, I wished things had gone differently. Life wasn't fair. He had been perfect. He deserved to get what he wanted. Didn't the hero always get the girl, the prince always get the princess? Dominick had done everything right. He had been there for my sister since they were kids. He didn't deserve to be replaced by some guy who had only been around for a year.
Dominick looked up from the steering wheel, wiped his eyes, and started the engine. Part of me could hardly wait for him to drive away so that I could completely break down. Another part of me wanted him to stay there forever, fearful that I'd never seen him again. Nothing lasts forever though.
Dominick put the car in drive, and as he pulled away, he turned to look at the house. Our eyes locked, and I died a li
ttle more inside.
When Tammy found me crying uncontrollably, I told her that I was just afraid of what was going to happen to us. That wasn't true though. Somewhere deep inside, a part of me knew that Dominick had had enough. It was only a matter of time before he was gone from our lives completely.
My fear was well merited. He never came by the house again. In fact, the last time I saw him was at the wedding. For a while, I didn't even think he was going to come. A few minutes after the ceremony began though, he sneaked into the back row. After it was over, he greeted the happy newlyweds and let Tammy and I know that he was moving out of state. My heart broke a second time from the news, but I knew it was for the best. He couldn't be around us anymore, not when it caused him so much pain.
I had always resented Tammy for that, though I never told her about it. What could I possibly say? Marry the man you don't love. Dominick is better; he's always been here for us. It's your fault that he's going away.
Tammy had explained to me before that she thought of Dominick as a brother, and I supposed that I could understand. They had pretty much grown up together, after all. We all had. But if she thought of him as a brother, then how come I didn't? Dominick had always been so much more to me. I knew there would never be anything between us, but like a stupid child, I had held on to some immature hope that maybe someday he could belong to me. If she didn't want him, then shouldn't he be mine?
It was not to be though. Dominick left and he never looked back. We still heard from him around the holidays. At least, Tammy heard from him. He'd usually call while I was at school, so I never got to talk to him, but she'd relay the things he said when I got home.
Apparently, he was doing well. He had been writing books for as long as I could remember, though he had called becoming an author a pipe dream. After he moved, he had gotten more serious about it. The first book he released to the public became an instant hit. Now he was a big success, taking up space on both the New York Times and the USA Today Best Seller lists.
I was happy for him. Dominick deserved all the good things in life. Perhaps him moving had been for the best. If he had stayed here, who knows where his life would have gone. Despite my happiness for him though, there was still a greedy part of me that wished things would have gone differently, that he would have stayed and seen me grow up. And then maybe, just maybe, there could have been something between us.
CHAPTER TWO
“I got in,” I squealed, holding up the letter from Mesa Community College.
“Of course you got in.” Tammy smirked at me. “It's a community college. Everyone gets in.”
“Don't rain on my parade.” I scowled at her.
“I'm sorry. I just don't understand why you want to go to college so far away.”
“There aren't any good video game design colleges around here.”
“Still. Wouldn't it be better and cheaper to just get an associates in art locally and then transfer out.”
“I'd rather not spend my first two years of college learning about stuff I don't give a crap about. Besides, it's not like you can't afford to send me.”
She frowned. “I just don't like the idea of you being so far away. We've never been apart. Aren't you worried about being alone?”
“Oh, come now, Mother. All little birds must leave the nest sometime.”
She laughed and then sighed, “If this is really something you want to do. We'll have to find a cheap apartment for you though, maybe fly up there in a week or two and scout out the area.”
Tammy's phone rang, and I plopped down on the sofa in the living room as she went to answer it. I was just about to turn on the television when I heard her say, “Oh, hi Dom. Long time no talk to.”
It took everything in me not to seem enthusiastic. Even though he never wanted to talk to me, I always looked forward to his phone calls, to hearing about what he had been up to. Five years had passed since I had last seen him, but I always pictured him looking the same, being the same amazing guy. How he wasn't married yet baffled me, but I was secretly happy about it. It was stupid, but there would always be a small part of me that wanted him for myself.
Ever since I became old enough to date, I found myself comparing other guys to him. Were they selfless like him? Were they as handsome as he was? Were they as generous or caring? No one ever stacked up. Maybe that's why I was still single. In a world full of villains and men with cruel intentions, Dominick was the only real prince charming I had ever met. I was convinced that knowing him had ruined me for other men.
“Kim just got accepted to Mesa Community College,” Tammy was telling him. “Oh? I didn't know you had moved. Why'd you move?” She paused, “Really? I don't know, Dom. You've done so much for us already. I wouldn't want to impose any further.” More silence. “Well, it would save money. Marcus and I are trying for a baby right now, you know?” She paused again, “I'll talk to her about it, but I still don't think it's a good idea.”
From that point, the conversation became one-sided with Tammy filling him in on her new promotion and everything that had been going on in our lives. I noticed that she rarely gave Dominick room to talk. He had always been a better listener though, a man of few words.
I turned the television on, pretending to watch a show on Lifetime Movie Network while I waited for her to get off the phone so that I could ask what Dominick had said. Last I heard he had been living in Valencia, California. He seemed to like it there, so I couldn't understand why he would move. Then again, ever since Tammy's wedding, he hadn't stayed in one place for long. This was the fourth time he'd moved in five years, though he had lived in Valencia the longest. I had thought that he was finally settling down somewhere, but I guess not.
Finally, she hung up the phone and came to watch television with me until Marcus got off work. I expected her to start talking the moment she walked in the room, but instead she focused on the television, ignoring me completely.
“Well?” I asked.
“Well what?” She looked at me blankly.
“Well what did Dominick have to say? It's been a while since he called last.”
“Almost six months.”
“I wish he'd call more.” I frowned.
“He's a busy man. I imagine that being a famous author doesn't leave him with much time for idle chitchat with old friends.”
“I suppose. So, what did he have to say?”
“He moved from Valencia.”
“I heard. That's kind of weird. I thought he really liked Valencia.”
“He did, but you know Dom; he doesn't like to stay in one place for too long.”
“Yeah, that's weird too.”
“That's just how he is.” She shrugged.
No. It's not. It's how he became after the wedding, I thought bitterly. If Tammy had never married Marcus, then maybe Dominick would have stayed with us forever. There was no way of knowing now.
“So, where'd he move to this time?” I asked.
She hesitated, “You won't believe it if I told you.”
For a moment, I was filled with excitement. He came back. He came back, which means I'll get to see him again. He came back, and I'm leaving. That thought caused a fissure in my heart. Maybe I would go to a local community college after all. If he had come back, then I didn't want to run off to another state.
“He moved back here, didn't he?” I said finally.
“No.” She shook her head. “He's living in Mesa, Arizona right now.”
My breath caught in my throat. He's living in Mesa.
“That's awesome. That means when I move to Mesa, you won't have to worry about me being alone.” I did my best to contain my enthusiasm.
“Yeah,” she sighed.
“What's wrong? You don't sound happy.”
“It's not that I'm unhappy. I'm glad there will be someone there that you know and will look after you.”
“Then why did you sigh?”
“I don't know if I should tell you or not.”
Here
comes the bomb. He got married, didn't he? Or he had a kid? Or he's married and has a kid? Part of me didn't want to know. My heart was already slowly breaking inside at the thought, though I kept trying to tell myself that it didn't matter. Dominick, above all people, deserved to be happy. I should be elated for him if the news was so good.
“You can't say that and then not tell me.” I hid the disappointment from my voice.
“Well, I told him that you got accepted at Mesa Community College, and he asked if you would want to come move in with him, since he lives close to the college. He figured it would save me money, and he says he has plenty of room.”
I think I stopped breathing when she told me that. Dominick offered for me to move in with him? It was like a dream come true, better than just getting to see him. This was the closeness to him that I had always wanted, wasn't it?
“I don't really like the idea,” Tammy continued. “I mean, I know he'll take care of you, but I know he works from home, and I don't want you to be a burden to him.”
“I wouldn't be,” I said quickly. “I could cook for him and clean for him. I would pay my way. It's not like I would just be mooching.”
She gave me a quizzical look. “You'd actually want to live with him?”
“Yeah. I mean, if he's offering. Just think about it. It would save you so much money. And if I took care of his house, then it would benefit him too. It would be a win/win situation for all.”
“I guess. I'm just thinking about you, really. I mean, don't you want your own place to hang out with friends and bring boys back to. I don't know if Dominick would allow that. He's a very private person.”
“I'm going to Mesa to go to college, not to make friends or pick up boys,” I told her, though I'd honestly never factored any of that in. Tammy was right; I probably wouldn't be able to have friends over if I stayed with Dominick, but at least I could go out if I wanted to.