“You sure?”
“Yep, I’m sure.”
We both went to change and then met up in the kitchen as she grabbed some drinks out of the fridge. Then she asked, “Which beach?”
“You choose.”
“Either Oak Street or Hollywood.”
“Hollywood?” I asked, puzzled.
She laughed. “That’s what everyone calls Osterman Beach these days. It’s because of all the hot sweaty men who play beach volleyball there. At least that’s what they say.”
“Osterman gets my vote, hands down. I need that kind of distraction.”
Macie agreed. “Yes, you abso-fucking-lutely do. And it’s less crowded too.”
“Bonus!” I yelled as we fist bumped. We left the apartment and went to the train station. We took the L and when we arrived, I was surprised to see a new beach facility there that contained restrooms, concessions, and even a lifeguard station.
“Wow! This is all new,” I commented.
“Yeah, this place has it all,” Macie said.
We situated ourselves fairly close to the volleyball nets and plopped out on our towels for a day in the sun. I put in my earbuds and listened to music. Not long after, a group of guys started playing volleyball, like Macie predicted. I watched in fascination as the muscles in their arms, chests, and backs undulated as they moved. Was that how Canaan would look if he took off his shirt? Stop it, Haven. Get your mind off him. Bringing my concentration back to the male specimens in front of me, I thought how nice it would be to feel some of that tightly wound brawn react beneath the tips of my fingers. Who knew, maybe I would get lucky tonight. It had been a while since I had gotten any and I totally needed something to get my mind out of the unholy gutter it kept falling in.
When was the last time I’d had sex? Then I remembered it was the fiasco with the guy who believed slapping my ass was okay. Well, fuck me, no wonder I couldn’t get my mind off hot Canaan. That had been forever ago. It was high time for another stab at a one-nighter. Macie may not approve, but I wouldn’t let anyone get close after all I witnessed during those years of living with Aunt Kathy and Uncle Kreep. No man would ever have that kind of control over me. That would never happen. Ever. And I admit, right now I needed—no, craved—a man’s hands on me, as long as it was in the right way.
A pile of sand came spraying my face as the volleyball skipped past me and landed on the other side of my head. A sweaty face appeared over me. “Sorry ‘bout that. Did it get you too bad?”
Brushing the sand out of my eyes and off my face, I said, “I think I’ll survive.”
“Good. I wouldn’t want to hurt anything as pretty as you.” I spit out some grit, and he said, “Do you need some water? We have a lot of water over there. Can I get you some?”
Once I finished getting the sand out of my mouth, I sat up and grabbed my water bottle to show him. His smile plummeted.
“Are you sure you have enough?”
Macie watched this whole exchange with great interest.
“Yeah, really. But if I need any, I’ll definitely let you know.”
“Okay. Fine. What about a beer instead? We have plenty of that too.”
I finally gave in and laughed. “Do you want me to go over there with you or something?”
“Or something? No. I mean, if you want to, then yeah.”
I shaded my eyes with my hand because even with my sunglasses on, the bright sun was blinding. Turning my head, I lifted up a hand to block the sun and checked out the other guys. I found them all watching the exchange between us.
“I think your friends may be waiting on you.”
He was very cute with short blond hair, great physique, and a crooked smile that turned his friendliness into something very endearing.
“Okay, to be honest, we all wanted to meet both of you. We sort of sent the ball flying over here on purpose.”
Macie and I busted out laughing. Then Macie said, “This is the absolute best pick-up strategy ever.”
“Really?” volleyball guy asked.
“Yes,” she said. “But you left out one very important thing.”
His smile vanished. “What’s that?”
“Your name.”
“Ah! I’m David.”
“David, I’m Haven and that’s Macie.”
He stuck out his hand and we all shook. Then the other volleyball guys started yelling and cheering. We both got off our towels and walked over to meet them. They were overly friendly, which made me slightly suspicious of their motives. Then again, as they were all pretty hot in their board shorts and flashing us sexy grins, my intentions were pretty much in the slut house. Which considering how long it had been since I’d had sex was understandable.
They handed us beers and asked us to stay. It wasn’t a hardship to agree to watch them play. The day turned out to be more fun than I’d expected.
“Where are you two headed now?”
Macie shrugged. “Probably home.”
David smiled. “Why don’t you hang with us tonight?”
“Where?” Macie wanted to know.
“A friend of ours plays in a band, so we’ll be headed to a place called Night Owls. It’s in Lincoln Park.”
Macie looked at me and I shrugged. “Let me have someone’s number so we can text you.”
All the guys reached in their pockets at the same time.
“Only one,” Macie said. A chorus of groans went out.
David ended up being the lucky guy. I pulled on my shorts during this exchange. When Macie finished, we walked to the L and chatted about our new friends.
“Do you want to meet them tonight? I think I’ve heard of this Night Owl place. It’s a club with the hipster types, but it supposedly has good food. Being in Lincoln Park is a bonus.”
“Maybe it’s even close enough to walk,” I said, since Macie’s apartment being in Lincoln Park made that a real possibility.
“So how’s this? If it’s close enough to walk, we go. If not, we don’t.”
Laughing at her logic, I said, “Deal.” I pulled out my phone and checked out Night Owl, and it was definitely close enough to walk. Six blocks away made the decision for us.
On the ride home, we started laughing about the volleyball guys. There were women all over the place and they only wanted to talk to us.
“We must be special, Have.”
“Maybe so.”
By this time, we’d gotten off the train and were close to home. We hurried in to shower and change. Macie and I checked each other out for our stamps of approval. We laughed though, because we both wore dark jeans and platform sandals, but I had on a black silk blouse and she wore a flowered tank top.
Night Owl wasn’t crowded yet, so we were able to get a table and order some food. “I’m starved,” Macie said.
“Same. We should be. We haven’t eaten since breakfast.”
As the waitress brought our food, we spied David and the gang enter. They waved and came up to our table.
“You beat us here. Mind if we pull up some chairs?” he asked.
“Not a bit,” Macie answered. David and two of his friends sat down. The other two wandered off toward the back where the band would set up.
I scooted my chair over to give the guys more room. “Have you eaten?”
“Yeah, we grabbed something at home. We were too hungry to wait,” David answered.
The lights dimmed and the band started warming up. David leaned over to me and said, “You’re going to love this band.”
He was right. They were awesome. Before long, David and I were out on the dance floor, twirling and dipping to the music. He was a great dancer and I hoped I was keeping in step with him. I’d had a couple too many so I was a tad wobbly on my toes. But he was good-natured and only laughed when I missed the beat.
As the night wore on, David’s soft brown eyes and crooked smile had me imagining what it would be like to feel him inside of me. But then his face would morph into Canaan’s, and I’d grow an
gry with myself.
“Hey, what’s the frown for?” he asked.
“Frown?”
“Yeah, you were just frowning.” He reached out and smoothed his thumb over my brow. “There, that’s much better.” His smile was disarming. Or was it the alcohol? However, it didn’t affect me like it should. But I wanted it to push aside the memories of Canaan so badly, I flashed him my most brilliant grin and grabbed his hand to pull him close.
This was going to be a fun night, no matter what I had to do. I swayed against him and his hands tightened on my hips. He dipped his head for a kiss and I allowed it. My lips molded to his and it wasn’t bad, it just wasn’t Canaan. I surprised myself, though. I wound my arms around his neck, proving to myself that I could do this.
He broke away and his half-hooded eyes told me everything I needed to know. He wanted me. But was I willing to go through with it?
“You’re so sexy, Haven.” Then his mouth grazed mine again.
Being brazen, I pulled on his hand, leading him off the dance floor, and down the hallway toward the back where the restrooms were. There were people scattered about and I hunted a place with a little more privacy, when he said, “Follow me.”
I can do this.
He opened a door that appeared to be a supply closet. He flicked the light off and it was so dark I freaked a bit.
“Too dark?”
“Yeah.”
“How’s this?” he asked. There was another switch he flipped that cast the room in a dimmer light. It hit me that he must’ve been in here before, but I didn’t care. I was testing myself more than anything.
“Better.”
His index finger touched the hollow in my neck and went to the first button on my blouse where it stopped. Then he unbuttoned it and his mouth followed his finger. He unbuttoned another one and kept going. I couldn’t lie. It was heating me up somewhat. Until…until his hand reached into my bra to free my breast. All I could imagine was Canaan’s accusatory glare.
“David. Stop. I…I can’t do this. I’m so sorry.”
A confused expression met mine, and I only shook my head.
“You were the one who initiated this,” he said.
“I…I know, and I’m sorry.” I tugged my bra over my boob and buttoned my blouse up. “There’s someone else.” It was all I could come up with, and even though it wasn’t quite true, it also wasn’t a lie either.
He rubbed his hand over his face and nodded. Not saying another word, he whirled around and left me alone in the closet. I could understand why he was pissed. I had led him on and it wasn’t right. Damn Canaan for giving me a guilty conscience.
Macie was sitting at the table when I got there, so I mentioned to her I was ready to leave. She gave me the thumbs up after getting her friend’s number. David was nowhere in sight so we left.
“That was fun, yeah?” Macie asked.
“Yeah. You seemed to hit it off with your guy.”
“He was cool. He said he wanted to go out again. We’ll see. What about David? He was totally into you.”
“It was a disaster,” I explained, but left out the part about Canaan and my guilt.
“Damn, Haven, he’s cute and super sweet. I don’t understand you.”
Shaking my head, I said, “I don’t know. I thought he was nice and all, but I just couldn’t get into him.”
She stopped and grabbed my arm, forcing me to look at her. “It’s him, isn’t it?”
“Him who?”
“Don’t play dumb with me.”
“Macie, it’s nobody. I just wasn’t into him.”
“Okay, it was Wilson, the doctor, and now David. How many are you going to go through before you admit it?”
I shook her hand off my arm and walked toward home again.
“Haven?”
I stuck my hand in the air. “Listen, this is my cross to bear and I’ll deal with it.”
“Nice choice of words,” she snickered.
When I realized what I’d said, I busted out laughing. We walked the rest of the way home talking about the music. We decided to get some snacks and nibbled a bit before heading to bed.
After Macie went to bed, I disappeared into my room and found I wasn’t tired enough for sleep. My encounter with David flustered me more than I cared to admit to Macie or myself. The antidote for that was staring me in the face, the cause of my agitation, so I fell into my painting once more. The next image I painted was one of Canaan in his priestly vestments as he said Mass. He was posed in prayer over the altar and his face was a mixture of many things—joy, sorrow, peace, consternation, but as I dug deep, the thing that stood out the most was conflict. Could he possibly be as conflicted as I was?
It was well past two when I finished and I was very pleased. Canaan the priest was completed, and I was on to Canaan ministering to the sick. I pulled from my memory how he looked at Aunt Kathy’s bedside, praying. Black shirt with his white collar, head bowed, holding my aunt’s hand and it was then I realized how much love this man shared with others. He was no ordinary human being. God had gifted him with so much spirituality that he was compelled to offer it up to others.
When I finally crawled into my bed, I thought how fortunate he was, that God had blessed him with such gifts. Those were my last thoughts as sleep took me away.
It was a funny thing, but Canaan’s painting inspired me to finish Macie’s painting. The following day in my studio was frenzied. I painted like my brushes were running on electricity. By day’s end, the piece was near completion. Jonathon was amazed.
“This is stunning,” he said. My first thought was, He should see what I’m working on at home. But no one would ever see that. It would never leave there, and never be for sale.
“Yeah. I love it. And Macie will too.”
“Does she know?”
“Sort of. I’ve hinted, but this is her dedication as my best friend ever piece.”
Jonathon stared at me. “I take it you have her permission to sell it.”
“I haven’t asked.”
“Haven, it’s sold already.”
I shrugged. I wasn’t as worried about it as he was. If Macie wanted it, I’d figure something out with the buyer.
He bumped into my thoughts. “You’re not worried about this, are you?”
“Nope. I can give them something else.”
“Haven, they want this.”
“They haven’t even seen this.”
He shifted about and glanced away, which alerted me immediately. “What aren’t you telling me?” I asked.
“They have seen it.” He actually had the grace to flush.
“When? It’s been in my studio the whole time. I thought we had an agreement. All work in my studio was off-limits.”
“Yeah, well, about that. It was a high-paying client and they asked. I broke the rule. I apologize. I should’ve told you about that.”
“Yes, you should’ve. You have a lot to explain to them, then. If Macie gives her approval, fine. If not, it’s a no go. I’ll be happy to paint them something else.”
“Come on, Haven. You’ve got to help me out here.”
“I’m sorry, Jonathon. You should’ve told me about this. I’ll talk to Macie, but I can’t make any promises. Macie is her own person.”
“Tell her she can have my commission.”
I laughed. “Do you think I was going to take the money I earned off this? I planned on giving it to her anyway.”
I got a huge kick out of watching his jaw drop. I had lived on very little for so long, giving up the money from one painting wouldn’t hurt me at all.
“Now if you’ll excuse me, I have work to do.” I went back to painting. But he’d destroyed my concentration, so after a half hour, I decided to call it a day.
I unlocked my door, walked into the apartment, and went directly to my room. When I looked at the painting, it conjured up a memory of Canaan from long ago—as an altar boy. And it wasn’t long before that piece of the puzzle was on its wa
y to being completed.
The next evening, when Macie came home, I told her about my confrontation with Jonathon. “This is the second time he’s fucked with my shit.”
“What are you going to do?”
I looked at her pointedly. “It’s not up to me.”
“What do you mean?”
“Were you not listening to me? This is your painting, so basically you hold all the rights to it. If you don’t want to sell, we don’t sell. My idea was to give you the option and if you decided to, then the money was yours.”
She laughed. Crazy laughed. “I want the money. You can always paint me again.”
“Listen to me first. I won’t be able to paint exactly that. And if I become super famous, that painting could be worth triple that someday.”
Macie laughed, “You’re my friend. I can get another one. I’ll sell.”
“Don’t you want to see it first?”
“No, because then I might change my mind. Oh, and I will not take all the money. We’ll do a fifty-fifty split.”
“I’ll let Jonathon know, but I’m going to tell him he owes you his commission because I had to beg you to sell.” I winked at her.
“Oh, Haven, that’s the best. He doesn’t deserve to make a cent on this one.” Then we high-fived.
When I told Jonathon about Macie’s decision the following day, it was like I’d handed him the world. He grabbed and hugged me. This was one of the rare times he ever did this.
“Thank you, Haven. I’m not sure what I would’ve done if she had said no.”
“It took a ton of begging and you won’t make a dime on this one.”
His smile didn’t waver. “It’s worth it to keep that client pleased.”
“Whoa. This must be some client for you to say that.”
“It is. You’ll see when you meet him.”
“If you say so.” In reality, I was grateful that I had admirers such as these. But Jonathon’s behavior still pissed me off.
When the weekend hit, Macie gave me hell on Saturday. “You’re not going to church for the right reasons. In fact, it’s quite the opposite. You’re going for all the wrong reasons.”
“No, I’m not,” I argued. “I want to go and I want to get to know him as a priest. I can’t do either if I don’t go to church, right?”
A Beautiful Sin Page 16