by Angela White
Frowning, Neil keyed the mike, “Amber waves of grain.”
“Swelcome back!” Mitch slurred cheerfully.
“Thanks, drunk,” Neil lashed out sarcastically. “That means so much coming from you.”
Laughter floated over the camp.
Neil didn’t give their radioman time to respond. “Your mission is now complete, gentlemen. Well done.”
Headlights from the rest of the team flashed in his mirror as the radio lit up again.
“The doctor is waiting, the mini-mess has cold sandwiches, milk, and hot coffee.”
Mitch now sounded tense, as if he was hurriedly trying to sober up while looking over his shoulder for Adrian.
Neil nodded in satisfaction as he climbed out, noticing that Jeremy was talking with a QZ guard. His XO was finding out what Neil already knew. Something had happened–something the team intentionally hadn’t been told about.
Jeremy slowly turned, reeling in fear. He found Neil across the parking area and read no surprise, only the same grim need to know.
Jeremy joined his team leader. “She’s in the medical tent.”
Neil started to duck under the tape and Jeremy caught his arm. “In the QZ medical tent. Rick kidnaped her and Becky.”
Neil’s heart thudded against his chest. “Is she okay?”
Jeremy didn’t have to ask which female he meant. “Lee said she’s allowed visitors.
“Is Rick dead?” Neil demanded.
“Yes.” Seth appeared behind them, face a mask of anger. “Becky killed him–after the hit and pit.”
Both Eagles felt the weight of her abuse, but until they knew about Samantha, it wasn’t going to sink in.
“She got hurt, Neil–they both did,” Seth growled angrily. “Are you happy now?”
Neil recoiled in surprise. “No! Why would I be?”
“You flipped when Samantha came, changed your mind, and Rick was right there watching, taking advantage of it. Some of this is your fault.”
Seth wanted to fight, to find a release for this helplessness in his heart, and pulled himself together as best he could.
“You owe her, Neil. And if you don’t pay that debt, I’ll turn the Eagles against you.”
Seth stalked off, going back to lurk in the trees around his (Becky’s) tent.
The trooper didn’t need to look around to know that everyone who had heard the argument agreed that he was partly responsible for two of their females being hurt.
The rock-solid place in Adrian’s chain of command that Neil had protected so selfishly, tilted harshly under his feet.
7
“No more. I mean it!”
Hearing the warning, Adrian marched quicker through the damp night.
Disturbing the peace right now was an extremely dangerous thing for anyone to do. Like his men, he also needed a release for the guilt and horror.
“What the hell, Zackie?” Tucker asked. “We always razz him. You do, too!”
“No more,” Zack denied. “He’s earned his place.”
“You don’t get to make that call,” Anderson spat. He’d never liked Zack for how he sucked up to everyone.
“Yes, I do. Until the rest of the Eagles are cleared, I’m top man here under Kenn,” Zack said. “You’ll do as you’re told.”
“Or what?” Tucker argued. “You’ll set up a guard for the little baby like with that new bitch?”
“I’ll tell the boss,” Zack warned.
“Tell me now!” Adrian ordered, coming through the trees.
Zack was elated as Adrian joined them. “If you’d taken the order you were given, you’da been in the clear. Now, you’ll pay.”
Zack had already confessed his own behavior to Kyle, right after he’d been taken back into the Eagles. “He’s waiting.”
Anderson, Tucker, and Jones didn’t speak, and Adrian didn’t need it. Instead of the scold they expected, Adrian helped Ray to his feet. “You gonna live?”
“You know it,” Ray grunted, arm shielding a rib he was sure was broken.
“The fire crew needs a team leader,” Adrian rewarded, composure cracked enough for them to hear the compassion that he usually held inside with his iron will. “You’re it. Have Dale help, if he wants to.”
Ray’s gratitude made his eyes damp, and Adrian felt that ugly side of him lunge to the front. He needed a release and people needed a lesson. Adrian spun around.
Thud! Thud!
“Hey! Wait–”
Thud! Thud!
Zack stayed alert, no longer cocky as he worried that the boss would go to work on him next. He hadn’t really paid for what he’d done, only confessed and stopped.
Adrian’s hard knuckles were streaked with crimson as he stepped away from their groaning bodies, breath ragged.
He met Zack’s wary gaze over the groaning Eagles. “Get them in line! If you can’t, they’re gone!”
“Yes, Boss.” Zack was relieved when Adrian stalked by, slinging blood onto the blackening trees.
Ants as long as a pigskin hurried to taste it.
Ray moved by Zack without a word but it was a big moment for both of them–the gay and straight man face-to-face, and for one instant, on the same side. It gave Ray hope and sent Zack’s mind into another layer of self-exploration.
This was what Adrian wanted, a part of the dream even before Ray had saved their leader’s life–for all of his people to be accepted. The words spoken right before Anderson and Jones had held Ray so that Tucker could take rib shots with those big, beefy farmer’s hands, had brought that to Zack’s thick mind clearly.
Ray didn’t struggle. These three had been waiting for Dale to come out of the shower, and Ray had drawn their attention with a quick insult. Dale had run for the man on Point–Zack–as the scuffle turned ugly.
“Go on. Get it over with.”
“Oh, we will!”
“Hold still!”
“Why? Because you’re scared and need the rush to prove that you’re still alive when everyone else isn’t?”
The blows had started there, and it had taken Zack a minute to snap out of the instant daze those words caused, allowing Ray to suffer two powerful punches. Every syllable had fit perfectly.
Zack hit his button. “John to the parking area–bring your bag.”
“Copy.”
Zack left the nearly unconscious trio to be found by the doctor, all he was willing to do for them. They would have seriously hurt Ray this time, and it was enough to drive in how different Zack knew he was becoming. Before his time around Adrian…Angela, Zack would have been the fourth man, trading off punches with Tucker. Now, he was disgusted and determined to protect both Ray and Dale. What the hell has this place done to me?
And why didn’t I understood how wrong it was before? Because the old world had expected people like him to treat people like Ray badly? Because it had been an outlet for working his life away, just to own a piece of property to be buried on? Because the lovers were breaking society’s basic rules and appeared happy?
Childhood abuse had eaten Zack up inside until he was a bitter widower with nothing kind to say to a woman. As Kenn’s right hand man, he’d done things that could get him banished and toss him and his boys back out into the apocalyptic wastelands. It was a risk he’d been willing to take.
Until Dean snuck into Safe Haven and almost killed Angela, Zack had been content with the orders Kenn had given because he felt he was being loyal. Always abusive, Zack’s sense of right and wrong had been scrambled. He had thought it was okay for him to treat his first wife–who died during the war–as badly as he wanted because he was suffering post-traumatic stress disorder. He also thought it was all right for Kenn to hit Angela, because they were together for so long and women needed correction from time to time.
Now, he might openly shoot a man for hurting a female. After being in Safe Haven and learning how true men didn’t hurt the innocent, Zack was realizing that he’d been wrong about it…his entire life.
Full of chaos, Zack returned to rounds as Point man, but waved Kevin along to be positive things were covered while he explored the guilt-laden doors showing up in his mind. This damn war had changed everything, including who he was, and the adjustments were always hard.
8
Samantha waited outside her QZ tent in a daze. These painkillers weren’t as good as morphine, but they were still strong enough to make her a bit fuzzy. Hopefully, they would help her get through this without breaking down and doing something stupid–like telling her men the truth.
What I wouldn’t give for a syringe of morphine to calm my nerves!
After what she’d just gone through, Samantha didn’t berate herself for the thought. Her addiction had been a shock, still was, and she would keep fighting, but right now, that emerald green liquid was a delicious fantasy. Reality, in comparison, often sucked donkey dicks.
The guards on the area didn’t comment on Samantha’s battered face as they greeted her, though, they couldn’t help staring at it. Everyone had been waiting for this moment. No matter which man she picked, they all expected it to break up Neil’s team.
At the sight of both her men–alive and well–Samantha let out the breath she’d been holding since first hearing the whispers. Men down, was a phrase she now loathed.
Samantha held up a hand when Neil and Jeremy would have rushed to surround her. “Let me breathe.”
Both males stopped, angrily scanning her injuries.
“What happened?”
“Are you okay?”
Sam didn’t want to relive it and said, “Rick’s dead. Becky’s shot was beautiful.”
The two men exchanged a worried glance at the odd tone. She almost sounded regretful.
“Sam?”
“I’m glad you’re both okay.” Samantha ignored Neil’s worry, seeing to her needs first. “Welcome home.”
But there wasn’t much welcome in her words. Jeremy leaned against the side of the QZ supply truck, patiently waiting to be denied what he now wanted as much as his place in Safe Haven. He was positive who she would choose, but he hadn’t decided about staying on Neil’s team once they became a couple.
Samantha hated what she was about to do, and hesitated.
Jeremy held up a hand. “I don’t need to hear it, too, Sam. Feeling it is enough.”
She flushed at his open longing. “I’m sorry I can’t give you what you want.”
The XO shrugged as if he wasn’t being ripped apart. “You and Neil together was the plan all along, the main plot. I’m glad it worked out.”
Samantha stepped closer, unable to ignore his pain. “I’m sorry.”
“And you still want to be friends, right?”
“Close friends.”
Jeremy shrugged, fighting his emotions. “It’s hard to pretend not to feel something for someone. Not sure I’m that good of an actor.”
Samantha hadn’t expected it to hurt them all so much, and she swallowed a withdrawal of her choice. It wasn’t what she wanted. “You’ll stay away?”
Jeremy was too upset to care about witnesses. “I think that’s best.”
“I figured you’d say that. I understand, but I won’t act differently.” She smiled sadly, unable to help feeling abandoned even though she knew he had no other defense against her choice. “You were my first real friend here. I’ll miss you.”
A tear rolled down her bruised cheek and Jeremy’s control snapped.
“Damn it,” he lamented, stepping forward. “And damn me, too.”
Jeremy carefully surrounded Neil’s woman with arms that didn’t shake, didn’t betray him. He held her close for one moment of pretending she was his. “I’m always your friend, Samantha. More, if you ever want it.”
Sam clutched at his strength, his need, surrounding herself with his light. “Promise?”
“Yes.” Jeremy slowly placed a gentle kiss to her forehead, and then pushed her back. “Just let me heal for a while. It hurts.”
He was out of her sight an instant later, leaving Sam with a new wall of guilt. She should have stopped his play after the first act, but she’d had no will to resist after that life-crushing trip to get here. This was her fault for using them to ease her loneliness.
Neil studied Samantha’s stiff back for signs that she had anything more encouraging to say to him, but didn’t find any. It didn’t stop him from trying. “I’d like to talk.”
Samantha carefully wiped her cheek. “I have to rest now. I only waited up to get this over with.”
Neil did brace this time, hands going to rest on his belt, feet straightening. “Go on, then.”
Samantha took instant offense at his tone, thinking if she’d said that to Jeremy, he would have taken her arm and escorted her to a tent to lie down. They each had their own way of treating her, their own responses to her moods, and she’d found herself grateful for that at different times. Not now, however. Neil could show a little more consideration.
“Okay, I will. I don’t want a relationship with you, either. I tried to tell you. Now he’s hurt, and you–”
“Are what you really want, so stop playing games,” Neil interrupted. “I’m too tired for it.”
Sam’s head throbbed, reminding her of what she’d just gone through. The anger resurfaced, blasted out
“Only some of what I want,” Samantha sneered. “Jeremy’s the other half.”
Neil’s face reddened at the direct hit. He got set to fire back, but the unhappiness in her next words diffused his anger.
“I know you don’t want to hear this, but if I can’t have it set up the way I want it, then serving the greater good will be enough.” Samantha found Jeremy’s shadow moving tiredly into a QZ camper. “I’ve had so much less that it won’t even faze me to be lonely.”
Neil studied her, resisting the urge to say she could have whatever she wanted, if she’d just let him lie down and hold her for a while. It felt like this run would never end.
“How do you want it, Sam?”
She sighed. “That’s not something a woman can explain.”
Neil was confused and tired of fighting. If she needed a confession of emotions, no problem. “Samantha, I love–”
“I know that,” Sam interrupted, pain pills now making it hard to think, to be patient. “So does everyone else.”
Neil gaped at her. “You know that I love you?”
“A lasting friendship is all that I can give in return.”
Neil watched her hand slide over her bruised mouth as if she was as tortured by the choice as he was, but determined to see it through. That was it, then. There would never be anyone else for him.
“If that’s the way you want it.”
“It’s the way it has to be,” Sam answered, absorbing his pain and her own to sob over later.
Neil picked up the kit he’d set by the tire and took it with him to the shower camper in the corner. He didn’t look back, determined to honor her wishes. He expected it to suck, but he would make sure that he never crossed the line again, and when he bled on the inside, he would be the only one who knew.
Neil stepped into the camper and saw Jeremy already in a stall. His XO looked utterly dejected.
Jeremy will know. He’ll bleed alongside me.
Neil being here, instead of with Samantha, was a surprise to Jeremy, but not the wounded expression that mirrored his own. “Friends, too, huh?”
“Yeah,” Neil grunted tiredly. “What’s with that shit?”
Jeremy shrugged, trying to shake off the feeling of drifting in an ocean without a boat. “Something in the female bloodline that they pass to each other, maybe. Rip a man’s guts open, and then want to hang out later like nothing happened. Gets them an award in the sisterhood or something.”
Neil found a small snicker and the required male-bonding response of, “Like when you get in a good shot, something you know they can’t deny, and they still manage to twist it so that you were wrong.”
“For even firing, usually.�
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“Yep.” Neil agreed. He dropped his gear and got the water running.
After a minute, the steam began to relax weary muscles, and the light conversation they’d been having issues with for weeks, continued to fall.
“John will have us cleared quickly,” Jeremy commented, rinsing.
“Yeah.”
“Going up the hill to help dig when I’m out.”
“Same here.” Neil glanced over at his XO. “You still feel the need to kill me?”
Jeremy shook his head. “No. I was just thinking that she gave us our team back with this choice.”
It occurred to them both, then, why she’d really done it.
Neither of them spoke again after that.
9
“This is the way you want it?”
“Yes.” Samantha tried not to let Adrian discover what a lie that was. She couldn’t have what she wanted... could she?
Standing by her well-guarded tent, Adrian was picking up vibes that pleased and worried him. Her refusal of both males hadn’t only been for the good of Neil’s team. It was part of her own nature showing, and if her two men hadn’t recognized it, Adrian would eat his jacket. With her choice, she’d secured her own place among the Eagles.
Adrian didn’t stare at Sam’s injuries like those on duty around them were doing. John had assured him that their storm tracker would be fine. It was the teenager huddled in the next tent, who needed their care and concern.
“For the good of the many?” Adrian asked.
“Yes. I could never be happy with one of them if it hurt the dream,” Samantha confessed. “I believe in it too much for that.” And I want something else, she added silently, something that was forbidden in the old world. How can I get it?
Adrian studied her, watching the mental smoke roll. What was she planning? Her entire demeanor had just gone still and wary–a sign of female chaos yet-to-come.
“Samantha?”
She ducked into her tent without responding.
Adrian let her go, a bit stunned by her courage as the answer occurred to him. He hadn’t considered that these post-war women would want to change the double standard on physical relief, and Adrian began to smile. Once the camp got over it, they would start to return the other freedoms that females had been denied because of their gender. After that, the quiet, steady women who were even now generously seeing to the comfort of his returning army, would join it.